Social Anxiety

[Living2xcess]

I have had social anxiety and I am looking to completely conquer it. I have made alot of progress the last 10 years... but it has taken 10 years.

I am now trying to take a new approach. Instead of focusing on things that reduce anxiety, I am trying to focus on social activities that increasing socializing and provide a relaxing environment. I am also looking for books about taking a more pro-active and positive approach to defeating this anxious condition.

I want to stop concentrating on the symptoms and start concentrating on the preferred behaviors. Does anybody have any idea, any books, activities, or information I can use to help myself and others overcome social anxiety?

[sidsavara]

Unfortunately I think that's one of the tougher situations to overcome. It sounds like you've got the right idea though and pushing forward in the right direction. While not directly applicable to your situation, when I've had habits that I want to break or habits I am trying to change, one thing I have found really effective is to have a mental "debrief" at the end of the day. Just sit somewhere and write down what worked for me, what didn't, what I am struggling with, etc.

Over time, looking back on what I wrote always helped me learn about myself and how to push past my own obstacles.

[distinctionsforlife]

Originally Posted by Living2xcess

I want to stop concentrating on the symptoms and start concentrating on the preferred behaviors. Does anybody have any idea, any books, activities, or information I can use to help myself and others overcome social anxiety?

I'm going to make a very strange suggestion for a book. I'm doing this because I used to be afraid of social situations because I just didn't know what to do. How to start conversations, how to keep them going, etc. When I read this book I learned there are ways that I can do.

Also the books is a story, not a non-fiction self-help book. Its main subject has to do with picking up women, but the stuff is very applicable to general social situations.

The book is called The Game by Neil Strauss.

Here's a review I wrote of it after I read it.
What I learned from The Game and The Pickup Artist :: Reactuate

[dave marshall]

Hi,

sound slike you are focusing on what you can do rather than what you cannot, that is the only way to solve this. As you have found, focusing on an anxiety does not resolve it!!

NLP/hypnosis has some gtreat tools for social anxiety, why not google nlp social anxiety and see what you get.

Eseentially you simply need to retrain your thinking, once you do that you will resolve this forever and remember these are just 'ideas', nothing permenant or solid or unremovalable about them. you change your mind everyday, you just need to change your mind about yourself,

dave

[DEEJ]

I useed to have this. It's very cureable. I'd say you best bet is to learn self hypnosis... Go and see a hypno therapist and get him to teach you or try this software, great stuff... Neuro-Programmer 2 Home - Self-Programming with Brainwave optimization and Psychological techniques (Hypnosis, NLP, etc)

There's a free trial on it, do yourself a favor and check it out....

[Living2xcess]

Originally Posted by sidsavara

Unfortunately I think that's one of the tougher situations to overcome. It sounds like you've got the right idea though and pushing forward in the right direction. While not directly applicable to your situation, when I've had habits that I want to break or habits I am trying to change, one thing I have found really effective is to have a mental "debrief" at the end of the day. Just sit somewhere and write down what worked for me, what didn't, what I am struggling with, etc.

Over time, looking back on what I wrote always helped me learn about myself and how to push past my own obstacles.

That is a very good idea. I think I can apply that to what I am trying to do. Again, I am not trying to "Defeat" social anxiety, I am trying to work through it, live with it, and overcome it by having fun in social settings (and basically change my paradigm). The way I think I am going to try to apply your idea is not by writing down what eased anxiety and what caused anxiety... but more on the lines, what social events were fun, what were the fun aspects, which ones were relaxing, what could have been better, what could have been added, what events were not enjoyable.... and I am sure I can figure out many more.

I appreciate the suggestion and will begin creating a journal for debriefing. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you.

[Jarrod]

In the first post of the thread you said you wanted to completely conquer it, then later you said you don't want to 'defeat' it? It doesn't matter I guess.

I think your suggestion of adopting preferred behaviors will move you in the right direction, but I think it is the wrong way of getting there.

I think you should focus on the causes.

See each and every little thought, each little emotion that causes anxiety.

See them but remain separate. Working consistently with this you begin to develop a freedom from it and can naturally adopt any behavior you want.

[Living2xcess]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

In the first post of the thread you said you wanted to completely conquer it, then later you said you don't want to 'defeat' it? It doesn't matter I guess.

Yeah, I guess that does require a little bit of clarification. I'm not trying to 'defeat it' in the conventional ways. I have been fighting Social Anxiety for 11 years (had it nearly all my life but fighting 11). I have made huge gains and will continue the techniques and teachings I have learned. However in order to completely conquer it I want to be able to go out and do social activities... Go out and have fun. Expose myself to my fears, but not all at once. In addition, I want to make positive changes to my life and not concentrate on the negatives. For example, last year I started "Radical Honesty". This year I started to live "A Complaint Free Life". These are positive changes that has deeply helped me accept myself for who I am.

I agree with you that I have to face the source... but it is alot more complicated then that, and I am trying to approach this in every way I can. In a way I am trying to focus on self development techniques that coincidentally reduces Social Anxiety.

And I realize... I have probably contradicted myself dozens of times in my posts. I type what I am thinking at the moment and sometimes its not congruent with what I was thinking in the past. But my intention is always the same. I hope I clarified thing. I probably made things more confusing.

[rapidsnyc]

dear living2excess , can you please give more details on your "Radical Honesty" experiment.

[The David]

Originally Posted by Living2xcess

Instead of focusing on things that reduce anxiety, I am trying to focus on social activities that increasing socializing and provide a relaxing environment.

That's probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Social anxiety thrives on isolation and inactivity. I would venture to say any fear does.

I don't know if I would suggest diving in and embarrassing yourself, but it probably isn't something you can 'think' your way out of. I'm not familiar with books on the subject, except some that deal with social skills (Dale Carnegie and Don Gabor, not sure if they would help or not), and any book with the word 'shy' or 'social anxiety' in the title. To be honest, I just haven't read that much about it.

I do know that Philip Zimbardo wrote a book on the subject.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Living2xcess

I have probably contradicted myself dozens of times in my posts.... But my intention is always the same.

... I hope I clarified thing. I probably made things more confusing.

Yup, you have repeatedly and explicitly declared exactly opposite intentions in this thread alone. You have declared war on war, and that is war. Then to top it all off, you declare that there is no declaration of war!

If I were you, I would immediately resign from the Shyness and Social Anxiety Meetup Group, and I would sign up for Toastmasters or Singles Having Fun. Or some other group whose focus is on boldness, courage, connection, and feeling very good.

You get more of what you think about, even if you're thinking about how much you don't want it!

[machoman]

hi Living2xcess,

There is a site called thinkrightnow! which claims is the no 1 personal development site. I haven't bought any of their products but seeing the testimonials, I think it might be quite useful to you.

Conquering Social Anxiety Now!

[Jasonv]

An acupressure technique I have used with great success is called TAT. You can check it out for free at Welcome to TATLife - the home of Tapas Fleming and the Tapas Acupressure Technique

It's perfect for any emotional issue, limiting belief or traumatic event.

It's really easy and you don't have to believe in it for it to work. The part that really sold me on it is that you don't have to relieve traumatic events or negative emotions for the healing to take place.

Tatlife.com gives the method away for free and there's a ton of newsletters to help you get started. Even though, the site isn't geared specifically towards social anxiety you can still use it that way. My girlfriend and I have used it for that purpose and have grown by leaps and bounds.

A site that is geared towards clearing social anxiety is Inner Game Tapping

distinctionsforlife might be familiar with this site since it is a pick up site. However, this website doesn't teach pick up techniques. It teaches how to clear away social anxiety using another acupressure technique. The technique isn't as effective as TAT but it's still good. And the purpose of the website is to teach people how to clear their social anxiety. So you should find it useful. This site also give the technique away for free and has some helpful articles and videos.

The guy who runs that site also has a mainstream non pick up based site Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique

On that site he has free videos and articles and a broader range of topics.

I highly, highly recommend these techniques. They're easy and they work. It's not programming yourself or hyping yourself into believing something. It's acupressure. That means it's releasing the negative energy.

It's really good. I hope you try it out.

[robertanthony]

Have a look at this Anxiety UK - Anxiety UK Home Page

[SaraLee]

Great suggestions here and I'll add my own. As a person who also struggled with social anxiety for the better part of my life, I tried a lot of ways to move through it and made strides using methods suggested here, which proved to be quite helpful. Then, somewhere along the way I came to realize something. I started paying attention to what people were talking about in day to day conversations and low and behold, most folks, even those who talked a lot, often said nothing of monumental or life altering importance which was actually very reassuring to one who felt they had nothing of much worth to offer in conversation. Most of the time it was social chatter, what happened today, yesterday, what I'm going to do next week or they talked about their interactions with others and on and on. Heck, I had those very same kinds of thoughts in my head but was afraid to express them and when I became aware that we all had something in common - a need to share and if I opened my mouth I could share right along with them.

Since I wanted to be able to socialize more, listeneing seemed like a boring, negative thing to me but when I put that thought aside and actually began listening to others it became apparent that there were times when people simply needed to be heard and acknowledged. So times I either didn't feel like talking or was out of my sphere when others shared specific topics I knew little of or when I came upon someone who simply needed to share, I became the good listener.

[machoman]

WEll, I would like to tell you people that I ve improved my confidence in tackling this anxiety by listening to Think right now product called, "conquering social anxiety". I listened to it only for the past 15 days or so before sleep and I have a sense of feeling confident. I truly recommend this product to whomever wish to conquer social anxiety.

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