Byron Katie's The Work, anyone tried it?

[TheFlyingMan]

Has anyone tried it? It's free for use and download at www.thework.com.

Does it work for you? It's based on writing down your judgement of someone that you hate, or a stressful belief, and questioning it through 4 questions. Then turning the statement around. You meditate on the process, so that things happen on a deeper level, not on an intellectual level.

I've been using it to try and get over my ex. It seems to work, but in a strange way. For example, there is a multitude of feelings here that are disturbing me.

One. I hurt her.

When I did that through The Work, I stopped thinking of her in that way, and reliving experiences where I hurt her.

I started reliving experiences where she hurt me. (Not on purpose, just the thoughts that intrude as you carry on your daily life).

So I did
Two. She hurt me.

And I started reliving all the happy experiences we had.

So I did
Three. I miss her.

And then I was fine. But then all the beginning stuff came back - the parts where she hurt me. I seem to get this pattern with every thing I try, including EFT. It all works for a couple of days, and then after a while it all comes back.

Strangely, the more "traditional" methods - a rebound girl seems to work better....

[Velvet]

Hey FlyingMan:

I love The Work, it's a terrific way to get to the root of what's really bugging you. I'm not sure how you arrived at your "turnaround statements," so it's hard to tell how effective they are.

But there is a free "hotline" you can call to do the Work with someone trained it:

The Work of Byron Katie - Do The Work Network - Byron Katie International Online Community

Also, you say that you've tried various methods to get over your ex-gf. This makes me think three things:

1) have you tried any of these methods with another person facilitating, or just on your own? It often makes the difference to do these self-help things in the presence of a compassionate person who can see things you may not be able to see.

Also, with EFT, watching the DVDs helped me understand the process better than just reading about it.

2) If you continue to look at it as "getting over your ex" I think you're going to remain stuck, because you're focussing on the negative.

Your girlfriend left you, that's the truth, but you're still the same person, whole and strong, that you were when she was there. So it's not her leaving that's hurting you, it's the painful story you're telling yourself on top of that, in addition to whatever old grief you may be feeling from previous hurts.

3) Breakups can often unleash old feelings of abandonment and helplessness that need to be healed. Maybe it'd be more effective to start looking at the older pain underneath the more current pain.

In other words, instead of trying to get over your ex-gf, you could look at it as healing and becoming independent and whole.

(And, yeah, sometimes having a rebound fling does make you feel better! I'm not going to knock that tried and true method, as long as you're not hurting the rebound girl.)

Sorry, this is rushed, I hope it makes sense.

xo, Velvet

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

TheFlyingMan,

I'm in Melbourne too. Give me a call if you want to get EFT to work really well. Two people doing it, is SO much better than on your own. And I'm talking about EFT, not the rebound thing!

joy to you
Hazel

[TheFlyingMan]

Velvet, I think you are bang on on all three counts. I've doing everything on my own, but i'm also seeing a counsellor (in Emotional Release Counselling - ERC) for depression - that stemmed from previous relationships.

However, she is not doing The Work/EFT/etc with me, ERC is very similar to The Work but goes deeper. She is awesome in that she's identifying exactly what you said - I've had these feelings of abandonment and helplessness all the way back to my early childhood as that was how my parents punished me when I did wrong - they abandoned and withdrew (not abusively but emotionally - they would still feed me and stuff, but it was just mechanical).

Plus hurts from previous relationships. So that's brilliant, thanks for that. I think I will try The Work on deeper issues once I have time. It is very time consuming!

As for my turnaround statements, I just turn it around. I hurt her becomes I hurt myself, she hurt me, she hurt herself. Is there a different way of doing it?

Hazel, I'm heading off overseas in a couple of days - be back mid - Jan. I'll definitely look you up if I am still hung up over her then.