Decided not to have kids

[CroMagna]

And it freed me. I wanted to have kids because I know just looking at my boyfriend and I that our kids will be gorgeous. I've always wanted a little baby girl. I now think have kids is a dumb idea for myself, logistically speaking:

I'm 25 and still live at home. I don't have a car. I live like I did when I was 15. 10 years has passed and I have basically nothing to show for myself. Not having kids has provided me with some hope.

By the time I get my life together, get a Master's, land a decent job, and get an apartment, plus lose 20 pounds, and my boyfriend gets a good job, and we are able to pay the bills, and we both have cars, we will be 35 and 40 respectively. At 35 and 40, we will be getting our first taste of actual freedom, self-ownership, and indepedence. We will be able to come and go as we please. If we want to go out to a club together, we can go out to a club together and stay out all weekend until we're tired. Then we can come home and spend time together in privacy.

He lives 300 miles away from me. We will finally be able to spend time together everyday. And we will have complete privacy for the rest of our lives.

Why ruin it by having kids as soon as we are finally together and enjoying ourselves? Kids aren't dolls, they're lifelong commitments. I'm not willing to sacrifice my future of real freedom and independence just to have something cute to look at.

Pushing kids off of my life timeline has given me a sense of peace. Now I don't feel the need to rush to decide a career, rush to get a Masters and PhD, rush to move out of the house, and rush to land a good job. I have resolved myself to the fact that my life will actually begin when I'm 35. Until then I will be reclusive and work on myself, work on my career, and work on my physical health. I could get a PhD when I'm 50, or travel when I'm 55, and it wouldn't make any difference.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

my life will actually begin when I'm 35.

Why wait?

Really, CroMagna, you're a terrible DarkWorker. A real DarkWorker would never postpone her life even for a day.

CroMagna, the things you want to be, Free, Autonomous, and Independent, are available to you RIGHT NOW, if it weren't for your commitment not to have them.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

my life will actually begin when I'm 35.

That's sad. But it's your decision.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I agree with Angela. Having the perfect job, life, body, boyfriend, degree is not life. Think about what feelings you think you will get from having all of those things. What is it you really want out of all of this? And then decide to BE that now. Life is too short to start it at 35, get living!

As for having kids or not, I don't think that's important. If you want to, then you can make it work. If you just don't want kids and prefer a more "free" life, by all means that's great too.

[Amanda L]

"We will be able to come and go as we please.  If we want to go out to a club together, we can go out to a club together and stay out all weekend until we're tired. "

Ah but by the time you are 35 you might not want to go out clubbing all night

i agree with aspiring_to_clarity, having kids or not is not that important, from what i observed they blend into your schedule as the need arises.

i don't think it's important to make the "kids or not" decision right now. You will change and be someone different 10 - 15 years from now and things that are priorities now will be irrelevant then.

What's important is not waiting 10 years to start your life.

Good luck with you plan

[Sam988]

Good decision. Who needs those little devils anyways! But i'm all for others having children, after all someone needs to make our race not go extinct in a generation.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Sam988

... someone needs to make our race not go extinct in a generation.

Is that true? I don't agree that anyone needs to propagate the species, or even that the species needs to be propagated. It might be a very strong preference for some people, though.

[niche]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

my life will actually begin when I'm 35

My life will actually begin when I'm 42. However for different reasons. By the time I'm 42, my youngest will be 18. I have three girls and they will all be going to college. "Because I said so." I believe college makes a girl more independent. Anyway, 42 is when my life will begin and I'm looking forward to it. Right now, I'm just trying to raise the most independent, responsible, and good natured women I can. I will never let them go through what I had to. This is a big job and though you would most likely be a good mother Cromagna (I say this because I think you would raise an emotionally well balanced child), if I were in a similar situation as you, I probably would decide not to have children too.

[Lauxa]

@niche: Unless, of course, by the time your youngest is 18 your oldest is pregnant and needs to move back in with you. How old are your girls now?

[niche]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

@niche: Unless, of course, by the time your youngest is 18 your oldest is pregnant and needs to move back in with you. How old are your girls now?

My twins are 7 and my youngest is 3. So if she decides to get pregnant and has to move back in with me, I'll take her in, no problem. But that's not going to limit me in any capacity. She will be grown enough to take care of her child and herself. If I want to go to Europe, it's not like I'm going to have to pay a babysitter. Know what I mean?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Angela

Why wait?

Really, CroMagna, you're a terrible DarkWorker. A real DarkWorker would never postpone her life even for a day.

CroMagna, the things you want to be, Free, Autonomous, and Independent, are available to you RIGHT NOW, if it weren't for your commitment not to have them.

How can I have freedom, autonomy, independence, financial stability and weight-loss right now? Don't these things all take time to build up to?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I agree with Angela. Having the perfect job, life, body, boyfriend, degree is not life. Think about what feelings you think you will get from having all of those things. What is it you really want out of all of this? And then decide to BE that now. Life is too short to start it at 35, get living!

As for having kids or not, I don't think that's important. If you want to, then you can make it work. If you just don't want kids and prefer a more "free" life, by all means that's great too.

This post definitely made me think. Definitely. I will journal tonight to figure out what I really want out of these things: freedom, autonomy, independence, weight loss, financial stability. What do I really want? Maybe self-respect, or peace of mind. Maybe these other items should be supplements, not by whole reason for being.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

How can I have freedom, autonomy, independence, financial stability and weight-loss right now? Don't these things all take time to build up to?

Oh! You added a couple of things while I wasn't looking!

Yes, you can get yourself going on an upward slant and build things up a little at a time -- Steve did a really great post on that awhile back -- and you can also generate a breakthrough and have them in an instant. I do coaching in that area, and there are a lot of other resources that can have you transforming your life in an instant. Some people do it completely on their own, just using their own plain cussedness.

The one thing I've noticed it takes, except in very rare cases of spontaneous combustion, is dynamic willingness. Do you know what I mean by dynamic willingness?

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Angela

Do you know what I mean by dynamic willingness?

I'd like to know what you mean by dynamic willingness.
Do you remember how Steve's post was called?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by lasti

I'd like to know what you mean by dynamic willingness.
Do you remember how Steve's post was called?

The article is A Better Life.

Dynamic willingness is a commitment born of integrity. Dynamic willingness is not like ordinary willingness, like "I'm willing to do what it takes." Dynamic willingness eliminates any possibility other than keeping your word to yourself. It kills off the little Beast inside you that gives you excuses when you want them, or blames others, or convinces you that your solution lies outside of yourself, or procrastinates, or tells you you're too tired or you need a drink.

Dynamic willingness is an extraordinary tool that everyone has but not everyone chooses to use. But the ones who do choose to use it? Phewww, look out for those people. They are the ones who make big things happen.

[Matthew Shea]

CroMagna, you're awfully young still and such a set-in-stone plan as the one you outlined in your first post won't serve you. Things change, including both your situation in life and your mind. You should certainly pursue your goals by all means available to you, but don't write anything off yet. Relax your thinking a bit and start taking some concrete steps toward your objectives.

Why did you feel such pressure to have kids anyway? You've got at least 10-15 years left (given good health) before you really have to make that decision anyway. Let the issue go for now.

Finally, as far as personal development is concerned, kids can be a tremendous opportunity. Mine definitely has been.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

This post definitely made me think. Definitely. I will journal tonight to figure out what I really want out of these things: freedom, autonomy, independence, weight loss, financial stability. What do I really want? Maybe self-respect, or peace of mind. Maybe these other items should be supplements, not by whole reason for being.

I can't wait to see what you come up with.

Basically, the idea is that, sure you may not be able to snap your fingers and get your degree, a house, great jobs for you and your boyfriend and the perfect 10 body (whatever that is). BUT those things are not really what you want. What you really want is the freedom, the autonomy, the independence, the financial stability and weight-loss. For me, the main feeling in those is freedom. And you can generate that in this instant, right where you are. And when you do all of the "things" you want will be much easier to achieve. Knowing what you want to BE and put out in the world is more important to me than having any particular thing. All of these prerequisites to be happy...why not be happy now? Happy people have a much easier time getting what they want anyway.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

And it freed me. I wanted to have kids because I know just looking at my boyfriend and I that our kids will be gorgeous. I've always wanted a little baby girl. I now think have kids is a dumb idea for myself, logistically speaking

I applaud you for being open to this as a valid life choice. Many people, especially women, never even consider it. Children, IMO, are highly overrated. A big investment for a very uncertain reward. People think that nurture trumps nature; 'taint so. Children can be very rewarding for the right people but they are not for everyone. The people who have the temperamental chops for it very definitely should go for it. The people who don't, shouldn't. (See the book, I'm Okay, You're a Brat for more info).

It is in my view one thing to act out romantic fantasies for yourself ... to tell yourself you want a Love for the Ages (tm), the man or woman of your dreams (tm), etc., and blunder your way through that however you wish. But with kids, there are other, innocent beings involved. You have a choice to get married or not, and it's mutual. But kids don't get a choice.

I think that too often, having children is far and away an unconscious default ... too many people do it because it's what you are "supposed" to do or just responding to a primal urge or a ticking biological clock or someone's nagging to make them into a grandparent. Kids are not sweet baby dolls for you to play house with.

There are other things to consider about having kids that most people completely don't get. For example, few things suck the romance out of a relationship like kids. They are very labor intensive and demanding and combine it with the normal daily grind of living and, well, you had best be really dedicated to get through it. I know some of you who are deeply invested in your kids will say no, they are the joy of your lives, but that is because it was a good decision for you to have them.

Personally, having kids was an unconscious default for me and had more to do with the demands of my first wife than with any real interest on my part. I got through it, and I love my kids dearly, but I regret having them in the sense that it wasn't a responsible choice for where I was in life at that time. My kids have had to overcome a rather strange childhood and they deserved better. I don't lose sleep about it; we all do the best we know how to with the light we have at any point in time. But my kids and I both paid a price, and it wasn't necessary.

Regardless of what you ultimately decide, it will be a thoughtful decision that is fully cognizant of your responsibility for the life you will be creating and nurturing -- or not. That's the main thing, and it puts you ahead of the pack.

Do what's right for you, and you'll have your needs met and you'll have an abundant overflow for things like kids. Do what convention or society or your biological clock demand and you may find yourself, and your loved ones, on the short end of the stick.

--Bob

[Angela]

Have you seen the movie, Idiocracy, Bob? It's pretty funny -- it's the future, the thoughtful people stop breeding, the thoughtless produce countless litters, and it opens with the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Angela

Have you seen the movie, Idiocracy, Bob? It's pretty funny -- it's the future, the thoughtful people stop breeding, the thoughtless produce countless litters, and it opens with the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505.

No, but that one is on my list of things to see ;-)

--Bob

[Angela]

Pretty funny, in a Beavis and Butthead sort of way. Lots of very amusing visual jokes, like a billboard for cigarettes that says, "The Surgeon General has only one lung and no voicebox, but he can still kick your sorry ass!"

[lasti]

Thank you, Angela

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

I applaud you for being open to this as a valid life choice. Many people, especially women, never even consider it. Children, IMO, are highly overrated. A big investment for a very uncertain reward. People think that nurture trumps nature; 'taint so. Children can be very rewarding for the right people but they are not for everyone. The people who have the temperamental chops for it very definitely should go for it. The people who don't, shouldn't. (See the book, I'm Okay, You're a Brat for more info).

It is in my view one thing to act out romantic fantasies for yourself ... to tell yourself you want a Love for the Ages (tm), the man or woman of your dreams (tm), etc., and blunder your way through that however you wish. But with kids, there are other, innocent beings involved. You have a choice to get married or not, and it's mutual. But kids don't get a choice.

I think that too often, having children is far and away an unconscious default ... too many people do it because it's what you are "supposed" to do or just responding to a primal urge or a ticking biological clock or someone's nagging to make them into a grandparent. Kids are not sweet baby dolls for you to play house with.

There are other things to consider about having kids that most people completely don't get. For example, few things suck the romance out of a relationship like kids. They are very labor intensive and demanding and combine it with the normal daily grind of living and, well, you had best be really dedicated to get through it. I know some of you who are deeply invested in your kids will say no, they are the joy of your lives, but that is because it was a good decision for you to have them.

Personally, having kids was an unconscious default for me and had more to do with the demands of my first wife than with any real interest on my part. I got through it, and I love my kids dearly, but I regret having them in the sense that it wasn't a responsible choice for where I was in life at that time. My kids have had to overcome a rather strange childhood and they deserved better. I don't lose sleep about it; we all do the best we know how to with the light we have at any point in time. But my kids and I both paid a price, and it wasn't necessary.

Regardless of what you ultimately decide, it will be a thoughtful decision that is fully cognizant of your responsibility for the life you will be creating and nurturing -- or not. That's the main thing, and it puts you ahead of the pack.

Do what's right for you, and you'll have your needs met and you'll have an abundant overflow for things like kids. Do what convention or society or your biological clock demand and you may find yourself, and your loved ones, on the short end of the stick.

--Bob

No one is ever ready for parenthood. I'm sure you did better than most. After all you're on this site. That being said, however, I don't think anyone should be pegged as someone who should or shouldn't have kids because you just don't know. Someone you thought would be the worst parent in the world could turn out to be the best. Personally, I believe anyone dedicated to self improvement are exactly the ones who SHOULD have kids, so they can teach them to always go for improvement and enlightenment.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

No one is ever ready for parenthood.

In a sense, yes ... paralysis of the analysis is the enemy of getting anything done. I don't think any thinking person would ever feel 100% "ready" or sure of themselves given the awesome nature of the responsibility, and if they were sure of themselves it would be a danger sign.

Nevertheless, not everyone has the desire or interest and society doesn't encourage you to be honest with yourself about that. Society is more likely to shame you into it if necessary, as if the whole race were in danger of winking out of existence if everyone didn't crank out as many babies as possible.

If you're of a more mystical bent, you could say that not everyone is called to it. I'm just advocating that people do what is right for them, whatever it is, even if what's right for them isn't right (or widely accepted as right) for most other people. I hope that we are way past the antique notion of the "shame" of the "barren" woman.

The same can be said of marriage itself, or anything else that is prone to being thought of as a "given" and an eyebrow-raiser if it's absent.

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I'm sure you did better than most. After all you're on this site.

Sure I did. I don't think that's a commentary on how suited I was to the task so much as it's a commentary on how for whatever reasons the gods smiled on me in this area enough that I didn't create too much human wreckage in the process.

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I don't think anyone should be pegged as someone who should or shouldn't have kids because you just don't know.

We really can't reliably judge what we "should" or "shouldn't" do in any human endeavor. But we can look within ourselves and see what we really want and what we have a passion for. I'm just saying, do things that are congruent with your true self. Even then, sometimes we misjudge strong desires projected on us by others as our own thoughts and desires. Or he have naive or uninformed ideas about what we think we want.

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I believe anyone dedicated to self improvement are exactly the ones who SHOULD have kids, so they can teach them to always go for improvement and enlightenment.

No, not should. Those dedicated to self improvement are the ones that are arguably best equipped to choose to be parents, but the decision is still theirs. It's the "shoulds" that make objective decisions difficult.

There is of course another angle to this. Children can teach you much about living self-consistently and unselfishly. Just because learning those lessons can be a challenge or even a source of suffering isn't to say that child rearing is a Bad Thing. I'm not suggesting that the criteria for deciding to have kids is whether you think it'd be fun. It won't be, for the most part. It'll be hard work, sacrifice, and often with ♥♥♥♥ for thanks. Literally, in the early years ;-) If you embarked on it as a conscious decision consistent with your personal vision, that's fine. If you embarked on it because mommy wants a grandchild or you think a child will make you happy or you have the mistaken idea that getting pregnant is something to consider a proud accomplishment, or because you consider it inevitable and therefore not worthy of a single thought, then it's not so fine.

--Bob

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

In a sense, yes ... paralysis of the analysis is the enemy of getting anything done. I don't think any thinking person would ever feel 100% "ready" or sure of themselves given the awesome nature of the responsibility, and if they were sure of themselves it would be a danger sign.

Nevertheless, not everyone has the desire or interest and society doesn't encourage you to be honest with yourself about that. Society is more likely to shame you into it if necessary, as if the whole race were in danger of winking out of existence if everyone didn't crank out as many babies as possible.

If you're of a more mystical bent, you could say that not everyone is called to it. I'm just advocating that people do what is right for them, whatever it is, even if what's right for them isn't right (or widely accepted as right) for most other people. I hope that we are way past the antique notion of the "shame" of the "barren" woman.

The same can be said of marriage itself, or anything else that is prone to being thought of as a "given" and an eyebrow-raiser if it's absent.

Sure I did. I don't think that's a commentary on how suited I was to the task so much as it's a commentary on how for whatever reasons the gods smiled on me in this area enough that I didn't create too much human wreckage in the process.

We really can't reliably judge what we "should" or "shouldn't" do in any human endeavor. But we can look within ourselves and see what we really want and what we have a passion for. I'm just saying, do things that are congruent with your true self. Even then, sometimes we misjudge strong desires projected on us by others as our own thoughts and desires. Or he have naive or uninformed ideas about what we think we want.

No, not should. Those dedicated to self improvement are the ones that are arguably best equipped to choose to be parents, but the decision is still theirs. It's the "shoulds" that make objective decisions difficult.

There is of course another angle to this. Children can teach you much about living self-consistently and unselfishly. Just because learning those lessons can be a challenge or even a source of suffering isn't to say that child rearing is a Bad Thing. I'm not suggesting that the criteria for deciding to have kids is whether you think it'd be fun. It won't be, for the most part. It'll be hard work, sacrifice, and often with ♥♥♥♥ for thanks. Literally, in the early years ;-) If you embarked on it as a conscious decision consistent with your personal vision, that's fine. If you embarked on it because mommy wants a grandchild or you think a child will make you happy or you have the mistaken idea that getting pregnant is something to consider a proud accomplishment, or because you consider it inevitable and therefore not worthy of a single thought, then it's not so fine.

--Bob

If I had to choose between a person with no awareness of self and had no control of their emotions and a person who was always striving for enlightenment, I'd choose the latter to have kids. I never said someone should be forced to have them.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

How can I have freedom, autonomy, independence, financial stability and weight-loss right now? Don't these things all take time to build up to?

Over half of the things you mentioned are perspectives. Freedom, autonomy, independence. These exist only in your head. A man living in a country with no rule and no laws can still be a slave in his head, if he chooses to be. Contrarily, a man under totalitarian rule can still act as a free man, if he chooses to. The thing we aren't free of is consequences, and who would want to live in a world without good and bad consequences? The only reason you aren't free right now is that you say you can't, when you really mean you won't. Being free doesn't mean doing things to deliberately flaunt the law, it means recognizing that aside from physical limitations, you are completely free to do all thing things that you won't do.

The only real freedom you have is to TRY. You have no control over the results. Maybe after all your attempts for financial stability, you get robbed and lose it all. Maybe after all your work to lose weight, science discovers that exercise increases fat accumulation by 1000000%. Who knows? Just about anything could happen in the future, however unlikely. I could die from a meteorite as soon as I post this. All I can do is try. Effort is what I control, not results. Society places all the emphasis on the results, but that's not what you can control. Those could be affected by an infinite number of factors beyond yourself. But your effort is your own. So right now you have all the freedom you could ever need, and indeed will ever have. You have the freedom to try.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

The only real freedom you have is to TRY. You have no control over the results.

I could try to fly an airliner, but the results would likely be disastrous. On the other hand I could try to go to flight school, and given enough drive and persistence, I could likely learn to fly an airliner. THEN I could try to fly the airplane with a high likelihood of very different results. Is this not a degree of control over the results? There are never any guarantees, but there are always odds, and the odds can always be altered, assuming you have enough creativity, time, motivation, energy and money.

I choose not to learn to fly an airliner because the size of the necessary investment exceeds the value of the skill to me. Is this a limiting belief? I suppose so, but it is a reasonable one. All things are possible, but not all things are worthwhile to all people at all times.

So ... all things are possible. So what? I just have never really "gotten" that. In practice, the universe of personal possibilities is finite, and that is in ways a good thing, because it means the universe is manageable, even for mere mortals.

Even you admit that we aren't free of consequences -- good and bad -- and don't have absolute control over outcomes. I agree, and I no longer fight it, but to me this is a pretty nasty combination. You must accept personal responsibility for your actions at the same time you must accept a lack of absolutes or guarantees. It's double jeapordy: you must pay for your mistakes yet accept that the outcome of your efforts are subject to randomness anyway. There are times when that can be supremely demotivating. At those times, the universe of infinite possibilities seems to mock you.

The only consolation for me is that you can turn it on its ear: you must accept the consequences of right actions plus the bonus that sometimes things randomly go well. But even then ... one could develop a fatalistic outlook because the connection between one's efforts and one's rewards can be quite weak at times.

--Bob

[Angela]

Bob, you're talking about doing, and I believe The Cloud is talking about being. You might be right about not having control about outcomes around doing, but I know for sure (as sure as I can be) that we have absolute control over our ways of being.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

There are never any guarantees, but there are always odds, and the odds can always be altered, assuming you have enough creativity, time, motivation, energy and money.

That is exactly what I mean. Everything you do is a probability, but probabilities are not the guarantees that we often mistake them for. I lived yesterday, and I lived today, so I'll probably live tomorrow. But one of these days I'm not going to live, it's just a matter of probability when that is going to be. I have no direct control over it, I can just manipulate the odds. I am not free to live, only to keep trying to do so.

If something happens, I can only react to it. Perhaps I am proactive about my reactions, but if something goes wrong my only option is to react. I can't do anything in the future, I can't do anything in the past, so my only option is to do something right now. I can say I'll do something in the future, but until I do it it hasn't been done and isn't guaranteed to happen.

Suffering comes from rejection of the absolute truth that the only time that anybody can do anything is right now. We blame things that happened in the past, or worry about things that may happen in the future. But nobody can do anything about these things, so they make us miserable. If it's in the past, nobody can change it, so if it makes you unhappy now the only thing you can change is how you think about it right now; otherwise you are doomed to suffer for it as long as you remember it. If you're worrying about the future, then once the thing you worried about is past you'll find something else of similar nature to worry about even further in the future. But you can never do anything about these future happenings, and as long as you live the future is going to be in front of you, so unless you change how you think about the future you will always be doomed to worry about it. Or maybe you put all your happiness in the future, so you spend all your time waiting to be happy in the future. But by that logic, happiness is always going to be in the future, and once you get to it you'll just displace it further ahead in time so you never actually get to be happy. So you can worry and blame and wait, but in reality the only recourse available to you is to do right now. It's really irrelevant whether or not you should regret the past, or should be worried about the future, because even if these are right and proper things to do they accomplish nothing. The only time you can ever be happy is right now, so why wait?

Sorry for the rant, I just got on a roll.

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

And it freed me. I wanted to have kids because I know just looking at my boyfriend and I that our kids will be gorgeous. I've always wanted a little baby girl. I now think have kids is a dumb idea for myself, logistically speaking:

I'm 25 and still live at home. I don't have a car. I live like I did when I was 15. 10 years has passed and I have basically nothing to show for myself. Not having kids has provided me with some hope.

By the time I get my life together, get a Master's, land a decent job, and get an apartment, plus lose 20 pounds, and my boyfriend gets a good job, and we are able to pay the bills, and we both have cars, we will be 35 and 40 respectively. At 35 and 40, we will be getting our first taste of actual freedom, self-ownership, and indepedence. We will be able to come and go as we please. If we want to go out to a club together, we can go out to a club together and stay out all weekend until we're tired. Then we can come home and spend time together in privacy.

He lives 300 miles away from me. We will finally be able to spend time together everyday. And we will have complete privacy for the rest of our lives.

Why ruin it by having kids as soon as we are finally together and enjoying ourselves? Kids aren't dolls, they're lifelong commitments. I'm not willing to sacrifice my future of real freedom and independence just to have something cute to look at.

Pushing kids off of my life timeline has given me a sense of peace. Now I don't feel the need to rush to decide a career, rush to get a Masters and PhD, rush to move out of the house, and rush to land a good job. I have resolved myself to the fact that my life will actually begin when I'm 35. Until then I will be reclusive and work on myself, work on my career, and work on my physical health. I could get a PhD when I'm 50, or travel when I'm 55, and it wouldn't make any difference.

Your life is always on. Only doing.

Choosing not to have kids untill you are ten thousand percent ready is the smartest decision a human being can make.

The second smartest is to make a decision to affect some kind of small positive change towards a better future in YOUR own life *right now*.

Fat people don't run marathons their first try.

Poor people don't become rich overnight.

Lost individuals don't finish their destiny in seconds.

And so on.

Practice.

Even if you have to practice the act of practicing.

Get Started. Pick one direction and stick to it. Say "No" To every distraction without exception.

Your progress will only continue upwards from there, over time.