Better communication

[jude]

I stagnated for many years. My son became poorly, and i begun to ask myself questions. My world is now coming alive. But i do have dificulity in communicating exactly what i feel and want.

[Angela]

Hello, Jude, and welcome.

Sounds like you're off to a good start with communicating your feelings. How about your wants? Are you asking for something here, either from us participants or from the Universe in general?

If you could be, do, or have anything, what would you choose? Just "better communication", or is there something you would really have if you were to be a better communicator?

[jude]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hello, Jude, and welcome.

Sounds like you're off to a good start with communicating your feelings. How about your wants? Are you asking for something here, either from us participants or from the Universe in general?

If you could be, do, or have anything, what would you choose? Just "better communication", or is there something you would really have if you were to be a better communicator?

Hi Angela Thanks for your reply. At the moment i am wanting a better communicating family. The universe does seem to be answering me, but sometimes I have to listen rally hard, do you know what I mean?
jude

[Angela]

You want your family to have better communication, and you feel like you're feeling more vitality lately because you're getting some help from the universe in that, but it's not easy, you'd like there to be more -- flow, maybe? -- is that right?

[jude]

Originally Posted by Angela

You want your family to have better communication, and you feel like you're feeling more vitality lately because you're getting some help from the universe in that, but it's not easy, you'd like there to be more -- flow, maybe? -- is that right?

I am amazed at the help that i am getting from the universe.I guess that I would like my husband to share in what i have found , so that we can improve our lives together. But I can not seem to communicate with him.I love him dearly.

[Angela]

What do you think you are doing or being that is getting in the way of communicating well with your husband?

[jude]

Originally Posted by Angela

What do you think you are doing or being that is getting in the way of communicating well with your husband?

During the years that I stagnated, I never spoke up for myself ie my opinions, my beliefs, my own wants and expectations of life. Mainly because I did'nt know how to express my emotions I lived with an inner frustration, and always felt that their was a lot more to my life. At the moment I have recognised these problems, and am now beginning to take action.I have recognised that when I communicate with my husband,I feel fearful .In some cases this is a fear of failure.My husband is not nasty with me at all I dont understand why I feel fearful.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jude

I guess that I would like my husband to share in what i have found , so that we can improve our lives together.

Jude, I invite you to take a look at something: is it possible that there is a part of you who believes "what you have found" is superior to what your husband is doing or believing? That "improving your lives together" means him changing in some way, even if it's for his own good? Have you been harboring the thought that "something is wrong" in your marriage's growth path?

[Alison Jenkins]

Start by communicating small things and gradually build up. Often this will begin to rub off on other members of the family. The other thing is to listen to other people and how they communicate. I always remember hearing a 75yr old man saying "I feel" I nearly fell off my chair as I wasn't used to people of this generation expressing their feelings. I then realised there are lots of people who are able to express their feelings.

I just linked to a post about journaling - you might find this useful to. Here's the link to save you trying to track it down. The benefits of journalling

Alison

[jude]

Originally Posted by Angela

Jude, I invite you to take a look at something: is it possible that there is a part of you who believes "what you have found" is superior to what your husband is doing or believing? That "improving your lives together" means him changing in some way, even if it's for his own good? Have you been harboring the thought that "something is wrong" in your marriage's growth path?

Yes Angela you are spot on.During the early years of our marraige my husband was a lot more open about himself than he is now.I believe at one time he was a searcher,But not any more,I would like to motivate that energy in him. But he wont even talk about it. I have found that to push him ,is not the answer.I do understand that I need to drop the I in this situation.

[jude]

Originally Posted by Alison Jenkins

Start by communicating small things and gradually build up. Often this will begin to rub off on other members of the family. The other thing is to listen to other people and how they communicate. I always remember hearing a 75yr old man saying "I feel" I nearly fell off my chair as I wasn't used to people of this generation expressing their feelings. I then realised there are lots of people who are able to express their feelings.

I just linked to a post about journaling - you might find this useful to. Here's the link to save you trying to track it down. The benefits of journalling

Alison

[jude]

.Thanks Alison for your reply. I am going to give journeling a try. Will let you know how I get on.

[Alison Jenkins]

That's great. In the early days you may find it tough to open up but keep doing it and it gets easier.

Alison

[Angela]

So your real goal is not so much to have good communication, but rather for your husband to have searcher energy. You already know it's not a great idea to set a goal for another person, to fix or change him; that you can only change yourself (you don't need fixing and neither does he, of course.)

But you can make a difference in your family's wellbeing by addressing your own way of being. It sounds like you're seeing that this would be a good time to let go of trying to change your husband, and now what quality or condition could you generate that would make a difference in having what you want: Searcher Energy? Sounds like there's maybe another desire underneath that one, too, like maybe Connection or Enthusiasm?

Whatever it is, you have the power to generate it all on your own, not just for yourself, but for your family and also for the world. If you could generate anything for yourself, your family and the world (and you can), what would it be?

[jude]

Originally Posted by Angela

So your real goal is not so much to have good communication, but rather for your husband to have searcher energy. You already know it's not a great idea to set a goal for another person, to fix or change him; that you can only change yourself (you don't need fixing and neither does he, of course.)

But you can make a difference in your family's wellbeing by addressing your own way of being. It sounds like you're seeing that this would be a good time to let go of trying to change your husband, and now what quality or condition could you generate that would make a difference in having what you want: Searcher Energy? Sounds like there's maybe another desire underneath that one, too, like maybe Connection or Enthusiasm?

Whatever it is, you have the power to generate it all on your own, not just for yourself, but for your family and also for the world. If you could generate anything for yourself, your family and the world (and you can), what would it be?

You really know how to get me thinking,I will give it some thought and get back to you.I think I need to loosen up a bit and have some fun with my family.I really appreciate your advice it is very helpful,thanks Jude.