How can a subconscious mind get over bullies?

[TeroMiettunen.com]

There's some bullies haunting my dreams and hurting my morning motivation whom I would have liked to kill years ago as a kid.
I no longer live in the same town as them and don't see or think about them except in my dreams and after those nightmares wondering why the he** I still have them.
How can my subconscious mind get over it? I don't consider kicking their ass or something else illegal a solution anymore.
They are probably still ******* but they aren't worth my time.
So have you been in a similar situation and gotten more or less over it with some other method than waiting for time to heal? How?

[ashwin]

My suggestion is that you could treat the experiences as relics of the past. Your trouble seems to stem from the inability to 'vacate' those relics and see them only from the outside.

I would suggest meditation as one approach, both of the relaxation and mindfulness type. Even some practice helps to break these old shackles.

Another approach is to immerse yourself in your new environment that you are already a part of. There is no need to avoid the old thoughts, just replace them with current challenges.

Hope this helps.

[Alvin]

TeroMiettunen, the fact that you still remember them might mean that you have some work to do.

The good news is: the unconscious mind is responsible for repressing memories that you cannot deal with, and only uncovering those memories when you are able to deal with them you can trust the wisdom of your unconscious mind; after all it knows better than you do when you get a cut and it heals it for you.

A technique from NLP that helps is time-line therapy, I'm going to give you a quick abridged version so you can do it and see how differently you feel afterwards.

1) Find a place where you won't be disturbed.

2) Close your eyes and relax.

3) Remember a time when you were disturbed or bullied by these bullies.

4) See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt, as if you were really there, looking out from your own eyes.

5) Run through the whole movie til the end, then step out of yourself and ask yourself this question: what internal resources would you need in order to handle the situation better? Confidence? Assertiveness? Humour?

6) Feel these internal resources within you now. You can do that a few ways; by remembering the last time you felt this way, or imagine yourself as a movie character or someone you know who does, or imagine these resources flowing into you as colors from above, whatever works best for you.

7) Go back to the beginning of the event, step into yourself with these new resources, and replay the event again, seeing how differently you handle the situation with these powerful internal resources within you. Go all the way to the end.

8) Go back and find at least 3 new behaviours with these internal resources inside you, behaviours that serve you and are good for you in the long run.

9) Go to the end again, step out of your body, float waaaay up and all the way into the future, looking back at the event and now in the past as the older you, with more experience and wisdom. Ask yourself this question: what lesson do you need to learn from this past experience so that you can let it go peacefully and without regret? And listen for the answer.

This is a shortened version of the process I used to get a near 60 year old man to let go of a guilt he felt ever since he was a teenager for a major event in his family. I hope you find it of value too

[Adam Sargant]

A definate thumbs up approach to Alvin's approach. These experiences reside within your internal representations and you have the ability to change those representations, to select and create beliefs that make you more empowered now

Another approach that works well in these situations is EMDR, but this really relies on finding a practitioner to go through the technique with you... it's not really amenable to self help (though I'm working on that )

[dalante]

This is going to sound weird, but how about loving them?

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by TeroMiettunen.com

There's some bullies haunting my dreams and hurting my morning motivation whom I would have liked to kill years ago as a kid.
I no longer live in the same town as them and don't see or think about them except in my dreams and after those nightmares wondering why the he** I still have them.
How can my subconscious mind get over it? I don't consider kicking their ass or something else illegal a solution anymore.
They are probably still ******* but they aren't worth my time.
So have you been in a similar situation and gotten more or less over it with some other method than waiting for time to heal? How?

Lucid Dreaming for the win

[TeroMiettunen.com]

Originally Posted by dalante

This is going to sound weird, but how about loving them?

THIS WORKED! I practically ignored the advice consciously because it sounded absurd but still in the next dream one of them was becoming my friend and yesterday another one of them was my friend. Other than that they haven't been in my dreams. I didn't even have to try the alternatives offered here. Thank you!

[starseed]

Originally Posted by TeroMiettunen.com

THIS WORKED! I practically ignored the advice consciously because it sounded absurd but still in the next dream one of them was becoming my friend and yesterday another one of them was my friend. Other than that they haven't been in my dreams. I didn't even have to try the alternatives offered here. Thank you!

Behold! The power of love

[Healthyfit]

I would try emotional freedom technique.

EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

I will be using this to remove painful feelings from being bullied as a child and an adult.

[Jez]

Originally Posted by TeroMiettunen.com

THIS WORKED! I practically ignored the advice consciously because it sounded absurd but still in the next dream one of them was becoming my friend and yesterday another one of them was my friend. Other than that they haven't been in my dreams. I didn't even have to try the alternatives offered here. Thank you!

That's terrific, Tero! I was going to suggest a technique similar to lucid dreaming. What I do when troubled by dreams is when I'm still only half awake, go back and redream it with a different outcome. If I find myself having an anxious dream, for instance, about losing something and not being able to find it I'll go back to the beginning of the dream in my mind and tell myself something like, 'Okay, now when I come around this corner, or go into the kitchen, I'll see it lying there in plain site.' I don't have to actually fall back to sleep for this to work. I just have to have that 'track' laid down-- the positive outcome as an alternative to the negative one-- somewhere in my conscious mind and the original dream will no longer trouble me.

It sounds like you've essentially done this yourself subconsciously after opening yourself up to the possibility of loving them-- and thus making room for a different outcome. Congratulations!

[John Hill]

When you gain mastery over your subconscious mind, there is nothing you cannot achieve. What you think about just before going to sleep has a profound effect on what you dream about.

I have written extensively on the topics of the conscious and subconscious mind as well as what happens before, during and after sleep on my website, the link is below.

John