Appearance or Substance: Which is more important?

[mercuryrising]

I hate to say it, but I think appearance is more important. To give a simple example, I went out on a limb a couple years ago and bought some horned rimmed glasses. People started to make comments about how intelligent I was. A certain type of woman started to take interest in me (they all listen to rockabilly). It amazed me that a pair glasses could do all that. I hadn't internally changed at all.

A similar experience happened when I wore a suit to a job interview. I normally wear jeans and a t-shirt, so it was weird to have people calling me 'sir' and waiting on me hand and foot. If only they knew I was broke at the time, LOL.

In terms of personal development, what if you just developed a better appearance. What do you think the result would be?

It seems a lot easier to me to change the outside than the insides...

[Angela]

Well, I don't know that appearance is more important than substance -- you could wear your glasses and suit and still be kinda dumb and not respectable.

To be treated as if you were intelligent and respectable is fun, but isn't the way of being even more fun?

That said, it makes plenty of sense for me to wear the costume of my way of being, because it turbo-charges the way of being. Plus it's fun.

[lasti]

Well, it's not really personal development. It's more like acting.
People may think of you something different at the first glance. So what? They will look behind the disguise if you get closer.

[Trezker]

Well sometimes you need to make a good first impression. You only have to wear the suit for the first meeting and then they'll have that image of you for the rest of their lives.

But in the long run you need to back up your image with matching actions. I don't like that first impression is so important. It's something that mostly benefits those who try to take advantage of the poor souls who have to filter out people too fast.

If I was gonna hire someone, I'd pick someone with jeans and t-shirt over a suit any day. I don't trust people in suits.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Trezker

If I was gonna hire someone, I'd pick someone with jeans and t-shirt over a suit any day. I don't trust people in suits.

I feel the same way about picking a lover.

[beautyscientist]

Appearance every time. Oscar Wilde said, "It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."

[Honeywith4bees]

Originally Posted by Angela

I feel the same way about picking a lover.

Wait, you don't trust a lover in a suit? I can see why, I happen to like my lover's to be naked!!!

[Brutha]

I hadn't internally changed at all.

How do you know?

Real substance translates into bodylanguage that helps in making a good first impression.

People who have studied the relationship between more expensive clothing and makeup have fund that it has a rate of return of around 13% on your investment.
Spend 100$ dollar to increase your appearence and get 13$ back through higher paychecks.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Wait, you don't trust a lover in a suit? I can see why, I happen to like my lover's to be naked!!!

Yeah, for some reason, a suit has always de-sexified men for me, with the rare exception of an impeccable Armani on one of those finely toned men whose arrogance is perfectly modulated and not absurdly misplaced.

Otherwise a suit is a pheromone exterminator.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by lasti

Well, it's not really personal development. It's more like acting.
People may think of you something different at the first glance. So what? They will look behind the disguise if you get closer.

That's true. I'm saying that it seems easier to me to change from the outside in than from the inside out. That might be an interesting experiment. I'm not sure how you would set it up.

There's a saying I heard once... you can not think your way into a new way of acting; you must act your way into a new way of thinking.

[Dannyboy1]

There are so many different situations. I guess with total strangers in the short term, appearance is more important because it's all they have to go on. However, once you're in a position to prove yourself. Who you are matters much more, unless the person has rules of appearance they've decided they need in you.

[MattFYF]

The way I see it, appearance gets your foot in the door, but after that you need some substance to back up your look. Relationships, jobs, whatever. I can dress like a businessman wherever I go, and people will treat me with more respect, but as soon as people start talking to me in-depth-ly, hopefully I have something worthwhile to say!

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Brutha

How do you know?

Real substance translates into bodylanguage that helps in making a good first impression.

I'm sure there are other factors. I just noticed that after making this one change in my appearance that I was being treated differently.

Could you not change your body language and inadvertently change your state of being? Like if I sit up-right, shoulders broad and chest out, I'll feel more confident?

People who have studied the relationship between more expensive clothing and makeup have fund that it has a rate of return of around 13% on your investment.
Spend 100$ dollar to increase your appearence and get 13$ back through higher paychecks.

That's an interesting statistic. I hadn't heard of that.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I'm sure there are other factors. I just noticed that after making this one change in my appearance that I was being treated differently.

Could you not change your body language and inadvertently change your state of being? Like if I sit up-right, shoulders broad and chest out, I'll feel more confident?



That's an interesting statistic. I hadn't heard of that.

I was slouching when I read this.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, I don't know that appearance is more important than substance -- you could wear your glasses and suit and still be kinda dumb and not respectable.

Yea, I don't like rockabilly and I didn't get that job. I've met some ignorant people who wear nice clothes. They also tend to be more successful than me which I find kind of irritating.

To be treated as if you were intelligent and respectable is fun, but isn't the way of being even more fun?

True. I guess I was looking at developing into something you aren't yet. My idea was that looking like what you want to become would stimulate you to actually become that.

That said, it makes plenty of sense for me to wear the costume of my way of being, because it turbo-charges the way of being. Plus it's fun.

Well, I guess I just repeated what you said. Good to hear from you Angela.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I was slouching when I read this.

Just buy a nice Armani suit. That will make up for it. LOL

[Angela]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I guess I was looking at developing into something you aren't yet. My idea was that looking like what you want to become would stimulate you to actually become that.

Why wait? Why not just go ahead and BE it?