how do I stop being condescending?

[sarahsarahsarah11]

This one person in my life has always driven me crazy... condescending, commanding, treating me like I don't know how to do anything and telling me always what to do. And then I've been reading that other people's are mirrors of what you don't want to own... and I've come to the realization that I am very condescending to others in the way I think.

Some of the beliefs that I realize are running through my head: I think people don't know how to take care of themselves. I think they don't know what's best for them. I think that people are just waiting around for me to save them. I think the whole world is just waiting around for me to save it. I think people are just not so enlightened as I am, and that they just don't how to live their lives.

And then, if any one of these beliefs are proved wrong and I realize that someone does know how to lead their life, then I either get stubborn and indignant ("I still know better") or I go the opposite route and think they're fifty times smarter than me and I'm stupid.

And, to add to it, if once in awhile I start to think, "Okay, all people know what to do for themselves and can take care of themselves" then I become apathetic and don't really contribute to others, I mean they can take care of themselves, right? And then something happens and I realize I could have contributed this or that etc.

Can someone help me get past this kind of thinking? I'm really not sure how.

[Angela]

You recognize that being contribution and being The Queen of the World are two entirely different things, right?

What would be possible in your life if you were to let go of the belief that "People are not as enlightened as I am and they don't know how to live their lives"? What would your life look like if you were not believing that thought, and not collapsing together the ideas that if you're not running things, that means you're not contributing?

[Parthon]

A tricky question.

I say it stems from one of two areas, either you are secretly are afraid of being inferious ro teveryone so you try your best to be better than others, or you really do believe you are better than other people, which could possible be a cover for deep down beliving that you aren't.

Either way, you either believe you are better or you believe you are not and both of those beliefs will keep you cut off from the truth, which is that all people are equal and have the same right to be here as anyone else.

Now even though I call it the truth, it's not really, but it's a far more powerful place to stand. The alternative is unthinkable. If you really do believe others are either better or worse, then you'll always be comparing and judging, which would get awfully tiresome. Plus you'd have to spend more energy in trying to measure up to others, or avoiding those below you. Yick.

Try on the belief that everyone is equal to you, from the youngest child to the oldest person, all the different races of the world and all the different backgrounds people can come from, and there's peace there. No struggle, no protection, no justification, just people being people. There will be two main effects from this. Those that try and put you down, you will be immune from, because if they are at the same level as you, and they put you down then they put themselves down too. You will find some release from the person who keeps being condescending towards you, and you will be able to dismiss them with a nod and a smile. The other is that you can then relate to people, and give them the advice they need without having to feel superious, or even get something in return. It won't be a case of "How can I help them?" but "What can I give them to enrich their lives?" for as you help another person, you help yourself, if you are all equal.

The solution would be to give up the thoughts of being "better" or "worse" than other people, because they aren't even real.

[The Smiling Spirit]

Try to remember that like them or not, you are directly connected and part of every single person you encounter. Treating them as though they are stupid is the same as treating yourself badly. Consiter that every person alive is a manifestation of God put here to grow and love and live and experience, just like you. Taking care of them is NOT your job. Seeing someone in front of your face who needs assistance is an opprotunity for YOU to grow by helping them. If no one ASKS for your help, you should mind your own business. If they're failing at something, that doesn't mean you're better than them because you DIDN'T fail, it just means that now is their time to learn a lesson and expand and it happens to be a lesson that you've already learned. Wish them well and mean it. When they succeed, in a way, so do you. Encourage people to be their best and try to be YOUR best. But don't separe yourself from this wonderful WHOLE by purposly driving a wedge. Enjoy the contrast. If someone is failing or doing something you consiter dumb, that contrast HELPS you to realize what you don't want and attract better things into your life.

[NightSpirit]

Even in helping others, we are sometimes seeking to get something for ourselves even if it's only more proof that we are good people or to add to our evidence that we are somehow superior to others. And the idea that we can save someone is only a good one as long as it remains only an idea. In practice, it would be a great burden. Once we become the leader, everything will only work out as we know best if the followers all perfectly obey and they don't.

There are ways that we each contribute that are unique and perspectives and experiences that only we have. But everyone else, even someone we may not expect to learn from, has some knowledge or experience that we don't also have. Our best teachers, the ones who have contributed to who we are the most, are not always the ones that know the right thing to do but are those that teach us what not to do by their mistakes.

Being wise and trusting enough to leave someone else alone and free to fail or to let them learn from experience does not always mean we don't care or should have prevented what we could have. If we think ourselves to be wise and capable, didn't that come from our failures as well as from the necessity of doing things on our own? Why should we, in our self-importance, be so quick to deprive others of what has shaped us and made us better than before?

The other day I read a commentary about Jesus that made me think, Even being the wise and gifted person He was, He hardly ever ministered to anyone that didn't ask Him for help first. If He respected others enough to wait to be asked, maybe we should also.

[Jarrod]

Let go of all of those thoughts. They are not who you really are.