I believe I'm worthless, too

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by Angela

Oh, I think I missed that! Caren is right, you'll never get rid of your limiting belief. It's always going to be there! That's the bad news. The good news is that you will be removing its power over you. You will have the power to acknowledge it, thank it, and send it packing. And the more you practice doing that, the smaller and more feeble the limiting belief gets. It becomes like a little old elf with rickets, trying to holler at you, but unable to raise it's puny little whining voice above the roar of your new, inspiring, bold power.

That works, too.

Originally Posted by Angela

But it's not gonna occur for you like that while you're first looking at it! It will look like a huge monster, rowrrring and stomping and thundering, as it goes through its death throes! It does not want to die, and it will not go easy! That's were courage comes in.

Yeah, should be interesting.

[pianoperformer]

So the call is set up for Monday. I'm really excited about it.

I still feel rather numb myself. I'm not sure if I should be feeling more, or if I'm just protecting myself from feeling more.

I'm going to work on being more aware of it though. I've been working on identifying areas where it is definitely prevalent, like I listed above. I'll work on looking out for it this weekend, though. sometimes it is so well-hidden that it is hard to spot.

Thanks to everyone who has been following this thread.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

So the call is set up for Monday. I'm really excited about it.

Great!

[pianoperformer]

Yay! So we had our call today finally!

Monday, my mother had to have some tests done because of the health problems she's been having, so the call was postponed. Then, yesterday, my home phone decided to act up unexpectedly (I still can't figure out why), so she couldn't get through. Finally, I just had her call my cell phone today.

It was really great in so many ways, and I don't even know where to start.

First of all, she helped me to see what kind of impacts this has been having on me. We came up with a pretty long list, including alone, hurt, embarrassed, disgusting, repulsive, unloved, depressed, sad, angry, frustrated, and irritated.

I realized that this was all from a thought I had in my head when I was a kid, over what seems like a small incident. I believed that thought and my whole life was shaped around it.

Then, the hard part. She asked me what kind of impact this had on others.

I had no idea. It was a foreign concept. How could this affect others? I was withdrawing myself and trying to prevent hurting or inconveniencing others. How could that possibly hurt them?

Then she asked me, why would friends stick around me if they really didn't care? I had no response for that.

So, I had to think about how it impacted them. I really tried to resist this at first. I thought that it really didn't affect anyone. I am just in my own little world with this problem. But I thought, anyway.

I came to realize that I am really making others feel a lot of the same things I feel. We went through several aspects of my life to see how this was true.

For example, I try to prove that I matter by getting really good grades. After that, I obviously have to tell people that I got really good grades, or that I got an A on that exam, because they won't know otherwise and that won't prove anything. Then they see that they didn't do as well, and so they feel the same thing I feel and am actively trying not to feel.

That was just a novel concept to me. Just by believing what I believe, I'm impacting how other people feel. It took a while for me to get used to this. Well, I'm still getting used to it.

Then we tried to see what I would be if I believed that I do matter. Again, we went through the various aspects of my life, seeing how things would change.

I came up with bold, confident, and free. Those are the things that inspire me, and that I want to be.

Then, we went through and looked at how it would affect others if I were bold, confident, and free. It was just the opposite of how it affects them if I believe I don't matter.

So, not only would it benefit me, but it would benefit others, too. That's really cool.

Now, I'm trying to be aware, and catch myself when I feel like I don't matter, and instead, trying to be bold, confident, and free. It's kind of hard, but I'm really excited.

I'm thinking about how to do this. I think that if I catch myself believing that I don't matter, perhaps ask what I would do if I was bold, confident, and free? It'll take some practice.

Anyway, I'd like to ask all of you to call me out if you catch me believing that I don't matter. I think it should be pretty clear.

By the way, Angela, are those questions from Byron Katie's The Work? I just saw a video about it the other day and I think those were the questions.

[seeker5]

That's terrific! You are bold, confident, and free!

Now, I'm trying to be aware, and catch myself when I feel like I don't matter, and instead, trying to be bold, confident, and free. It's kind of hard, but I'm really excited.

Instead of just trying to catch yourself to be that when those thoughts of "I'm worthless" come up, maybe you also simply spend time praticing being bold, confident, and free when you have no need to be that way?

[Honeywith4bees]

Piano Performer!


That is so incredible!!

You know, I spoke to Angela about my limiting beliefs a few months back and the idea of how to be that was inspiring to me was , you'll never believe this, "Bold, Beautiful (where to me, beautiful and confident are the same feeling) and Free".

So you see how not alone we all are in this? How many of us are suffering with "Worthless" or "Alone" when want we really want is to be "Free"?

I'm amazed.
And not amazed at the same time.


Congratulations on the hard work Piano Performer!

[misskay]

I am truly amazed that so many people have these feelings floating around inside of them. Walking around interacting with others while inside thinking how they don't match up with someone else. Oh how our mind has tricked us, and our past experiences duped us of being able to truly, freely enjoy. Admittedly, I have not yet been able to wuiet my mind nor my thoughts, and I seem to get caught in that loop Senor Piano talks of early on, but at the same time I feel a bit more at ease for knowing that there are others whom are out there gaining a handle on their limiting beliefs and support. For people who grew up with lack of support, didn't believe these things possible nor total strangers coming together to spread and share love - this is enough to make you throw those things in the garbage. I am glad that you all are sharing and I know that I am not "abnormal", that even Caren is now in a place to share wisdom and Angela's humanity causes her to have to face her limiting belief (tough successfully) ever so often. I can do this!!!! There'll be days, more good than difficult, but on the difficult ones it is still possible to get through. I hope Piano you have all your limiting beliefs revealed, face them with COURAGE stick a stake in their hearts, letting them know you are the Master of your Sanctuary. Much luck and success continuously.

[amixa]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

Then she asked me, why would friends stick around me if they really didn't care? I had no response for that.

ok. i get this statement.. however... what if (hypothetically) pianoperformer didn't have many friends or somehow lost his friends along his path.
what about homeless people who don't have anyone to depend on? does that then make them worthless because no one wants their company?
so what happens if pianoperformer leaves to a new country (again hypothetical) and has a hard time relating and meeting people and stays without friends for a while. that would be discouraging.. making him feel like people have to have friends in order to 'matter'.

i'm just not quite sure about depending on having friends to make you feel worthwhile. or even family for that matter. i just know that this can be a faulty view in that once you find yourself alone.. then what?

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by seeker5

That's terrific! You are bold, confident, and free!

Thanks!

Originally Posted by seeker5

Instead of just trying to catch yourself to be that when those thoughts of "I'm worthless" come up, maybe you also simply spend time praticing being bold, confident, and free when you have no need to be that way?

Oh I am definitely doing that, too.

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Piano Performer!


That is so incredible!!

You know, I spoke to Angela about my limiting beliefs a few months back and the idea of how to be that was inspiring to me was , you'll never believe this, "Bold, Beautiful (where to me, beautiful and confident are the same feeling) and Free".

So you see how not alone we all are in this? How many of us are suffering with "Worthless" or "Alone" when want we really want is to be "Free"?

I'm amazed.
And not amazed at the same time.


Congratulations on the hard work Piano Performer!

Thanks so much. Yes, that is amazing!

It does cause me to have more empathy for others, because so many people seem to deal with this same belief. If someone reacts negatively, it makes me wonder what is actually going on within them that makes them react that way.

Originally Posted by misskay

I am truly amazed that so many people have these feelings floating around inside of them. Walking around interacting with others while inside thinking how they don't match up with someone else. Oh how our mind has tricked us, and our past experiences duped us of being able to truly, freely enjoy. Admittedly, I have not yet been able to wuiet my mind nor my thoughts, and I seem to get caught in that loop Senor Piano talks of early on, but at the same time I feel a bit more at ease for knowing that there are others whom are out there gaining a handle on their limiting beliefs and support. For people who grew up with lack of support, didn't believe these things possible nor total strangers coming together to spread and share love - this is enough to make you throw those things in the garbage. I am glad that you all are sharing and I know that I am not "abnormal", that even Caren is now in a place to share wisdom and Angela's humanity causes her to have to face her limiting belief (tough successfully) ever so often. I can do this!!!! There'll be days, more good than difficult, but on the difficult ones it is still possible to get through. I hope Piano you have all your limiting beliefs revealed, face them with COURAGE stick a stake in their hearts, letting them know you are the Master of your Sanctuary. Much luck and success continuously.

Thanks. And yes, you can do this! We all seem to be in good company.

Originally Posted by amixa

ok. i get this statement.. however... what if (hypothetically) pianoperformer didn't have many friends or somehow lost his friends along his path.
what about homeless people who don't have anyone to depend on? does that then make them worthless because no one wants their company?
so what happens if pianoperformer leaves to a new country (again hypothetical) and has a hard time relating and meeting people and stays without friends for a while. that would be discouraging.. making him feel like people have to have friends in order to 'matter'.

i'm just not quite sure about depending on having friends to make you feel worthwhile. or even family for that matter. i just know that this can be a faulty view in that once you find yourself alone.. then what?

I don't think she meant that's the only way to know if people care about you. Everyone at least has parents, family, etc. No one is completely alone, all the time. We are social creatures.

I don't think it's necessary to go over hypothetical circumstances. I think that the great majority (just don't want to make a sweeping generalization by saying all) of people have had at least one person who showed care, concern, and love toward them sometime in their life. The context, as I pointed out, was that I didn't think it would affect anyone, because no one would care. But she showed me how it really does affect those with whom I interact, whether it is just a casual and brief interaction, or a close friend.

[Angela]

The question was actually: why else would your friends your hang around, if it wasn't that they care about you? Do you think they're hanging around you for their health?

The context was that we were talking about believing the thought, "I am worthless" or "I don't matter", and how that might have you thinking your friends won't notice if you don't "show up" for them. You think, "it just won't matter if I'm not there." A few people here have discovered that -- it's easy to think it just doesn't make a difference if you're not present and participating. You believe they are thinking that you don't matter, but it's just you thinking that, not them! They are left feeling like THEY don't matter.

It's amazing how the one thing you are trying to avoid in life end up being what you create all over your life, when you believe your limiting thoughts.

And to be clear, this work has absolutely nothing -- zero -- to do with convincing you that your limiting belief (like: "I'm worthless) is wrong, or convincing you that the opposite (like, "I'm worthy!") is true.

Pianoperformer, yes, those two questions are from Byron Katie's The Work. (Is it true? Can you really know it's true?) I highly recommend The Work to everyone here -- it's wonderful! What I provide that's not included in Katie's The Work is an inquiry into what would be an inspiring, brand-new possible way of being that would make a difference, and would have you creating what you want in your life. It's a turbo-charge tool for living a life you love.

The rest of the questions are stolen, er, borrowed from various other disciplines I've studied over the years including Landmark, and a good dose of the most generous listening I can muster. Listening for what you are really saying underneath what you think you're saying. That part of it is a little hard to do on your own -- much easier with a partner, don't you think?

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by Angela

The question was actually: why else would your friends your hang around, if it wasn't that they care about you? Do you think they're hanging around you for their health?

Lol that was almost word for word what you said.

Originally Posted by Angela

The context was that we were talking about believing the thought, "I am worthless" or "I don't matter", and how that might have you thinking your friends won't notice if you don't "show up" for them. You think, "it just won't matter if I'm not there." A few people here have discovered that -- it's easy to think it just doesn't make a difference if you're not present and participating. You believe they are thinking that you don't matter, but it's just you thinking that, not them! They are left feeling like THEY don't matter.

Yeah exactly. This was the big thing I had trouble with. I thought, "what, other people are affected by this?" I thought it was crazy.

Originally Posted by Angela

It's amazing how the one thing you are trying to avoid in life end up being what you create all over your life, when you believe your limiting thoughts.

Yes, that's something that really baffled and astonished me, too.

Originally Posted by Angela

And to be clear, this work has absolutely nothing -- zero -- to do with convincing you that your limiting belief (like: "I'm worthless) is wrong, or convincing you that the opposite (like, "I'm worthy!") is true.

I guess it's more like realizing that my whole life was shaped around this silly belief that I decided to start believing when I was younger, that really has no basis in reality.

Originally Posted by Angela

Pianoperformer, yes, those two questions are from Byron Katie's The Work. (Is it true? Can you really know it's true?) I highly recommend The Work to everyone here -- it's wonderful! What I provide that's not included in Katie's The Work is an inquiry into what would be an inspiring, brand-new possible way of being that would make a difference, and would have you creating what you want in your life. It's a turbo-charge tool for living a life you love.

The rest of the questions are stolen, er, borrowed from various other disciplines I've studied over the years including Landmark, and a good dose of the most generous listening I can muster. Listening for what you are really saying underneath what you think you're saying. That part of it is a little hard to do on your own -- much easier with a partner, don't you think?

That's cool. Yes, I agree it is easier with a partner.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

The question was actually: why else would your friends your hang around, if it wasn't that they care about you? Do you think they're hanging around you for their health?

Under my old limiting belief of "Believing I am loved or cared for is dangerous and stupid", I automatically came up with a whole bunch of reasons to answer that question of yours when I read it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Under my old limiting belief of "Believing I am loved or cared for is dangerous and stupid", I automatically came up with a whole bunch of reasons to answer that question of yours when I read it.

Yes, I thought of you when I was writing that, and thinking about how people put up firewalls to keep their belief intact. I guess I should say that the belief itself puts up the firewall, against the will of the person, who almost always wants something in conflict with what the gremlin wants.

[amixa]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's amazing how the one thing you are trying to avoid in life end up being what you create all over your life, when you believe your limiting thoughts.

i kept reading this over and over..
and i applied it to something i recently applied my limiting belief to -- and wow did i just feel this wave of change through me! like its like all these metaphysical doors opened all over me. hah.

wow. i am blown away right now!! (this is the belief that everyone already has good friends and don't need me which kept me from becoming their good friends at all!)

[amixa]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

I don't think she meant that's the only way to know if people care about you. Everyone at least has parents, family, etc. No one is completely alone, all the time. We are social creatures.

I don't think it's necessary to go over hypothetical circumstances. I think that the great majority (just don't want to make a sweeping generalization by saying all) of people have had at least one person who showed care, concern, and love toward them sometime in their life. The context, as I pointed out, was that I didn't think it would affect anyone, because no one would care. But she showed me how it really does affect those with whom I interact, whether it is just a casual and brief interaction, or a close friend.

ahhh well i meant that just because if you were being taught this.. then in fact you do go through a period in your life where you have no friends.. what happens to you then? do you go down into despair?
that's what i was questioning.. i think its a fair thing to ask hypothetical questions that are reasonably possible situations :P

[pianoperformer]

Originally Posted by amixa

ahhh well i meant that just because if you were being taught this.. then in fact you do go through a period in your life where you have no friends.. what happens to you then? do you go down into despair?
that's what i was questioning.. i think its a fair thing to ask hypothetical questions that are reasonably possible situations :P

Well, it was taken a bit out of context, as Angela said. I just paraphrased it wrongly.

[pianoperformer]

I've been trying to observe what really sets me off for the last few days. Most of it has been pretty obvious.

For example, I posted a thread on a forum the other day about whether or not I should transfer to a new university. Well, one of the people who replied was rather agressive with the reply, and accused me of only caring about the prestige of the university, and of not having a shot at getting into a top university. Ouch. I got pretty angry.

I understand where that came from, though. Almost immediately afterwards, after I calmed down a little bit, I reevaluated the message and it didn't seem so bad. I apologized for getting angry and defensive, and everything was OK. The person was even able to help a bit after that.

Other examples are rather similar.

Today was something else. I have a thread here about finding a charity. Well, I had thought of a certain one, but couldn't remember the name or the site. I asked a friend online about it. He couldn't find it, and asked why I was asking. I told him I wanted to find something to contribute to. He said "contribute to yourself." I enquired what he meant. he implied that I wasn't really in a position to contribute to anything and should take care of myself, first.

I can't remember exactly what was said or exactly what it was that set me off, but I got pretty angry. I said that there are always those who are worse off, so surely anyone can afford something at least, unless they are homeless and only have a few pennies. I just thought his position was so utterly selfish.

Funny thing. I don't know why I got angry. That's what I've been trying to analyze each time something like that happens. What is it that's really bothering me? It's pretty irrational, so I think there's definitely something there.

It's hard looking at these things and trying to figure out what is behind it. I just want to automatically try to justify it and feel wronged.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

Funny thing. I don't know why I got angry....

It's hard looking at these things and trying to figure out what is behind it. I just want to automatically try to justify it and feel wronged.

When you are believing the thought, "I don't matter" or "I am worthless" and someone tells you you're not in a position to make a contribution to anyone but yourself, I can see how that would reactivate your old pain! You might hear "you don't matter -- you have nothing to contribute" or "you have nothing worthwhile to contribute because you're worthless." Owch! That's not what the person said, of course, but the limiting belief acts like a filter and has you scrambling to prove "I don't matter" isn't true, and scurrying to avoid having anyone see that "I don't matter." Scrambling and scurrying to do those two things can easily make you forget that the person didn't say what you heard!

And if that person did intend to say such a thing, it has nothing -- zero -- to do with who you are. You already know "I don't matter" is nothing more than a thought in a nine year old boy's head. A person who tells you that you don't matter is simply having his own old pain reactivated, and my guess is that it might have had something to do with you being committed to making a difference in the world, making a contribution, and that reminding him of his feeling that HE had nothing to contribute, no way to make a difference in the world.

What would you make of these incidents if you were believing you are bold, confident, and free? What would they mean to you? Does it make any compassion available to you?