I am addicted to my face...

[ilovemyself]

its true. I constantly look at my face every chance I get..its like an addiction. if I haven't looked at myself in 10 min I freak out and need to rush to a mirror or anywhere with a reflection. the thing is I'm not that pretty. well, I should rephrase that, I do have a pretty/cute face, however my acne/scars/marks are bad and they hide my beauty. I'm not trying to be vain, but I do feel like if I'd just had a clearer face, I'd get hit on much more often..,instead I just feel ugly..and I feel like a guy wouldn't want to date a girl with marks on her face.

please, I need the truth..what should I do? I don't mind if anyone gives me the cold hard truth..that is exactly what I need

[Alison Jenkins]

When you look in the mirror what exactly are you looking for and what thoughts are going through your mind?

[Rose of Cairo]

Same question here: what exactly do you look at, and why, and what do you think when you see it? This is interesting

[Jarrod]

Look exactly for the thoughts, emotions/pulls that you have the moment before you rush to the mirror. See these and separate from these consistently and you will find their power over you decreases.

[lasti]

what do you feel when you don't look in the mirror and what when you do look in the mirror?

[ilovemyself]

Originally Posted by Alison Jenkins

When you look in the mirror what exactly are you looking for and what thoughts are going through your mind?

well, the thing is...I look at my face and myself and I HATE the way I look. I completely despise my face. my eyebrows are uneven, my nose is not cute, my lips too small, and I kind of have a crooked smile (almost noone notices except me, or until I tell them its a little crooked), and most terrifying and annoying to me is that I hatttttttttttttee that I'm still breaking out! I'm turning 21 soon, so why am I still breaking out? and honestly right now i only have 1 pimple on my face that is noticeable, but I have tiny small ones if I stretch my face. and the most horrifying of all.......I STILL HAVE ACNE SCARS/PIGMENTATION/ICEPICK HOLES on my face my entire cheeks are covered with them!!!!!!!!! it makes me sooooo uncomfortable

sorry for the rant.

[Jcs]

You're not the only one with acne (and the scars) at 21 ilovemyself (ye, me too). Why worry about it so much?

[Angela]

I believed for a long time that I was hideously, monstrously ugly. I mean, like people turning away and ralphing ugly. Having acne scars was part of that, but far worse was my deep inner belief that I am worthless. Boy, how I suffered, and how I made others suffer with my belief that I was monstrously ugly!

There was always a veil of separation between me and everyone else, because I put so much effort into avoiding having people see how ugly I was, and also proving that I am not ugly. So much time I spent trying to cover up my monstrous ugliness, in so many ways. So much insisting that everybody else was so much more beautiful than I, and how I wished I could be like them! (Can you imagine how annoying that must have been for other people?!). So much deflecting of the love, assurance, and romance people tried to heap on me, but I simply was not in a position to accept it because a) they would eventually find out how ugly I am and I'd be mortified! and b) I was usually unable to hear it in the first place, through the heavy veil of belief in the thought, "I am monstrously ugly."

Well, I'll tell ya, when I became really present to the impact I was having, not only on myself but on everyone else I ever came across, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I thought I was a person who was up to creating something lovely and beautiful in life, but what I was really creating was Real Ugliness that had nothing to do with my appearance. I was being a monster -- I was sucking the life and joy and freedom right out of my own life and the lives of others. Argh, that was a painful realization.

And out of that realization, out of really making myself present to the impact of believing "I am monstrously ugly," a new possibility arose, and that was the possibility of being a shining beacon of light. Hmmm. Being a shining beacon of light, moi? I tried it on and it bathed me in a new kind of inspiration, the kind that propelled me into inspired action: boldly and generously providing light where there is darkness, by letting who I really am shine through. It made my little puny worry about my appearance feel very faaaaaarrrrr away.... way off in the distance, like a little speck on the sea. When I am being a shining beacon of light, the idea of worrying about my acne scars seems ludicrous. I feel a lot of affection and tenderness for my younger self and the pain she felt over this issue, and when I look at photographs of myself during my ultra-long "monstrously ugly" period, all I can see is an incredibly gorgeous young woman. What was I thinking?!? It is astonishing to me that I could ever have been so stupid and disrespectful as to think myself ugly. {smacks forehead}.

And I feel the same affection and tenderness and astonishment for you. With all my heart, I wish for you a breakthrough in seeing that, first of all, you are beautiful physically and that someday you'll look back and smack your forehead, but even more importantly I hope that you are willing to create for yourself a sense of your own beauty such that you realize it has almost nothing ..... just a speck on the sea's worth .... to do with how your face looks in the mirror.

The best thing about doing that is that once you are able to see your own beauty, you will become present to the incredible beauty the world has to offer you. Until then, you are blind to real beauty and you don't even realize it.

[Brutha]

A lot of woman have a screwed perception of their own body and think that they are a lot more ugly than they really are.
Looking in a mirror is no good way to get to know how you are looking because your brain cheats you.
You project the mental image that you have in your head onto image in the mirror.

Without an image it is completly impossible for us to imagine accuratly how you are looking and whether you are ugly or beautiful.

The image that you see in the mirror is probaby radically different from the image that other people see when they look at you.
Woman do see themselves on average as 10 kg heavier than they really are when they look in the mirror.
That a average value and the fact that you have a problem with having to constantly look at the mirror probably means that your mental reprentation that you see when you look at the mirror is more screwed up than the average amoung woman.

Your mental problem also means that you get more tense when you are around other people and smile less with dramatically reduces your attractiveness.

You main problem is in inside your head and not at the outside.
1) Don't trust the mirror.
2) Smile more.
3) Relax.

[Alison Jenkins]

You might want to take the Body Image Distress test to see how much you are actually affected by this.

Alison

[DEEJ]

Start living up to your screen name...

[openyourize]

i think crooked smiles are super cute on both guys and girls. =D

[Niamh]

Next few times you look at yourself in the mirror... try looking into your eyes. Get accustomed to that. Don't focus on your skin, or your crooked smile (i agree with openyourize, crooked smiles are cute). Focus on your eyes. Maybe then you'll finally see your true beauty.

[Zwynd]

Originally Posted by ilovemyself

well, the thing is...I look at my face and myself and I HATE the way I look. I completely despise my face. my eyebrows are uneven, my nose is not cute, my lips too small, and I kind of have a crooked smile (almost noone notices except me, or until I tell them its a little crooked), and most terrifying and annoying to me is that I hatttttttttttttee that I'm still breaking out! I'm turning 21 soon, so why am I still breaking out? and honestly right now i only have 1 pimple on my face that is noticeable, but I have tiny small ones if I stretch my face. and the most horrifying of all.......I STILL HAVE ACNE SCARS/PIGMENTATION/ICEPICK HOLES on my face my entire cheeks are covered with them!!!!!!!!! it makes me sooooo uncomfortable

sorry for the rant.

To be honest, you just mentioned some things that I'd personally find attractive in a person. Symmetry is nice but I like the eccentric. I'd kill for someone with a crooked smile. It makes me think they're up to something, some type of prank and man...that's hot.

So what about the acne? Everyone gets it.

Seriously, I think you secretly like your face too much. Otherwise you wouldn't be looking in a mirror as often.

How about this, get a hand held mirror and paste over it a piece of paper that says "You're beautiful" and cover up the mirror part. Every time you have the urge to look, look at that. And smile.

Damn it, smile often. That's much more beautiful than a worried look.

[m18pak]

Have you ever heard of something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

Body dysmorphic disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Alexjstrandberg]

I became attached to my hair so I shaved all of it off-it helped lose attachment. Don't do anything to your face but maybe not use a cleanser for a week and not put on any makeup (if you are a girl)

[siresmith]

I used to do the same thing, checking in the mirror all the time. I diagnosed myself with BDD which was not a wise thing to do. From my personal experience, here are a few points I think you should ponder;

1) Other people don't see your 'imperfections' as badly as you do- people who are concerned about their looks are trained to focus on their negative points. As such, they are not realistic when judging themselves- try to think about your good points when you look in the mirror as well.
2) It is easy to underestimate the variation in views that people can have. What is unattractive to some, others are indifferent to and others are attracted to. It might seem that everyone has the same ideals, but its not so.
3) Not everyone with acne/scars/marks looks in the mirror constantly, so perhaps the problem is not solely with them. How do you think of your life otherwise? Is this preoccupation the only major thing getting you down about yourself?

My advice would be to take the middle path. Don't think it's all in your head, that there's nothing wrong etc Instead make some concerted effort to help your skin, whilst being safety concious. This will afford you the opportunity to stop worrying about it constantly. But also, don't place all the blame for the way things are on your looks- give your face a break (no pun intended). Work on other areas of your life as well- it's all inter-related. But most of all, you have to do something, as just thinking and worrying alone makes things worse.

[Monique7nuns]

As long as you keep looking for flaws they WILL appear, both on and beneath the surface.

On a side note: Quite a bit of my acne has cleared since I gave up all skin care products. I learned the surface of the skin is naturally acidic and all those products upset the balance. Diet also plays a huge role...

[Monique7nuns]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

I became attached to my hair so I shaved all of it off-it helped lose attachment. Don't do anything to your face but maybe not use a cleanser for a week and not put on any makeup (if you are a girl)

Taking a much needed break from both skin care products and the mirror (and any other "tools" you probably use to poke at yourself with) is an excellent idea as well. You need a distraction.. like by doing whatever it is you love to do.

I'm pretty attached to my hair as well. Right now it's the longest it's ever been.. down to the lower middle part of my back. It's just about the right thickness and it's naturally curly. In fact, I think it's beautiful but I generally always wear it up. It's just more manageable that way. I'm afraid to cut it off for fear of loosing some of what little femininity I have.. and then guys won't find me as attractive or I may be perceived as being same sex oriented. I know I shouldn't worry about what others think.. but I do.

At any rate - I'm very tempted to get it all cut off. It'd be nice not to have to clean out the bath tub drain every month or not to find long strands everywhere I live. I loose up to 100 strands per day, which is normal. I wonder just how liberating it would be to cut it to about an inch long.

It could still be pretty cute with the natural curl to it, and it will grow back..

[Ceros]

and I feel like a guy wouldn't want to date a girl with marks on her face.

I often meet girls who have a nice personality and would be cute, if not for the acne. My honest opinion? I wouldn't date such a girl.

What does it say about a person if they have marks all over the face?

- It doesn't take that much effort to maintain good hygiene. If they can't put the minimum effort required, then they're either lazy or weak willed.
- The person doesn't care about their appearance, or to par phrase - doesn't care about their body, or to be more specific - leads a self destructive lifestyle.
- Most likely eats a ton of junk food and other crap. Ick.
- Is generally unfit and unhealthy.
- If they show signs of pathology at 21, what will they look at when they're 30? 45? I'm not comfortable with embarking on a long term relationship with someone who has such a short potential lifespan.

So anyway, my answer is no. I would not date someone who does not look after themselves.

[krd]

Several points. Many men (though probably not the kind you'd like to meet) have as much apreciation for aesthetics as a blind snake (think about that one). I know plenty of men, who if you shaved a baboon and put a blond wig on it they'd fall head over heals.

On a practical point. If you've got red acne blemishes on your face from scarring, you can have them painlessly and cheaply removed by laser theraphy-- the worse they are the easier they're to removed. I've done it. 3 sessions cost me $150,, no risk . Everyone noticed I looked different but couldn't figure out what it was. (I didn't tell anyone)

Pock marks can be removed to with dermal abrasion,,,bit more expensive and painful,,,,, Though a good laser therapist can reduce them aswell,,if they know the tricks --- they can knock out crows feet to.

It's not always what's on the inside that counts. One of the main reasons I had laser therapy was that some malicous work colleagues were spreading rumours that I was an alcholic. And the red marks were caused by my drinking. This wasn't true of course. But when I had the worst ones removed, several people remarked to me that I must've stopped drinking.

You see, I couldn't tell people I wasn't an alcoholic, as they could smugly think I was in denial or trying to deny it to them. I drink moderately. It's a powerful machavellian trick to knobble a competitor, by spreading rumors of their drink/drug/mental problem.

But remember most men, like love, are blind

[krd]

I didn't realise when I posted, you're only a 21 year old baby.

You're probably too young for laser treatment.

The virtues of youth seem to be:
Insecurity
Narcissim
confusion
inexperience and lack of wisdom.

And spots


Don't worry, you probably look real peachy but just can't see it.

[jenlili]

You're awfully judgmental, aren't you? Actually, bad acne is caused by a hormonal imbalance, which can be treated with medication and/or diet, but it can be a crazy witch hunt to figure out. So unless you have money, good insurance, and a great dermatologist...honey you can wash your face all day long, won't do you a bit of good.

Ceros, you're certainly free to date/marry whoever you choose, so go ahead and avoid girls with bad skin. But could you at least try to develop some compassion. When you see someone with bad skin, someone you don't know well, remember that you really have no idea what they're going through. Don't just assume they don't care and don't even try. Life is hard when it don't come easy.

[ClareDragonfly]

ilovemyface, you're not alone in the acne and scarring--I'm 21 and just managed to beat the acne last year. I still have plenty of scars. Bypassing all other potential issues, have you been to a dermatologist?

Originally Posted by Ceros

I often meet girls who have a nice personality and would be cute, if not for the acne. My honest opinion? I wouldn't date such a girl.

What does it say about a person if they have marks all over the face?

- It doesn't take that much effort to maintain good hygiene. If they can't put the minimum effort required, then they're either lazy or weak willed.
- The person doesn't care about their appearance, or to par phrase - doesn't care about their body, or to be more specific - leads a self destructive lifestyle.
- Most likely eats a ton of junk food and other crap. Ick.
- Is generally unfit and unhealthy.
- If they show signs of pathology at 21, what will they look at when they're 30? 45? I'm not comfortable with embarking on a long term relationship with someone who has such a short potential lifespan.

Ceros, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. You may not know that it's not always that easy to get rid of acne (and there are other issues that can cause unsightly markings on the face, potentially even more difficult to get rid of, like rosacea). Having acne, or even just a few pimples, is not at all likely to be a sign of poor hygiene, poor diet, or lack of care for oneself. I struggled for YEARS with acne. After I tried all the commercial products and they didn't work, I went to a dermatologist for several years before we found a medication that worked. I had excellent hygiene. I tried different ways of caring for my skin, always making sure to give them a fair trial. I was not self-destructive. I may not have cared that much about my appearance, but I still wanted to get rid of the acne--heck, it hurt! In short, it took me a lot of time and money to deal with this issue. It couldn't have been solved easily by either one. Please don't be so quick to dismiss problems that may have been easy for you to deal with as easy for everyone.

I'm not sure what you mean by "pathology." Acne is a fairly mild issue and not an indicator for any other health problems, as far as I know--certainly not any life-threatening ones!

Finally, explaining why you hate something that a poster is complaining about as an aspect of him or herself is not going to help, and will more likely reinforce the issue!

ETA: jenlili, we were posting at the same time! Actually, acne isn't always a hormonal imbalance--mine was finally solved with a particular topical antibiotic. (You'd think any antibiotic would work, but no, my skin is too picky for that...) And you said in short what I was really trying to say: develop some compassion.

[jenlili]

ClareDragonfly, thanks for the correction. It may not be a hormonal imbalance, but then again it might be. Still you affirm that it takes time money and a good dermatologist. And we were both making the same point, more or less, to Ceros.

[jenlili]

Originally Posted by Monique7nuns

At any rate - I'm very tempted to get it all cut off. It'd be nice not to have to clean out the bath tub drain every month or not to find long strands everywhere I live. I loose up to 100 strands per day, which is normal. I wonder just how liberating it would be to cut it to about an inch long.

It could still be pretty cute with the natural curl to it, and it will grow back..

Interesting to me that you're thinking about cutting your hair really short now that it's as long as you've ever gotten it. But heck that's what hair is for right? We grow it, we cut it, we grow it back again!

I just recently cut all my hair off. It was only about shoulder length. At one time it was down to my butt, and it has also been as short as an inch and a half to two inches. But about a month ago, my hair had gotten too thick and heavy and my bangs were too long and I got really hot one day.

Well, I live in Tucson, Arizona, USA. I was on my way home from a job interview, and I just about got heat stroke walking the mile from the bus stop. I was miserable, and in what I call my "Britney moment" I grabbed the scissors and started chopping. I didn't mean to cut it so short...anyway...I needed barber clippers to even it out and clean it up. I ended up with what we used to call a "crew cut" (do they still call it that? the buzz cut?)

At first I was in shock. My friends and family had one of two reactions: "Do you have cancer?" or "Your head is a great shape, that works for you!" But after a few days, I got used to it. Then after a few more days, I realized I loved it!! The wind can blow gale force, it won't muss up your hair.

Now unfortunately it's growing back and it's at an awkward length, won't all lay down, won't all stand up, I have flat spots and sticking out spots...what a disaster! So do I wait it out or buzz it again? Wish I had a hat.

[Alexjstrandberg]

you identify yourself with your body but your body is made up of organs, blood, bones. But you wouldn't identify yourself with your liver or your ankle bone.

The more you identify with your body the more pain you will have in your life. A little secret, you aren't your body. If you have ever seen a dead person you will know that you aren't your body. You are no more your body than you are your thoughts. The body is something you use for a couple of years before you die. When you die you get another meat puppet to use for another couple of years.

[Ceros]

But could you at least try to develop some compassion.

Can you clarify what you mean by that? No one told me I lack compassion before so I'm not sure how to take that comment.

I thought I was pretty helpful. She said herself that "I feel like a guy wouldn't want to date a girl with marks on her face". Since she seemed unsure about the issue, I wanted to clear it up by saying that, yes, a guy [like me] wouldn't date a girl with marks on her face. Now that she knows that it's true for a fact she might be motivated to change it and get rid of the marks, no?

My post may have came off as overtly negative, but so was the post you directed to me. Is bombarding someone with negativity your method of teaching them compassion? Hmpf.

[jenlili]

Originally Posted by Ceros

"they're either lazy or weak willed."
"leads a self destructive lifestyle."
"eats a ton of junk food and other crap. Ick."
"Is generally unfit and unhealthy."
"show signs of pathology"

Ceros, you specifically stated that you make the above assumptions about someone who has bad skin. That's judgmental, not compassionate. I'm sorry. I was just trying to suggest you avoid jumping to conclusions about people from their first appearance.

But I guess you're right. I wasn't as careful as I needed to be in trying to get my point across. I was so insulted by your list of assumptions, and by my own assumption that telling someone, "You're right,I wouldn't date you. I think you're weak, lazy, self destructive, and just generally unhealthy. You should do something about it." is mean, not helpful in any way.

I was reacting to your statement, not responding to the theme of the thread, so I'll admit I was out of line. I'm new at this forum, and though most of the threads are interesting, I'm not sure I belong here. Maybe I'll just shut up (oh, should I say "be quiet"?) for a while.

[Brien]

Originally Posted by Ceros

Can you clarify what you mean by that? No one told me I lack compassion before so I'm not sure how to take that comment.

I thought I was pretty helpful. She said herself that "I feel like a guy wouldn't want to date a girl with marks on her face". Since she seemed unsure about the issue, I wanted to clear it up by saying that, yes, a guy [like me] wouldn't date a girl with marks on her face. Now that she knows that it's true for a fact she might be motivated to change it and get rid of the marks, no?

My post may have came off as overtly negative, but so was the post you directed to me. Is bombarding someone with negativity your method of teaching them compassion? Hmpf.

You don't get the point. The point is that you're wrong about your reasons for refusing to date an otherwise attractive woman with acne. You attribute acne to internal personal defects, other posters have pointed out your error.

Yet, you stubbornly say still you wouldn't date her. So man up and admit it; the reason is that you're shallow. Doubt she'd want much to do with you either.