i hate myself because my sister is so much more prettier than my ugly self...

[lightthecandle]

first, I have to say I'm very very sorry that I always have a new post up...and I realize many of you may find me annoying, and for that I'm truly sorry. but perhaps ( I hope) that others can benefit from me asking what they are probably facing or can somewhat empathize or offer advice.

anyhow, I hate my sister so much right now. I've done some soul searching and have realized why I'm so mean/deameaning towards my sister...well, I'm jealous of her attractive looks alot. I MEAN ALOT. only because she's soooo much prettier than me...everyone ALWAYS complements her and tells her how pretty she is (extended family and my friends) but no one ever has anything nice to say about me.

[anamoly]

Please, no need to apologize and I have to say that if I find you annoying, then - where is my humanity?

Psyche is a word meaning soul, epitomized by a beautiful two-faced butterfly. Since external beauty is only a disguise, and your soul is of indescribable bliss and beauty, you really should consider the following:

Forgive if these questions seem abrasive please.

Why do you feel you need their approval for your beauty?
Where can your approval come from?
Do your siblings really need to approve of all you are?

Don't let resistance place a home in your beautiful psyche. For assistance in acceptance, I recommend YouTube videos of Eckhart Tolle, or Steve's article "The Joy of Sadness," perhaps The Prophet by Gibran Khahil, or "The Power of Now"

Ultimately though, your journey is one that you can go through without any assistance either, but these resources can help you on your soul's lovely drift to a smooth transition.

[lightthecandle]

Originally Posted by anamoly

Please, no need to apologize and I have to say that if I find you annoying, then - where is my humanity?

Psyche is a word meaning soul, epitomized by a beautiful two-faced butterfly. Since external beauty is only a disguise, and your soul is of indescribable bliss and beauty, you really should consider the following:

Forgive if these questions seem abrasive please.

Why do you feel you need their approval for your beauty?
Where can your approval come from?
Do your siblings really need to approve of all you are?

Don't let resistance place a home in your beautiful psyche. For assistance in acceptance, I recommend YouTube videos of Eckhart Tolle, or Steve's article "The Joy of Sadness," perhaps The Prophet by Gibran Khahil, or "The Power of Now"

Ultimately though, your journey is one that you can go through without any assistance either, but these resources can help you on your soul's lovely drift to a smooth transition.

thanks for your kind words...but I've been reading,watching videos, doing everything NOT to feel ugly..and yet i always do. almost Everynight, I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel attractive enough to be liked by guys and hate that my sister got all the good genes...there's so many guys after her
unlike me who's never even been considered for my beauty, or lack thereof

[anamoly]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

thanks for your kind words...but I've been reading,watching videos, doing everything NOT to feel ugly..and yet i always do. almost Everynight, I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel attractive enough to be liked by guys and hate that my sister got all the good genes...there's so many guys after her
unlike me who's never even been considered for my beauty, or lack thereof

Ultimately, your ugliness is not real.

I understand that it must be crazy to live in a world where it seems like the only thing that's valuable is model-beauty.

Please know that it's not true. Your outer-form is irrelevant. There is a guy out there who will respect you for your true self, which is beyond that which is imaginable.

Be patient, and enjoy your life from the cellulose level.

And if you want to go out on a date, PM me.

We'll go somewhere where only the flowers speak.

Ultimately, though - WORDS make no difference. There is no substitute for discovering your self. How do you do that? Stop seeking discovery, stop seeking to feel beautiful, be content with how you are right now. Join me in peaceful bliss of nothing. How?

Simply feel your emotions. Now observe them. Don't think. If you find a thought coming in, let it through without giving it unnecessary attention & power. If it says "I am ugly, let it be". "This doesn't work, it's all ****" - let it go. Let it through. Don't fight your thoughts.

Feel your body from the cellulose level. Feel the life-energy flow through it. Doubt is fine, if you find doubt, let it through, it won't serve you. Life-energy is indefinable and yet it's a state of ultimate peaceful deep bliss, joy, and pain intertwined in the harp of your soul.

If it feels contaminated due to grievances, forgive every one who has done you wrong. Why? Simply observe yourself and let these grievances dissolve. Don't seek to make them dissolve, don't try too hard - ultimately, don't let an ill society tell you how you should be - because you are beautiful, in your essence.

[Rafael Perez]

You can believe what I am about to say, or you can simply not... it's up to you.

You are perfect just the way you are. You are beautiful and your sister is not more beautiful than anyone. She is also perfect just the way she is. We tend to get into competitions over things that are merely an illusion.

The question you have to ask yourself is this, why would I think I am less pretty if I know that I am perfection?

We walk around on this planet thinking thoughts that are not our own, having judgements that are not our own, having resentment based on these thoughts and judgements. The biggest judgment comes from ourselves.

We are our biggest critic and our biggest verbal abuser...

Sweety, why would you say something as hateful to the one person who has stuck by you your whole life as "I hate you because you are not as pretty as your sister" why would you tell her she is ugly. She is perfect, absolutely perfect. No one could be a more perfect her than she is.

This is my truth.

[ABdude]

I will tell you something I learned on a guy's dating site. Just because you are pretty does not mean you are attractive.

I have met some very pretty girls in my life and most of them I can say without a doubt were not attractive. On the other hand, a lot of girls that were NOT pretty by any means, I found attractive (my ex being one of them). Why? Because they were confident in their looks, they were fun to be around, and they had a heart of gold.

Bottom line, always look your best, but the parts of you you cannot change, don't sweat them. Perfect is boring anyways!

[prats]

I totally understand how you feel. This world seems to be giving lot of importance for external beauty that only those who lack it will have the pinch of it...I am one of them.

Till my college no one use to give a damn about me not my appearance.I also never ever thought even I should.My brother is very handsome and as you said got all the good genes. He used to study well ,get better grades than me..I am a girl so being a girl, when your brother is recognized for good looks used to hit me a bit hard.

But I am this outgoing types who can mingle with anyone..used to have friends and have fun in life basically.Something happened in my brothers college he started taking life easily lost all his academic interests..and now he is sitting idle with out a job not aiming for one. I am here with a job and a family and a beautiful child.

My group in highschool (6 of us) all are beautiful..I am on the lowest scale..But where ever we go..there used to be guys who would point out the rest 5..like if 7 guys point out the most beautiful girl of my group,there always used to be atleast 1 guy who would point me out..So if you are trying to be that most beautiful girl of your group.Think again...

What you are forgetting is this world is much much bigger than just two of you and the little friends group that you have...There are so many other girls who are less beautiful than you and so many other girls who are more beautiful than you...So your sister is just one girl in the later group and I am sure there are other girls who are even beautiful than your sister...

So stop thinking and seeing life from your small window and open the doors to welcome large world ...

If your sister who is right next to you is bothering you then maintain some distance from her..always keep telling yourself this world is a much bigger place..and start building yourself..If possible go to another school or try to maintain your own friends circle..carve a seperate place for yourself..

Hope my advice will help you.

[Tuumble]

It wasn't to do with looks but I always had issues with my brother. I said as much in a letter to my parents on another thread on here: Letter to Mum and Dad

However, when I spoke to him a few months back about our personal situation making references to his success and what had happened in his life he actually told me he was jealous of me. You might not know it but your sister may feel the same way in that you've cracked a particular area of life and she hasn't.

I always remember the day when my sister and brother-in-law asking me and my wife to be the guardians of their children should anything happen to them. I mean, what a compliment. While we saw ourselves as the poor relations we obviously have something in our make up that we are trusted to bring up someone else's children.

[munish]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

everyone ALWAYS complements her and tells her how pretty she is (extended family and my friends) but no one ever has anything nice to say about me.

Being beautiful is not the only quality one can have.

Other qualities like being compassionate , loving nature are equally good qualities to possess.

Don't run after those guys , who don't accept you as you are.

I have found alot of girls, who have homely face .But it is so nice to talk to them.

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

thanks for your kind words...but I've been reading,watching videos, doing everything NOT to feel ugly..and yet i always do. almost Everynight, I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel attractive enough to be liked by guys and hate that my sister got all the good genes...there's so many guys after her
unlike me who's never even been considered for my beauty, or lack thereof

Love yourself first , others will love you too.

[ilovetoday]

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[ilovetoday]

ok that didnt work... lesson learnt
here is a link of beauty
i found it great and so true

YouTube - dove evolution

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

thanks for your kind words...but I've been reading,watching videos, doing everything NOT to feel ugly..and yet i always do. almost Everynight, I cry myself to sleep because I don't feel attractive enough to be liked by guys and hate that my sister got all the good genes...there's so many guys after her
unlike me who's never even been considered for my beauty, or lack thereof

Post a picture of yourself. You keep posting on these boards, whining about how no one ever calls you 'beautiful' or 'pretty', well how about you give them a chance?

Post your picture so we can all see how disadvantaged you are compared to all the so called 'pretty' people; or perhaps we will see how silly you are being, calling yourself 'ugly' when really you are 'beautiful'.

You have nothing to lose. You will either be proved right and everyone can pity you and understand your sorrow, or you will be proved wrong and everyone can compliment your beauty like you desire.

This way you can get it out of your system and move on with your life. Either by accepting your average looks, or realising your true beauty. Don't waste your tears on something as trivial as this. There are much greater worries to concern yourself with. For example, your future career which will pay your future bills, including cosmetic surgery bills!

[Tigerlilly]

From an LoA point of view hating your sis for her a beauty is a killer. A Universe who doesn't deal in personas only hears you screaming out loud how much you hate beauty. It won't give you what you thus reject.

If you want beauty in your life, you need to appreciate and love beauty, not spit it in the face cause you feel vulnerable and angry. Imagine beauty were a person, would you think being treated the way you treat it whenever you see it would make this person come to you?

And then, you seem to think of beauty as the life boat, like all the really sexy people out there have it made while the rest is dealing with their insecurities and struggles. I feel you need to shake that pov up a little.

[m18pak]

You need to read some books on CBT (Cognitive-behavioural Therapy). You have some seriously self-harmful thoughts processes.

What does it mean to you to not be beautiful? What does it meant to you to not have people praising and affirming you?

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

first, I have to say I'm very very sorry that I always have a new post up...and I realize many of you may find me annoying, and for that I'm truly sorry. but perhaps ( I hope) that others can benefit from me asking what they are probably facing or can somewhat empathize or offer advice.

anyhow, I hate my sister so much right now. I've done some soul searching and have realized why I'm so mean/deameaning towards my sister...well, I'm jealous of her attractive looks alot. I MEAN ALOT. only because she's soooo much prettier than me...everyone ALWAYS complements her and tells her how pretty she is (extended family and my friends) but no one ever has anything nice to say about me.

Alright darling, I love you but this is simply unacceptable.

Never ever DARE to apologize for your troubles again, they are your own and clearly you are struggling with them. Its everybody else his or her business whether they read or respond to you. No need to apologize for them, its incredibly disrespectful to other people. You are assuming we can't take responsibility for our own lifes and what we spend time on.

Also you don't hate your sister, that redicilous. You love her and its VERY clear. In fact you love her so much that your going through all this trouble to figure out whats standing between both of you and removing it. Thats an act of love, not hate.


Now to the meat of the issue;
First of all you've got to realize that the problem really isn't with how good looking you are or your sister is. The problem is the meaning you give to certain unique characteristics and the importance you give to this meaning.

Focusing on what makes you different from her is completely counterproductive, I know all these differences seem so OBVIOUS to you now. Its clear to everyone that she is SO much more beautiful then you, right?
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Most people won't even think twice about your beauty or your sisters. Beauty is such a subjective experience. For instance, I don't think big boobs look good. They go all saggy the older they get, small perky boobs are SO much nicer. Long term, they just keep looking good and you'll never get tired of them. But hey thats so personal, plenty of others have a completely opposite view and thats ok.
Never put your own confidence on the line in order to please others.

Try focusing on how you want to express yourself. Focus on the way you present yourself to the world. You can't change the cards you've been dealt, what you can change is the way you play them. Take good care of your body, treat it with the respect it deserves. I often notice that the girls who think they are ugly eat like s.hit and as a result look like s.hit as well. If they where to eat healthy and nutritious meals they'd be incredibly beautiful. The same goes for your attitude towards life. The joy and passion you bring to other people. Smile more, laugh more. Don't take yourself to serious.


Now that we've got all that out of the way, show me a picture of yourself. You got me curious.

[Kaja]

I haven't read all of the replies so sorry love if I repeat something but this may help:
It is all nice and good to be soo beautiful as your sister is, but there is a flipside to it you may not see (and neither might she for now): Do these people really like her or her looks? Do the guys wanna know her or decorate themselves with her beauty? Does she have as many girl friends or do girls stay clear of her cause she makes them look less attractive in comparison?

Also she might be relying on her beauty to help her through life, and use that as a short cut instead of developping a loving relationship with her true self. So one day she might loose that beauty to old age and lack the concepts to live a life that does not rely on physical beauty.

The guy who will fall in love with you will love you. Not your shell.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

first, I have to say I'm very very sorry that I always have a new post up...and I realize many of you may find me annoying, and for that I'm truly sorry. but perhaps ( I hope) that others can benefit from me asking what they are probably facing or can somewhat empathize or offer advice.

anyhow, I hate my sister so much right now. I've done some soul searching and have realized why I'm so mean/deameaning towards my sister...well, I'm jealous of her attractive looks alot. I MEAN ALOT. only because she's soooo much prettier than me...everyone ALWAYS complements her and tells her how pretty she is (extended family and my friends) but no one ever has anything nice to say about me.

I'm trying to think of what I could say to you that would get you out of this reality...

How about this: totally accept that you are the uglier sister, that no one has nice things to say to you and guys aren't attracted to you. I didn't say you have to like it, just accept it completely. Once you accept this with all your being, move on. Focus on why you are on this planet and forget about why you are not.

And I'm going to make you a promise. If you don't make an attempt to do this, I promise I will never respond to one of your posts again. There is nothing more irritating than someone who asks for help, doesn't take the advice and then asks for help again.

[dali]

I think what makes me ugly is when I point blank refuse to accept what is and then point blank refuse to do anything about it and added to that resentment makes me even uglier. and that goes for you too. .....................please look at The Work of Byron Katie. You can find her on You Tube. If you want to see the truth which is the only thing in the world that can set us free then give it a go.And short of returning the goods to your creator with a rejection slip attatched and nothing to show for the time allotted to you here on earth your journey will be excruciating and all because you did not even try to come to terms with what you were gifted with but only focussed on what your sister got. come on give it a try. let us know how you get on. and all the very best in a very courageous new step!

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

first, I have to say I'm very very sorry that I always have a new post up...and I realize many of you may find me annoying, and for that I'm truly sorry. but perhaps ( I hope) that others can benefit from me asking what they are probably facing or can somewhat empathize or offer advice.

anyhow, I hate my sister so much right now. I've done some soul searching and have realized why I'm so mean/deameaning towards my sister...well, I'm jealous of her attractive looks alot. I MEAN ALOT. only because she's soooo much prettier than me...everyone ALWAYS complements her and tells her how pretty she is (extended family and my friends) but no one ever has anything nice to say about me.

Maybe you could empathize with your sister as she isn't being seen for who she truly is. Being pretty can be a burden too.

[AWOL]

I don't feel attractive enough to be liked by guys

I'll stop you right there. Listen, I'm going out with a girl, and I don't have a clue what she looks like. If I only ever went out with girls I found appealing to look at, I'd be pretty screwed. Never say you aren't good enough. It's not a question of that. It's a question of where you have your goods(sounds wrong I know). You are always good enough, but in different ways then other people. So what if your sisters got the good looks. You got the brains.