Feeling comfortable in my body

[StellaBlue]

I know this is a pretty superficial thing to worry about, but it is a problem for me

When I am by myself, I feel completely comfortable and am happy with myself. I look healthy. I am not in the least bit overweight. In fact, I could probably stand to gain a few pounds. I actually think I am very pretty; however I lose that confidence when I am around other people and I don't know why. I do okay until I realize that someone is looking at me or they say something to me (like a compliment), and then I want to hide.

I was raised in a conservative household where I was taught that your body is completely private. It was almost reinforced that I should be ashamed of my body, for absolutely no reason. We were not open about anything in my family. I just never seemed to develop a sense of pride or confidence in my body.

Now, since I had my daughter (a year ago), the problem as gotten worse. I actually think I look better after having a child than I did before, and many other people have told me this. I really feel self-conscious about even having a problem like this and I would never admit it to anyone in person. It is just so unlike me. My friends and the people I love (outside my family) are all very open, free-spirited people. I just can't seem to feel comfortable with my body around other people. It has really put a barrier in my relationships, even just with my friends. I love to go dance and have fun with my friends, but when I realize people are looking at me I get so nervous! I guess it isn't even JUST my body, it is when I am put in any situation in which I feel that others are judging me (even if they are not). I really want to overcome this problem before I pursue any kind of romantic relationship.

I need some tips on how to start dealing with this!

[Angela]

Hi, Stellabeam, I don't think what you're saying is superficial at all, and I think a lot of people feel the same way. I certainly have! Do you get sort of, well, overwhelmed when you are being looked at and possibly judged? I used to call it The Red Problem, because I would blush wildly and lose the ability to think clearly -- just would get flustered. I can remember one time when I was a bridesmaid.... ai chihuahua.

What thoughts are going through your head when you think about this happening? What recurring message does your little voice in your head keep giving you? What judgements does that little voice insist are true and real?

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hi, Stellabeam, I don't think what you're saying is superficial at all, and I think a lot of people feel the same way. I certainly have! Do you get sort of, well, overwhelmed when you are being looked at and possibly judged? I used to call it The Red Problem, because I would blush wildly and lose the ability to think clearly -- just would get flustered. I can remember one time when I was a bridesmaid.... ai chihuahua.

What thoughts are going through your head when you think about this happening? What recurring message does your little voice in your head keep giving you? What judgements does that little voice insist are true and real?

Thanks for answering Angela. You always have helpful replies.

As for what is going through my head. It is almost like my thought process stops completely, or maybe it starts going so fast that I can't pick up on anything coherent. I get so nervous that I can't think about anything clearly. I become a lot more aware of what I am doing, how I am doing it, and how I look when I am doing it which causes me to feel uncomfortable and completely unnatural. It is easier for me just to sit down and stop interacting. I think the thing that really gets me is that I feel like it is so unjustified for me to feel this way. I have no reason to! I guess that sort of goes through my head too. I feel stupid for suddenly feeling so uncomfortable when no one else seems to feel that way. It is comforting to know that it happens to others! I just feel like it happens way too often to me.

[Angela]

I think I know what you mean. I have had that same sensation of my thoughts just -- stopping -- but in kind of panicky way, not peaceful, when I felt like eyes were upon me. There's no way I could have posted here in those days; I would have been too self-conscious and never written anything at all, because then it would be there for everyone to judge. My little gremlin voice was always telling me: "I'm stuck. I'm worthless." And I found myself often worried about being annoying -- I would often ask people things like "Do you mind me saying this?" or "Am I talking too much?" -- stuff like that. Still do .

Is there anything like that for you? What does your gremlin insist is true?

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by Angela

I think I know what you mean. I have had that same sensation of my thoughts just -- stopping -- but in kind of panicky way, not peaceful, when I felt like eyes were upon me. There's no way I could have posted here in those days; I would have been too self-conscious and never written anything at all, because then it would be there for everyone to judge. My little gremlin voice was always telling me: "I'm stuck. I'm worthless." And I found myself often worried about being annoying -- I would often ask people things like "Do you mind me saying this?" or "Am I talking too much?" -- stuff like that. Still do .

Is there anything like that for you? What does your gremlin insist is true?

I can't believe I wrote anything at all about it , but I just had a serious problem with it a few weeks ago and I now am determined to overcome it. I even tried to explain to someone how I was feeling this last time, thinking it would help me overcome it, but it just made me more embarrassed because my thought process wasn't working the right way and nothing I said made sense. Everything was misinterpreted.

Little gremlin, I like that. Mine always tells me that I look stupid when I am doing something or that I shouldn't try something in front of others because I won't be good at it or I will look stupid. That is what causes me to get suddenly so self-conscious and want to hide.

[Angela]

Try this on and see what comes up: "If I try something in front of others I will look stupid and that means that I am _______."

You don't have to try this on in front of us; you can hide and do it if you want.

If you want to hear how it sounds outside the bones of your head, but you don't want everyone to see it, feel free to PM me with what you're trying on. I won't hold you to anything unless you ask me to.

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by Angela

Try this on and see what comes up: "If I something in front of others I will look stupid and that means that I am _______."

You don't have to try this on in front of us; you can hide and do it if you want.

If you want to hear how it sounds outside the bones of your head, but you don't want everyone to see it, feel free to PM me with what you're trying on. I won't hold you to anything unless you ask me to.

Thank you, Angela. I am going to try it.

[songwriter]

well, you remind me of a typical situation when a man sees a woman he thinks she's beautiful and doesn't know what to say. and if he says something is only meaningless, and wants to hide away of the situation...

I'm been there and that improves by practice, like any fear is lost by long exposure to what you fear.

But it's not gonna happen in a day... a woman like Angela will advice you better but I guess the best would be to expose to what you fear in a gradual way.

and you're not gonna like it at the beginning, but after all the process you will lose your fear, that bad feeling that prevents you to live life like you would want to live.

Now I'm so natural that's it's me who can make a woman blush and become numb . But it haven't been easy at all, my God... but well if wouldn't had done a thing I would hated myself to see me not fighting against it.

And the last thing I say is that try to be happy with small goals you achieve. I mean the first time you achieve to be more the center of attention than usual, etc, little advances... actually there's no end to it, cause that's happen to anyone sometimes.