How do you avoid misunderstandings

[ar81]

Today I had a misunderstanding at another forum.

Someone said that more food production leads to demographic growth.
I said the opposite is truth, for to buy food you need money and a big percentage of humanity lives in poverty.
I said that a guy from an NGO told me that US consumes about 40% of planet resources and it has 5% of population.

Some other member argued that I was bashing US and I was warned by moderators. He deformed my words and I got warned.

I decided to leave that forum forever.
The guy from the NGO is a New Yorker, so he would be bashing his own country. Not me.

Still I came to think that there must be a communication problem. And I started to wonder if there is something closer to a formula to avoid misunderstandings and communicate effectively.

[openyourize]

I hate misunderstandings. They can create the teeniest of things to blow completely out of proportion and can sometimes even ruin relationships.

As far as that forum goes, well it just kind of sounds to me like someone was quick to judge you, which is their problem, not yours. I mean I didn't think you were bashing the US at all, most Americans are defensive about their country. I only know because I myself am an American!

Anyway, I have gotten into some trouble due to miscommunications so I am careful now not to speak so quickly. When I am delivering information to someone, I try to be clear and specific. When I make reference to something such as a person or place, I try not to say "over there" or "he said." I say "over at the Sears on Clark and Wabash" or "John told me yesterday about the intern opportunity." I also ask a lot of questions to clarify info that other people give to me so that I am not the one who "took it wrong" or misunderstood. I also think about what I have just said, and whether it can be taken in a way other than I had intended, and if it might be, I clarify myself. I also pay attention to my tone. BUT no one is perfect and misunderstandings do still happen, but a lot less often now that I started paying attention to what I say and hear.

[uberinquisitive]

If the miscomminication is online - don't sweat it. It's very easy to misinterpret if it's txt, email, forum posting, even phone calls.

That's because over 80% of communication happens via non-verbal signals. Your eyes, body language, tone of voice, etc.. are much easier to interpret than your words.

In terms of online - you just have to accept that miscommunication is bound to happen. Try not to take it personally.

[Brutha]

Understanding the argument you want to make is a good first step to being understood by others.
Food is generally not considered a resource in this context.

While a lot of Americans are overweight they don't eat 40% of the total calories.

Depending on the forum someone who disagrees with you might on purpose find a weakness in the presentation of your argument and use it to win the argument. That doesn't mean that he misunderstands you.

[DayInTheLife]

Seek first to understand is one of Stephen Covey's seven habits.

Before you attempt to make the other person understand your position, focus on understanding their point of view, even if you don't agree. When they sense that you are willing to consider their viewpoint, being understood flows naturally. If you are only concerned with making them understand your opinion, they will be defensive and won't even attempt to identify with your viewpoint.

Try it: look at where they are coming from, first

[gr8tocre8]

Here's a deep one to take on: Consider that what happened (the misunderstanding) is a small reflection of what's going on inside you. Think about the online misunderstanding and see if you can find similarities in your "real life". Unless the forum misunderstanding was an isolated incidence, I'm pretty sure you'll find the same things in other areas of your life - but not until you start looking.

Then, ask the Universe/God/Whatever-you're-comfortable-with the following question: "What is there for me to learn from being misunderstood?" And "please show me the next step in experiencing clear and pleasant communication with others".

If you do this, you will start seeing amazing shifts in this area. Just remember to keep asking "show me the next step", because sometimes, when we put a request like that out to the Universe, it responds with "turning up the juice" for a while. If that happens, just know that it is temporary - all you're experiencing is your past energetic momentum. Stick it out and misunderstandings will soon be a distant memory.

[Bitsy]

Originally Posted by ar81

Today I had a misunderstanding at another forum.

Someone said that more food production leads to demographic growth.
I said the opposite is truth, for to buy food you need money and a big percentage of humanity lives in poverty.
I said that a guy from an NGO told me that US consumes about 40% of planet resources and it has 5% of population.

Some other member argued that I was bashing US and I was warned by moderators. He deformed my words and I got warned.

You can avoid a certain amount of misunderstandings or at least problems by never posting information like that without a respected source link, especially if you know it is a sensitive topic or that you're writing to slightly unbalanced persons. If I am writing on a thread with a heated topic, I never, ever post factual information or information that a further argument or question of mine is based on, without providing a respectable source. By that, I mean never quote blogs, never quote politically biased sources. My first choice is always some well-known. long-standing newspaper or magazine, or some official document.

I couldn't find any ideal source for the particular information you cited, but I found these:

Consumption Industrialized, Commercialized, Dehumanized, and Deadly mindfully.org 2jun2001

the preceding site says Americans consume 20% of world resources, and the source of the info is given

http://www.storyofstuff.com/pdfs/ann...nard_facts.pdf

the preceding site says 30% of world resources, and provides its source of the info

If I can't find a reliable and respected source to cite, I don't include the information.

I don't think there is any way to totally avoid misunderstandings. I have them regularly on this forum if I write about a certain topic, but you can minimize them and their impact. You have to be as articulate and well-written as possible.

[marinik]

The problem is that our words are filtered through someone else’s value system, experience and knowledge of the subject and OPININON based on all these and many more components. It is very, very hard to be absolutely precise unless you clear the meaning of each word in the context of the conversation. So don’t worry. Be happy