Summer Job Drama

[ScotiaCoast]

I started working a nice little museum job for the summer last week. The pay wasn't great, but I liked my coworkers and have worked there before, so it was familiar and comfortable. Above all, I actually found some interest/importance in what I was doing. At the end of last week I got a call during the day from the mill where my father works offering me another job. Had I been home, I would have simply said I was already working and let it slide without telling my parents. Unfortunately, my mom took the message while I was at work, and the drama started when I got home. The mill job pays about $5.5 more per hour. However, I have absolutely no affinity or penchant for anything mechanical or involved with the job. I didn't want to leave my museum job, mostly because leaving that job a week in when these people trusted me gave me a guilty conscience. Money speaks, though, and my parents 'forced' me to take the mill job. I use the word forced lightly because I realise that -- ultimately -- they can't truly force me to do anything against my will; However my mother literally said "You HAVE to take this job, I'm not giving you the choice." Much to my chagrin, I caved to their will. I understand their concerns about money, but after a few days in the job I'm realising that I'm a truly horrible fit for this job. There's nothing wrong with the place per se, I'm just about as far out of place as I could be in a job environment. I'm seeing that I have even less interest in the type of mechanical work that's involved than I thought I would, and this is translating into me finding it hard to even concentrate and the guy I'm working under getting a little frustrated with me. The eight hours a day that I'm there feel like an eternity - the lack of concentration makes me continuously think about just wanting to leave to do something that seems of importance. Paradoxically, the few waking hours that I'm home, all I can think about is finding ways to avoid stepping foot back in there the next day! I know these are mindtraps, that happiness comes from the inside, etc - but isn't it easier to feel inner peace when you aren't plagued by thoughts like this? I would really like to nip this mistake of a job in the bud and try to go back to the museum job. My parents wouldn't understand and certainly wouldn't approve. At the same time, I'm afraid of what my father would think of me and worried that he might be ashamed of me for quitting and not being a "man" at his workplace. I don't like to upset or disappoint my parents, especially when I'm living under their roof, and I realise that this is "just a summer job," but I oscillate between realism and idealism. A small part of me says to "tough it out" because I'll be better off financially come September, won't cause a row with my parents, and it's just three months; but then there's an overwhelming majority of me is screaming to be self-indulgent, to get out of there asap, to avoid whatever potential misery I can if even just for three months.

I'm sorry if this all just seems melodramatic. I realise it's all quite petty to anyone but myself and pales in comparison to others' problems. I guess I just needed to vent, and if anyone has something to say -- bonus for me! Thanks for reading. (:

[Tasaio]

Having been in the same situation years ago, there is no doubt in my mind that you need to quit the mill job. If you hate it, then quit. That is exactly the point that Steve Pavlina is trying to make when he talks about burning the ships. If you don't quit, you may even be fired--I'm not saying that to scare you, I'm just being matter-of-fact. An employer doesn't want an employee who hates his job.

You're 21, so your parents should be a source of advice rather than control. Think about it--if you keep caving in to your parents' plans for you, where will it end? Are they choosing your university major, your career, your future spouse?

The reality here is that the extra money you make this summer isn't worth 3 months of hell, for you. Please drop the cliches about "being a man". Here's a much better idea about how to "be a man":

How to Be a Man

Notice this part:

A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

And this:

When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

It sounds to me like you know what you need to do, but what's holding you back is fear of your parents. I understand, because I have been terrified of my strict father, too. But standing up to him didn't necessitate a confrontation, per se; I simply focused on what I wanted to do, and trained myself to think of him as irrelevant.

Try to spend less time thinking about what your parents will think, and more time about what YOU think.

Good luck,

Tasaio (Toronto, Canada)

[ScotiaCoast]

Thanks for the reply Tasaio, it was just what I needed to read. To clarify a little: while my father is indeed strict, I think I also fear hurting his feelings in a way too. He seems kind of proud of me (for the first time that I can really remember) for working at the mill like him. If I tell him that I don't want to work there or that I quit, I'm also kind of worried that I might hurt his feelings.. that he might get the idea that I think I'm above the kind of work he's done his entire life.. or that people might say stuff to him about his son not being able to handle the work, which I could see upsetting him. I'm fairly certain it would be almost impossible for me to make him understand exactly why I don't want to work there, even for three months. I, unfortunately, don't have a close relationship with my father, which makes it all the more difficult to approach him. Hurting him directly or indirectly is the last thing I want to do, though.

[Pegasus]

You can honestly tell your dad that you gave it a try, it wasn’t working for you, and you were afraid of getting fired. Employers recognize when you’re not excited about or even talented at a job. Part of going to school and being a young adult is having opportunities that your parents did not have. You are more likely to get a future work reference from the museum job. Doing something you enjoy will help you more in the long run.

[colonel]

Thanks, Tasaio, for posting the link to Steve's article -- haven't followed his blog for a while, but this is one of those articles that are just what I needed to hear.

@ScotiaCoast:
That's a valid concern you have there, it might very well hurt your Dad's feelings. Now you need to decide about the priorities. Even if at first glance it might seem to not fit in with what you want to do (even for a summer job), it can still be a very good learning experience to spend a few weeks or months working at a job you already know you're hating.

First, you'll know afterwards that you will be able to live through such phases of life where you just can't do what you'd love to do, and on average every person will experience such times in their life. (So this is about discipline and persistence.)

Second, you'll probably make your family proud of you and change their attitude towards you to the better, so that your relationship will change in a way that they will trust you more and know that you can stick with something for a longer period of time even if you plain hate it and know it's not for you in the long run. Kind of similar to the first point, but it's about your parents realizing the same thing and treating you different.

So now you need to decide whether you want to take this job as a challenge to your discipline and persistence and to not get fired and execute the work in a way that earns you the respect from your boss and your parents who will then treat you differently. Or whether it is more important to you to start doing something more meaningful right now or whatever this other alternative, the museum job, means to you or whichever other values it represents.

HTH