climbing out of low self esteem

[john79]

So here is the deal, straight up I will admit that I have low self esteem but I don't know why. One reason was because of abusive father and being bullied as a kid but those are things that I have conquered. I did that by standing up to my father and by learning self defence (boxing).

So everything in my life is great, no complaints at at all:


-have a university degree -working on a professional designation
-speak 2 languages, learning 3rd -have a pretty good job and job secure
-have my own small business -extreamly fit , had personal trainer
-have a great smile,braces last year - have great friends
-loving family -extreamly talented athlete
-always money in my pocket -pretty much debt free in 2 months
-have nice eyes, always get complmts -I am not a greedy person
-hard worker -have a nice wardrobe
-eat extreamly healthy -no drugs, smoking, alcohol or junkfood
-can defend myself, boxed for a year -well travelled

So my problem is that I can't get laid if my life depends on it and thats how I base my self worth on. I know its wrong but I can't build attraction with women. What gets to me is that lots of guys tell me that I am good looking , especially gay guys think I am f-ing hot. I am not saying this to sound conceded but just that if guys think so then why dont women feel the same.

I tried online dating or picking up girls in public, but it never works.

Also, I saw a psyhologist for over 2 years spent like $6000 and I will admit it made a huge huge difference, but I still feel hopeless and I also refuse to take medication.

I am going to try support groups or a new therapist, i know if I conquer this problem then i will have more to offer society and my friends...i wanna give back

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by john79

So here is the deal, straight up I will admit that I have low self esteem but I don't know why. One reason was because of abusive father and being bullied as a kid but those are things that I have conquered. I did that by standing up to my father and by learning self defence (boxing).

So everything in my life is great, no complaints at at all:


-have a university degree -working on a professional designation
-speak 2 languages, learning 3rd -have a pretty good job and job secure
-have my own small business -extreamly fit , had personal trainer
-have a great smile,braces last year - have great friends
-loving family -extreamly talented athlete
-always money in my pocket -pretty much debt free in 2 months
-have nice eyes, always get complmts -I am not a greedy person
-hard worker -have a nice wardrobe
-eat extreamly healthy -no drugs, smoking, alcohol or junkfood
-can defend myself, boxed for a year -well travelled

So my problem is that I can't get laid if my life depends on it and thats how I base my self worth on. I know its wrong but I can't build attraction with women. What gets to me is that lots of guys tell me that I am good looking , especially gay guys think I am f-ing hot. I am not saying this to sound conceded but just that if guys think so then why dont women feel the same.

I tried online dating or picking up girls in public, but it never works.

Also, I saw a psyhologist for over 2 years spent like $6000 and I will admit it made a huge huge difference, but I still feel hopeless and I also refuse to take medication.

I am going to try support groups or a new therapist, i know if I conquer this problem then i will have more to offer society and my friends...i wanna give back

Well I can say I was in your shoes at one time...specifically low self-esteem. What I learned about self-esteem is that who cares how high or low it is. Who says you need self-esteem to be successful...I mean look at you. You have all these credidentails and are very successful. I would start by building your courage and conquering your fears. More specifically I would work on programing positive thoughts into your brain and throwing away all the negatives. (flick them off your shoulder) I wish I could help you more but there just isn't much you can get from reading an online post and speaking to someone for the first time. Well I wish you the best of luck. Also getting involved in alot of groups and extracurrucular activities with tons of upbeat and positive people. That will definitely help out alot. Good luck.

[Enrim]

Originally Posted by john79

So here is the deal, straight up I will admit that I have low self esteem but I don't know why. One reason was because of abusive father and being bullied as a kid but those are things that I have conquered. I did that by standing up to my father and by learning self defence (boxing).

So everything in my life is great, no complaints at at all:


-have a university degree -working on a professional designation
-speak 2 languages, learning 3rd -have a pretty good job and job secure
-have my own small business -extreamly fit , had personal trainer
-have a great smile,braces last year - have great friends
-loving family -extreamly talented athlete
-always money in my pocket -pretty much debt free in 2 months
-have nice eyes, always get complmts -I am not a greedy person
-hard worker -have a nice wardrobe
-eat extreamly healthy -no drugs, smoking, alcohol or junkfood
-can defend myself, boxed for a year -well travelled

So my problem is that I can't get laid if my life depends on it and thats how I base my self worth on. I know its wrong but I can't build attraction with women. What gets to me is that lots of guys tell me that I am good looking , especially gay guys think I am f-ing hot. I am not saying this to sound conceded but just that if guys think so then why dont women feel the same.

I tried online dating or picking up girls in public, but it never works.

Also, I saw a psyhologist for over 2 years spent like $6000 and I will admit it made a huge huge difference, but I still feel hopeless and I also refuse to take medication.

I am going to try support groups or a new therapist, i know if I conquer this problem then i will have more to offer society and my friends...i wanna give back

Maybe try to have a relationship with a woman rather than just trying to get laid... There is a good book by Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People", it helped me a lot in terms of communication with people. He writes that rather than trying to make everybody like you, show them that you like them, rather than talk, listen, pay attention... etc etc.
Good luck

[Alexjstrandberg]

hey man,

I could write for days on how to get laid and improve self esteem. Instead, check out my blog on my signature. If you like it, send me a message at alex@innergamereframe.com for a phone consultation.

Cheers!

Alex

[ProjectX]

John I feel for you. Even though I'm 21 and been complimented for my looks I've never kissed a girl or been laid. And it really bothers me that I have trouble making friends because I'm afraid they will find out I'm a virgin. But in other areas of my life I'm improving and I'm having therapy and taking medication which has dramatically improved my condition. But I still get upset about life and like you I had an abusive father, unstable family and was ostracized often by my peers.

Sometimes I feel rage, which I harness as energy to be more productive. I wish you the best of luck.

[chiffonade]

So let me get this straight - you think that "good" people (as defined by your qualities) are the ones who should be getting laid, yet you aren't getting laid - it's not so much of a stretch for me to think that you then believe yourself to not actually be a good person (since you're not getting laid).

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by john79

So here is the deal, straight up I will admit that I have low self esteem but I don't know why. One reason was because of abusive father and being bullied as a kid but those are things that I have conquered. I did that by standing up to my father and by learning self defence (boxing).

So everything in my life is great, no complaints at at all:


-have a university degree -working on a professional designation
-speak 2 languages, learning 3rd -have a pretty good job and job secure
-have my own small business -extreamly fit , had personal trainer
-have a great smile,braces last year - have great friends
-loving family -extreamly talented athlete
-always money in my pocket -pretty much debt free in 2 months
-have nice eyes, always get complmts -I am not a greedy person
-hard worker -have a nice wardrobe
-eat extreamly healthy -no drugs, smoking, alcohol or junkfood
-can defend myself, boxed for a year -well travelled

So my problem is that I can't get laid if my life depends on it and thats how I base my self worth on. I know its wrong but I can't build attraction with women. What gets to me is that lots of guys tell me that I am good looking , especially gay guys think I am f-ing hot. I am not saying this to sound conceded but just that if guys think so then why dont women feel the same.

I tried online dating or picking up girls in public, but it never works.

Also, I saw a psyhologist for over 2 years spent like $6000 and I will admit it made a huge huge difference, but I still feel hopeless and I also refuse to take medication.

I am going to try support groups or a new therapist, i know if I conquer this problem then i will have more to offer society and my friends...i wanna give back

Could you give us more information on how much time and effort you have invested in acutally socialising with women. What mind-set do you have when you interact with women (what do you think about them and about yourself in that moment)? How are your social skills (small talking, vibing etc). Are you needy?

You seem to have much going for yourself and I would think it is only a matter of time until you get this sorted. Start with small steps. Do not think about getting laid, but just spending time with women, interacting, joking, flirting. Think small steps, small goals and build up on them.

[Rosie]

I'd actually take it as a compliment that women aren't constantly trying to have sex with you. Usually, at least from my perspective, women sleep around with the guys that they only find "sexually attractive" but prefer to be in relationships with guys who they feel a deeper connection with.

Perhaps you aren't sending out enough signals, you aren't letting the girls know that you're attracted to them. They aren't mind readers, so if you don't give them subtle hints, they won't ever know that they have a chance with you.

From what you've written, you seem to be very confident that you're a "good catch", but are you expressing that on the outside?

Some girls, believe it or not, find shyness to be really attractive. They prefer men that aren't cocky all the time.