Stuck in Negative Habits & Thinking

[babuji]

How does one really overcome the endless spiral of negative habits and thinking?

For many years, and especially within the past year, it's been a struggle to keep myself afloat amongst the garbage I surround myself with. I do realize that most of the negativity is a direct result of my own actions and lethargy.

It almost feels like the negativity is very deep rooted within me. Cutting the branches only makes things worse. Here are some of the habits that I've been plagued with:

Lack of focus, lack of desire, beating myself up mentally as I tend to be a perfectionist, not being persistent, Sleeping late, dragging myself out of bed, wasting time with mindless activity.. the only time I ever get things done is at the last moment when I get a brief surge of motivation... and I'm sure that paints a pretty good picture..

Nevertheless, conceptually I do realize what I have to do, but implementation is a big weakness... My diet is pretty good, and I've been meditating on a daily basis to achieve a greater sense of focus, but that still doesn't seem to be enough.

I've never successfully completed a 30 day trial, that's how low my motivation is.

I also feel I have a dependence for being on my laptop, I can't seem to drag myself away from it.

I used to smile a lot when I was younger, nowadays, it's very rare and every time I look in the mirror, there's this life-less expression.

Deep down, I know I can be successful and live a highly conscious life. If anyone can relate to this self-destructive cycle, your thoughts and suggestions on how to get out of the mud and regain full control of my actions and overall life would definitely be appreciated.

-your brother

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by babuji

How does one really overcome the endless spiral of negative habits and thinking?

I did it by making it a conscious choice: from this day on, I will look at all things from the brighter side of life.

I then spent a couple of years reminding myself of making that choice after every negative thought that entered my brain. I would then turn that thought around and force myself to look at the positive aspects of it... eventually, my brain just started skipping the negative thinking steps in between.

Here's the thing: negative thinking is easy and effortless... positive thinking is 'hard work' and requires creativity. You are no less capable of positive thought than I, but you allow yourself to take the lazy men's way out.

You are also 100% free to take the high road instead of the low - no one is forcing you to pick one over the other.

[Anand Dhillon]

I like using The Work of Byron Katie to deal with any negative thoughts that I may have. You can find out more at www.thework.com

[Lauxa]

I don't think there is any one specific way to turn this around, but if you make a commitment that you want to work at becoming more positive then the tools and strategies that you need will come to you. So posting right here, saying out loud that what you are currently doing is not working and you want to find a better way, that is the first step and if you will just keep on with that focus you will find your way.

[avanimehta]

Meditation works wonder in calming mind, centering self, increasing focus and inner happiness. Try it out for atleast 15 minutes everyday.

And everyday before sleeping, write down 5 things you are thankful for today.

These are simple exercises but they will help you to move forward in the right direction.

Some books you might want to try out :
Happy For No Reason - Marci Shimoff
Monk Who Sold His Ferrari - Robin Sharma

I agree with what Lauxa says - you will have to use multiple tools and strategies. The good part is, you are atleast looking into this - that's a huge step forward.

[Grophrane]

Originally Posted by babuji

How does one really overcome the endless spiral of negative habits and thinking?

For many years, and especially within the past year, it's been a struggle to keep myself afloat amongst the garbage I surround myself with. I do realize that most of the negativity is a direct result of my own actions and lethargy.

Lack of focus, lack of desire, beating myself up mentally as I tend to be a perfectionist, not being persistent, Sleeping late, dragging myself out of bed, wasting time with mindless activity.. the only time I ever get things done is at the last moment when I get a brief surge of motivation... and I'm sure that paints a pretty good picture.

If you struggle with yourself, you're bound to fail. You can't accept that you're not persistent, you sleep late, you drag yourself out of bed and waste your time with mindless activity.

Do you see. Sleeping late is not a big deal, you're opressing yourself and fighting with yourself. That's why you can't win. You say you've tried this for many years. Struggling with yourself. Imposing something ridiculous that somebody has told you is good. You're repressing your naturality, then obviously you'll be in misery. Express it, and live it, but be absolutely aware of your very movement. Movement of hands, breathing, thoughts, feelings of the heart. Just be completely aware. And accept the things as they are. The miracle is, that if you're completely aware of something that's not 'good'. It disappears. If you're aware of Love and beautiful things, it's enhanced. This is the power of awareness. How the hell do you plan to live a concious life if you condemn yourself. Accept yourself as you are, that's the first step towards throwing out all garbage. Please accept everything as it is. Buddha calls it suchness. Grass is green, the sky is blue. What can you do, just accept it and be at ease with it. And once you've accepted it, you're aware of it. Then it starts disappearing slowly slowly. And you can rest assured. It's only your mind. You're not your mind. The mind is given to you by the society and the teachers and the teachers. It's not you. It's thoughts created by other people. Be finished with them, pay no attention to negative or positive thoughts. You're not thoughts. You just need to be silent and then a small, soft voice of the heart is available. Your voice. But it's very soft and silent, you must unidentify yourself with all thoughts good or bad. Become aware of them, that means you can look at them without identifying. without becoming the thoughts. This point is the thought . - This is you. watching the thought. Get it?

[Jarrod]

You don't really have to think positive.

Watch your thoughts and feelings, whenever you see them let them pass on.

From the place of emptiness and clarity happiness and joy naturally and spontaneously springs forth.

To do anything you decide to do it and then do it. When you eat, you eat, when you get dressed you get dressed, no questions.

If a thought or feeling comes up to stop you, disregard and continue anyway.

The difficult part is seeing all the thoughts and feelings.

[alegro]

Originally Posted by babuji

How does one really overcome the endless spiral of negative habits and thinking?

That is different for everybody.

Let me suggest one method. If it works, great. If it doesn't, it doesn't cost anything to try something different.

Make this list of three question. You can use those, or you can choose different ones. It can also be more than three, but make it three, five or seven.

1.) What am I proud of?
2.) What do I enjoy?
3.) Whom do I love and who is allowed to love me?

Write these questions down and put them beside your bed. Every morning you wake up, have a look at these questions and think of at least one positive answer to each question.

It may be difficult initially. But it may also become easier over time. You may believe that you need to repeat old answers at some point. But when I did this I found that I surprised myself with new, creative answers. Once you are satisfied for a day, let go and don't consciously think about the answers anymore.


Do this for the next 30 days. Then report back how you feel.

[alegro]

Jarrod, this is good advice. It may be difficult when someone starts out with it, but in the long run it sounds like a very powerful place to be. Did you by any chance get this from Eckhart Tolle?

Originally Posted by Jarrod

You don't really have to think positive.

Watch your thoughts and feelings, whenever you see them let them pass on.