Wild mood swings

[Kazeko]

Once again I experience this feeling. Let me describe it...

First, I feel motivated, energized... willing to grow, to develop my personality . Then....something happens... like the event-triggered loss of energy. And life seems dull and meaningless. Seems like I'm trying to escape something.

Yes, I tolerate some things of my reality. But is it wise to change things boldly in one single move? I'll be more specific...

I live in a small town in Russia. I don't like people here, I feel misantropic towards them actually. They're...bears. I want to live in a quiet peaceful place near ocean, surrounded by intelligent, loving people like Erin and Steve. In the past I thought I hated people.... no.... I hate only people who "doesn't match my criteria", and I literally love people who do. I can do anything for them.

Ok, so it would be wise to search a better place. But why not to do it intelligently? Why not to grow stronger first? Why not to become financially independent? And I've reached some kind of "local maximum" here. I earn a healthy salary for this place, my job is easy and very close to my home. I learn to play poker, in order to grow even more independent.

What the f*** do I need else? I'm on my journey to better living. I move very fast. I do everything right. Why those mood swings then? Why those "low-energy" experiences then?

And the main question. What to do? To tolerate (or to accept) them? Or "to get away, to escape" for another round of chimera chasing? (I've tried it already several times.)

[Dannyboy1]

If so, how often? Do you get enough sleep? Do you work out?

[Zwynd]

You're splitting yourself in two. Basically you have conflicting beliefs that are fighting eachother and some less desirable ones are winning, that's why you feel so drained and defeated in the end.

Sitting down and looking over ALL your beliefs, little ones too, will help a lot.

Then find out what you want to do. Do you really think it'll be good to stay there with the 'bears' or hit it off on your own? If money is a problem then you can apply for grants, loans, borrow from family, be an English/Russian tutor, or manifest money (LoA or whatever) in the OTHER city or country.

It's up to you, we can't answer your deepest questions. But we can give outside opinions. You know what you really want in your heart; make it known to your conscious side.

[Jarrod]

Thoughts and emotions aren't always logical nor do they align with what we really want (Like Zwynd was saying).

Watch yourself, you will see the thoughts and emotions that make you excited, motivated, lazy, lacking energy.

Watch and stay separated from them. See them and understand, just don't get involved with them.

[Niamh]

This sounds familiar. I get similar mood swings, specially when I'm focused on changing something rather big in my life. The thing that comes to mind when I read this, is that maybe you're the type of person that charges and "attacks" at full force. Sort of like the bull (your zodiac sign or asc might me taurus?).

Since you go all out (with your energy/thought/action) to find a solution to what's obviously an unpleasant situation for you, after the "attack" you're exhausted, and need time to recharge.

My advice would be to try and stay at peace while your energy is down... Trust that you'll get your fire back soon & all your positivity will come rushing back with it.

btw + if the mood swing gets really depressing, a quick fix is exercise (running). It always works for me.

[Kazeko]

Many thanks to all of you! I got really useful insights. However I hope, we'll continue the conversation, so I'll give specific answers.

Dannyboy1: I used to drink (that's how I struggled with mood swings in the past), and I quitted 2.5 months ago. It became obvious that for the short-terms "doses of happiness" you have to pay the price of long-term "no energy at all" states. And, yes, I also started to do some swimming, and having more sleep. It helps Thank you for reminding me about those things and reinforcing my new habits!

Zwynd:

Do you really think it'll be good to stay there with the 'bears' or hit it off on your own? If money is a problem then you can apply for grants, loans, borrow from family, be an English/Russian tutor, or manifest money (LoA or whatever) in the OTHER city or country.

I think, it'll be great to move to U.S. or Europe, eventually. But I'm not ready yet. And here's why.

I don't have enough resources, material and energetic. Lessons from the past:
1) I moved to Moscow for 1.5 years. Lesson learned - you need a huge amount of both types of resources for such a transition. I returned home, totally exhausted. But at least now I have some "battle scars to show" (Steve has a blog entry "show me your battle scars") and I'm very proud of them.
2) Then I was "self-employed"... But.. I did totally nothing for 4 months, then had to get a job. I didn't feel motivated to do anything! Lessons learned - a) Act boldly, but always have a plan, or you'll die when the "aim" part comes to scene. b) If you burn your ships, make sure you have enough supplies. (I think, after a year of doing nothing I would start doing something "on my own". So I needed six times as much supplies as I had.)

And, yes, I prepare myself for the second try. That's what I describe in my initial post. To move to other country I'll need a plenty of resources. I'm collecting them.

Niamh: You get the prize for the best advice I think, yes, that's the reason.

you're the type of person that charges and "attacks" at full force. Sort of like the bull (your zodiac sign or asc might me taurus?).

I am the type. And you're quite accurate - my sign is Capricorn Now I feel much better, because yesterday I went to nature alone for all day. I felt intuitively that I needed "to stay at peace" as you advice. So I think the solution is to practice "charge at full force - relax deeply in peace" cycle regulary. Thank you for your help.

[Dannyboy1]

I know if I drink more than a couple days in a row, my emotions go nuts. Even just a couple of drinks. I think it really sticks in your system if you do it regularly and messes you up.

[Honeywith4bees]

Are you afraid? Do you subconsciously sabotage yourself from having success by lapsing into a "low energy state"?

Sometimes I get a really motivated feeling to expand and grow but before I can fully follow through my old fears kick in and remind me that I should just keep playing it safe.

Is that what possibly is happening to you?

[Niamh]

Hip hip hurray! I'm glad you're feeling better.

[Mewwy]

Hi Kazeko,

I really like your story. I hope you can soon find your ideal place with peace, and people with lots of intelligence and love.

Sending a prayer for you,


ps. I often find it hard to connect with when people lack love or intelligence - but I hope connecting with people you already know (like family) is the best way to embrace others that aren't as perfect.

Btw I think multicutural places are good places to look for those criteria you have in mind...

[Kazeko]

Honeywith4bees:
I've just thought about it in the morning, after some period of time since I decided to return back to game development (read the post "The road goes ever on" in Steve Pavlina section for details). I woke up with a single thought - "fear of success".

I think it can be true. What are your reccomendations? I suppose, I should just act boldly, taking baby steps and forgetting about "the great success". I will make games "just for fun", for myself. No pressure. No responsibility. Just fun and creativity.

I've always thought I should create positive games. I don't want to bring negativity to people (deep in my heart I love all of you). But now I'm free to express myself. To create a game full of confusion, mild sadness and loneliness. And yearnings for freedom, forgotten dreams, desires to escape... Full of romanticism, distorted beauty...

Although I can also create a game about a guy on vacation, dating with hot chicks in bikinis

Mewwy:
Thank you thank you thank you It's so sweet
As for multicultural places... It may be one of the reasons why I like U.S. - because of its ethnical diversity.

[Honeywith4bees]

Sadly, I have no experience getting over this hump.

My recommendations would be for you to do some deep self inquiry to find out what core beliefs you are holding that are limiting you.

For me, it's "I'm worthless". How can Worthless ever really expand and get access to all the abundance and goodness that is available for the asking??

So, I am working, day by day, to uncover those thoughts and find new, better beliefs to identify with.

Hope that helps and I wish you lots of success!

With love,

[Zwynd]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

For me, it's "I'm worthless". How can Worthless ever really expand and get access to all the abundance and goodness that is available for the asking??

So, I am working, day by day, to uncover those thoughts and find new, better beliefs to identify with.

Once you know what is, you can turn it around quite quickly. So, "I'm worthless" can be flipped into "I'm worthy to be me."

List out all the things you can that make you worthwhile. Not exactly for others but for yourself as you are the most important person in your world.

Here are just a few examples:

* I have a beautiful (smile, eyes, nose, figure, laugh, etc...add as many as you can.)
* I have many hobbies I enjoy (list them)
* I'm dedicated to self improvement.
* I'm living a happy life. (If you weren't you'd be somewhere else, right?)
* I have a roof over my head. (it may leak, but thankfully not over your bed!)
* I'm a protector (lover, friend, etc.) for others.

'I'M FULL OF WORTH!"

Then don't look at your mental "I'm worthless" list anymore. It's crap and untrue. It can't even compare to how worthy you are to live a beautiful life full of YOU.

[ilovetoday]

Not sure if I am on the right track, but I use to get wild mood swings- almost to the point of wondering if I should get proffesional diagnosis-expecting something very bad. Some one suggest to look at my sugar intake, and caffine intake. I realised that these mood swings only happened when I was eating lollies and drinking loads of coca cola for energy at work. They never happened while I was off the sugar. Now I avoid softdrinks and lollies completely. I havent had another crazy mood swing since I have been off sugar.

[g00dz]

Passing through, i noticed this thread and i hope i can help you and help me.

I have a similar problem, only i can only express my mood swings as a golf course.

usually im mostly flat green grass, coasting along feeling pretty good. sometimes youll come across a hill (still feeling good, but going through a bit of turbulence that is not effecting my core mood. Sometimes ill hit the waters of the golf course, and ill feel even better. And sometimes, ill hit the green, only resulting in a feeling of finalization or acomplishment, such as my recent graduation of high school. Once you hit the sand dunes, thats when things get rough.

When it comes to the sand dunes, i usually am mad at a person or something larger, such as a store or even society in general sometimes. I have overcome most feeling of insecurity and despair in my life. Sometimes they creep in, but i do my best to repel them.

Usually the cause of my bad mood is my anger. The anger seeps into everything else, and actually i do think this causes a drop of despair of the situation. This usually helps to make most of my interactions leak a negative vibe, and i really dont like interacting when im feeling this way.

The only advice i can give, is try not to care. Go about with your life, doing all you can for yourself. Proceed through life with a sense of satisfaction for what you are accomplishing. (I assume you are accomplishing things with your life or you wouldnt be here.)



BTW, i think its cool you make video games. Did you go to school for this, and how good are you?!

If i may suggest a mmorpg: create it about life.

Life is an amazing thing. Both negative and positive things that should be impressed into a game im thinking of. Pick a person of any race, color, religion, gender (to make things even more interesting, create original religions and nationalities to give the game a sort of disconnected reality from our current world.)

Start as a child (lots of npcs ;D) work your way up to an adult (speeded growth of course ;D) Pick a profession, or a counter profession (criminal etc.) Live life, but have lots of interesting things happen (just like real life, except make the tedious tasks a lot more engaging and fun).

Anyway, i hope this didn't go too off topic, i just have a fetish for a good mmorpg and i thought id bring this up to ya.

BTW again, if you do move to the U.S and seek diversity, may i suggest queens new york, i think i read somewhere its the most diverse place in the U.S!

[adam230]

Don't move to Queens, friend. Trust me.

[adam230]

I know exactly how you feel. It's funny, I am in one of those low points you are talking about today. I was driving in my car and passed a particularly beautiful spot along the river near my childhood home and was drawn to walk there for a time, but didn't do it. Something inside me told me to do it, even though i rarely do such things. I should have listened. I think that we might need to learn to expect these down times and respect them. I think we need to learn to "surf" the cycle of excitement and discouragement. Maybe our body/mind is just trying to remind us to take it easy. Does this make sense? I really appreciate this post of yours'. It spoke to me. Good luck!

[adam230]

Originally Posted by ilovetoday

Not sure if I am on the right track, but I use to get wild mood swings- almost to the point of wondering if I should get proffesional diagnosis-expecting something very bad. Some one suggest to look at my sugar intake, and caffine intake. I realised that these mood swings only happened when I was eating lollies and drinking loads of coca cola for energy at work. They never happened while I was off the sugar. Now I avoid softdrinks and lollies completely. I havent had another crazy mood swing since I have been off sugar.

I think the sugar thing is very important for this. But it's so hard to accept that something as innocent as sugar would have such an impact on our moods.