Self -respect and congruence.

[C33]

Today I read a book by French author: Jacques Salomé called :"What if we invented our lives?"

I would like to share parts of it that echo many posts by Steve.

I was especially astonished by the power of the word: "auto-violence" which I translated as "self-violence". It literally jumped out of the page.

I realized that these past months when I completely ignored my vital needs: sleep, exercise and emotional needs: connection with others, I was actually involved in an act of violence towards myself. Woah!

For some reason, I decided that not being able to sleep properly was the price to pay for living in a city I loved, not walking enough was part of the normal life of a 9-5 commuter, not connecting to others was normal in the anonymity of the big city...I delayed these things like they were instant gratifications I could do without and not necessities...

Now that I think about it, I would not have accepted the restrictions and frustrations I placed on myself from any other person. It was like a jail of my own making.

I hope you enjoy this text. The translation is mine, I encourage you to check out this man's books. I found only 2 titles in English on Amazon...

"Self-respect is linked to congruence,to the relation between what we feel and what we believe, what we do and what we accept from others.Self-respect is built inside of each and everyone of us from our values and life choices.

Self-respect is not dependent on other people's good or bad opinions of us. The way they look at us, their judgement,the beliefs they have about us belong to them, the self-respecting individual leaves these things with the beholder.

Yet, this distanciation is hard to hold and keep, when the other, the beholder, is actually someone significant, from whom we expect confirmation,encouragements, validation of who we are.

We oscillate between 2 vital needs that cannot cohabitate very long:the need to be approved of and the need for self-affirmation.If I venture on the path of freedom through self-affirmation, I must take the risk not to be approved of.

The stepping stone of self-respect is to be found in the intimate relationship between what I feel and what I do, what I think and what I say and how I affirm myself in relation to others."

The author talks about self-violence which is "the not-taking-into-account our vital survival needs or emotional needs."

I hope this helps, inspires encourages someone...

[dave marshall]

thanks for that,

interesting,

Dave