If I followed your advice, I would have no friends.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by SmartAlx

I am socially awkward. I am quiet. I don't know what to say with people. I constantly put my foot in my mouth. I am inhibited. I am introverted. I am shy. I am not boisterous. I don't have a lot of stories to tell. I don't know any jokes. I'm not naturally funny. I don't drink. I don't like going to bars. I don't like sports. I hate my job. I hate being alone. People's instincts when they meet me for the first time aren't always good. I get jealous of people who have it easier than me. And I think it shows.

So, what SHOULD I do? Accept myself for who I am.

Well, you are not shy. You posted quite a big text here.
We are what we create.

I can see that you are forbidding yourself and denying yourself the right of being the person you want to be. A non shy, extroverted, funny person.
You are focusing on what you hate and you attack yourself with limitations and discouraging comments.
The excuse to justify the persistence of those attacks to yourself is "this is how I am".
This is an excuse of your brain. But that's not you.
How do I know? Because when I was a teen I was just like you. I know the feeling. My parents fought a lots and it was hell on Earth.

How about loving yourself? Could you please stand in front of the mirror and love yourself? No one will be able to love us if we do not love ourselves.

[Alfonso Crawford]

I'm chiming in after only reading the first post, because I'm in a bad mood.

I was in a similar boat to you, SmartAlx, and then... one day... I decided to go with "who I was," and provoke a total stranger to punch me in the face. When a male peer walked past me, I turned around, grabbed him by the shoulders, kneed him in the butt, yelled "butt-sex," and waited for my nose to break: to make a long story short, I ended being titled "Buttsecks Man," and I developed a small fan-club.

If you're going to keep calling yourself a failure, then embrace the glory of the label, and venture forth and FAIL like none other has! Don a Guy-Fawkes mask and rock the joint like you aren't wearing pants! Giving a damn got you into a position where you seem to hate yourself, so why not start NOT giving a damn, eh? Youse gots ta experiment, home-slice!

Although you probably oughtn't listen to me. The only things I'm good for are wooing Vietnamese psychology-buffs and getting evicted. On the closest thing to a relevent note; "good" and "bad" are your's to define, you know. You can grow and change if you want, but beating yourself up is... well, it's plain silly--and counter-productive, to boot. Wether or not the hermit really is part of your nature, taking your nature too seriously is the first step to losing sight of it.

If you follow MY advice, you'd still have no friends, but at least the non-friends and you would be on no uncertain terms, which would at least make life smoother for you. And just straight-up tell people when you're downing them-flavored Haterade: it'll make 'em feel good about themselves.

[SaraLee]

Originally Posted by JirQUEST

I read the first page, and decided that the rest of the pages were too long for me to spend much time on it (when I could be self improving)

I used to be like you, dude. I was really quiet, and even till today, I am not the noisiest in the group. But that's okay. I am fine with it. I think "be yourself" is THE appropriate answer. The problem is, most people are not being themselves. All this self improvement, after coming such a long way, has made me realise that it's not about becoming a better me, or however you want to say that. It is about removing the obstacles I see in front of me to becoming my true self.

That being said, it's great to see that you are taking action steps

IMO a person alwasy is who they are, at their core. If a person is an introvert (I am) or shy (I am) or a loner (I am) - that is who the person is and it's okay to BE yourself, I agree because you can't be anything other then your core self but SmartAlx, you can enhance your personality.

I am still an introvert, shy and a loner who is not the brightest, funniest person at any gathering but through eagerness and desire, self help groups, attending a speaking and listening class and chiming in conversations even if I felt awkard thinking I had nothing of importance to add...I added my two cents anyway and found people were a lot more accepting of my comments that I ever imagined they would be. This is a process, not a magical moment of change but worth the effort.

I do think stepping out of the norm and using tools helps to increase confidance. But SmartAlx, maybe it would be good to take a break from analyzing others or finding reasons you have problems socializing or why women fall to the way side and concentrate on being yourself along with using tools to put a few cracks in your core and let some hidden aspects of yourself shine through.

[Angela]

AND... in accepting who you are, it's possible to utterly transform who you are.

I know it's possible because who I'm being is so different from who I was being when I was younger, it makes me laugh with delight! Young Angela was soooo shy, so self-conscious, in so much stress and pain in social situations, and covering it up by pretending not to be shy and self-conscious -- the covering up was the biggest source of stress!

And who I am now can barely remember what that all felt like. Who I am now is freedom, connection, and joy. I look forward with tremendous pleasure to interacting with the other people on this planet, each of whom represents an opportunity for growth, power, joy, and abundance for me and for the world. This is a whole 'nuther way of going to parties, let me tell you!

And the interesting thing is that who I am now in my alone moments, being introspective or meditative, have become richer, too -- the freedom, connection and joy is present whether I'm alone or with others.

[jenlili]

Originally Posted by ar81

No one will be able to love us if we do not love ourselves.

Don't be silly, that's what kids are for.