Feeling depressed again

[Chado2423]

thought the move might help, but it didn;t/ I do have a job, now, but my anxiety is agonizing while I'm there. The Clonopin does nothing for me. I barely make it through each day at work. I feel like I'm living in groundhog;s day (the movie, btw) I don;t know how to snap out of it, or what to do, I work and still feel depressed. I hang out with friends and still feel depressed. I go for a drive or a walk and still feel depressed. I feel so weak all of the time. I barely have any energy. What is wrong with me?

[JaredR]

Is there something that's causing you to be depressed? Is there an area of your life that is stressing you out?

[Jarrod]

Try this.

Watch your thoughts and look for those that repeat and make you feel down. Let us know what they are. Don't guess, see them.

Bonus points: Watch what is watching your thoughts to figure out what it is. This can have a nice effect.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by JaredR

Is there something that's causing you to be depressed? Is there an area of your life that is stressing you out?

I don't know of anything that might be causing it.

[Alison Jenkins]

Have you talked about this with your doctor recently? Also are you eating lots of junk type food? That can severely lower your mood and energy. Here's an article I wrote about it a while ago - Poor eating

Alison

[Chado2423]

Even when I eat well, still depressed.

[Erock]

Relationship issues? Do you have women/men in your life (not sure what you are)?

Erock

[frankmylove]

Without aims, our humanbeings can hardly move forward. Do you now have any excellent aim to pursue? If you do, try to go for it. I'm sure enthusiasm will come back to you.

[eskimo]

You can try doing what Phil Connor did in the movie to break the cycle.

I don't know the history behind your move or the job but perhaps you're not the in the right occupational field. If you're doing what you truly love to do, you'll naturally be a well-spring of energy.

[dave marshall]

Hi,

try making a list of the good things that haapen, however small, each day, then you will start to focus on what is right with yourself and your life rather than what is wrong, try it and see, it does work!

dave

[Chado2423]

What to do when therapy and medication doesn't help???? Is this something I'll have to live with the rest of my life?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

Is this something I'll have to live with the rest of my life?

Until you are willing to break your own pattern, yes.

The good news is: you have the power of choice, and you've been choosing to feel bad for a long time, and still you have the power to choose feeling good, when you're ready to.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Angela

Until you are willing to break your own pattern, yes.

The good news is: you have the power of choice, and you've been choosing to feel bad for a long time, and still you have the power to choose feeling good, when you're ready to.

I don't want to be feelling bad, but I do. This is certainly not my choice! I have not been choosing this! I know it sounds like a denial stage, but it's not. I have major depressive disorder, something I have NOT chosen to live with. Even the doctors I've been to tell me that they (collectively) don't know enough about depression, except the few that might have experienced it.

I've also been experiencing some tourrette like symptoms...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I don't want to be feelling bad, but I do. This is certainly not my choice! I have not been choosing this!

I understand that you don't want to feel bad, but it's also pretty clear that you are committed to feeling bad.

That's true for most people, don't worry. For almost everybody, what we want and what we're committed to are two entirely different and often conflicting things.

It's really difficult to see it when inside the Giant Onion of all your beliefs. Where your perspective is that you have no choice. All those layers of chronic thought that we build around us, all those painful thoughts that we use to survive life -- we believe they are really The Truth: just the way things are. What we don't see is when we're inside Giant Onion is that all those layers that are keeping us trapped are just thoughts that we keep thinking, over and over again. That's all your beliefs are: they are just thoughts you repeatedly think. And you get to choose what thoughts you think; if you don't, then habit takes over and does your thinking for you.

It's fine; there's no reason you *should* choose to feel good on purpose. Feeling resigned about feeling bad is a perfectly valid option, and I don't begrudge you or think that you should do or be anything other than what you're doing and being.

And if you want something else, like feeling good, you might want to deliberately start telling (yourself and us) an entirely new story. You don't have to, though, of course. Either way, recognize that your thoughts and your story have an impact on you, and on others. There are consequences of your choices, even for the choice not to choose!

[acordaamor]

So it seems like you are feeling anxious or depressed no matter where you are. I'm sorry to hear that. I wonder: how do you experience what you are calling depression/anxiety? That is, what are you thinking about in those depressed moments? How are you experiencing the depression in your body -- where do you feel it?

Best,
Chris
__________________________________
Purpose Power Coaching » Welcome To Purpose Power Coaching

[Chado2423]

I've also been experiencing some tourrette like symptoms... I certainly did not choose them either.If I had it my way, I'd be healthy again and living a life... but people don't seem to understand it. They think I make all this stuff up. I couldn't make this up, if I tried.

[Truthsayer]

Have you or someone else in your life set a high standard for you to live up to? Do you feel helpless to achieve it? Maybe you should lower your standards a bit or stop trying so hard. When I get depressed I listen to enlightening, inspirational music. My idea of inspirational is classic rock! Kansas opens the eyes, Boston's "Don't look back" has some of the most inspirational uplifting lyrics, (I sang that song all day long the day I was fired from my job) and lets not forget the spiritually inclined songs of the band "Live". I express my anger, frustration, and all negative emotions to the beat of like music. Music expresses every emotion known to man. It is the greatest therapy. Guns and Roses's "Appetite For Destruction" is excellent anger management. I release my anger through dance. It's better than taking it out on the kids or other family members and friends.

Also, as mentioned in a previous reply, try thinking of the all the good in your life. Let me share with you a poem I wrote.

Please don't ask me why I am smiling
Don't ask why I look so happy
If you could walk one day in my shoes
You may not see anything to smile or be happy about
But looking past the burdens at the blessings in between
Provides me with the courage to face each day with a smile
If I ever lost the ability to smile, life would surely not be
worth living
So please, don't ask why I am smiling
Just accept that I am and join me

Good luck!

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Truthsayer

Please don't ask me why I am smiling
Don't ask why I look so happy
If you could walk one day in my shoes
You may not see anything to smile or be happy about
But looking past the burdens at the blessings in between
Provides me with the courage to face each day with a smile
If I ever lost the ability to smile, life would surely not be
worth living
So please, don't ask why I am smiling
Just accept that I am and join me

Good luck!

I like the poem and reminds me of one I wrote when I was happy and alive! Sadly that perrson is gone.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I've also been experiencing some tourrette like symptoms... I certainly did not choose them either.If I had it my way, I'd be healthy again and living a life... but people don't seem to understand it. They think I make all this stuff up. I couldn't make this up, if I tried.

First off I'd suggest seeing a professional...a doctor or psychologist..either will be fine. Even if you don't feel "anything's wrong with you" (I know I feel this way alot)..it still doesn't hurt to see a professional for his or her opinion.

Second I'd tried changing your thoughts. Thinking of positive happy thoughts about 20 minutes before you go to bed..this may help to break the pattern. Or try searching for information or books on how to relief your delibilitating thoughts. Any of byron katie's books I would recommend.

Lastly don't beat yourself up for it. It happens. Many people have sad feelings or feel bad at one time or another. Just do whatever is the best for you, and find it within yourself. Good luck.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I like the poem and reminds me of one I wrote when I was happy and alive! Sadly that perrson is gone.

I might start with this thought =/

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

thought the move might help, but it didn;t/ I do have a job, now, but my anxiety is agonizing while I'm there. The Clonopin does nothing for me. I barely make it through each day at work. I feel like I'm living in groundhog;s day (the movie, btw) I don;t know how to snap out of it, or what to do, I work and still feel depressed. I hang out with friends and still feel depressed. I go for a drive or a walk and still feel depressed. I feel so weak all of the time. I barely have any energy. What is wrong with me?

Depression could come from a biochemical problem, or from the sensation of not being able to change something in your life.

If everything is right out there, I would suspect that depression is just a biochemical unbalance. If you understand it like that, you could think "I feel horribly depressed because of this biochemical reaction... but what the heck, let's enjoy the world".

This biochemical reaction will attempt to cheat you, so you feel sad. But beyon that, you have a wonderful day waiting. If it is rainy, it feeds the plants. If it is sunny, then you have a clear day. If it is hazy, then it is not too hot... There is always something out there to feel wonder, even when you are under the veil of a biochemical reaction that cloud your thinking.

I do not feel sorry about you, because when you can see through that veil, you will discover wonder beyond a chemical veil of sadness.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by ar81

I do not feel sorry about you, because when you can see through that veil, you will discover wonder beyond a chemical veil of sadness.

I'm not seeking sympathy.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I'm not seeking sympathy.

I am not giving you sympathy. I am telling you that your brain is cheating you, so you feel unhappy. I am telling you about what lies beyond. Someone who is very close, suffered depression for years until such a discovery came.

[uberinquisitive]

From what I remember - you were happy until a bad break-up with a girlfriend? Or am I just confusing you with someone else?

I'm assuming that the break-up was the straw that broke the camel's back. You were probably already vulnerable to begin with, and any big negative event would have been enough to trigger a deep depression.

But...

You are going to a shrink.
You are taking medication.
You have a job.
You hang out with friends.

Bravo! You don't realize just how strong you are. Many depressed people just give up on life. You are fighting to reclaim it. Your depression is like a black beast that keeps attacking you, knocking you down...and you get up and fight some more. I admire your balls.

Listen - it sounds like you are improving, bit by bit. It's not dramatic, but I definitely see a positive change in your recent posts, especially compared to before. Cut yourself some slack - you seem to be truly doing the best you can.

Is it possible that you can mourn the person you "were" before? That happy, "normal" kid? You may never become that boy again. And you're allowed to mourn the loss of innocence and simplicity. Great literature is filled with stories like yours - you are experiencing part of the human condition.

Probably, the person you're becoming is infinitely more interesting than who you were before. Right now, you're going through growing pains. But I have a feeling that, in a couple of years, if you keep on truckin' on - never giving up - you will have an incredible depth to your character.

What I'm trying to say is - no need to discount your progress, simply because you're not back to that kid you were before. You are becoming an adult. You are entering a new stage in your life.

Roll with it.

[acordaamor]

Yes, I heard you say that you are having symptoms. I didn't intend to express doubt that you're feeling depressed. What I was wondering was what feelings come up in your body when you are depressed. There's some sensation or series of sensations that arise in your body that tell you that this is how you're feeling -- maybe it's a sinking feeling in your chest, for instance, or a tension in your neck. For me, for example, if I'm feeling sad, it's a sinking in my shoulders and chest combined with a sense of heat.

Also, what are you thinking in the moments when you are feeling depressed? Are you thinking that there's something wrong with you, for instance, or with someone else, or with your life?

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www.purposepowercoaching.com

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by acordaamor

So it seems like you are feeling anxious or depressed no matter where you are. I'm sorry to hear that. I wonder: how do you experience what you are calling depression/anxiety? That is, what are you thinking about in those depressed moments? How are you experiencing the depression in your body -- where do you feel it?

Best,
Chris


__________________________________
Purpose Power Coaching » Welcome To Purpose Power Coaching

I feel numb throughout my whole body most days whether I am active or not. My shoulders and back are very sore.

--Chad

[happygirl]

I know it is not nice to feel depressed. I was like it for a long time - alot to do with childhood issues and self esteem. I would always put on a brave face but inside I felt lost, lonely, scared, anxious and had no belief in myself. I would shake with fear around my closest friends sometimes, would wake up in the night after having twisted dreams and at certain points really thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't believe in taking medication as I wanted to work through it myself. I tried counselling and realised it wasn't for me.

It has taken years of self-development, forgiving parents and accepting them for the people they are and building on my skills and interests in life to get where I am now which is the healthiest I have felt physically and emotionally in my life.

It may take time but you can do it! One thing that made me better fast was working with disabled people and older people. I think there is alot to be said for voluntary work of any kind. It is good for the soul and spreads light into other people's lives. That is sure to make you realise that everything is fine and lift the dark clouds from your mind.

Listen to happy music, watch comedy, travel to new places, meet new people and experience new things as much as possible. And more importantly if you're having a bad day, so what we all get them and the more you accept those bad days you wont be beating yourself up thinking it will never change for days and days and therefore you will appreciate the happy days which will become more and more when you keep your mind active, happy and try to create yourself rather than finding yourself.

I hope this helps! There is no magic cure, it's within you and you know you can do it! The first step is truly believing you can!

BIG HUGS xx

[Mjbrookerjr]

I've spent a good portion of my life being sad, I used to blame my parents, or my drug use... I ended up in a psych ward for being depressed, I was completely suicidal, what had set it off was a girl ( another story for another day) I couldn't take it, I decided my life wasn't worth living, some pang inside me, told me I had to live, I thought of my brothers and my family, I decided to get help, so I admitted myself, after a while, I decided that the lexapro and counseling wasn't helping me. I stopped thinking about what made me sad, the girl(s) (I had some co-dependencey issues), my family, my past, the things people have done to me, that I did not ask for.
I got better, inevitably I will doubt myself, as we all do, over time I healed, I landed a good job, had a decent place to live, then that fell through, an endless cycle, that I was putting myself through, because I had programmed myself to be sad... There was a quote my brother gave to me one time, I'm not sure where he got it, but it made a lot of sense, so since then, whenever I feel sad, I say it to myself, and think on it..."If there is an external problem, there is an internal one."
So I dig inside myself, and figure out whats upsetting me, and I fix it, am I not working out enough? Things like that...
Everyone here has given good advice, wish I had known about the forums when I needed them, but I'm glad life has taken me through all it has... All will get better, only if you allow it to get better. It's up to you... Not the doctors, not the medicine, you. You can do, and the first step was posting about it, we're all giving you some sort of insight, maybe you can dither through it all and find the truest choice for yourself!! If you need someone to talk to you can PM me or I think I posted my AIM name in profile, I'm always willing to talk and meet new people, so don't hesitate, please update and let us all know how you are feeling!!

[jtracy]

I have had moderate to severe depression most of my life, although mine was atypical and also I got so used to it that I didn't realize I had it for a long time. I moved away from home but I found that my problems just moved with me. They have a tendency to travel around with you, uninvited. I don't beleive that drugs help in a lot of cases of depression. They did nothing for me. I think it is largely a case of forcing yourself to do things that you enjoy, or used to enjoy, and not isolating yourself from others. Dwell on your successes and accomplishments, and on all the things you are grateful for. Find things that make you laugh. Seek out inspirational sayings, and especially music that lifts your mood for whatever reason. Explore doing new things or even doing the usual things in an unusual way. Helping other people, whether it's friends or relatives or the old woman down the street or whether it's working for an organization as a volunteer, is a really good idea. Anything that gets your mind off of your own problems and onto solving the problems of other people. It may help to think hard about what it is that you really want in life and develop a burning desire to accomplish one goal. Those are just some ideas. Don't forget, either, that the sun is just behind the clouds. It will come out soon.

[Lucid Dreamer]

I've also suffered from depression most of my life, sometimes so bad that I couldn't get out of bed. I always believed that drugs were not the way to "cure" it, and I still do. Most of it is being trapped by your thoughts in an endless self-defeating vicious cycle, but a lot of it is also physical. What you eat, how much you sleep, how tired you are, etc. I can recommend two books that really helped me where nothing else worked: the first is Depression, The Way Out of Your Prison by Dorothy Rowe, and the other is How to Lift Depression (fast) by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell. The last book was the most useful because they explain how a lot of depression comes from being over-worried and overstimulated mentally, where you don't have enough restful sleep and consequently wake up exhausted and unmotivated. You can read more about it here: Information about depression . Once I made a conscious effort to stop worrying and try to relax before sleep (removing stimulants like TV, the Internet or thought-provoking reading a couple of hours before bed) I was able to have better sleep and wake up with more energy = no depression.

I hope this helps.