I've got a good mind to throw it all away.

[Alfonso Crawford]

Pavlina's written about this; probably to a degree greater than I realize, but my stomach hurts in a way distinctly different from eating my first home-ec project, and I thing the gas-bill has something to do with it, so I'll at least vent.

A plant and a cat; that's all that would die if I skipped town, and I can get them new homes, anyway. My roommates would be in a dire strait, but that argument's negated by my inability to consistently make rent in the first place. As is plainly evident, I have a computer: what is not evident is that quite a few of the people I know could get some real use out of it. Nothing else I own is very signifigant, except maybe a particular Pokémon-card and a wooden sword.

I don't like it here, and "there" wasn't too hot, either. So... what's keeping me in town, eh? Why am I still here? Heh; it's because I'm scared, friend. I keep taking walks out to the city-limits, but I can never stop myself from turning back. "If my apartment burned down," I say to myself, "then I'd be free!"

Am I some sort of crazy for wanting to ditch this life I have? Hell; the only jobs I can qualify for to pay for it are warehouse-gigs a washing dishes, both of which are unpleasant. Logic says that I don't really need what I have, and my heart wants it less and less with each passing week. Should I just make my arrangements and go, or am I simply whining about nothing? Is the life of a vagabond really just instant death, or what?

Weigh in and you will be thanked for your time.

[Dan.Linehan]

Lots of vagabond types here in San Rafael. Weather's nice.

Some seem happy, some don't. Prolly better than working a job you don't like though.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

Am I some sort of crazy for wanting to ditch this life I have?.

I don't think so.
But do you know what you really want (not just what you don't want)?

[Tuumble]

These are questions we can't answer.

No-one knows you as well as you do. Any advice we give is based on our own lives so while it may seem appropriate on the surface, it's made without all the relevant information. I mean, we haven't even met you or know what you look like.

Besides, you are more likely to act with commitment if the decision is your own.

I wish you the success you desire.

[Alfonso Crawford]

Originally Posted by lasti

I don't think so.
But do you know what you really want (not just what you don't want)?

Oh, snap! Nice way to switch it around on me! Thinking about it, I don't know what I want, save for burgers. I suppose figuring that out's the second step, eh?

[Orange]

you should look for a place that you really love on the internet, have a look at what there is to rent there, and have a look what jobs there are there.
when you plan out things that way you will get exited about moving somwhere else.

[The Cloud]

What are you running away from? My guess is that it's not where you are that you want to escape, but who you are. If you aren't comfortable with yourself, then it can manifest as a desire to get away from it all.

I know this because I have a similar tendency. My primary reaction is to withdraw from the world. When that doesn't work, because you can't escape inward, my secondary urge is to get away from it all. To just go somewhere and to be all alone. But it's not the world that I'm trying to run from, it's myself. I'm frustrated or afraid, and it is the feeling that I want to escape, not the people that I blame for it. Because no matter where you run, there will always be somebody or something to be frustrated with or afraid of.

So you can run. But you'll run a 4-minute mile before you outrun yourself.

[Alfonso Crawford]

I've gotta agree with you to a degree, Cloud. While I'll living without an apartment does not equate to instant death, that may not exactly be the heart of the issue.

But I raise the question; why not begin to solve the problem externally? Tearing oneself away from their world takes effort and strength, much as banishing fear does. Internal changes grow out to change the outside world, so why not can outside-changes seep in to change the interior?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

But I raise the question; why not begin to solve the problem externally? Tearing oneself away from their world takes effort and strength, much as banishing fear does. Internal changes grow out to change the outside world, so why not can outside-changes seep in to change the interior?

Oh, I'm by no means advocating staying where you are. If you really want to go, then go. It surely won't hurt anything. But it's not a solution, it won't solve all of your problems, because many of your problems are likely generated internally. As long as you recognize this, then go wild! The courage to do what you want surely won't do you any harm.

[Alfonso Crawford]

What if the problem is solved not directly by leaving, but by having the courage to do so?

From what I can tell, my dependence on those around me (as is evidenced by blaming them for my position) is the source of my misery. Cutting myself off from them seems like the quickest (most painful, messiest...) way of overcoming my dependence.

I'm a bit calmer than I was when I started this thread, but this still worth contemplating. The worst part is that I'm not surrounded by bad people: they've offered to help me get out on my own, and even encouraged me to take up the path of the wanderer (both after our joint lease runs out, anyway). How ironic that the problem attempting to solve itself makes the process harder, eh?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

What if the problem is solved not directly by leaving, but by having the courage to do so?

From what I can tell, my dependence on those around me (as is evidenced by blaming them for my position) is the source of my misery. Cutting myself off from them seems like the quickest (most painful, messiest...) way of overcoming my dependence.

Having the courage to leave only counts if you want to get away from something external, or to seek something better that's external. It's one thing to run away from a physically abusive relationship. Obviously the solution in that instance isn't to sit and wonder why you did this to yourself. But if you're running away from dependence, then you'll just bring it with you everywhere you go. Maybe you'll overcome it if you don't allow yourself to have any friends or other regular acquaintances, but otherwise it is likely that you'll just reattach your dependence on somebody else. Plus, if you do that, then you won't have any friends and you'll probably get so lonely that you'll be miserable anyways. I know that withdrawing inward just made me feel more and more lonely, rather than achieving anything positive for myself.

Plus, if you think about it, you would be allowing your entire life to be molded around an admitted fault rather than an inspiration or true desire. Running from a fault may seem like a good idea at first, but usually in the end it changes nothing. If being a wanderer is your calling, then answer it. But if this is just an attempt to escape dependence, you're better off surrounding yourself with those you depend on so that you have more opportunities to see how what you believe is creating how you feel.

Why do you feel that being around people is causing you to be dependent on them?

[Alfonso Crawford]

The dependence is a practical one: I simply don't know how to live on my own, since I never have. The more time goes on, the more I learn of basic survival, but there's always something about being without the people around me that freaks me out. I'm starting to think that I was overreacting to some stress I had built up, but this has been a recurring though even when things were going well. I've got alot to parse through.

But back to the general idea, since that's more interesting. If dependence is the problem, couldn't travelling be therapeutic if done repeatedly? While I hope one'd not become a complete loner, the steady change would teach one to somewhat insulate themselves, right?

[openyourize]

would leaving really be courageous? leaving is easy because its exciting. what is truly corageous is staying there in your discomfort and figuring out what the real problem is.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

The dependence is a practical one: I simply don't know how to live on my own, since I never have.

Well, if it's just a practical issue, then full speed ahead if you have the courage . It sounds like your problem is more akin to fear of independence than any problem with your dependence. I was assuming by dependence you meant emotional dependence, rather than physical dependence. THAT can almost certainly be met head on, and overcome. Emotions are unquantifiable. You can attach emotions to anyone and anything at any time, no matter where you are, and since you manufacture your emotions you can attribute an infinite amount of them to whatever object or person you attach them to. You can't do that with physical needs, making them much easier to manage by simply separating yourself from the people that you depend on them for.

To sum it up, it's easy to detach physical needs by physical separation, because physical goods come from external sources. It is nigh impossible to detach emotional needs in this way, since emotions are generated inside yourself, and any detaching you do is likely to be countered by further attaching since you don't need anyone's consent to attach yourself to them emotionally.

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

But back to the general idea, since that's more interesting. If dependence is the problem, couldn't travelling be therapeutic if done repeatedly? While I hope one'd not become a complete loner, the steady change would teach one to somewhat insulate themselves, right?

Perhaps if a person is aware of their [emotional] dependence, it would be helpful in limiting that. Admittedly the environment would not be conducive to forming dependent relationships. Of course, a person unaware is much more likely to just get frustrated and lonely and to go back home, but you wouldn't be one of those people. So I will concede to you, as long as you are aware of your dependence travel could be the answer. As long as you don't become dependent on it .

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

Pavlina's written about this; probably to a degree greater than I realize, but my stomach hurts in a way distinctly different from eating my first home-ec project, and I thing the gas-bill has something to do with it, so I'll at least vent.

A plant and a cat; that's all that would die if I skipped town, and I can get them new homes, anyway. My roommates would be in a dire strait, but that argument's negated by my inability to consistently make rent in the first place. As is plainly evident, I have a computer: what is not evident is that quite a few of the people I know could get some real use out of it. Nothing else I own is very signifigant, except maybe a particular Pokémon-card and a wooden sword.

I don't like it here, and "there" wasn't too hot, either. So... what's keeping me in town, eh? Why am I still here? Heh; it's because I'm scared, friend. I keep taking walks out to the city-limits, but I can never stop myself from turning back. "If my apartment burned down," I say to myself, "then I'd be free!"

Am I some sort of crazy for wanting to ditch this life I have? Hell; the only jobs I can qualify for to pay for it are warehouse-gigs a washing dishes, both of which are unpleasant. Logic says that I don't really need what I have, and my heart wants it less and less with each passing week. Should I just make my arrangements and go, or am I simply whining about nothing? Is the life of a vagabond really just instant death, or what?

Weigh in and you will be thanked for your time.

You lack a sense of a mission in life and your masculinity is kicking you in the face for not indulging it more.

Engage in more rigorously adventurous activities and then notice how you feel.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Alfonso Crawford

But back to the general idea, since that's more interesting. If dependence is the problem, couldn't travelling be therapeutic if done repeatedly? While I hope one'd not become a complete loner, the steady change would teach one to somewhat insulate themselves, right?

Hi Alfonso,

I have a wandering spirit and have travelled extensively. Travelling is very much about adventure, experience and people, well it has been for me at least. Travelling relationships are very intense, you meet, click, share an experience and when you part, it is without sadness. Some people you stay in touch with, others not. I've travelled with friends and alone. I enjoyed both, however, I met more people when travelling alone and was only alone if I chose to be.

If you feel the urge to do it, do it. You always have the option of returning home.

[Alfonso Crawford]

It's been a week or so since this thread started. I've picked up a pleasant job, I've stumbled across some amazing stuff (a business-venture, a physics-engine for a game I'm working on, and some discipline), and I've begun making peace with the fact that I lean more towards the latter of "fight or flight."

I just wanted to give some closure to this. I'm not equating loss of material goods to instant death, and that's always a plus. Something I realized just a few days ago is that you hear about the great fighters in life, but the best flyers tend to be too quick for anyone to see how satisfied they are.

[seeker5]

Something I realized just a few days ago is that you hear about the great fighters in life, but the best flyers tend to be too quick for anyone to see how satisfied they are.

Alfonso, I love how you put that, it's beautifully put. I don't know if it's true or not, but I like how you said it.

I know I too myself lean more toward the latter of "fight or flight". I tend to also dislike conflicts a great deal, and I tend to much rather leave the situation then fight in it. I'm definetely no warrior.