depressed about entering adulthood

[JackWright05]

Im currently 21 years old and have never really considered myself an adult. For the bulk of the last 21 years I have been right, but now as I look at myself I realize that it is time to admit to myself that my childhood is gone, and this realization depresses me. I was wondering if this was a common problem, or if anyone else struggled with their personal identity at approx my age.

[Angela]

Don't worry, you'll get much more depressed about turning 50.

[Enrim]

Originally Posted by JackWright05

Im currently 21 years old and have never really considered myself an adult. For the bulk of the last 21 years I have been right, but now as I look at myself I realize that it is time to admit to myself that my childhood is gone, and this realization depresses me. I was wondering if this was a common problem, or if anyone else struggled with their personal identity at approx my age.

oh yes! This sounds very familiar. For me it was the crisis of all the responsibility that I suddenly realized was on my shoulders... like a big, heavy, ugly rock... It took me a few years to pull everything together... and I am still pulling, and even though things are rough, I know in my heart I am on the right track and that's all I need to know. It can be very difficult to become an adult, it was for me. But once you get that mechanism of growing up going, it'll get easier, the momentum will keep you going. The main thing is to understand what you want. Even if it sounds crazy in your head, but gives you butterflies in your stomach than it is worth following. As long as you keep the picture of what you want in your mind, you are going to be fine

What made you realize your childhood was gone?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

What is it about your childhood that you miss?

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by JackWright05

Im currently 21 years old and have never really considered myself an adult. For the bulk of the last 21 years I have been right, but now as I look at myself I realize that it is time to admit to myself that my childhood is gone, and this realization depresses me. I was wondering if this was a common problem, or if anyone else struggled with their personal identity at approx my age.

Adulthood is not the problem, it is your reaction to the emotional charge you've put around 'adulthood'. Write down what adulthood means to you and also write down what it is you think you're losing.

[Rockchick26]

I felt the same exact way! Thats probably why i'm now 35 and i look,act and feel like a teenager and nobody ever beleives me when i say how old i am LOL

I was so into staying a kid,that i didnt think about what i wanted to do for a living,i didnt want to get a job,my dad had to pretty much force me to get the jobs i've had. I dont want to have kids,i lived at home til i was 26,and i spend all my time doing fun stuff and i hate to work and clean LOL

I frequently have dreams about my childhood,involving my grandparents old house,my childhood home,and my brother is almost always a little kid again,in my dreams. Thats when we got along the best,when we were both kids.

I dont think its a bad thing to be the way we are,we will never be thought of as old fuddy duddy's LOL

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Dharma

Adulthood is not the problem, it is your reaction to the emotional charge you've put around 'adulthood'. Write down what adulthood means to you and also write down what it is you think you're losing.

Yes - I was thinking this same thing. I recently got that I was avoiding some of the things of adulthood (being responsible with money, cleaning house regularly) because I DID NOT want to be a grownup. Being a grownup means you're unhappy almost all the time, you're stressed, you don't know how to have fun -- unless you drink alcohol, you never laugh, etc. It meant that to me because that's what was modeled to me as a child. It was the rare adult who laughed - and that was usually those adults whom everyone else called "irresponsible" and "immature".

I have learned to redefine adulthood, and what it means. I laugh with my kids every day, and I've created my life so I have very little stress. I've learned to manage what stress I do have so it doesn't affect my outward demeanor (most of the time!). I no longer have to rebel against adulthood. I love being an adult - I have much more power in the world.

I bet you'd learn a lot if you did Dharma's exercise!

[BrettAshlee]

I can't say that I ever felt that way. In fact, I looked forward to being an adult long before that magical age came around. I always had definite goals of what I wanted to do and achieve in my life. These are the things that made life so exciting for me. Having definite, personally meaningful goals has always fueled my passion for growing, learning, and living.

I agree with Dharma - start by writing down what adulthood means to you. Then ask yourself where your definitions of adulthood came from? Are they your own, or have you been conditioned by those around you to see adulthood in a particular way? If so, what is it about your understanding of adulthood that puts you off?

It sounds as though you may believe that as an adult you can't have those things you value in childhood - what are they? Once you've defined what it is that is important to you, you can begin to dismantle your fear and limiting beliefs and discover how you can develop a plan for creating the life you want as an adult that still includes the things you value most. Sometimes it is simply a matter of reframing your thoughts to see things in a different way.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by JackWright05

Im currently 21 years old and have never really considered myself an adult. For the bulk of the last 21 years I have been right, but now as I look at myself I realize that it is time to admit to myself that my childhood is gone, and this realization depresses me. I was wondering if this was a common problem, or if anyone else struggled with their personal identity at approx my age.

I also had a great childhood, but believe me it always will get better in your life if you believe it. Believe me, now your life will start to rock: you can do what you want, you can live your dreams and have as much fun as you had before. And the great thing you can now fully claim accountability for your life. While this might sound frightening to you, it is essentially the juice of life. Claim it and your life will rock.

[JackWright05]

Originally Posted by metamorph

In fact, I looked forward to being an adult long before that magical age came around. I always had definite goals of what I wanted to do and achieve in my life. These are the things that made life so exciting for me. Having definite, personally meaningful goals has always fueled my passion for growing, learning, and living.

Funny thing is I felt the same way. I think part of the problem is that when younger I assumed that as soon as I became an adult these goals would already be accomplished. Now that Im seeing myself as an adult, and am just beginning to set out to achieve my goals I feel like a failure. My childhood view of myself as an adult = rich + successful + fit. Currently Im renting a cheap place, have no major accomplishments (finish college in a month) an have a good 5-10 lbs to lose. Looking back it is pretty unrealistic to expect to have fulfilled a majority of your goals at the beginning of adulthood, but when looking at people like Lebron James, and various internet success stories (the kid who created facebook etc)from young people, I always assumed that i'd have it all at this age, like them. Also I feel like I enjoy creating goals and planning out my path to success much more than actually following the path. Now that I realize its time to take action (ive entered adulthood) I keep wanting just one more day with no responsibility. Im pretty sure I know what I want in life, but a combination of not being 100% sure, and a fear of failure has combined to make me feel this way.

Originally Posted by Dharma

Adulthood is not the problem, it is your reaction to the emotional charge you've put around 'adulthood'. Write down what adulthood means to you and also write down what it is you think you're losing.

You're right about the emotional charge, but in figuring out what adulthood means to me Im realizing that the problem isn't with what im losing. The problem is with what im gaining as an adult, which is right now feels like nothing. The fact that I feel basically the same now as an adult as I did as a kid, when I expected life as an adult to be much different, is whats depressing.

[Playlife]

Conventional childhood means about two decades of obeying the authorities(parents, school) and waiting until you can leave home start living your life the way it was meant to be liven.

[niche]

I'm 27. Too close to 30. Thankfully, I will have my degree completed by the time I'm 29, but it's still dissatisfying that I'm getting older. For me, I think it's being in college that set off my current identity crisis because most everyone is younger than me by at least 5 - 8 years. Identity confusion will come many times during life for some and maybe not at all for others and maybe only sometimes for others. The way I handle situations like this is to find a new hobby, meet a new friend, just basically find my new role. I like changing. It keeps things interesting and each time I take the time to look myself over again, I feel I become just a little bit better of a person.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by JackWright05

Im currently 21 years old and have never really considered myself an adult. For the bulk of the last 21 years I have been right, but now as I look at myself I realize that it is time to admit to myself that my childhood is gone, and this realization depresses me. I was wondering if this was a common problem, or if anyone else struggled with their personal identity at approx my age.

Congratulations on getting your mid-life criss out of the way!