Part of me feels kinda dead....

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yeah, it doesn't really matter, does it? Either way, "I'm f*cked."

So, is it true?

Yes, so long I believe it and have these limiting financial & job beliefs.

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

I got:

1. awesome
and
2. fun.

Dan, man, with that, and your absolute fear-less nature, I want to copy that part of your brain and download it into mine!

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

You're awesome Seeker, and so brave!

I'm not sure why you think I'm brave, but thanks.

[Angela]

Next: can you be certain that it is true? Is it possible to know that for sure? If a nine year old came up to you and earnestly told you "I am f*cked." , would you buy into his belief?

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Next: can you be certain that it is true? Is it possible to know that for sure? If a nine year old came up to you and earnestly told you "I am f*cked." , would you buy into his belief?

I'd tell that 9 year old, no, not unless you believe that. But if you insist on believing it, then it'll be true.

So, no it's not true in the sense that if I change this belief and my other beliefs, it won't be true. But if I don't change them, then yeah, they'll remain true. So I have to change them.

[Angela]

What's the impact on you of believing this thought, "I am f*cked"?

[uberinquisitive]

I subscribe to impaul999's blog, How to Make Money Doing What You Love, and he wrote a great post today which includes this great part:

A lot of people will make a statement like “I want to make money doing what I love” but really what they are saying is that CURRENTLY they are not making money doing what they love. This type of vibration will attract more of the same, so they will continue to NOT make money doing what they love, but instead their WANTINGNESS of making money doing what they love will increase. Meaning, they still won’t make money doing what they love, but their desire for it will continue to increase and so will their level of frustration.

The real “secret” with Law of Attraction is to realize that we must first BE in the state that we desire to be in, in order to have the things that we want to attract which we hope will put us in that state. I know that’s a mouth-full.

You start threads about how you're deficient, how you feel kinda dead, how much life sucks because you're filled with fear. It's all negativity, all the time.

If I were you, I'd put off the school and go to Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia - a Western style Buddhist monastary. It is quite inexpensive to live there in the abbey, something like $300/month? (they provide room and quality vegetarian food). Plus, you'd be in the beautiful wilderness of Nova Scotia.

If I were you, I'd stay here for at least 3 months and get my head on straight. I'd read Tolle, Pema Chodron, Byron Katie, Deepak Chopra, anyone and everyone.

And then, once you're back and more balanced - make decisions from a more centered place.

But that's just me.

[munish]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Hehe yeah
On the other hand, I don't believe I'll be able to make a living doing something I love, either a job I love or some independent stuff.

If you can’t make money authentically and without lowering your consciousness, it’s better to be broke for a while.-steve pavlina.

[seeker5]

Ok, I'm experiencing some resistance in wanting to believe in myself, and remove the "I'm f*cked" belief. There was a time when I became very confident in myself, and I did some very bold things such as turning down job opportunities, moved out of state and pursued a job at a dream company. That worked out very badly, and I crashed very hard and stayed in that despair state where I had no confidence or faith in myself for years, gained a lot of weight, lost all discipline, etc. I ended taking jobs for a few months at a time doing fast food, retail, factory work that I hated just so I could survive. Took me years to get out of that situation.

So, in a way, I'm scared that I'll become super-confident again, and then experience the same kind of crash that left me in a bad state for years. But then again, if I keep this belief of "I'm f*cked", I'm gonna have the same experience anyhow.

Ugh. So I need to have a kind of balanced confidence and belief in myself.

[ellie]

oh I feel for you seeker. I have had many of the same thoughts as you over the years.
All I can say whatever you decide, there is no wrong or right. All it means as steve said, you will eliminate what you don't want to do.

Every choice in my career and schooling have not been a mistake, it's just helped me learn what I like and dislike. Sure it's been a longer path, but I now don't have any regrets as I have done all the things that I set out to do. Although, my newest career was never planned out (everything else was) and it's funny but I think this is where I belong most.

I have to admit I have not had to get into so much debt for schooling though. In Australia, we complain about our school fees, but really it's not too bad in comparison to the US. A arts degree cost about $12-15,000 here. I was lucky enough to get a degree, buy just completing one year so only had to pay about $4000.

Can I ask seeker5, what do you think your real passion is? Or what have you always got enjoyment out of?

[seeker5]

Thanks Ellie for your message

Originally Posted by ellie

All I can say whatever you decide, there is no wrong or right. All it means as steve said, you will eliminate what you don't want to do.

Intellectually, I agree and understand with you. From an emotional viewpoint, it feels there is a right and wrong and the wrong leads to a life where I'm filled with pain, scarcity, deep fears, low level of consciousness for years.

Originally Posted by ellie

Can I ask seeker5, what do you think your real passion is? Or what have you always got enjoyment out of?

I wouldn't say I have a passion, but I have deep interests.

I love sitting and thinking about stuff, and strategizing about stuff. Kind of like what I used to do as a kid that I wrote in your thread "When you were a child?"

I've also really loved my time when I've either started school clubs when I was in college, or when I've led different Toastmasters club as president - that is a lot of fun and I've really enjoyed it.

One thing I've found out recently is I really enjoy writing when it comes to exploring deep issues and trying to find my truth when I have plenty of time to write and no pressure to do other things.

I wouldn't say I've always being able to get enjoyment out of each of those I've mentioned, but I really do enjoy doing those things most of the time.

And I know you didn't mean that, but I also get a lot of enjoyment when I can be in a state of love, and peace. I've been able to achieve that state during moments this past year on a level I never have before in my life, and I've loved it.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

What's the impact on you of believing this thought, "I am f*cked"?

I'm going through it, got a bunch listed. As I wrote two post above, I'm still finding some resistance to getting rid of that. I'm frustrated by my thinking that goes "but being too confident is so dangerous for me!" Ugh!

At least, I don't feel dead inside at the moment. Just frustrated and a little bit f*cked!

Note to those who don't know Angela's method: It's normal to temporarly feel more of the limiting belief when you're trying to find the impact of it.

Edit: It's kind of crazy to think that I've had this belief that being too confident or too beleiving in my abilities career wise is dangerous. I hadn't consciously realized that until this thread.

[Angela]

Seeker5, regarding your resistance to getting rid of your belief: don't try! You don't have to get rid of it. Just go ahead and accept that you have been believing "I am f*cked" or "I a doomed" without resisting it. Just let it have its way with you for now, and focus on being with the impact.

You're right. Frustrated and a little bit f*cked is much better than dead!

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Seeker5, regarding your resistance to getting rid of your belief: don't try! You don't have to get rid of it. Just go ahead and accept that you have been believing "I am f*cked" or "I a doomed" without resisting it. Just let it have its way with you for now, and focus on being with the impact.

Ok.

What about the resistance to believing in myself, or being afraid of believing too much in myself, career-wise?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Ok.

What about the resistance to believing in myself, or being afraid of believing too much in myself, career-wise?

Just notice it and accept it for now. If you want to resist it later, after you examine your limiting belief, you have my permission.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Just notice it and accept it for now. If you want to resist it later, after you examine your limiting belief, you have my permission.

Hehe, ok thanks

I had a thought too that I think it's an issue of not trusting myself not to go wild and crazy if I believe too much in myself. But I'll let it go for now and concentrate on the other limiting belief for now.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

You start threads about how you're deficient, how you feel kinda dead, how much life sucks because you're filled with fear. It's all negativity, all the time.

uber, I think you're exaggerating a bit here. Seeker is not all negativity all the time. For example, he's not negative when he gives advice to others, and that's very important.

He's being negative in "his" threads, where he is working through his issues. That's normal! We're all negative about our big issues, or else we wouldn't need to address them. Tackling his issues is in itself a very positive undertaking and I admire Seeker for doing it with so much courage and persistence.

He's also eager to actually solve the problems and very productive at working through all this. He's getting ahead very fast. So it's not like he's complaining for the sake of enjoying his misery.

I think what Seeker is doing here is wonderful and inspiring, and is exactly what this forum was intended for. I hope we give him a loving and supportive environment to develop himself, because that's what we are here for

[Angela]

I agree with Rose. Seeker5 is diligent in addressing the stuff that is present for him right now, during this time of challenge, and what you might not be "seeing" is his diligence and commitment to reach breakthrough. He is very powerful in working his way through growth, power, love, freedom, and connection! Boy, the things he's been creating here, out loud for everyone to be inspired by, it's hard for me to understand why anyone would begrudge him honestly and boldly looking at the stuff that's getting in his way, so that he may draw back the blinds and make these qualities available not only to himself, but to all of us.

It's not as if he were complaining all the time or dwelling on his past pain, or insisting on suffering about what happened a year ago. Seeker5 is great about pushing through to joy, abundance and power -- all in the perfect time and at the perfect pace. I really admire him (you. sorry to speak about you in the third person.), his courage, his boldness, and his extraordinary love.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

(you. sorry to speak about you in the third person.)

Angela, as you guys are saying all of these wonderful things about me, you can go ahead and speak about me in the third person all you want. No need to apologize

[ar81]

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.

Author: Frank Herbert

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's not as if he were complaining all the time or dwelling on his past pain, or insisting on suffering about what happened a year ago.

I do dislike it though when I bring up past events to post, because I don't like complaining about my past. Though I know I have to face it because while I thought that while I thought I had overcome some of my past events, I now see that those past events still to a large degree affect a lot of my beliefs and current fears to a much greater extent then I realized. I actually wrote at one point a long post on this thread explaining in detail what happened after I graduated college when I boldly quit my job, refused lucrative job offers and tried to go for a dream job. I ended up deleting the post and replacing it with a much shorter extract because I felt such a long post about that negative story might just be too much of a form of complaining. However, the act of writing that long post crystalize to me a lot of why I felt that way about financial security.

When I started this thread, I knew I had to have safety, and be able to see far into financially and job-wise. But now having gone through this thread, and written up this stuff, and examining my story, I realize that's true mainly in the financial realm. And I know why, because of what I endured those years after graduation, I formed that fear mindset. I didn't have those fears before I graduated - the fear of poverty so entrenched like that. In fact, it's not living in poverty that I fear most. I can be ok with living a bare mininum life. While I have other lesser fears related to poverty, what I fear most is having to deal with that situation by getting a job I hate where I have to force my mind to concentrate on something I hate. Then coming home from work, and feeling the need to escape by eating unhealthy food and doing things with my time that numb me mentally and emotionally that reduces me to living at a low level of consciousness.

I also realized that's not who I am in all of my life - this need for security. In romantic relationships, I normally have no need to see ahead and can just be in the moment, not concerned about what happens next or having the person commit to be there long term. Same thing with other aspects, I'm ok with not knowing far ahead and having any guarantees at all. I can do crazy things like fly to another country to meet a girl I've only talked to online and on the phone knowing full well she may very well decide not to meet me at the last minute and knowing I'd be totally ok with it if she decided at the last minute not to meet me.

I know some people value security high on their list when they consciously write out a list of their values - I never have. I've never placed security on my list when drawing value list. Yet, emotionally with my fears, I know financial security is important, but I resist that, I hate thinking that way. Now I realize it's because of those fears of what I've lived through, so going back to that history helps me get to the origin, and now I need to overcome that fear. To rewrite the lessons so to speak and learn different lessons and learn ways of transcending that fear.