Feeling very unimportant

[niche]

I first thought about posting this in relationships but decided to post here instead. My problem first resembles a problem with my significant other but when I dig down into it, it is really a problem with me. I'm going back to school depending on him for financial support. He's been great about it. I shouldn't complain, but I'm tired of not having anything of my own. Never able to go out and just maybe buy myself an outfit or a new CD or anything. I constantly have homework to do. He goes out and spends time with a friend or just spends time by himself, or like today, he's out helping my family in moving my mother to her new house. Nothing to complain about right? That's why I know the problem is with me. I'm so jealous. I guess this is the word for it. I'm just so sick and tired of always being left home to do homework and watch the kids. Even when we go to things like family events (my family) they want to talk to him more than they do me. Something is wrong with me. Too many things are wrong with me and I just don't even know where to start fixing them. I'm not quite sure what I'm expecting to get from posting this thread. I guess I just needed to say my feelings and hopefully have someone listen. If anyone has advice it is always welcomed.

[Lauxa]

Could you ask him for an allowance so you would have a little spending money?

Are the kids his? Does he help to take care of them? Could you designate a night every week or two that you are off duty? If he doesn't watch the kids, maybe your parents could help. It might also be extra motivation to get your homework done before your night off.

Maybe you could try doing visualizations of the things you would like to have. Imagine yourself going out and buying a new outfit or hanging out with friends or your family being really interested in talking to you. Visualize how that makes you feel, and be sure to hold the feeling for at least a minute. Your brain doesn't really care if your 'memories' are real or invented, so you might be able to feel better even if you can't immediately improve your situation.

[niche]

Thank you for your advice. I will try what you said with the mental image. It sounds like a plausible solution. I really hate feeling the way I did. I've come around a bit, but still feel stifled. And when I get down, I tend to just spiral even further down and then have a hard time getting back up. I think this all has something to do with how I've grown up, how I've lived for the past decade or more. I've always felt like I was the one who had to take care of everything. With my mother, then with my husband (now divorced), but I'm in a better place in life now. It's just that when I start to get a little overwhelmed, I fall apart. Anyway, thanks again for responding. I really appreciate it.

[Rosie]

It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders. Perhaps, you're feeling unimportant because you aren't doing anything that would make you feel important. Go out for dinner occasionally, go out with friends, do something fun and enjoyable that's just for you. It shouldn't just be all about work, and family...it's your life, you should spend time on yourself too. It also sounds like you feel like you aren't getting enough recognition, or attention. Sometimes when we we're feeling inadequate on the inside, we project those feelings outward. We perceive other people's actions differently than they were intended. You might start believing that people don't like you, are ignoring you, or treating you differently, when really you're just perceiving things from a more negative view point.

Your husband may be providing for you and the family financially, but how do you provide for them? Do you give them love, do you spend time with them? I guarantee your family will remember those moments the most. I definitely don't think that you are unimportant. You are important to your family, to your children. You are important because you are going to school, so that you can become a productive member of society, so that you can take care of your children. In life, we take turns, we give and take. Right now your partner is providing for you financially, but when you complete your schooling, you'll be able to provide for your family financially as well.

I hope this helps