Losing interest in my hobbies

[restless]

Hi everyone!

Over the last 1-2 years, I gave up TV, computer games and mindlessly surfing the web. These activities gave me temporary pleasure, but I found them addicting and not fulfilling.

Now, I have a lot of free time. However, I'm finding that I'm losing interest in many of my hobbies. 90% of the things I do get boring after some time. The initial excitement always wears off.

Just to give you one example: Several years ago, I started playing the drums. Over the last two years, I practiced really seriously and now, I'm quite good at it and play in a band.
However, often I did not like to practice and forced myself to do it in order to get better. Also, playing in a band does often not give me the pleasure I thought it would.
Now, there are more and more days where no activities seem to make me happy. Somtimes, I feel desperation and emptiness.

Should you persevere and force yourself to continue some activities even when you don't like them anymore? Or would taking a long break be better?
And what if you have so much free time that you cannot fill with your current hobbies? How do you go about finding new ones?

I'll appreciate your suggestions and I'm very interested in your personal stories about similar issues!

[Apollia]

In my own case, feelings like that are usually the result of loneliness, by which I mean unfulfilled amorous desires. When I don't feel so lonely, my interest in other things returns.

But when I'm lonely, even things I ordinarily enjoy seem completely empty and pointless. I used to think I was fine not having any kind of amorous relationship or even any hope of having one, but now I think it's probably a necessity for my happiness. Even the realistic hope of an amorous relationship (let alone an actual amorous relationship) is enough to practically bring me back from the dead.

I don't know if that's your situation, but, that's my personal story.

Should you persevere and force yourself to continue some activities even when you don't like them anymore? Or would taking a long break be better?

I'd recommend doing what you feel like doing rather than forcing yourself to do a nonessential activity you actually don't want to. I'd recommend that you just keep on moving to the next thing until something really grabs you.

I have lots of different hobbies and projects, but I often end up not doing them for long periods at a time simply because I just am not that interested at the moment - though I often do come back to them eventually, though sometimes it even takes as long as a few years or more.

I've often found that whatever new hobbies/activities/projects/studies I wandered into in the interim are just what I needed to take my old projects/hobbies/studies/goals to the next level.

Heck, even something many would regard as a waste of time - getting heavily involved with internet forums - has led to some of the best things that ever happened in my life, not to mention helped me find new and wonderful hobbies, etc.

And what if you have so much free time that you cannot fill with your current hobbies? How do you go about finding new ones?

Well, you could always try this random link provided by Yahoo: Yahoo! Random Link I have no idea what web pages that will bring you to, so, everyone should only click at their own risk, I guess.

Oh yeah, you could also become an editor of Wikipedia. Anyone can edit it. I used to do that back in the olden days when I was more often bored. I think it helped me improve my writing skills, since anything that isn't clearly written tends to get edited out, so it helps train you to write clearly. Plus, it has been fun for me to occasionally encounter my own writing turning up in unexpected places. I enjoy feeling as if I'm having at least some small influence on the world (which is also part of why I enjoy having my own website).

Wikipedia has a random link too: Random Article That link can be found on any Wikipedia page. So you can easily get introduced randomly to interesting new topics, or hurry along to the next thing if you end up someplace boring.

Good luck.

[pianoperformer]

I think you should take a long break. Maybe get some good novels to read.

I'm not really sure how to find new hobbies, though.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Apollia

In my own case, feelings like that are usually the result of loneliness, by which I mean unfulfilled amorous desires. When I don't feel so lonely, my interest in other things returns.

But when I'm lonely, even things I ordinarily enjoy seem completely empty and pointless. I used to think I was fine not having any kind of amorous relationship or even any hope of having one, but now I think it's probably a necessity for my happiness. Even the realistic hope of an amorous relationship (let alone an actual amorous relationship) is enough to practically bring me back from the dead.

Co-dependency.

-----
Remember that you can do what you want to do. You don't have to do anything just because you consider it as hobby.
Go with the flow: Tell yourself: I can do anything I want to do! What do I want to do most right in this moment?
And whatever it is, it's just fine!
And then of course, do it.
Maybe you give it a try.

[Apollia]

Originally Posted by lasti

Co-dependency.

I thought someone might say that.

Rather than codependency, I look at it as simply being honest with myself. I'm no longer willing to make myself miserable by pretending I'm perfectly content to live the rest of my life alone and to ignore what I truly desire in favor of things that are less important to me.

Remember that you can do what you want to do. You don't have to do anything just because you consider it as hobby.
Go with the flow: Tell yourself: I can do anything I want to do! What do I want to do most right in this moment?
And whatever it is, it's just fine!
And then of course, do it.
Maybe you give it a try.

Good tips. I definitely think it's good not to be too hard on yourself, telling yourself you have to do this, you have to do that. I used to do that a lot more and it did not make me happy.

Best wishes,
Apollia

[arthurwoo]

Hi Restless,

I was thinking about the same thing this morning. I have an addictive personality where I totally jump into something that I think would satisfy my need to create/accomplish something and thinking it will make me satisfied with something, but eventually I end up getting bored after spending a fair amount of time on it.

I am a musician as well. I've spent the past 4 or 5 years working my butt off (I produce electronic music, play the piano and guitar), and this year was signed to 3 different labels (MySpace.com - Arthur Woo - SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - House - www.myspace.com/arthurwoo - couldn't resist). It felt great that everything culminated into this achievement. however, that feeling soon wore off and I thought, "This hasn't really changed my life or made me any happier". I wasn't depressed or anything dramatic like that - I felt accomplished, but to me that is very different from feeling happy.

It took me a while to figure out the difference between the two. No job, hobby, or anything external to me really had a lasting impression in terms of making me feel like it was all worth it.

I had a realization lately that I can't lie to myself about wanting to do something just to do it. My advice would be to take inventory of what's important to you, look at it honestly, and ask yourself why you're doing it. Don't judge your own answers or else you won't want to be honest with yourself. Just look at it for what it is.

I'll share a part of my story with you: when i started to ask myself if i wanted to continue with music, I let a lot of answers come to me without trying to analyze or judge or deny any of it. I wanted to do something that was fun to me, something that I was passionate about. I sometimes understand music more than I do people, so I feel more comfortable talking and doing things related to music than having to deal with conversations that I didn't care about. I also wanted external validation, to be famous, to have people cheer me on and say wow, he's great.

Currently I'm taking a hiatus. I have no idea when I'll be interested in pursuing music again, but I'm not worried about it. I've noticed in my 25 years on this planet that many things in life behave as cycles, from Earth's seasons to the same little game we all play in our lives.

So with that being said, in my point of view no one on this board can really help you figure out if you should pursue X Y or Z. that's something you can look at for yourself, and though it is helpful to hear stories from other people, what works for one may not work for another.

[Eisho]

Take a break.

And while you're taking a break from drumming and whatever else you do, search Yellow Pages, the net, local centers, DVD rentals and see what tickles your fancy. Promise yourself that you will give anything a try at least once and see what fits.

You need to be constantly raising the bar of the challenge level in order to stay interested in something. Humans are not well designed mentally to do repetitive actions. If you can't raise the bar any longer because you've reached your limit then move onto something else.

Cheers,

Eisho

[ar81]

In my experience, there are 2 types of loneliness.

One is the type of loneliness where your feet takes you to a place where you meet new people. You know this is the one because you feel compelled to meet new people urgently.

The other type of loneliness is a bit more complex. You feel alone and you refuse to have company. This is because it is inner emptiness, it can't be filled with anything in the outside, it is a spiritual need. It is the need of isolating in the mountain or monastery, looking for fresh air, after breathing the smog of the city and our daily life.

Isolation is symblic. You isolate in your room, or your house, or some place where you find peace. Then you meditate or pray and reconnect yourself with your "soul", the "divine part of you", "God" or whatever you call it. You reconned to the database of wisdom and get a breathe of fresh air to continue living.

[Liveformx64]

Inserting a "hobby" into a certain void of time or emotional space is simply not the answer.

Some quiet time to yourself for at least a week or more will help you realign with your purpose.

In today's world of portable electronics it is easy to be distracted 100% of the time, leaving no time for introspection.

Just last month I spent two weeks at an isolated beachhouse, mainly reading and spending my time quietly. When I came back, I realized I didn't want to be with my girlfriend of 5 years any longer and I came up with some business tweaks that have been able to nearly double my weekly returns.

Always wanting to be around people is another sign of an unwillingness to truly look deep within.

There is something about extended quiet time away from daily routines that has a way of lifting Fog from your consciousness.

[restless]

In my own case, feelings like that are usually the result of loneliness, by which I mean unfulfilled amorous desires. When I don't feel so lonely, my interest in other things returns.

I don't know if that's your situation, but, that's my personal story.

Yes, that's my situation - but it has been that way for a long time, and I felt quite well about it in the past.

I've often found that whatever new hobbies/activities/projects/studies I wandered into in the interim are just what I needed to take my old projects/hobbies/studies/goals to the next level.

Yes, I've seen that pattern too.

@arthurwoo: Your story is very interesting.

So with that being said, in my point of view no one on this board can really help you figure out if you should pursue X Y or Z. that's something you can look at for yourself, and though it is helpful to hear stories from other people, what works for one may not work for another.

Yes, that's something we should never forget. The question of how to live your life can only be answered by you. It's difficult, yes, but nobody can decide that for you.

Inserting a "hobby" into a certain void of time or emotional space is simply not the answer.

Some quiet time to yourself for at least a week or more will help you realign with your purpose.

That's a great idea!

Your posts have been extremely helpful. They helped me thinking in new directions. Thank you!

Currently, I'm feeling better. What I have done was hanging around with friends, using positive self-talk, and continue to pursue drumming. It seems that when I really get into it and try to have fun, I start loving it again.

[ar81]

I suspect you had a temporary depression, the feeling that you do not control your life.
Probably a biochemical tide in your brain.

[mej023]

You're going to croak soon so make your bucket list and get busy.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by restless

Just to give you one example: Several years ago, I started playing the drums. Over the last two years, I practiced really seriously and now, I'm quite good at it and play in a band.
However, often I did not like to practice and forced myself to do it in order to get better. Also, playing in a band does often not give me the pleasure I thought it would.

I play drums too, and bass. I started playing bass five years ago, but after maby two years I started to feel that it was less fulfilling My main problem was that I was too concerned with the pyrotechnics and such: I thought I had to be really good to justify playing with people. That was due to me listening to music that coincidentally (and sometimes deliberately) was hard to play and required a somewhat virtuoso playing style. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: and it was hard even for bass.

So due to me listening so much to all of this music which was played by musicians that were really technical (like, having practiced guitar 6 hours a day in high school and playing drums/bass since they were 3 years old), I had a skewed perception of how good you have to be. It took me some time to realise that I can play a lot of stuff that I like that is at my skill level, and play it well. And I wasn't desiring or motivated to practice very much either so those rolemodels only served to remind me of how bad I was (though they inspired me musically).

I don't know if you can relate to this, or maby that I have been too self-indulgent. Anyway, skill is something that many people that play instruments can be concerned with, maby too much in comparison to what you need or desire (though you can always get better at an instrument).

When I started out playing drums, I soon developed a more carefree attitude. I now practice when I want to, play songs when I want to, or even just improv something random. I think I have made good progress using this method, and I'm enjoying the process of improvement too.

I think the best you can do is to focus on what drumming and music gives you; what you're good at, what you like to play, what you like about practicing and what you like about playing with other people. Get a small notebook and note down things that you appreciate about this when you feel like it. If this causes you to want to play more, great. If not, then you would at least have enjoyed the time you spent appreciating it. It seems you are doing something similar now:

Originally Posted by restless

It seems that when I really get into it and try to have fun, I start loving it again.

[ar81]

So you make music.
Here is a freeware music I use to compose music.

Modplug tracker
MODPlug Central :: View Forum - Software Downloads
I recommend to use the old version which is simpler

Forum
MODPlug Central :: View Forum - General Chatter

Tutorial I made (unzip preserving directory structure)
Search Results
I expect you to make music and post it for download.

[restless]

I suspect you had a temporary depression, the feeling that you do not control your life.
Probably a biochemical tide in your brain.

Yeah, it's just scary because I never before had such abrupt mood swings.

Elrond, that's a great attitude about music!

[ar81]

Originally Posted by restless

Yeah, it's just scary because I never before had such abrupt mood swings.

Just try not to allow your mood swing do what they do to me.
I become a jerk or an idiot when I have those mood swings.
I am still dealing with it, and it makes me a "socially challenged" person.
Some moments of glory and some of absolute failure.

Whenever possible I make music, make freeware software or compose music to get rid of the swinging, but that's not always possible.

[sbdiane]

I took a course once where the instructor had us search our childhoods for things we enjoyed in order to find clues to things we might like to do now. We answered questions like:

What fascinated you as a child?
What sense did you live through most or did you enjoy all equally?
What did you love to do or daydream about no matter how silly it seems now?

With a little thought I could see patterns in my childhood interests that lead to things I really wanted to do.

Another similar exercise we did was to choose something we were interested in right now and answer some questions:

Could you create information about this interest? Could you provide a service related to the interest? Could you make products, assist people who have the same interest, perform your interest for other people, be paid to learn about it. Etc.

You could ask yourself these questions in relation to drums and see if that leads to anything.

But if your real problem is you've lost the ability to enjoy any of your interests, you might have clinical depression.

[FooFighterDaz]

Wow, restless,

Your initial post could have been written by me word-for-word, so I'll definately be paying attention to responses in this thread.