Reacted with violence

[LifeFirst]

Well, I reacted with violence on someone whom I didn't really like, but he was also bothering me at the same time.


I think this is the first time that I used violence on someone. I've gotten mad at my parents before, but that's it. But with strangers and friends I always showed respect and was nice in general. Well.....I don't know how long I can keep on being nice to people.....when half the time I don't even care about them that much....


I was extremely angry on something that I did on this day. And I wanted to find a way to vent my anger. I had so much anger inside me that I had no idea how to let it slide. Most of the time, it will go away after a couple of hours. But this day, the anger has not yet subsided. I was alone reading a book in a public school library, just minding my own business, when one of my "friends" came up behind me and touched me on my face.

Well, this was the "perfect" opportunity to let my anger out. I literally lost it. I pushed him away, actually I pushed him into an narrow aisle where no one can see us. And I held him against the wall violently.

Now looking back, I know why I did it. If it was any other of my friends, I think I would just gotten upset, and nothing more. But this guy, I found out that I did not like this person at all because the way he disrespects from time to time.

I don't know why, but I know I'm supposed to feel bad acting out against him....but I don't. I'm almost happy that I told him get out of my face, I'm happy that I told him to get the hell away from me. He said that he will never speak to me again....and that was kind of what I wanted all along. I'm even glad that I told him what I truly felt about him.


I don't know what's going on anymore....I don't know if I'm right or wrong about this.


The thing is, I don't really want to apologize to him. Because I know that I won't mean a word that I say, because I really don't like this guy. But I still see him from time to time.

[Jarrod]

Violence breeds more violence. Anger breeds more anger (or it's friend fear).

That is why you should apologise sooner rather than later, regardless of how you feel about them as a person.

You may also want to look at what first caused the anger. It is much easier to get rid of anger when it is small than after it has been able to incubate for awhile.

[darthangel]

Aaaah, but they key is that you actually asserted your feelings about him and got what you wanted all along: him not bothering you. Might as well let it out on people you don't like, then your loved ones/ real friends.

Its a good thing you didn't punch him or you could have very well been kicked out of the institution you were in.

[LifeFirst]

That's only the thing I regret.....I wished I should have punched him in the face a couple of times.


Maybe I should have handled things smoother, because I hate having problems with people. But he brought it upon himself, all of it, the minute he started showing disrespect around me, he did this to himself. I hope he gets better, but chances are he has no clue.

[Jarrod]

He brought it on himself as much as you brought it upon him.

He acted in a way that matched how he thought the world between you and him works.

You acted in a way that matched how you thought the world between you and him works.

Neither of you are right or wrong. You both just need to figure out what your own and each others rules are and see if you can find a non-conflicting playground.

Quite conversation can facilitate such an exchange.

[The Cloud]

Do you think that you reacted in the correct manner? You don't have to feel bad to apologize, if you think you did the right thing in the wrong way. You don't have to say "sorry I got mad," but you may want to say "sorry I got violent."

Also, your anger is not his fault, otherwise you're just a puppet on strings held by everybody but yourself. Your anger was your own, and he didn't deserve to be punished for it.

[LifeFirst]

My anger was my own, correct.

But a lot of it was directed towards him too....he's not a stranger that I never met before. I know this guy for quite a while now, and he's offended me many times. Before, I never got offended easily, but it kept on getting worse and worse with him.


I'll just say one thing that I left out.


My face wasn't the only place he touched, and plus he has insulted and offended many times, whether he knows it or not. I'll just leave it that, I don't want to go into it.


After what happened, I found myself obsessed with hurting him....as if doing it would bring me justice or happiness. I never thought that I would think like this.....I hope it passes with time. Because if I ever talk to him again....I don't know what I would do.



In my opinion, this man is the closest thing I've seen to the Devil himself.

[Jarrod]

Really, don't let anger take over who you are. Whenever you see the thoughts and feelings, let them go onwards and outwards. You won't be truly happy while you are angry.

[MattSuwak]

I agree with Jarrod about anger. Somebody told me once that anger is a defense you have for feeling pain. I believe it. But I still believe in the *cough* virtue *cough* of anger. Most of the time it's not the best way to react, but anger has done a lot of good things throughout history, it's that pushing point people have when they say "NO MORE", and they use it to take a stand.

I don't think that what you did puts you on the same level as Malcolm X, but you did stand up for yourself using a powerful and effective emotion. As for the violence thing... I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but I believe in violence. I wrote a little blurb here about what I mean by that but I realized I was digging myself a grave lol. Suffice to say that in the right situations, violence is as good a tool as an apology or a complaint.

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by MattSuwak

I agree with Jarrod about anger. Somebody told me once that anger is a defense you have for feeling pain. I believe it. But I still believe in the *cough* virtue *cough* of anger. Most of the time it's not the best way to react, but anger has done a lot of good things throughout history, it's that pushing point people have when they say "NO MORE", and they use it to take a stand.

I don't think that what you did puts you on the same level as Malcolm X, but you did stand up for yourself using a powerful and effective emotion. As for the violence thing... I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but I believe in violence. I wrote a little blurb here about what I mean by that but I realized I was digging myself a grave lol. Suffice to say that in the right situations, violence is as good a tool as an apology or a complaint.

Assertiveness is fine providing it is not done with anger. Anger regardless of how it is used is blind.

[MattSuwak]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

Assertiveness is fine providing it is not done with anger. Anger regardless of how it is used is blind.

Many times, faith is considered to be blind. Even against points of evidence, people still believe in God- I'm one of them! Even if anger is used blindly, it still is a useful and powerful emotion when utilized properly. Anger spurs action. Anger also spurs intolerance and hate. The way I'm seeing it is that even with its downsides, anger still has its own beneficial uses.

[LifeFirst]

Update on the situation

Okay....I took you people's advice and I actually apologized to him.

I saw him one day and greeted him, and he greeted me as well. And I apologized of how I hit him that day. He said don't worry about it and we went on to do our own things.

Now I guess we are on pretty good terms. I would greet him whenever I see him, and he's been pretty nice.


The problem is that .....it felt good at the time.

BUT......I'm still not satisfied...I still want to hurt him. It's because of all the disrespect he shown me in the past. I still can't let it go. Even after I apologized, I've been trying hard to forgive him....but it seems like it's not working. I still want to hurt him and tell him how much he disrespected me. These feelings would come and go with no warning at different times of the day. It's bothering me so much I can't really focus on doing work.

It's never bothered me before like it is now, I don't know what's going on....

[ar81]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Well, I reacted with violence on someone whom I didn't really like, but he was also bothering me at the same time.

The thing is, I don't really want to apologize to him. Because I know that I won't mean a word that I say, because I really don't like this guy. But I still see him from time to time.

If you did not like him, now he does not like you. The more time it takes the more anger could grow in him. What if he feels anger one of these days, and he gathers some friends to take revenge for what you did, but he decides to take the lesson to a point where you forget about hitting him again, like breaking a few bones of your body? You would have a hospital bill to pay if you survive. I have met people who have done that in retaliation. Apologizing is cheaper than a hospital bill.

And that would be the best case scenario. In the future he could be your boss. So you would have a hard time trying to get along in the future, just to pay your bills.

In the past I was targetted by a boss who vented his anger on me for a silly reason, and a few years later I worked for one of his customers and obviously he did not get a juicy contract from the company while I was there. He did not like me, and now I do not like him and he lost lots of money because of his poor attitude. I was young when that happened, so I took it very personal and took special care about making his life simply not easy. I regret that on a personal level, of course, for it was not very human from me, so I tried to face things differently. I recall his eyes in a business presentation before an auditorium, as if he was thinking "geez, I screw it up hard". I was merciless, I asked him very tough questions before everyone. I never apologized, for he used the selfesteem of his secretary like a carpet to clean his dirty shoes, so back then I thought he deserved it. Now I have a different view.

If you knew the human side of the other guy I bet you would not have done that. I learned later that enemies are enemies because of opposing objectives. Else, they can be your friends, or at least not enemies anymore.

The more time it takes you to apologize the worst for you.
Even if you go to another city or country, he could be either your boss, your customer, or someone who has friends who could screw you up in the far future.

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EDIT: If you still feel you want to hurt him, you probably are venting irrational anger that someone else caused you when you were a kid. The worst you could do is to attack.

What I do now is that I return evil with good, and make it clear that I am returning good for evil, and that makes people to feel guilty. But that teaches them that non aggression is better.

Mahatma Gandhi showed the power of non-violence to the world. Watch the movie "Gandhi" and learn about it.

[Alison Jenkins]

Has something happened in your past and you are venting your anger on this guy when it is really directed at someone else.

Sounds like you need to get some help to deal with this before you end up causing yourself and others harm

Alison