And I believe I'm useless

[Rose of Cairo]

Caren's thread I Believe I'm Worthless made me realize that I have the limiting belief "I'm useless". Thank you so much for that, Caren. Immediately the very next day, I was given a great opportunity to feel how much this charming belief affects my life.

K said that creating harmony is not my purpose, like I thought it was. He said I do create harmony alone because of how I am naturally, but that it's something that I do "along the way" and not my true purpose. This hit me like a slap in the face I guess because I was subconsciously having doubts about my purpose. I felt desperate when he said that, because I thought "he's right! If it was my true purpose, I would be so sure about it that I'd have no doubts. And if I had no doubts about it, what he's saying wouldn't hurt like that."

He also said that instead of doing hundreds of things that don't really suit me just to contribute, I should do just nothing for a while and focus on finding out the one thing that I am really meant to do, for which I have the unique talents. He said every time I spend some energy doing something that's not really "that", it's like a little curtain falling, cutting me from my true mission. And that he will go work and earn money for both of us so that I can concentrate on finding out what my mission is.

I have doubts about my current strategy. I thought since I don't know what I should do, let's just do the next right thing I can do. So I learn this and that, plan on building websites I'm not really enthusiastic about, practice things I know I'm not really meant to do, start lots of projects and don't finish them because I know that deep down it's not really "that"... I don't know if this is the right way to go, so what he said really did hurt.

However, I don't believe in doing nothing till I know either, because honestly I have doubts about actually having this one unique mission. He meant it as a compliment, he says I'm up to something greater than the little things I'm working on now. But this makes me so ANGRY! I've always been the kind of highly intelligent multi-talented super student, I've always been told that I'm wasting my potential and up to something greater - and what did it bring me?? Nothing. I've never known wtf to do with my life. I could do anything, and nothing does have a deeper sense for me, so why do it? I'm a scanner. There's nothing I feel is "the one thing" for me. I feel talented and yet completely useless!

I'm feeling so useless! I was so frustrated yesterday that I cried my eyes out and ate a mountain of cooked foods. I even had thoughts like "I'll never find out what my purpose is. I'm completely useless. I'll never do anything useful here on earth. I should kill myself. I'd rather jump from a highway bridge than to live a life that doesn't make any difference for the world."

Right now I'm using Angela's method to get rid of this "I'm useless" belief. Maybe it'll get better after that?

Sorry for venting.

[Jamie]

I feel useless too; and utterly unimportant with it ...

... and that is just soooooo FANTASTIC!!

*wwwwooooooooooooooo* baby!

It's like, when you get rid of usefulness, and importance, all that's left, is, life and love ... and how wonderful is that?

As for purpose, is it something we can ever know? Or is it whatever it is we're doing, right here, right now?

I dunno if that helps Rose? (I am in party mode today).

Jamie. x

[Rose of Cairo]

Oh yes that helps, thank you very much Jamie You had me laughing out loud now, it's so wonderful to see you that light and happy, it makes me happy too

You also opened my eyes about something. If being useless is so bad, that's obviously because I want to be useful. Why do I want to be useful in the first place?

And why am I taking myself so seriously?



Kiss for you.

[Holistic Star]

Hi Rose,

Just wanted to say I could have written your post! Like you I acquired a belief that 'I am useless.' Like you I am a scanner, good a a multitude of things but nothing really fits. Like you people tell me I am wasting my potential.

The tears I have cried over this flippin purpose thing have wrung me out.

How I used to envy the girls at my school who just knew they wanted to be a doctor or an architecht or a housewife. If only I had that clear ambition!

Some things that have helped me. One is that my coach said to me that possibly what I end up doing hasn't been invented yet. It's up to me to create that new idea by synthesising all the things I have learned into one new unique approach. That appeals to me and allows me to keep learning. I'm going to be a pioneer! (Even Einstein had a day job as a clerk).

Also I have just recently taken the laid back approach. What happens, happens. I've stopped forcing it. Yes I don't feel like I am 'progressing' but things are happening. After a year of qualififying in a particular therapy training but not actually practising, four people I know want me to run a course for them and have offered more than I was going to charge as 'mates-rates'. Is it my purpose? Probably not. Will I learn something that helps me on my way. Oh yes.

I'm going to look at Angela's method for clearning beliefs. Do you have a link?

Also I'm working on a lot of emotional clearing at the moment. A friend has just done John Demartini's breakthrough weekend. Expensive (£1000) but she says it was worth every penny. worth looking into if you can find the money. She's helping me work through the emotional baggage I've picked up along the way.

Just wanted to say to you, you are not alone. Besides which it isn't anyone's business what your purpose is but your own.

speak soon

xxx

[Jamie]

Have you heard of the uncarved block? It's a principle in Taoism; Benjamin Hoff explains it wonderfully in The Tao of Pooh..

(well, this is from a site about Winnie the Pooh, talking about Benjamin Hoffs wonderful book)

One of the basic principles of Taoism is P'U, the Uncarved Block. The essence of the Uncarved Block is that things in their original simplicity contain their own natural power, power that is easily spoiled and lost when that simplicity is changed. This principle applies not only to things, but to people as well. Or Bears. Which brings us to Pooh, the very Epitome of the Uncarved Block. When you discard arrogance, complexity, and a few, other things that get in the way, sooner or later you will discover that simple, childlike, and mysterious secret known to those of the Uncarved Block: Life is Fun. Along with that comes the ability to do things spontaneously and have them work, odd as that may appear to others at times. As Piglet put it in 'Winnie-the-Pooh', "Pooh hasn't much Brain, but he never comes to any harm. He does silly things and they turn out right."

Source - The Tao of Pooh | Winnie the Pooh

Also, there's something in Taoism, about this really old, knarled, useless tree; it's useless beacause the carpenter can't make anything out of it, there's no straight lines etc; so it just gets left..

But that means it doesn't get cut down; it's left in it's original state. Also, it's good for providing shade on a hot sunny day..

[Rose of Cairo]

Just a few words, I have to go:

Jamie, providing shade on a hot sunny day sounds great and all, but in this concrete life it means picking a random job in order to live, doing things that I find meaningless and looking forward to the next vacation. I say: NOOOOOOO!!! Where's the point??

Also, I've always, since I'm a little child, been convinced that I am here to do something. Not necessarily something great or very special, but something that is my personal mission on earth. I've spent my life so far trying to figure it out.

Once I've found out what my purpose is, as a true scanner I'd probably still have a helluvah hard time choosing one medium to express it. But at least I'd know what I am here for. It would make it easier for me to decide how to invest my energy.

Gotta go, Holistic Star, I'll reply to your post when I come back

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Jamie, providing shade on a hot sunny day sounds great and all, but in this concrete life it means picking a random job in order to live, doing things that I find meaningless and looking forward to the next vacation. I say: NOOOOOOO!!! Where's the point??

Yeah! That's it! I'm glad to hear that there's someone else who understands this.

[Jamie]

Rose, Guys, the thing about the uncarved block; or the useless tree; what it means, or how I see it ..

Well, it doesn't mean to be a useless bum, sit around and do nothing all day, and to be happy with that. It's more like, not striving too far for things, so that you've gone behond the bounds of your innate nature. It's more like, what you do in life, comes out of, or is dictated by you following, your own innate nature. The thing we struggle with, I think, is that our mind wants to know, it wants to concopt something, anything, that we can then go off and do; so, just that is coming from a place of ego, instead, of it being more in line with what your own heart and your higher self wants for you.

Sometimes, you just can't rush it; and the more you rush, the slower you go; in contrast; relaxing, letting go, having faith in your own nature and the nature of the universe; good things can come out of that.

I'm relating this to my own life; I've had times of panic myself, and my mind takes over, and wants to know there and then, exactly what to do, it want's a quick solution, because it panics; and maybe, that's just the time we need to relax, be still, and feel within for a direction?

I dunno how applicable any of that is to you though Rose ...

I guess, to be still, connect with yourself, and get a feeling for your purpose (life purpose, or just your purpose in this moment), arising from that stillness.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Jamie, providing shade on a hot sunny day sounds great and all, but in this concrete life it means picking a random job in order to live, doing things that I find meaningless and looking forward to the next vacation. I say: NOOOOOOO!!! Where's the point??

To, me providing shade on a hot sunny day means just BEing who you are! The tree just is, it's not concerned about whether or not it's providing shade, or meant to provide shade, or meant to be carved into a boat. It just IS in all it's tree-ness.

I know that one purpose you have to is to be completely 100% you. There is no other Rose on Earth with your same name, born the same time, with the same experiences and life history (and past life history!)... WHO YOU ARE is amazing, beautiful, and true - even WITH the cooked food and self-doubt and frustration. Can you feel that? You are meant to be you. And if that means going about randomly sampling things 'til something sets you on fire, that's what it means. OR, if it means just BEing until inside, you see your path... oh, wait. THAT'S NOT YOU. LOL (wish we had a happily laughing icon!) To sit still would drive you nuts! Your form of meditation is definitely more active, more about being in the moment AS YOU ACT. That's what gets your engine running! Methinks K wants to be still 'til he finds his purpose, or that's what worked for him, so he thinks it should work for you! But -- you're you! And as wondrous as you are, we really only need the one of you! And one of K!

For some reason, Christine Kane's site just flashed in my mind. Have you read her stuff? It might resonate with you. This post in particular is what came to mind. That's one of her first ones - she has gems all through her site.

I love you!

[carenkh]

Ooh - I just came across something else, too! From Marie Forleo's blog (author of Make Every Man Want You):

An Unexpected Reality Check

You rock!!!

[Angela]

Rose, I think it's great and bold of you to have seen this for yourself, this thought, "I am useless" that you've been carrying around and believing as if it were The Truth.

A few thoughts on what you've said. Being Harmony may or may not be your purpose in life, but what it certainly is is an inspiring possibility, a way of being that when you generate it, it inspires you (or has, at at any rate), and assists you in letting go of old pain -- old habitual negative thought patterns. Inspiring possibility and life purpose are not necessarily the same thing. You can generate as many inspiring possibilities as you want to -- there is no limit! I do my process often and have generated hundreds of inspiring possibilities for myself. It's not about being flaky or indecisive; it's about being who you want to be in each moment, and recognizing when your old pain is running you so that you can be free to choose something that works better, if you want to.

About life purpose: it's an elective. You choose your life purpose. It's not like it's something that exists and is discovered objectively, like a diamond in a long-lost mine that is waiting for you to find it. Plus, you don't have to choose a life purpose; most people never do. It's a choice. No one can tell you what your life purpose is or isn't; if someone tries, it would be worthwhile for him to take a bold look at why he's doing it. I imagine K is trying to be supportive and loving, but underneath that, it sounds like he is being attached to something, and withholding freedom from himself -- and projecting that constriction onto you, because you are his partner, so he can see it outside the bones of his own head. It's a great learning process. You might want to gently and lovingly ask him to consider that he might benefit from looking boldly at who his advice is truly aimed at.

You are drawn to lots of different things because you are an interesting and interested person, Rose. You are a grand student of life, and there's no need for you to specialize if you're not inspired to. Part of your purpose in life might be to learn as much and as many different things as you can -- that would certainly inspire me! It's so moving that you are so utterly committed to making a difference in the world for others, and I believe that your insatiable thirst for knowledge and varied experience is one of the ways you build your foundation for doing so. It's possible to make a difference in the world from a stand of stillness (or even ignorance or inexperience), but it looks to me like part of how you make a difference in the world is simply by being the incredibly inspiring Life Warrior that I see in front of me. You battle to remove limitations on yourself, and by doing that, you fight for the world. That makes a huge difference for all of us!

The fact that what K said makes you angry is wonderful. You know that is access to something deep and powerful for yourself. I know you will look for ways of expressing that anger, like talking to us here, rather than filling your Temple with foods that don't contribute to your well-being and power.

(that reminds me -- Tim Freke, one of the speakers at ICDI in Vegas, said, "my body used to be my temple, but now it's more like a night club." )

Finally, I think that you are absolutely brilliant to be creating these situations for yourself in which people are telling you who you are or who you should be. It looks to me like it's the perfect working-through of your old "duty" pain -- it occurs to me that "making a difference" itself might be occurring for you like a duty, rather than as an inspiration or joy. Is that worth looking at? I also wonder if you are creating all this to unfold for yourself the ability to see the magnificence of you who you are right now -- sometimes I want to shake you and get it through your thick skull what an incredible human being you are, not potentially, but actually. I think you get glimpses of it, but then you deny it. And now may be your time to awaken to the limitless glory of who you are now.

None of this is a compliment to you, Rose. It's a challenge.

[justfiverules]

Rose,
Check out the late Tony De Mello's book, "Awareness".

I've mentioned it a few times on this site and others because it's chock full of funny stories and disarming truths about the "loony tunes of life", told during one of Tony's seminars. (The book is essentially a collection of short talks.)

"I'm an ass, you're an ass" (his words)

[Rose of Cairo]

ok, I'm back.

Holistic Star, thank you very much for your touching post. I can understand you sooo well...

The laid back approach is what I've been doing lately too. Since I don't know what to do, I thought I'd just implement the few ideas I'm having. I don't feel that I'm progressing either. First I do many things at the same time, so the steps are very small, and second I must admit that I'm not really motivated to do any of that, because I can feel that it's not "that". Of course it's interesting, everything I do is interesting, but... I'm like " ... yeah. "

You know Margaret Lobenstine and Barbara Sher's books don't you?

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

I'm going to look at Angela's method for clearning beliefs. Do you have a link?

No, unfortunately her website isn't up yet. She coached me with "I'm trapped" last winter, that's how I learned her method. If you're interested, she's applying it live and publicly to Caren's "I'm worthless" here.

Also I'm working on a lot of emotional clearing at the moment.

Yes, excellent idea. I think I might need that too!

xxx

Much love to you.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I guess, to be still, connect with yourself, and get a feeling for your purpose (life purpose, or just your purpose in this moment), arising from that stillness.

That's, basically, exactly what K said I should do. I've never found it out this way till now!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by carenkh

I know that one purpose you have to is to be completely 100% you.

Yes. Of course, that's the purpose we all have. But just being me won't bring me money to live. And, what is much more important, just being me won't give me a sense of fulfillment. I'd so love to do something that is really, genuinely, deeply interesting. Something that makes sense for me! Something substantial to chew on. Something I believe in.

I need to have a purpose so that I know what to do. Without a purpose, everything's kinda equivalent for me. I find everything fascinating and interesting, and at the same time, I also find everything kinda boring. There need to be more for me in something in order to do it.

To sit still would drive you nuts!

Yes! In fact I believe that's exactly what's happening. I'm used to exercise daily and move a lot. Now with my knee injury, I can barely move and spend my days sitting around. I think it's driving me borderline crazy.

Plus it's not only a physical thing, it's also emotional. I need to feel that I'm doing something. That something is changing, moving, happening. Just being still and waiting for some insight to fall into my lap is awful.

Thank you for the blog posts Inspiring indeed. About the second one: I have no dream burning in my heart! That's the problem. If I had, I wouldn't let K bother me. Grrrr.

Love you.

[dancer]

Rose,

You set your purpose to do something that benefits others, but what benefits you? It is very honourable and nobel to have a purpose that is to the best of everyone else, but what about you? Perhaps, in meeting your own needs will be the key to contributing to humanity. Have you considered this?

I know my own life is richer for having known you.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

Inspiring possibility and life purpose are not necessarily the same thing.

That's true, and I'm realizing that only now! When I worked with you on "I'm trapped" this winter, and you asked me how my life would be without this belief, and we looked at everything I said, everything was boiling down to Harmony. So I decided to make it my purpose. It seemed obvious to me that if everything in my life is about harmony, this must be my purpose, right? Now I realize that no, maybe it isn't. Creating harmony still feels like the most valuable goal ever though. But recently I've felt that I resonate much more with expressing Strength than with expressing Harmony. But Strength definitely is not my purpose. Now I'm curious to see what will come out of the "I'm useless" process (I'm about halfway through it). Maybe all this has nothing to do with my purpose...

About life purpose: it's an elective. You choose your life purpose. It's not like it's something that exists and is discovered objectively, like a diamond in a long-lost mine that is waiting for you to find it.

Hmmmm... What about those saying that you decide about your purpose before being born, or that you'll be crying when you find it out eventually??

Plus, you don't have to choose a life purpose; most people never do.

Oh, but I have to. Like I said above, without a purpose nothing makes sense for me.

I imagine K is trying to be supportive and loving, but underneath that, it sounds like he is being attached to something, and withholding freedom from himself

Hmmm... How so?

He just thinks that with all my talent and pep and energy, "creating harmony" isn't spectacular enough for me. He also thinks that with all my harmless projects I'm distracting myself from the greater things I could be doing and having too little space for the insight to come.

The fact that what K said makes you angry is wonderful. You know that is access to something deep and powerful for yourself.

Oh, yes. I thanked him a lot for that. I'm not upset at him.

I know it's just old pain. What he said reminds me of all these stupid teachers and profs adoring me like a geeeeenius and always telling me how brilliant I was and that I could achieve just anything... and not seeing how extremely bored I was, and how lost I was feeling, not knowing what to do with my life, and not seeing ME as a human being, and not seeing my pain and my struggle with my ****ed up family and all other kids hating me. I'm feeling so angry at him for finding me so great!

it occurs to me that "making a difference" itself might be occurring for you like a duty, rather than as an inspiration or joy. Is that worth looking at?

Yes, that's true. It is also an inspiration and a joy, but also a duty. I think it's my job. After all, that's what I came for. I'm not taking vacations here!

sometimes I want to shake you and get it through your thick skull what an incredible human being you are, not potentially, but actually.

You know, I get very angry when someone tells me how wonderful I am. Of course it makes me feel happy, it flatters my ego, plus I see it as a sign that the person loves me. But deep down, I always feel like shouting back "SO WHAT?? BIG DEAL!!! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL WITH IT! AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! BARK BARK BARK!"

Hehe sorry...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

But recently I've felt that I resonate much more with expressing Strength than with expressing Harmony. But Strength definitely is not my purpose. Now I'm curious to see what will come out of the "I'm useless" process (I'm about halfway through it). Maybe all this has nothing to do with my purpose...

That's great, and I look forward to hearing about what comes up for you.

Hmmmm... What about those saying that you decide about your purpose before being born, or that you'll be crying when you find it out eventually??

Well, some people believe that. Personally, I think it's a bunch of Hogwash Crapola. Maybe you set yourself up with some challenges before being born for the purpose of learning something, but any life lesson has an infinite number of ways of being lived out -- not just one. You can't get it wrong.

Oh, but I have to. Like I said above, without a purpose nothing makes sense for me.

Yes, I get that you are self-compelled to distinguish a life purpose. But did you understand that I was saying it is a choice, and people are not required to declare a life purpose? Most people never do, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is a choice, and you are making your choice powerfully.

Hmmm... How so?He just thinks that with all my talent and pep and energy, "creating harmony" isn't spectacular enough for me.

Whenever anyone *shoulds* another, or himself for that matter, there is freedom that is being inhibited. The person is arguing with life, and demanding that it be other than what it is. Even when it's an apparently benevolent should ("you should be doing something that will make you happy!" "I should take better care of myself" etc.), shoulds are complaints, not inspired action.

You know, I get very angry when someone tells me how wonderful I am. Of course it makes me feel happy, it flatters my ego, plus I see it as a sign that the person loves me. But deep down, I always feel like shouting back "SO WHAT?? BIG DEAL!!! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL WITH IT! AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! BARK BARK BARK!"

Hehe sorry...

Like I said, it wasn't a compliment, it was a challenge. I know you well enough to be wary of how you punish me for recognizing your magnificence. Down, girl, DOWN, girl!!

When you reject my assessment of the difference you make in the world, Rose, it's as if you were throwing a hairbrush at the mirror. You are rejecting the beauty in me that is recognizing your own beauty. The most generous thing you can do is to be gratefully accepting, because by doing that you honor and celebrate Who We Are.

[Rose of Cairo]

Uuuuuugh, I'd like to precise something about what I wrote, because I just received an email showing me how this could be hugely misunderstood.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I know it's just old pain. What he said reminds me of all these stupid teachers and profs adoring me like a geeeeenius and always telling me how brilliant I was and that I could achieve just anything... and not seeing how extremely bored I was, and how lost I was feeling, not knowing what to do with my life, and not seeing ME as a human being, and not seeing my pain and my struggle with my ****ed up family and all other kids hating me. I'm feeling so angry at him for finding me so great!

I am NOT angry because they told me how brilliant I was and yet my results aren't that brilliant. Back then my results were absolutely brilliant and yet I already was feeling very angry at them.
I was and still am angry because the only thing they saw about me was how brilliant I was, and they did not see the huge pain I was going through, and how much I suffered from being bored, and they didn't help me although I really needed help.

Just for the record.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I was and still am angry because the only thing they saw about me was how brilliant I was, and they did not see the huge pain I was going through, and how much I suffered from being bored, and they didn't help me although I really needed help.

When your old pain and anger gets triggered now, is it still because someone recognizes your brilliance but doesn't see your pain, suffering, boredom, or need for help? Or is it just that the recognition of your brilliance is like a Pavlovian response, and reminds you of the old pain, even though there's no current threat or infliction?

Also, does it remind you of your old pain and need for help when you recognize your own brilliance? I can see how if that were true, you might be reluctant to recognize your own brilliance, to avoid feeling that old pain.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

When your old pain and anger gets triggered now, is it still because someone recognizes your brilliance but doesn't see your pain, suffering, boredom, or need for help? Or is it just that the recognition of your brilliance is like a Pavlovian response, and reminds you of the old pain, even though there's no current threat or infliction?

Hmmm... I think it just reminds me of the old pain. I don't feel suffering or in need for help now. It's true that I tend to be bored easily, and being bored is about the worst torture I can possibly suffer. It's also true that I often feel confused and helpless because I still don't know what to do with my life. But it's no real pain, and I don't expect other people to help me with that anymore now. I'd say, it's mostly a pavlovian response.

Hmmm... But it's true that often people think everything must be easy for me as I'm able to do whatever I want and "just have to choose", and they don't see that it can be damn difficult for me. At least that's what happened with K. For him, I'm sooooo intelligent and strong and talented and great and whatnot and he admires me so much that he thinks everything must be totally easy for me in life, and he doesn't see that I'm having a hard time. So it's both I guess.

Also, does it remind you of your old pain and need for help when you recognize your own brilliance?

Oh yes, most definitely. When I am being successful, or when others admire me in some way or say that I shine, I immediately start feeling crappy.

Originally Posted by Angela

Yes, I get that you are self-compelled to distinguish a life purpose. But did you understand that I was saying it is a choice, and people are not required to declare a life purpose? Most people never do, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is a choice, and you are making your choice powerfully.

I think I get it now. It's a choice, but for now it doesn't feel like a choice for me. As I said above, everything tends to bore me, so I absolutely need a purpose to make some things meaningful. It's like when I just had to lie when I was feeling trapped. I didn't have any choice although it is a choice. Then you gave me the choice. Given the choice, I prefer having integrity, but before you freed me from "I'm trapped" I had no real choice. Given the choice, maybe I'd still choose to have a purpose, but for now I have no real choice: either I have a purpose, or I'm bored, and that's just intolerable.

When I'm done with "I'm useless", I'll kill "I'm bored".

When you reject my assessment of the difference you make in the world, Rose, it's as if you were throwing a hairbrush at the mirror. You are rejecting the beauty in me that is recognizing your own beauty. The most generous thing you can do is to be gratefully accepting, because by doing that you honor and celebrate Who We Are.

OUCH! Yes I can see that now. You're right, I hadn't thought of that before. It's not nice for others, what I'm doing. I'll practice being accepting and grateful.

Thank you Angela

[Parthon]

It's great to read this thread and see all the insights everyone has about themselves and each other. Totally. Awesome! :P

Also, thansk to you Rose. What you said about being brilliant and everyone telling you that you are brilliant, just making you angry, I never understood that until now. I found myself in the same situation, it was a response, when people would praise me for something I'd done that took no effort I'd be pissed off because they didn't know what was really going on and it also highlighted when people didn't praise me for those things I put actual effort into. And worse than that, they never knew what was really going on.

As for life purpose, I believe people have a life purpose that most resonates with who they really are. It doesn't mean that you need to find it, or that there's only one, or even that there's anything wrong with not finding it. But if someone does find it, the kind of power and creation they can cause in the world can go up a million times or more. Steve and Erin are two people that have found their purpose and you can see what kind of impact they are having on the world at the moment, and it's growing every day.

When I try and picture you being Harmony though, it doesn't quite work. You are passionate, full of energy, and that's what brings you the most joy and peace. Some people could sit there and meditate, give out spiritual wisdom and relax the day away, but I see you as someone who wants to get out there and do do do. It's not about the success, or achievement, but about causing something in the world that doesn't already exist. While I think this can be done with harmony, it's far from the source of it.

I think the answer to your question lies in what you are/were already doing with your time. There would be a common thread in all the activities you chose to undertake that points to your true purpose. The best way to find this out is to grab a few pieces of paper and a pen, then take some time to write down everything you can think of about your favorite activities. What are your favorite activities? Why do you do them? What is it about them that calls to you? What is it about those activities do you like? Why do you like what it is you like? Keep digging deeper into the whys and whats, and dig really actively. Ask really important questions of them and yourself and really go to work on uncovering the source.

I think this kind of inspired activity is what will uncover your true purpose, not waiting around for it to strike. Angela was right when she said "What works for K won't work for you." You will have to find your own path in finding your own path to life.

[Playlife]

Well, literally speaking, unless you are disable in every imaginable way, you are still useful. If nowhere else, then helping your mom. To me, being useful means that you have skills and talents and you utilize them. That you utilize yourself, really. (not my way to do things but seems to work for majority..)

But why do you want to be useful anyway? What happens when you're useless? What if you are doing something that gives you great joy and at the same time is totally and utterly useless(for others and yourself alike)? Have you been told that you're lazy?

[Alex2007]

I think many good ideas have been written so far.

I would like to expose some inspiring lyrics here, that are relevant to the thread. It is a song called "I Wish I knew How it Would Feel to be Free" (As sung by Nina Simone)

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
I wish I could say all the things that I should say
say 'em loud, say 'em clear
for the whole round world to hear.

I wish I could share all the love that's in my heart
remove all the bars that keep us apart
I wish you could know what it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
that every man should be free.

I wish I could give all I'm longing to give
I wish I could live like I'm longing to live
I wish that I could do all the things that I can do
though I'm way overdue I'd be starting anew.

Well I wish I could be like a bird in the sky
how sweet it would be if I found I could fly
Oh I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
and I'd sing cos I'd know that
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free
I'd know how it feels to be free

----

And now there is the question: Is "Being-Free" a part of our purpose?
"K said that creating harmony is not my purpose", is it?

For some Harmony is the Ultimate purpose. Living with such a purpose, it serves like a magnet that attracts the events in life that result in more Harmony

Anyway, my 2c
A

[Rose of Cairo]

Wow, so much great input here! Thank you all of you

Alex, thank you very much for your 2 cts and for the wonderful song. I love Nina Simone! I'm listening to the song on youtube over and over again now. It's very beautiful and inspiring.

I don't know if being free is part of my purpose. Freedom for sure is one of my top values, and I'm sure being free is part of everybody's purpose in general... but it doesn't really feel as my specific purpose to be free. I don't know...

[Rose of Cairo]

Parthon, thank you for your great post. I very much appreciate your insight.

I can relate to your frustration when people praise you and don't know what's really going on!

Originally Posted by Parthon

When I try and picture you being Harmony though, it doesn't quite work.

Argh... sigh. Will you stop destroying my dream

Some people could sit there and meditate, give out spiritual wisdom and relax the day away, but I see you as someone who wants to get out there and do do do.

That's so true!

I talked on the phone with K about that again, he said that doing nothing and waiting isn't a good idea after all, because I "permanently have bumblebees in the ass"

It's not about the success, or achievement

That's true too.

but about causing something in the world that doesn't already exist.

Wow! Now this is really nicely put! I love it

I think the answer to your question lies in what you are/were already doing with your time. There would be a common thread in all the activities you chose to undertake that points to your true purpose. (...)

Well, I already did that... and couldn't find anything. Most of the time, I do something because I just feel great when I do it, or out of mere curiosity, or because I feel incredibly drawn to do it, without knowing why. Maybe I'd need someone else to look at the list. I'm afraid despite of being intelligent I'm not that much of a thinker

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Playlife

But why do you want to be useful anyway? What happens when you're useless? What if you are doing something that gives you great joy and at the same time is totally and utterly useless(for others and yourself alike)? Have you been told that you're lazy?

Hmmm... you're asking so pertinent questions

Yes I've always been told by my mom that I'm lazy but I don't think "I'm useless" is about being useful or useless in the conventional sense of it.

Like, when I was a student and having a job as a programmer, I was feeling so useless that I always thought I should kill myself. I was producing programs which is "useful", but what I was doing didn't make any deeper sense for me.

On the other hand, when I think that creating harmony is my purpose, and I dance tango argentino, then it's a completely different thing. Dancing tango could be seen as a completely useless hobby, but in my eyes it totally makes sense. There are many ways to dance tango, you can do it in a good looking yet disharmonious way, or in a harmonious way. Tango is a big passion of mine, and it's all about harmony, in the communication between the dancers, with the music, but also on an energy level, in your own body... I cannot really explain it with words, but I believe that dancing tango is creating harmony, for myself, my partner and all the people watching us.

"I'm useless" is more a deep anxiety that I won't find my way, that all doors are closed, and that I'll end up doing something meaningless.

[Angela]

I totally *get* Rose as Harmony, perhaps not as a driving life purpose, but certainly as a source of inspiring action.

Some people who hear the word "harmony" might be thinking smoochy sweet light-hearted, let's-everybody-just-get-along, breaking out into song, Hello Kitty harmony. Clearly that is not Rose, although there is probably a little Hello Kitty buried deeply (really, really deeply) within her soul.

I see Rose as harmony in the sense that what she's up to is developing, coordinating and integrating the skill and talent of bringing together disparate elements into unity of the highest good for all. That includes feeling good, aesthetic pleasure, moral integrity, and very bold personal growth. And I don't think she's interested in doing this in a clunky, clumsy way -- no, Rose is a woman who wants to teach herself and the world to dance. It's a serious dance, yes, but also a sexy, vital dance, like the Polynesians who dance before and after battle. It's a celebration, but also a ritual and a conduction of power.

And I realize that might not be how Wikipedia describes "harmony."

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

... and I dance tango argentino

Ah! That explains it Rose! You need to switch to Salsa! haha

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

... it's all about harmony, in the communication between the dancers, with the music, but also on an energy level, in your own body... I cannot really explain it with words,

I know just what you mean, it's the same with me, and the feelings and fun and energy and connection that dancing evokes, words could never explain..

Dancing certainly isn't useless, well, I don't think; far from it infact, it brings so much to my life, such a sense of raw freedom, expression, passion..

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

"I'm useless" is more a deep anxiety that I won't find my way, that all doors are closed, and that I'll end up doing something meaningless.

I hope you can resolve this deep feeling inside you Rose, I'm sure you will. Do you mean like you want to be something in life, where you feel your heart is engaged, and there's a love for it, whatever 'it' is? Right now, can you think of anything you'd like to do, or feel in your heart? Is there anything specific? Even just a dream?

I think if you can at least have some image of where you want to be, or general feeling of the kind of way you want to serve humanity or bring your gift to the world; then at least you have something in mind, a target to aim for; so even if you do do something menial for a while, it can't be so bad, if you have a dream..

p.s. Only joking about switching from Tango to Salsa.

[Jamie]

Double post, sorry!