anger & sadness, switch thoughts or let it run?

[TheFlyingMan]

I've been talking to different therapists and life coaches about this. When you are overcome with sadness or memories, what do you guys think is the best to do?

Do you let it run its course, let it express itself through journaling, writing, screaming (safely - in a car or into your pillow), OR do you go the other route and try to switch your thoughts?

What do you guys do?

[JJH]

My opinion is to never deny how you're feeling. I used to think replacing emotions with other thoughts was the way to go, but the results seemed to indicate I was simply burying them (for them to surface later).

I then switched to journalling, which helped me overcome a major trauma in my life. But this still has limitations for me. The ego is still very much present and it has a habit of perpetuating negative feelings.

I now fully experience the emotion or feeling in the moment, and really try to become aware of how the emotion feels in the physical body. You become the observer, curiously looking at what is going on without judgement. Then, the emotion is allowed to run its course (and the negativity seems to last a lot less time now too).

Let's make a distinction though: There are emotional responses that are appropriate (grief from loss, for example), then there are inappropriate emotional responses (such as anxiety and worry). The inappropriate feelings tend to linger on, fueled by ones thoughts. The cause is unconscious.

My method, anyway.

[TheFlyingMan]

Mate that is a good answer and what I'm leaning towards as well.

Can I clarify one thing though, that last statement you made.

----
Let's make a distinction though: There are emotional responses that are appropriate (grief from loss, for example), then there are inappropriate emotional responses (such as anxiety and worry). The inappropriate feelings tend to linger on, fueled by ones thoughts. The cause is unconscious.
----
I've been having these lingering thoughts that make me angry. Some include snippets of past insults, some are a week old, some are over a year old! When you say the cause is unconscious, do you suggest that we switch thoughts for these?

They seem to all come at once. For example, when I'm stressed out at work, these bad thoughts seem to all come, including these insults. They distract me from my work and make me grumpy sometimes.

The method you mentioned, letting it feel the anger/sadness, seems to work for what you call "appropriate" feelings - such as loss and so on. But for these thoughts, would you handle them in a different way?

[Nicketas]

Emotions are a signal to take action.

"Letting it run" is a bad idea because it simply perpetuates.

"Switching thoughts" is a form of denial, and is only effective if you're getting angry about something imaginary. If you have a real problem, you need to ACT ON IT. Switching thoughts to try to ignore it won't work.

You simply need to make a decision to act - ANY decision, and that will dissipate or rechannel the emotional energy.

[JJH]

Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan

Mate that is a good answer and what I'm leaning towards as well.

I've been having these lingering thoughts that make me angry. Some include snippets of past insults, some are a week old, some are over a year old! When you say the cause is unconscious, do you suggest that we switch thoughts for these?

They seem to all come at once. For example, when I'm stressed out at work, these bad thoughts seem to all come, including these insults. They distract me from my work and make me grumpy sometimes.

The method you mentioned, letting it feel the anger/sadness, seems to work for what you call "appropriate" feelings - such as loss and so on. But for these thoughts, would you handle them in a different way?

Hi TheFlyingMan,

I've come to realise that some emotions that we feel are necessarily healthy and appropriate, even nagative ones (ie, the grief example). But the majority of emotions we experience on a day to day basis may not be. We might react in an emotionally "inappropriate" way, such as what you describe above (these feelings don't serve you, as appropriate emotions do).

I didn't mean to suggest using the switching thoughts method ever - I agree with Nicketas - it is denial, and denial is "going unconscoius." However, applying the blanket Tony Robbins suggestion of action is taking an "ego-only" approach IMO. That will probably work, but it is a temporary solution that doesn't deal with the root unconscious causes of the disfunctional feelings.

My approach is a long-term one (well, it has been for me!). I began meditating a year ago, and as my awareness expanded, it gradually made conscious some of those disfunctional unconscious beliefs I had - which leads to the disfunctional feelings/reactions. Once you make these conscious, you see how bad they are for you, and naturally they fall away. It seems you can't do anything bad to yourself if you become totally conscious of it.

Meanwhile, when any bad feelings turn up in daily living, I become totaly aware of how they feel in my body, accept them, and by some strange paradox, they pass very quickly.

So, this is a very long term solution, but well worth it.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Hi TheFlyingMan,

I have to recommend EFT unless you've tried it already. It sounds like you get triggered by one thing, then all the other things that made you feel this way run through your mind. If you start doing EFT on the earliest events you can think of that trigger these feelings, you should be able to deal with it quite quickly. My home page has a quick guide, or the EFT home page also has a free manual. Usually doing EFT on a few of the specific events will reduce your reaction very quickly.

joy to you
hazel

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks for the great responses guys.

Hazel, I've tried EFT for a couple days...it seems to work for a couple of days and then as I stopped it just returned. Is there something I'm doing wrong or am I not getting to the root of the problem? I was just focusing on the current (most recent) ex, but like you said it could be something thats deeper.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

It'll be deeper. If it doesn't seem to work, you haven't gotten to the core issue, that's all. Easily fixed! :-)

Joy to you
Hazel