From glory to absolute failure

[ar81]

I made a mistake, I must have been asleep when I wrote an email, and I sent it from Outlook instead of Gmail. That caused me to be under warning at work. Company rules state that I must not send personal messages like that.

I made a mistake and I almost got fired.

The email matched a controversy about arts being used for a computer game I am making. It is a very original and complex game. So in the biggest moment of glory, comes the biggest failure for a stupid reason.

It is a thing that makes me bounce my head against the wall...
Sometimes I feel like a misfit, a geek.

Any recommendations?

[Sam988]

Yes.

Be more careful and keep on going!



We all make mistakes, there's no reason to bump our head in the wall when we make one (unless it's a really stupid one that ruins your life, which is not your case).

[AlexG]

It is what it is.

You seemed to learn your lesson. Just keep going forward. If you let whomever needed to know that it was an honest mistake then you did what should have been done.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by ar81

I made a mistake, I must have been asleep when I wrote an email, and I sent it from Outlook instead of Gmail. That caused me to be under warning at work. Company rules state that I must not send personal messages like that.

I made a mistake and I almost got fired.

The email matched a controversy about arts being used for a computer game I am making. It is a very original and complex game. So in the biggest moment of glory, comes the biggest failure for a stupid reason.

It is a thing that makes me bounce my head against the wall...
Sometimes I feel like a misfit, a geek.

Any recommendations?

I feel for you, but in time these feelings will pass and I'm sure you will never make the same mistake again. This incident will make you more aware, just think you could of done it on a much bigger scale and not got a warning. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

[ar81]

I am on probation at work.
Just lucky enough not to be fired.
It is depressing when you can't change things and the only perspective in the horizont is to be another brick on the wall in the edge of the outcasts.
This is when all your dreams get behind a think armor steel plate.

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by ar81

Any recommendations?

Recommendations for what? Are you seeking suggestions on how to find relief for your negative feelings, if that's the state of mind you're in right now? For all I know, as of this particular moment, you have completely recovered! I certainly hope so!

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by ellie

So maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

I love your encouragement Ellie! I'd only take the maybe out.

[seeker5]

Frankly, I'm not sure I understand how you can work for a company like that, that values you so little they are willing to actually threaten with getting rid of you simply because you emailed something personal....once.

Maybe it's a sign that you need to set your sights higher and aim to work for a company that isn't so draconian and is more tolerant to humans being humans?

[ZHereford]

Hey ar81,

I agree with all of the above!

Take it as a lesson learned and move on. You have nothing to gain by bemoaning it. You still have your job and life goes on.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Frankly, I'm not sure I understand how you can work for a company like that, that values you so little they are willing to actually threaten with getting rid of you simply because you emailed something personal....once.

Maybe it's a sign that you need to set your sights higher and aim to work for a company that isn't so draconian and is more tolerant to humans being humans?

I think I believed in their slogans about a great place to work...
However they could be right somehow, for my email went with copy to a friend who worked at an embassy.
He is a great friend, a loyal man with values, but probably they thought I was messing things.
So I can feel fear and retaliation in their reaction. The email about probation came from top management. It looks like I closed all doors.

I do not use to express my emotions, but I feel kind of discouraged by all this mess.

[Ninja]

They put you on probation for an e-mail? I wonder what they would do when you show up three hours late or watch hardcore porn during worktime. Replace your lunch with poisonous snakes? No more vacations for the next 30 years? Set your cubicle on fire? Sjeesh...

Maybe it's time you get out of there and find something better?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Ninja

I wonder what they would do when you .... watch hardcore porn during worktime.

I can't imagine watching hardcore porn during worktime and my company being totally ok with it. So many issues! But then I work in the U.S. and not in Europe, so maybe that's a different norm? Is it normally ok to watch hardcore porn from work in Europe?

[Ninja]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Is it normally ok to watch hardcore porn from work in Europe?

There is a unwritten European law, never spoken off, but highly respected: you can do anything you want during workhours, as long as no evidence is left behind and one sees you doing it.

Kidding, of course. I would never do something like that during my future boss' time, especially since he/she may be reading this post right now.

[ar81]

My country does not have an army, so I am not used to draconian hierarchies.
And on top I am unlike most of people. I consider myself a bit geeky.

While many people elsewhere could set a desk on fire, I would take a piece of paper and I would make a drawing of a desk with a flame throwing dragon on it. I am unlike many other people, not a friend of violence.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Ninja

There is a unwritten European law, never spoken off, but highly respected: you can do anything you want during workhours, as long as no evidence is left behind and one sees you doing it.

Hah!

Originally Posted by ar81

for my email went with copy to a friend who worked at an embassy.
He is a great friend, a loyal man with values, but probably they thought I was messing things.

Originally Posted by ar81

My country does not have an army

Ahhh. So, that explains why your company/country is so very careful and controlling about emails sent to embassy....because your country has no army. Thus, it has to be very careful not to upset other nations, eh?

[ar81]

I found that I am in probation because some career minded person is deforming facts and turning it into a circus.

I decided to take a drastic action: to return good instead of evil.
I do not need to seize any brand or company name, as someone pretended to show.
I am my own brand, and my tool is my own effort.

I came to M6 forums in the past and I changed an entire community in a matter of a few months.
I always CHANGE THE WORLD and it is not a slogan, I am used to do that and I always do that. It is stronger than me.
I am certain that I will change the company.
There is enough evil around in the world, it is time to bring some good.

[DayInTheLife]

I found that I am in probation because some career minded person is deforming facts and turning it into a circus.

I decided to take a drastic action: to return good instead of evil.
I do not need to seize any brand or company name, as someone pretended to show.
I am my own brand, and my tool is my own effort.

I came to M6 forums in the past and I changed an entire community in a matter of a few months.
I always CHANGE THE WORLD and it is not a slogan, I am used to do that and I always do that. It is stronger than me.
I am certain that I will change the company.
There is enough evil around in the world, it is time to bring some good.

I'd urge you to reconsider this approach.

The most unhappy people I know are those who believe they have to change the world around them. The happy people in my life are those who tend to work on changing themselves and their perspective.

You are on probation because you chose to work for a company with a strict email policy and you chose to break that policy. That's all; it's not some grave global injustice, it's just two personal choices you made that don't seem to be working out for you.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Ecce Homo

I love your encouragement Ellie! I'd only take the maybe out.

He he!

No I really do feel for him. When something like this happens you feel like your world is tumbling down. Your self esteem hits quite a low and you feel like bashing your head against a brick wall, while saying "why oh why?".

I've had one of those moments and it was horrible, thought it was the end of the world and just thought I would never recover. It took time, but I did recover and I am more wiser and stronger for it.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by DayInTheLife

I'd urge you to reconsider this approach.

The most unhappy people I know are those who believe they have to change the world around them. The happy people in my life are those who tend to work on changing themselves and their perspective.

Well, I am not like the average Joe.
I am not unhappy because I can't change the world.
Indeed unhappiness is the drive and motivation to change things.
It is like having a stinking house and feel unhappy and then clean it.

For some reason, when I do not change the world, things go wrong.
When I change it, things go right, unlike it happens to other people.
I am into unhappy because I can't change things, but because the house stinks.

In the past I have had proven that impossible things are possible.
I was told that a kid, younger than 12, could not pilot a spacecraft in Orbiter Space Flight Simulator, a simulator that uses real physics. It was told by teachers from UK, Canada and USA. They were wrong. A 7 year old kid learned it, and she was on national TV. I uploaded the video to Internet and said "so it was impossible?".

In the past I volunteered to assist groups of youths in cultural events.
Once I discovered a group of teens that lost motivation due to lack of support and it was about to be disbanded because of it.
The president of that group was a 15 year old kid.
I came there to support and encourage them, inspire them.
In 6 months they organized a cultural festival that was attended by 3000 people.
Not too bad for a teen.
Viceminister of Culture came there and condecorated her with a strip that read "president", a symbolic act that this kid still remembers. She is not 15 anymore. She is a university student now and an outstanding leader.

What depressed me was the fact that I can change the world in ways people can't imagine, but also I did a stupid mistake, so it is about passingfrom absolute glory to absolute stupidity.

"Errare humanum est" but sometimes I'd like not to be so "humanum".
Outside of work I can change the world in ways you can't imagine.
Inside work, I am just another Joe.

[Liveformx64]

Well then, why are you working there?

[ar81]

I guess I need the job to pay my bills.
My wife depends on my income, so it is not like I can say "I quit" that easily.

[coollikeme]

sitting in the back of the room who cares. If your job does something like that to you. Do you really believe they want you there anyway, or why should you want to be there? You pay the bills not your job. Find what you love to do and make money off of it.

[ar81]

I think I made a stupid mistake, not intentional.
I have to learn to live with it.

They may think the worse about me, not because of what I did, but problably conditioned by past experiences. This country is similar to a small town, everyone tells other people about nearly anything. So people here are likely to leak confidential info outside of the company. So an email going outside might be seen like a leak. I am not like that, but they do not know that.

I pretend to stay as long as I can, and teach by example. In time they will realize they were wrong. I am not like the average Joe here. I am a bit eccentric, and I believe in ethics and values. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. So this is what they should expect from me.

I came to get used. If there is adversity here, I will face it with courage. In the end they could learn something. They will learn that they will learn to have more faith. Life is not as dark as they might think it is. I can feel some fear from them. They have nothing to fear from me.

[coollikeme]

Your the one who for some reason thinks its absolute failure. It seems to me that the computer game you are making is something you love to do. So why do you work at a job that treats you like crap. They put you on probation for sending out an email. Maybe they should have put you in prison instead!!! Work on our computer game, and stop worrying about what other people think. They are keeping you from working at what I bet you love to do. The courage you talk about is to be true to yourself and work on the game. Anyone can work on a job. If you believe in ethics and values Than find away to do what you love. instead of worrying about useless crap!

[ar81]

I got to understand something new.

In the little town I call my country, I was not exposed to corporate reality.
I was talking to someone in other country and it seems that from a legal point of view, if email came out of my company account, company is endorsing it. And if I talk about a hobby, even if it is of some interest for my company, it looks like disrespect to the company for it seems like they pay me to talk about my hobby.

So we both were right from a certain point of view. But my view was incomplete.

[coollikeme]

What would you have done if they fired you?

[Eisho]

Originally Posted by ar81

I think I made a stupid mistake, not intentional.
I have to learn to live with it.

This is exactly the point. The company has its rules and regulations, for whatever reason, and if you broke them, you need to look at yourself, take responsibility for your action and move on to bigger and better things. I live in Japan and they have a very similar policy to yours at work. It doesn't maybe make complete sense to people outside, but you know, that's the way they do things here. Everyone knows the rules, so you follow them or you don't. If you do, you are rewarded, if not, you are punished.

It's just too bad that the reprimand distracted you from enjoying your moment of glory.

Best wishes,

Eisho

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by ar81

I made a mistake, I must have been asleep when I wrote an email, and I sent it from Outlook instead of Gmail. That caused me to be under warning at work. Company rules state that I must not send personal messages like that.

I made a mistake and I almost got fired.

The email matched a controversy about arts being used for a computer game I am making. It is a very original and complex game. So in the biggest moment of glory, comes the biggest failure for a stupid reason.

It is a thing that makes me bounce my head against the wall...
Sometimes I feel like a misfit, a geek.

Any recommendations?

Fire your employers.

It may take some work before you can reasonably do this, but seriously, if my employers wanted to fire me for doing something reasonable, I'd fire them and go make better use of my time (or, if you're already making good use of time, use my time to serve more reasonable purposes, causes, and people).

I know how the job world likes to be when it comes to policy, but I also know how I like to be when it comes to not listening to idiots and people who have major personal development they need to do. It may be comfortable to stay within godawful established systems because you get a pay check, but in the long run, I highly recommend planning your escape and eventually executing that plan. For me, that means I must set up the right foundating of awareness, knowledge, skills, self-awareness, and connections and real-world resources and tools so I can sustain what I want to do with my life.

I recommend you do the same. Your consciousness will thank you for it (probably in the form of increased feelings of alignment, relief, and positive emotion; when was the last time you felt truly energetic and alive? That only happens when you're really living, and I'd say we'd all do well to make that our goal as much as possible).

[Pascal]

Originally Posted by ar81

I am on probation at work.
Just lucky enough not to be fired.
It is depressing when you can't change things and the only perspective in the horizont is to be another brick on the wall in the edge of the outcasts.
This is when all your dreams get behind a think armor steel plate.

Why do you make it that complicated? You didn't get fired, did you? Forget it! Try to be more aware and consciousness now. Forget the past. You're living now!

[ar81]

Probably I make it complicated because as I feel that I am going backwards it gets me depressed. I am a bit concerned about the consistency of my problem of communication that leads me to screw up when I am about to achieve absolute glory and I fall into absolute failure.

I do not fear to start over. But I am tired of it.
It is like unconcious selfsabotage... I wonder how do I get rid of it.