Was he testing me PlZ help

[amal2008]

I am 24 year old female, I meet many guys but until now I have not meet the right guy. About two months ago a friend of mine called me and told me that one of my family friend guys was really interested in me and he told her to speak to me about him and that he did not want to waste any time. This guy lives in a different country to me and that time I was going for holiday to that country and the guy took my number from my friend and called me he said (he could meet me at the airport and after that he could take me around the city and show me around) I really thanked him and told him that it was ok, but he insisted that he wants to show me around. So I agreed. This guy took me and one of my other friends who was with me and he showed us around the city took us to a coffee shop and treated us really well. However, this guy never said anything about his feelings towards me!!! My friend who told that he was interested in me kept telling that he really likes me and he thinks am the right person for him… But he never said anything!!! After I come back from my holiday I txted him and thanked him for his time and kindness, but he did not reply to my txt. I am just wondering what changed his feeling and I keep asking myself lots of questions such as was he testing me? Did I do something wrong while I was with him? Why is he keeping quite? What should I do now am thinking about him most of the time. I thought he was the right one for me but I don’t know what to do????

[Razvan]

Hello amal2008,

I think you should give this guy and ultimatum. A message or email saying: "I really like you, but I don't know if you like me as well. If you like me, please tell me that. I need to know. If you don't respond to this email within 7 days, I will know that you didn't like me and I will get on with my life. It would be nice to at least give me a message telling me if you like me or not."

Maybe he didn't get your text message in the past. Who knows? Or maybe he is too afraid to show you how he really feels. Either way, I think you should find a way to talk to him and ask him directly what he feels towards you. You have to take the bull by it's horns.

If he doesn't like you, at least you will know that and can move on with your life.

I hope this helps you.

I embrace you,
Razvan Dobre

[Apollia]

Originally Posted by amal2008

Did I do something wrong while I was with him? Why is he keeping quite?

Well, since he was most likely aware that your friend had spoken to you for him, maybe he figured you would take the initiative if you were interested. But, if you didn't give any direct and obvious indication of romantic interest, he might have gotten discouraged.

My suggestion is basically the same as Razvan's, except for the part about an ultimatum.

Instead, I'd say something like, "Hi, I don't know if you got my previous message, so I'm sending you another. Thanks again, I had a great time! By the way, I really like you, and I would love to know if you would like to meet again sometime."

If that doesn't get a reply, try again. (Never trust technology to work properly, especially for important messages. ) Another idea is, you could get your friend to tell him that yes, you are most definitely interested.

Actually, though, it sounds like the guy would probably appreciate a very direct approach since your friend said this guy didn't want to "waste time".

Perhaps calling him on the phone might be best of all - it's more personal and reliable than a text message, and will get you an immediate answer.

I hope it all works out!

Good luck and best wishes,
Apollia

[Holistic Star]

I thought he was the right one for me

May I just ask why in particular you thought he was the right one for you?

Be honest, is it because he showed an interest in you via your friend?

Had you met him before he told your friend he liked you? And if so, did you like him before you knew he liked you?

If so, what was it particularly about him that you liked?

When you met up this time was there any chemistry between you, or was it all just polite?

Sometimes, we get so flattered when someone likes us, that we forget to ask ourselves if we really like them! We convince ourselves that their interest in us means that they would be a good boyfriend, but it doesn't really mean that we are compatible with them.

[ar81]

Amal2008

As far as I can see, I see some inner conflict in him.
In one side it seems that he might want to start something (dunno what) but in the other side something is stopping him.

I do not think it has to do with you.
I would think it is an inner conflict of him and he alone will have to solve it.
Give it some time and if nothing happens, drop it.

I would not worry about looking for a relationship in a hurry.
Loves does not work that way.
Give love some time.
Love will find you when you are ready.

How do you know? Because you have something who appreciates you, who makes you to GROW as a human being and allows you to DEVELOP your own potential. But before someone loves us, we need to love ourselves. Before sharing our lives, we need to be happy with our current lives.

If we look for love not to feel alone, you will not be loving, but you would be in need.
If you love because you need, that is not love, but codependency.
If you can detach from a relationship at any moment, but you still want to be there, you have made a decision, and you know that you have chosen using your free will. Need and attachment takes out our freedom to love.

If you need someone because you love him, instead of loving him because you need him, you are truly loving.
You have decided to share your life, not just jump into arms that you want to become a lifesaver.

[amal2008]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

May I just ask why in particular you thought he was the right one for you?

Be honest, is it because he showed an interest in you via your friend?

Had you met him before he told your friend he liked you? And if so, did you like him before you knew he liked you?

If so, what was it particularly about him that you liked?

When you met up this time was there any chemistry between you, or was it all just polite?

Sometimes, we get so flattered when someone likes us, that we forget to ask ourselves if we really like them! We convince ourselves that their interest in us means that they would be a good boyfriend, but it doesn't really mean that we are compatible with them.

Well, while I was with him, he was really nice, caring and very polite.
I liked him before as a friend no more, I never thought of him anymore, but when I was with him I learnt more about him.

There was no chemistry btw us.

I don't thik he is the right one bcz he has shown an interst via my friend but bcz what I saw from him, I met so many guys but no one was like him.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by amal2008

There was no chemistry btw us.

I don't thik he is the right one bcz he has shown an interst via my friend but bcz what I saw from him, I met so many guys but no one was like him.

I think that he was not the right one because he did not focus on make you to grow as a person. It was more like looking for an ideal person inside a normal person.

The problem of looking for a perfect person for you is that sometimes you forget to be the perfect person for that person. I think he had that problem.

Also, if there was no chemistry, he started with his left foot. It was not going to work.

[JSB]

If he was really interested, why didn't he address the issue himself? Why would he get your friend to tell you?

He may be in his twenties, but his behavior is that of a child. Do you want to date a man who acts like a 12 year old boy?

[ar81]

Originally Posted by JSB

If he was really interested, why didn't he address the issue himself? Why would he get your friend to tell you?

He may be in his twenties, but his behavior is that of a child. Do you want to date a man who acts like a 12 year old boy?

I know people who are in their 30s and still they behave like a child...

[macabhay]

Dear Amal2008,

There are many different opinions that I could offer you regarding my thoughts of this person or of what you may have done wrong etc. However, I am not inclined to do so because there is slim-to-none chance that they will have any benefit in anybodies life whatsoever.

I am paraphrasing from this article written as an entry in this blog about relationships that work when I say that one of the most effective means of relationship enhancement and effective is real you-me-talk.

Now, relationship enhancement and effectiveness doesn't necessarily mean that you will be with this guy happily ever after. To me, relationship effectiveness means that in every relationship in my life, I am in a place of trying bring all of those involved in my relationships (including myself) to a place of higher understanding and fulfillment.

This can take on so many forms and variety and is not limited to specific details or actions. However, proper communication is essential in all relationships, and you-me-talk is essential for proper communication.

I would suggest being very honest about your feelings with this person. If you are confused, express that, if you are hurt, express that. If you feel that you want to keep lines of communication open, express that. Communicate with this person in such a way that you have no regrets, that you are satisfied knowing that, "I have been true to myself and have expressed my feelings completely".

Do not think about what should be or about being polite. Be polite to the extent that it does not inhibit your ability to communicate your emotions fully. Don't take it any further than that.

This is really all that you have control over. You have the power to control your words, your communication, your personal effectiveness. You DO NOT have the power to control another persons reactions, or conceptions, or impressions. For more information you can check out this article on you-me-talk.