How to lose everything in life, and still be ok and excited about creating a new life

[seeker5]

I was pondering today, how would it feel to know you could lose everything you have in life, and be ok with it, and maybe even be excited about building your life again? That instead of lamenting the losses, feeling negative and at a loss and feeling depressed, you'd be able to feel excited and looking forward to creating a new life. Imagining how it'd feel to be like that felt very good, very empowering. It meant that if I could do that, I would lose my fears of losing what I do have, or of losing what I might work very hard at building and attracting in my life.

I know Steve wrote several times in different places that he would be ok if he lost everything and had to live on a park bench, or work two manual labor job just to survive again.

So, what's everything? Everything would include not only losing your job, but losing your career, losing all the money you've spent years saving, losing your home, even losing the ability to live in the city/state you've been living in, losing your wife/best-girlfriend/boyfriend-of-your-life, losing all of your friends and family, losing the future you had wanted so much, losing all of your possessions, clothes, all of your memorabilia, your car, and other things which you're attached to.

So how can we become that person? That person who has no fear of losing everything & anything they have because they know if they do, they won't get into a huge depression/negative-emotion filled life but instead will be able to get excited about building their lives over again.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by seeker5

So how can we become that person? That person who has no fear of losing everything & anything they have because they know if they do, they won't get into a huge depression/negative-emotion filled life but instead will be able to get excited about building their lives over again.

You can't really lose everything unless you really do it intentionally. Even then, I think it would be hard.

I have probably a dozen friends that I could stay with if I really needed to. How could I ever lose that unless I intentionally didn't call them? And even if i didn't, I could move back home with Mom and Dad, or with other relatives.

Your post reminds me of Fight Club in a sense -- the idea that self destruction is a path to growth. It can be, if you've build your life on falsehood, but sometimes destruction is just destruction too.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

You can't really lose everything unless you really do it intentionally. Even then, I think it would be hard.

Well, perhaps not, but the possibility is there, and the fear can be there when you undertake something radical, such as say - move to a brand new city far away, and try to start a brand new career at the same time. At least, the fear is very real for me. I think this kind of fear can really surface when people contemplate going for what they truly want and desire in life. Sometimes it requires so many changes in their life, that they sometimes fear they will lose everything. That fear can hold them back unless dealt with.

I have probably a dozen friends that I could stay with if I really needed to. How could I ever lose that unless I intentionally didn't call them? And even if i didn't, I could move back home with Mom and Dad, or with other relatives.

That's cool you have a dozen friends you could stay with. But what if you felt the huge need to leave America and wanted to move across the world and live there and would never want to come back to where you're living now? (I'm kind of doing that, except I'm looking at moving to a new city in America that I've never lived in.)

I guess you'd have to either be sure of your skills in making new friends rather quickly that would trust you to stay at their places, or you'd have to get over the fear of being homeless for a while and know you could be homeless, and yet still productive in creating a new place to live.

Your post reminds me of Fight Club in a sense -- the idea that self destruction is a path to growth. It can be, if you've build your life on falsehood, but sometimes destruction is just destruction too.

Well, I definitely don't want to lose everything. The idea is to become totally ok with losing everything so I would lose the fear of losing things. One of my fears is that I'd lose the rest of what I have (especially all the money I've saved up), and then become totally depressed and unable to function. I want to overcome that.

For example, when I became president of a failing and almost-dead toastmaster club a few years ago, I was scared my actions as president might end up destroying the club. Soon into my presidency, I realized how harmful and restrictive that fear was on me. So, I sat down and got myself to realize it would be completely ok if this 50-year old, once-great club died on my watch because of me. Once, I was freed from that fear, I really unleashed myself and was able to fully concentrate on rebuilding this club without any fears of failure. One year later the club had been transformed. So, I think it's very helpful in our overall lives too to remove our fears of losing everything so we're no longer worried about it or concerned by it when we contemplate undertaking a radical change. At least that's what I've noticed in my case.

[Thomas]

I suppose you realize that you _can_ find the things you leave behind in different flavors elsewhere. From your story about the almost-dead Toastmasters club you could learn that it might happen that for some time you (realistically) have less/different amounts of things you were used to. That in itself provides room for new things, and, like with the club, while it might take some time, you can transform the new situation by persevering/overcoming your fear: You don't have to let the idea of having friends etc. in a new city die because you don't know any yet or because moving to the new city might kill off a few things you're used to. And as suggested elsewhere (by Angela, iirc) you could try forming relationships of (e. g.) mutual interest ahead of time. That way you'll have some seeds planted when you arrive, rather than guessing whether you've Fight Club-ish hit the bottom yet.
Yet another different way of viewing it (and something that has helped me in situations where something was lost/ended etc.): Focus on the positive. It sometimes takes a bit of effort to find something positive in a car wreckage, but when it has happened it won't magically un-wreck itself. That said, small steps are easier than huge ones (and the yearning for old, known situations can create the wish to magically rebuild what was left behind in a single, huge leap).

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seeker5

So how can we become that person? That person who has no fear of losing everything & anything they have because they know if they do, they won't get into a huge depression/negative-emotion filled life but instead will be able to get excited about building their lives over again.

Well, you will lose everything eventually, whether you fear it or not. You can count on it. When will you be ready?

If you lost any or all of the stuff you listed, you still wouldn't have lost what's of real value -- the source that you are of living a life you love.

You can spend some of your valuable time now fretting about what might happen someday (what WILL happen someday), if you like. But the price of doing that is Presence -- you don't get to actually live your life now, and you know that now is all you've got. Or you could practice Trust. You are okay right now, right? Your life and limb is not in any imminent danger, is it? No thief is crawling through your apartment looking for jewelry or your girlfriend to rob from you right now, is there? Practicing trust means: acknowledging that you're ok right now, and letting that be worthy of gratitude now. Trust means reminding yourself that whatever happens, you are the source of your life and you will handle it.

I love that mantra in the face of possible future challenges: "I'll handle it!" It allows me to let go and be present. You might want to have some fun with it, and practice letting go of stuff with love, right now. Give away a belonging that is very meaningful for you, and allow yourself to be present to whatever it provides for another person. Get that the real value of the object lies in its capacity for generous expression, not in its physical presence in your life. Practice giving people away, too. Grant the people you are most attached to the freedom to be who they are, rather than belongings of yours. See what magic happens when you focus on giving it all away, and let go of holding on.

Thanks for reminding me.

[NightSpirit]

I have come close to losing everything. My husband was the major breadwinner and he had to fight cancer. We weren't expecting it and had just finished remodeling our house. Then because we didn't know which way it would go and social security and disability takes it's time if you are not terminally ill, by the time that was all settled, we had lost everything. Of all the things I lost, the house, my car, money, whatever, losing my credit rating, my financial reputation, was near the top.

We weren't excited or happy about it. But we did learn some things, about how to find contentment without buying it somewhere, about how to receive charity and that was a hard one since I had always been the one with the power of being the giver.

And it really is true that the people richest in finances are not always the hardest working and the wisest. No one worked harder than I did before this happened or after, but some people have more compensation to show for their work. We do the same thing to those that have lost everything financially that we do to the victims of crime, as a kind of financial autopsy. If we can get the details, find out what they did wrong, then we can write it off somehow as their fault and feel more secure that we are safe and more proud of ourselves.

I learned that I will live somewhere until I die, even if it's under a bridge or in a tent and I will eat something, even if it's apples off a tree or fish from a lake. I learned that kindness and love can come from unexpected places and doesn't always come from where you do expect. So now I look more for the love and kindness in life and less to certain people as sources for those riches. By having been stripped of some of my material items, I learned that I am still me, that nothing I lost changed who I am and now I know that neither can any thing I can acquire change who I am. Everything I own now, outside practical furniture and a place to live, could probably fit in a good size closet now and I like it that way.

I think the most valuable lesson I learned is to be careful what I am willing to exchange my time and values to get. Knowing how it all turned out, I want all that time back that I worked overtime or odd shifts when I could have been with my kids or family or doing something I loved, instead of working to get money to buys things or make my house look like my neighbors house. I learned to stop comparing myself to others and that "this too shall pass" so I sweat the small stuff less. And now it is nearly impossible for me to be embarrassed because once people think things about you that are not true, you stop caring what people think.

When Jesus told the rich young ruler to give away all that he had and follow Him, it may seem like a harsh thing to some, but Jesus was really trying to teach him all these lessons in an instant. You can be free in the same way. Give it all away if it's become a prison or god to you. If not, just know in your heart that you are willing to lose it all because your value can't be changed by the people or things around you, especially not by a big stack of green paper things.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, you will lose everything eventually, whether you fear it or not. You can count on it. When will you be ready?

If you lost any or all of the stuff you listed, you still wouldn't have lost what's of real value -- the source that you are of living a life you love.

You can spend some of your valuable time now fretting about what might happen someday (what WILL happen someday), if you like. But the price of doing that is Presence -- you don't get to actually live your life now, and you know that now is all you've got. Or you could practice Trust. You are okay right now, right? Your life and limb is not in any imminent danger, is it? No thief is crawling through your apartment looking for jewelry or your girlfriend to rob from you right now, is there? Practicing trust means: acknowledging that you're ok right now, and letting that be worthy of gratitude now. Trust means reminding yourself that whatever happens, you are the source of your life and you will handle it.

I love that mantra in the face of possible future challenges: "I'll handle it!" It allows me to let go and be present. You might want to have some fun with it, and practice letting go of stuff with love, right now. Give away a belonging that is very meaningful for you, and allow yourself to be present to whatever it provides for another person. Get that the real value of the object lies in its capacity for generous expression, not in its physical presence in your life. Practice giving people away, too. Grant the people you are most attached to the freedom to be who they are, rather than belongings of yours. See what magic happens when you focus on giving it all away, and let go of holding on.

Thanks for reminding me.

QF-motha-effin-T!

Seeker, you will always have you and that is better than security. We cling to things as if they mean anything when the only meaning is that which we assign. I second the advice to start giving things away now while you can do it willingly to begin understanding the attachments you have and what they really mean.

[carenkh]

I was just reading A Thousand Names for Joy, and I thought of you & this thread as I read Chapter 77. I don't have time to excerpt it here, but she makes the point that it's our thoughts about things that create the problem, not the things themselves.

I look at myself, and my ability to be stable despite losing everything, and the picture I get is: where is my anchor? Where am I anchored? If I'm anchored in what I'm calling my life: my work, my kids, my play, my stuff... then I will be blown about if a storm takes those things away. If I'm anchored in my own heart, in my deepest, most expansive self, then nothing can shake me. I will always have me... until I don't have me anymore, then I'll return to source, which is probably also an illusion!

Eventually, all things merge into one... and a river runs through it.

[Jarrod]

I don't think it is a case of not having fear. Fear would probably occur if you lost everything, you can't really deal with it before it appears.

What you need is to have the tools that allow you to deal with fear when the time comes. And to already be using the tools to eliminate small elements so you will be better prepared for bigger ones.

When you have dealt with the fear, you will be ok. Then you can be excited if you want.

[seeker5]

After reading the responses here and thinking about it, it seems it bowls down to two things:

1) To know you can be totally ok if you lose everything. That you can handle it.

2) That you can get everything back if you wish it back. That if there was anything you feel that was worth having, you'll get it back. Maybe not in its exact form, but its essential nature.

What do you think?

[Angela]

I wouldn't think of getting anything "back." If something's gone, let it go, and generate something new. Even things like peace, love, and freedom -- you'll never get old peace or love "back" -- you can only generate it anew in each moment (or not).

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

I wouldn't think of getting anything "back." If something's gone, let it go, and generate something new. Even things like peace, love, and freedom -- you'll never get old peace or love "back" -- you can only generate it anew in each moment (or not).

Hmmm.

I had been thinking in terms of having a job/career you absolutely love, having a wonderful life-long relationship, having great friends, having financial abundance. While they would all be different from what you've lost, with different people, etc, I was thinking in terms of having the same kind of enjoyment, feelings you have with the new ones compared to the old one - that is it being at least as good.

But yeah, it won't be exactly the same since it will involve different people, different circumstances, different time in your life.

[Angela]

Yes, and I'd like to suggest that letting go of the comparison to old blessings entirely is a great way to be present to the current joy and abundance in your life.

I would suggest letting go of thinking you could ever have or want the same "kind" of enjoyment, and open yourself up to whatever new kind of enjoyment blossoms as a result of what you create or stumble across (which may be the same thing, who knows? ).

[catalyst]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

I have come close to losing everything. My husband was the major breadwinner and he had to fight cancer. We weren't expecting it and had just finished remodeling our house. Then because we didn't know which way it would go and social security and disability takes it's time if you are not terminally ill, by the time that was all settled, we had lost everything. Of all the things I lost, the house, my car, money, whatever, losing my credit rating, my financial reputation, was near the top.

We weren't excited or happy about it. But we did learn some things, about how to find contentment without buying it somewhere, about how to receive charity and that was a hard one since I had always been the one with the power of being the giver.

And it really is true that the people richest in finances are not always the hardest working and the wisest. No one worked harder than I did before this happened or after, but some people have more compensation to show for their work. We do the same thing to those that have lost everything financially that we do to the victims of crime, as a kind of financial autopsy. If we can get the details, find out what they did wrong, then we can write it off somehow as their fault and feel more secure that we are safe and more proud of ourselves.

I learned that I will live somewhere until I die, even if it's under a bridge or in a tent and I will eat something, even if it's apples off a tree or fish from a lake. I learned that kindness and love can come from unexpected places and doesn't always come from where you do expect. So now I look more for the love and kindness in life and less to certain people as sources for those riches. By having been stripped of some of my material items, I learned that I am still me, that nothing I lost changed who I am and now I know that neither can any thing I can acquire change who I am. Everything I own now, outside practical furniture and a place to live, could probably fit in a good size closet now and I like it that way.

I think the most valuable lesson I learned is to be careful what I am willing to exchange my time and values to get. Knowing how it all turned out, I want all that time back that I worked overtime or odd shifts when I could have been with my kids or family or doing something I loved, instead of working to get money to buys things or make my house look like my neighbors house. I learned to stop comparing myself to others and that "this too shall pass" so I sweat the small stuff less. And now it is nearly impossible for me to be embarrassed because once people think things about you that are not true, you stop caring what people think.

When Jesus told the rich young ruler to give away all that he had and follow Him, it may seem like a harsh thing to some, but Jesus was really trying to teach him all these lessons in an instant. You can be free in the same way. Give it all away if it's become a prison or god to you. If not, just know in your heart that you are willing to lose it all because your value can't be changed by the people or things around you, especially not by a big stack of green paper things.

Thank you so much for that post. It makes me realize more how I've been fooling myself by judging my worth by the monetary value of my material possessions.

[templar414]

Remember that eventually you WILL "lose" everything. We all will. One day your life will be over and you will not take anything or anyone with you except what you had when you were brought to this world - your soul. EVERYTHING else is temporary, including us. As long as you have your sanity, not only that you could rebuild your life from scratch once, but you could do it how many times it takes. It's only a matter of choice.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

I have come close to losing everything. My husband was the major breadwinner and he had to fight cancer. We weren't expecting it and had just finished remodeling our house. Then because we didn't know which way it would go and social security and disability takes it's time if you are not terminally ill, by the time that was all settled, we had lost everything. Of all the things I lost, the house, my car, money, whatever, losing my credit rating, my financial reputation, was near the top.

We weren't excited or happy about it. But we did learn some things, about how to find contentment without buying it somewhere, about how to receive charity and that was a hard one since I had always been the one with the power of being the giver.

And it really is true that the people richest in finances are not always the hardest working and the wisest. No one worked harder than I did before this happened or after, but some people have more compensation to show for their work. We do the same thing to those that have lost everything financially that we do to the victims of crime, as a kind of financial autopsy. If we can get the details, find out what they did wrong, then we can write it off somehow as their fault and feel more secure that we are safe and more proud of ourselves.

I learned that I will live somewhere until I die, even if it's under a bridge or in a tent and I will eat something, even if it's apples off a tree or fish from a lake. I learned that kindness and love can come from unexpected places and doesn't always come from where you do expect. So now I look more for the love and kindness in life and less to certain people as sources for those riches. By having been stripped of some of my material items, I learned that I am still me, that nothing I lost changed who I am and now I know that neither can any thing I can acquire change who I am. Everything I own now, outside practical furniture and a place to live, could probably fit in a good size closet now and I like it that way.

I think the most valuable lesson I learned is to be careful what I am willing to exchange my time and values to get. Knowing how it all turned out, I want all that time back that I worked overtime or odd shifts when I could have been with my kids or family or doing something I loved, instead of working to get money to buys things or make my house look like my neighbors house. I learned to stop comparing myself to others and that "this too shall pass" so I sweat the small stuff less. And now it is nearly impossible for me to be embarrassed because once people think things about you that are not true, you stop caring what people think.

When Jesus told the rich young ruler to give away all that he had and follow Him, it may seem like a harsh thing to some, but Jesus was really trying to teach him all these lessons in an instant. You can be free in the same way. Give it all away if it's become a prison or god to you. If not, just know in your heart that you are willing to lose it all because your value can't be changed by the people or things around you, especially not by a big stack of green paper things.

thank you for that -it is just what I needed to read today

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by templar414

Remember that eventually you WILL "lose" everything. We all will. One day your life will be over and you will not take anything or anyone with you except what you had when you were brought to this world - your soul. EVERYTHING else is temporary, including us. As long as you have your sanity, not only that you could rebuild your life from scratch once, but you could do it how many times it takes. It's only a matter of choice.

you are so right !
god do we torture ourselves with our pride,shame and guilt

[funchy]

I think when you asked this you meant money and material things when you said "everything"?

I really don't care about money. I can always earn more. I have spent time in the company of millionaires and I've been with someone I knew in The Projects. What I learned what that there some downright unhappy, empty rich people. Conversely, one of the most special guys I've ever known was extremely poor due to circumstances. He had his car repo'd at one point, rented a room in the boarded-up window barrio, and had massive medical bills due to lack of medical insurance (the medical bills locking him in poverty). He was a great guy. The rich people I've met were not so memorable.

For me to lose "everything" it would mean my family dying, my health seriously failing, and absolutely no friends in the world.