Good way of expressing anger? Fighting?

[mahreenferdous]

I'm have recently realized that I'm some what emotionally repressed and feel that it is effecting my relationships. In particular I sometimes find it really hard to get angry. I'll get very very sad and feel guilt and shame but not really feel angry. Part of this I think is due to my parents. My parents never fought in front of us or ever I dont' think. I've never seen people screaming and shouting or anything of that sort. Now I'm not necessarily saying its a bad thing that that happened but now I feel like I cannot express anger properly. My parents way of dealing with anger was usually humour, mockery, silence, sarcasm and coldness. The problem is now I see that I behave like that too. With being repressive as well, what tends to happen is that I'll not react to something at the time that it happens but those emotions will come out randomly at other times. Also, seeing how my parents behave I've come to see fighting of any sort as a bad thing. I have friends who have been telling me that it's okay to fight and realize that it's just a way to express ourselves and once you're done fighting you'll go back to a new equilibrium. Is that true?

With regards to anger as well, for example once a phone company was ripping me off charging me while I had no service. I called up and asked not to be charged etc. I couldn't get angry with the guy on the phone, simply because I know it's not his fault, all I did was got sad. I got what I wanted from them though without the anger. The thing is anger is supposed to be a higher level of consciousness than sadness so it feels like I'm unneccessarily pulling myself down too low.

What can I do to be more expressive at the time something happens and also find a healthy way of expressing anger

[Elrond]

Anger is a higher state of consciousness if it feels like it for you. It may also be that you have to take other steps to find yourself in its vicinity.

Consider a situation where you're sad and ask yourself if any of these feels like a relief from the sadness. Let's assume the sadness is about a person:

- Blaming and judging the person (shifting the blame from you to him/her)
- Thinking vengeful thoughts towards her
- Belittliing her in your mind.
- Feeling frustrated at her.
- Feeling hopeful for her improvement on the issue.
- Contemplating her positive traits and deeds.
- Being ANGRY at her! :mad
- Maby finding better thoughts about yourself only.

All in random order.

If you sometime should find yourself in anger, you should maby find something to punch. Like a sort of boxing-bag that hangs from the ceiling. Also if you feel like screaming(!) grab a pillow and scream into that so that people won't complain about it. If I don't express my anger when I feel it, it can often feel like the bad energy crashes in my body and has nowhere to transmute itself.

Mockery, silence, coldness... I don't think about them as typical expressions of anger. They're more like expressions of grouchiness and passive-aggressive behaviour - i.e. anger that has been slightly repressed. If you feel relief from that, do it.

[Alison Jenkins]

A great way to express anger (or any emotion for that matter) is by writing about it. I wrote an article on this a while back which you might want to read Expressing Feelings

[Jross22]

Well, I just wish that anger were a bit more repressed in me.

There are a couple of things you might want to think about. One is that some cultures do not distinguish between anger and sadness. They are basically the same feeling. The real difference as I understand it, is that Anger is the feeling that tells me that "I must do something about this," while sadness tells me "I really can't do anything about this." If that's true, then you would naturally shift toward anger, a healthy anger most likely, if you keep asking, "What do I want to do about this? What can I do to make this better?"

The other thing is just to play act. Look at people who are angry. How do they hold their mouth, their lips, their shoulders and chin? What do they say? Can you act like you are angry, get your heart beating, get your muscles tense?

I find the feeling extremely unpleasant myself, I think that some of what they say about it being "higher" is bunk. Don't do it like I do: It's like an itch that you cannot scratch, because you're trapped, caged, tied up. The more you scream and the more you attack, the smaller the trap becomes until it's unbearable... the only end is when you become sad again, or just too wiped out to care. (That's APATHY. Below sadness, iirc.)

However, if you are sad, and wish to test anger: do you have access to any kind of safe room? Somewhere you could feel safe going into a rage, where there is nothing fragile. Maybe lock yourself up somewhere and put on boxing gloves and just find something cheap to throw around. ***** and scream, take the most aggressive stances you can imagine, say the most offensive things you can imagine. And Believe them wholeheartedly.

I think this amounts to primal scream therapy. Primal scream therapy and the like is destructive, but it might be OK if you stop as soon as you get a taste, as soon as you get your heart pounding. Then, later, you might want to unleash it if you find yourself knowing you should do something-- but completely unable to go ahead.

I also recommend holding on to the power you have of repression. Set an alarm or have a coach ring a bell and see if you can stop yourself in an instant. It can be done and is a very important thing to do. Rage is a pitbull, so if you're going to unleash him you'd better be able to call him off.

You go Bruce Banner.

[Jarrod]

You don't need to 'get' angry.

If anger arises in you, see it and let it be gone.

Fighting won't make you angry on its own. I do martial arts and I'm told all the time that I need to look angrier. So fighting doesn't 'make you' angry.

Getting hit might bring up anger but life has plenty of ways to bring up anger without you seeking it out.

As you saw with your phone call, you don't need to be angry in life to get things done (assertiveness on the hand can be necessary).

In the same token, you certainly don't need to be sad either.