How To Fight Arrogance

[Leaf]

Short Story long, I've always been the Nerdy Guy. I was through with that, I changed. Now I'm achieving some real success. And I'm growing on arrogance.

I think that arrogance is good to a certain degree, it can keep you moving. Yet, I think that I'm losing my control to it. I'm hurting the girl I love because of it (I'm acting like I'm best than her), I'm making my friends confused (I'm acting like I'm best than them) and so on.

How should I fight arrogance? I've always been an humble person, who cares for everyone, but since my success sky-rocketed, I'm acting like I'm the best person in the Universe. And I'm disgusting myself. Mainly, I hate the idea of hurting the girl I love and can't really make myself concerned about it.

I just want to keep having more success, always. But I want to keep being humble, not hurting people, and really caring with others, not just with myself.

Thanks.

[Flame]

Well, you're definitely not a sociopath or pathologically arrogant, since you feel badly for hurting your girlfriend and friends.

It can be understandably intoxicating to go from "Nerdy Guy" to "Extremely Successful Guy," particularly if you feel like you weren't appreciated before you became successful. You've worked hard for what you've achieved, why shouldn't feel proud?

BUT HOW DO YOU DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS AS A MAN? Is it money, professional prestige, the number of people working under you? Perhaps you feel like you're better than the folks who knew "Nerdy Guy," because different types of people want to be around you now that you're "successful."

I've heard a self-made millionaire say that as a man, his greatest success is that his wife, who married him when he had nothing, and could enter a room an know there wasn't another woman who was more loved and respected by her husband. The same for his kids. He's also proud of his professional success, but that is only PART of what defined his success as a person.

Identify how you define success for yourself, and take steps to improve in those areas. Clear the air with anyone you've hurt, and identify what patterns of thinking led to the hurtful actions. Take care of the people knew and cared about you before you were professionally successful. They will be the ones remaining when times are rough (unless you completely alienate them now).

One caveat: I'm making some assumptions, since we don't know all the details. it's important to distinguish why you feel better or different now that you are considered "successful." If it's because you're friends still do drugs and you've moved on from that life, that's one thing. But if you think you deserve a hotter girlfriend, more professionally successful friends, etc, ask yourself WHY? Are you a fundamentally different person now than "Nerdy Guy?" Specifically, you may be wealthier and more confident, but have your values and character changed? Are people who want to associate with you now doing so because you have $, or do you share similar values, interests etc?

[Jill]

Success comes in all forms. You happen to place a lot of value on your business success and apparently in what others think of you.

But it appears that you are judging others based on what you perceive as their lack of success. I would guess that you need to look beyond their business success and see where they are successful in other ways as that might put your own success and subsequent arrogance into perspective.

What gives you the right to feel you're better than others just because you've achieved some business success? Find the successes in others and pay close attention to why that makes them at least as special as you, if not more.

[andrew]

I agree, it's hard.

Try to look at it from an inner perspective. You are the best, you're the best you that you can be. So you still feel the same "I'm the best", but it's because you're the best you. You're better than your old self, not other people. I try and look at it that way. Like I want to do something not because it'll make me better than soembody else, but it will make me a better me.

That's about as middle ground as I've gotten it. Sometimes I just joke around about it, like with my friends we're like "oh yeah, that's right, who's the ************ now" in a lighthearted semi mockery way. Like if you have a really good sense of humor, you can turn your arrogance into humor and bring yourself down a few notches by just laughing about it. It may not fix the core issue, but having a light heart can help.

[afewpotholes]

Originally Posted by Leaf

Short Story long, I've always been the Nerdy Guy. I was through with that, I changed. Now I'm achieving some real success. And I'm growing on arrogance.

I think that arrogance is good to a certain degree, it can keep you moving. Yet, I think that I'm losing my control to it. I'm hurting the girl I love because of it (I'm acting like I'm best than her), I'm making my friends confused (I'm acting like I'm best than them) and so on.

How should I fight arrogance? I've always been an humble person, who cares for everyone, but since my success sky-rocketed, I'm acting like I'm the best person in the Universe. And I'm disgusting myself. Mainly, I hate the idea of hurting the girl I love and can't really make myself concerned about it.

I just want to keep having more success, always. But I want to keep being humble, not hurting people, and really caring with others, not just with myself.

Thanks.

In the privacy of your own head do you actually believe that you're better than the girl that you love? Do you actually believe that you're better than your friends?

I'm asking genuinely not in a smart ass manner by the way.

[Joyous]

I usually see arrogance in two kinds of people

1) Those people who become successful after lot of hardwork/defeats (really suffered people)
2) Those who are lazy and does not know any hardship of life.

Both are extremes. Exteremes in two directions. But strangely, these two groups show more arrogance.

There is one good thing in you that differ you from others. 'You understood that you are arrogant'. Many arrogant people does not agree that fact.

And you want to change too. That's enough I guess. because arrogance not a big issue. It can be easily cured.

With detemination, behavior can be changed. IMO, this behavior can be changed very easily.

I suggest you to read more about 'love' and 'sharing'.

[Ne Cede Malis]

Some people's confidence (or attempt to look confident) - can also be interpretted by other's as arrogance. Are you seeking to be arrogant or confident? Do you care about how others might perceive you?

If you care - how might you tone down your apparent arrogance? It's not a bad thing to have some sureity about one's self, but you may not want to appear dismissive of others?

I'm purposefully, not offer 'answers' - merely posing more questions that we might all ask ourselves.

Ne Cede Malis

[Justin Mazza]

I wouldn't try to fight arrogance, what you fight,fight's you right. Just become aware of when you are being arrogant and shift your approach. You were either being arrogant because you felt entitled to, or you were being arrogant to mask a hidden weakness. Either way arrogance doesn't serve you.

[James81]

One man's arrogance is another man's self confidence.

Consider, for a moment, that when you were nerdy/unpopluar/whatever that you had ideas about what arrogance meant and that perhaps you were misconstruing arrogance for real self confidence. Consider that this is WHY you were nerdy and unpopular and now that you are seeing success, you are becoming what you once thought was arrogant.

Finally, consider that what you once thought was arrogant was really just the box you were putting yourself in to keep you from being self confident and that you simply need to update your definition of arrogance because it's old and outdate and does not suit the new you and the path of growth you are on.

[st33med]

May I be first to say, WOW, this was in 2006? What was I doing then...

Anyways, the fact is that arrogance is in the eye of the beholder. It can be a very confident man that comes off as stubborn in a negative way and doesn't explain himself. However, there is a point which it becomes that the person is not listening because he is being defensive about being right.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by Leaf

(I'm acting like I'm best than her)(I'm acting like I'm best than them)

What are you when you have no one to compare yourself with?

Edit: Haha! Just realized the date. :P

[Joyous]

Originally Posted by Ne Cede Malis

Some people's confidence (or attempt to look confident) - can also be interpretted by other's as arrogance.

That's right. But in this case, majority opinion will be the answer.

If majority say that one is arrogant, then there is 'no question'.

IMO, Arrogance is different from confidence.

A truly a confident person can never show arrogance.

Arrogance is nothing but immaturity. Arrogance is an immature and impatient response to a stimuli.

Look at old people, they are hardly arrogant. Look at youth, they are mostly arrogant.

As one matures, arrogance goes...

[James81]

Originally Posted by Joyous

That's right. But in this case, majority opinion will be the answer.

If majority say that one is arrogant, then there is 'no question'.

IMO, Arrogance is different from confidence.

A truly a confident person can never show arrogance.

Arrogance is nothing but immaturity. Arrogance is an immature and impatient response to a stimuli.

Look at old people, they are hardly arrogant. Look at youth, they are mostly arrogant.

As one matures, arrogance goes...

Could you restate this in your own words?

[ar81]

If you are in a high position, being humble may help. I have met high rank executives and ministers and they are not arrogant when they talk to me (a normal guy). So why should anyone else be arrogant?

I should be arrogant because I know VIPs, but I am not. I just prefer not to be important, for it helps me to keep my perspective. What I do is to try to achieve a spiritual goal to make this world better. I have met these people along the path.

What is the point of being successful if you are alone? Also, success is a matter of personal connections in the long term. Being arrogant is a good way to sabotage your future. So you must decide.

Your gifts and your power was not given to you so you can delight and abuse of them. It is just a loan given by the universe and you must repay by using it to spread welfare.