How To Fight Arrogance

[Leaf]

Short Story long, I've always been the Nerdy Guy. I was through with that, I changed. Now I'm achieving some real success. And I'm growing on arrogance.

I think that arrogance is good to a certain degree, it can keep you moving. Yet, I think that I'm losing my control to it. I'm hurting the girl I love because of it (I'm acting like I'm best than her), I'm making my friends confused (I'm acting like I'm best than them) and so on.

How should I fight arrogance? I've always been an humble person, who cares for everyone, but since my success sky-rocketed, I'm acting like I'm the best person in the Universe. And I'm disgusting myself. Mainly, I hate the idea of hurting the girl I love and can't really make myself concerned about it.

I just want to keep having more success, always. But I want to keep being humble, not hurting people, and really caring with others, not just with myself.

Thanks.

[Flame]

Well, you're definitely not a sociopath or pathologically arrogant, since you feel badly for hurting your girlfriend and friends.

It can be understandably intoxicating to go from "Nerdy Guy" to "Extremely Successful Guy," particularly if you feel like you weren't appreciated before you became successful. You've worked hard for what you've achieved, why shouldn't feel proud?

BUT HOW DO YOU DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS AS A MAN? Is it money, professional prestige, the number of people working under you? Perhaps you feel like you're better than the folks who knew "Nerdy Guy," because different types of people want to be around you now that you're "successful."

I've heard a self-made millionaire say that as a man, his greatest success is that his wife, who married him when he had nothing, and could enter a room an know there wasn't another woman who was more loved and respected by her husband. The same for his kids. He's also proud of his professional success, but that is only PART of what defined his success as a person.

Identify how you define success for yourself, and take steps to improve in those areas. Clear the air with anyone you've hurt, and identify what patterns of thinking led to the hurtful actions. Take care of the people knew and cared about you before you were professionally successful. They will be the ones remaining when times are rough (unless you completely alienate them now).

One caveat: I'm making some assumptions, since we don't know all the details. it's important to distinguish why you feel better or different now that you are considered "successful." If it's because you're friends still do drugs and you've moved on from that life, that's one thing. But if you think you deserve a hotter girlfriend, more professionally successful friends, etc, ask yourself WHY? Are you a fundamentally different person now than "Nerdy Guy?" Specifically, you may be wealthier and more confident, but have your values and character changed? Are people who want to associate with you now doing so because you have $, or do you share similar values, interests etc?

[Jill]

Success comes in all forms. You happen to place a lot of value on your business success and apparently in what others think of you.

But it appears that you are judging others based on what you perceive as their lack of success. I would guess that you need to look beyond their business success and see where they are successful in other ways as that might put your own success and subsequent arrogance into perspective.

What gives you the right to feel you're better than others just because you've achieved some business success? Find the successes in others and pay close attention to why that makes them at least as special as you, if not more.

[andrew]

I agree, it's hard.

Try to look at it from an inner perspective. You are the best, you're the best you that you can be. So you still feel the same "I'm the best", but it's because you're the best you. You're better than your old self, not other people. I try and look at it that way. Like I want to do something not because it'll make me better than soembody else, but it will make me a better me.

That's about as middle ground as I've gotten it. Sometimes I just joke around about it, like with my friends we're like "oh yeah, that's right, who's the ************ now" in a lighthearted semi mockery way. Like if you have a really good sense of humor, you can turn your arrogance into humor and bring yourself down a few notches by just laughing about it. It may not fix the core issue, but having a light heart can help.