The Work

[Playlife]

Originally Posted by Angela

When you feel pain and you say, "I shouldn't be feeling this pain," you are arguing with reality. Reality doesn't care about your shoulds. That pain is not going to go away because you say you shouldn't feel it. In fact, the more you *should* it, the more tenaciously it's likely to hurt you.

If you feel pain and you say, "I should feel this pain because I am feeling this pain," then you are accepting the reality of your moment -- you're no longer resisting it.

"I should feel this pain because I am feeling this pain" is also "shoulding" though.

To me, saying that something should be like how it is means that the current situation is right and I approve it. Is it right that people get murdered?

I guess it'd be better if I stick with my own pain for now, eh?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Playlife

"I should feel this pain because I am feeling this pain" is also "shoulding" though.

Yes. You're saying, "what is should be, and what should be, is." That's a far more peaceful and effective way of being, as far as I'm concerned, than, "what isn't, should be; and what should be, isn't!"

To me, saying that something should be like how it is means that the current situation is right and I approve it. Is it right that people get murdered?

Once again, (Playlife! How many times do I have to say this?! ) accepting is not the same thing as condoning. But as long as you are arguing with reality, you are powerless to take effective action in the face of it. Let's say a guy is pointing a gun at your face. You could overwhelm yourself and say, "You shouldn't be pointing a gun at my face! This shouldn't be happening!" Or you could say to yourself, "okay, here I am, a guy is pointing a gun at my face. What's my next right action?" Which way of being do you think would be more effective in getting you what you want, and having the best possible outcome for everyone?

I guess it'd be better if I stick with my own pain for now, eh?

If you want to. I prefer feeling good on purpose.

[Playlife]

To me, the word "should" always means that someone or something has to be different than what it is right now. Not too often do I hear someone saying "You should be like you are at the moment." They're always "You should be like this and that, but gaaaa! not like you are at the moment. jeez.".

Originally Posted by Angela

If you want to. I prefer feeling good on purpose.

How do I do that? Would I then know what to do next?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Playlife

How do I do that? Would I then know what to do next?

Oh jeesh, I am feeling the pressure to get my website, .Mac Web Gallery, up and running now! I guess my vacation is over. Thank you for the inspiration/kick in the butt.

[Playlife]

Maybe* I should be more focused on answers and solutions, not "ohmygodohmygodohmygod why does it have to be like this? " and let the situation escalate.

Btw, nice gallery, loladanger.

*And maybe instead of speculating, I should commit myself to a path and see where it leads.

[Angela]

Ahhh, now you know my real name.

[Ree]

Playlife, I've read your comments in this thread with interest. Byron Katie's The Work has been very helpful to me, but as has already been mentioned you might connect better with someone else. Watching Oprah today reminded me of a book I read some time ago that I thought was wonderfully helpful and I'd like to suggest it to you: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. She has a lot to say about SHOULDS

There are some basic exercises to do and some wonderful affirmations to bring about the changes you want to make in your thoughts, and thus in your life. It might be something that would work better for you now. Good luck!

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Playlife

Maybe* I should be more focused on answers and solutions, not "ohmygodohmygodohmygod why does it have to be like this? " and let the situation escalate...

You know, I just had one of these "episodes" today. So here is something IMMEDIATE for you (10 minutes) that I did for myself tonight: TAT pose. Scroll down to the bottom of the page to download the .pdf diagram (I just uploaded this website a few hours ago, so let me know if the link is broken).

For the TAT pose, you use both hands - it doesn't matter which you use for the front or the back. You can even change hands in the middle.


I suggested TAT to LMVector in this thread, who had somewhat similar issues as you, and she found some peace.

I hope it can give you some peace, too. And hey - it's only 10 minutes!

While holding the TAT pose (I like to do it in the bathroom, putting my back arm on the towel rack - trust me, your arm gets tired!), do the following:

1. 30 seconds: set the intention that you want to try something new, and you're not sure it will work, but you're gonna try because you deserve mental peace.
2. 5 minutes: Rant and rave neurotically about how you can't commit to a path...or about the starving kids in Africa...or whatever. Or, you can just think of your general malaise. Today, I did this by concentrating on the heaviness in my chest, and just this general feeling that "everything sucks!"
3. 1 minute: say, "it's still happening, but you know what? I'm ok. I can relax" You don't have to believe it. Just hold that thought with the pose.
4. 1 minute: Then think visualize any negative feelings as dark areas in your body. Imagine a bright white light coming in and taking away all the darkness.
5. 1 minute: envision the white light growing so large and bright that it becomes the entire world. All the darkness is eaten up by the white light.
6. 1 minute: Imagine, in as much vivid detail as possible, how you would LIKE to be. Do you envision yourself watching the news with compassion, but without the heavy feeling? Do you envision yourself boldly trying something new? Feel how awesome and positive and light it feels.
7. 1 minute: Thank yourself and the Universe/God/etc. for being awesome.

There are a MILLION variations on how to do this - there is no wrong way. Just hold the pose. But don't do it for more than 20 minutes a day, or else you will be very dizzy or drained.

Originally Posted by Playlife

*And maybe instead of speculating, I should commit myself to a path and see where it leads.

One of my favorite articles about this is from Slade Roberson. One of the coolest things he says:

Sitting on the fence wondering, wringing your hands, evaluating won’t reveal anything — including all the resources the Universe has wrapped up and waiting for you.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I just started reading A Thousand Names for Joy again and I am being blown away. The first time I tried to pick it up I guess I wasn't really ready for it because I lost interest quickly (even though I'd loved Katie's other books). But now, woah!