Too Dependent

[martin]

I fell in love with someone. I can't imagine my life without this person, but at the same time I don't know that they will be in my life for as long as I want them to... I don't know. I just feel that I can't live without this person, that life would suddenly feel cold and lonely without them. I try to distance myself but it makes it worse.

I try seeing different people, but it hasn't really worked out. How can I stop NEEDING this person so much? I feel pathetic. I'm generally a very independent person, but the love I've found with this person... is an addiction. Is there anyway I can change my mindset or do something that will make me less dependent???

[Swannie]

Imagine you are a car.

You're driving along okay, you hit a few bumps in the road, recover and carry on. Then one day someone or something comes along, and suddenly things seem to roll smoother. Infact everything seems pretty bloody great. You start to rely on the fact that you feel like you have better suspension, better windscreen/shield wipers, a smoother gear box... as provided by the new person or thing.

However one day you can't get your thing, or your person isn't there. It's cool... you'll be fine... except... where has your fourth wheel gone?! And why is your windscreen dirty as hell, and why does your gear box only just work?!

Well, they never were "yours". You just never realised you were missing a wheel before!!! Your creative brain had worked out a way for you to drive without it... sure, it meant you couldn't turn left... but you could always turn 3/4 right! You didn't realise just how dirty your windscreen was until it got properly cleaned. And you'd completely forgotten how much work maintaining your gearbox used to take... and it has now fallen into disrepair.

So, what you going to do about it? Rush out and try and find a new wheel that fits, and some new wiper blades? Yeah, that might work, just squeeze them in... see they work fine! But then they get taken away again... what the ****! Yeah, they didn't actually fit, and fell of at the first bumps in the road, because you treated them like the old parts.

So what option does that leave you with? You could go back to driving how you did before... but now you've had it smooth, you can't go back. So you have to fix up the car on your own. Work out why you miss that wheel... maybe you don't need it to be that top of the range, alloy pimp wheel that you were borrowing, and infact just getting a reliable one will do. You can work on it later if it doesn't work out quite right. That gear box, now you've seen how good it can be, start rebuilding it to get to that quality, or better... you hopefully have a better understanding of how it works! And those wiper blades? Well, you know what, whilst you work out how the hell those other ones worked so well, try borrowing some off your friends. They should give you a fresh perspective on the road.

Hope that helps. I like analogies... I hope you can follow it.

[The Cloud]

What do they give to you that makes life full and meaningful?

[martin]

Thank you Swannie. That was a cool analogy, and really put things into perspective for me...


The Cloud: I don't know why I love this person, I can't put my finger on it, but I sometimes wonder if all it is just infatuation. It sure feels like love though, because I'd be willing to do just about anything to know the rest of my life I'd be with him.

Enough of the dependency! I'm a strong person who loves being on their own, and one day the 'right' person will show up, who knows what will happen!

...I still love him tho.