What if there was no guilt?

[mercuryrising]

This question has been roving around in my head. I've noticed that a lot of my decisions have been made out of guilt. Like I made a bad decision in the past and I'm trying to seek atonement, but I never can fully recover from it. I remain unforgiven. Or I feel sorry for someone and I give them something because I think I should. Or I say I'm sorry for something that isn't wrong, it's just me.

If there were no more guilt, I wouldn't have to make payments on some imaginary debt. If there were no more guilt, I could help people because I want to and not because I have to. And I would never have to apologize for who I am.

What would your life be like without guilt?

[pianoperformer]

It's funny. I actually rarely feel guilt. But my mom does, so I know how it can be. and she is effectively a doormat, because she feels guilty if she says no.

[viscapes]

We actually have a set of emotional rules for everything we feel. Most of our rules are defined and conditioned unconsciously by our environment, our beliefs and our experiences. You clearly have a set of rules that make it very easy for you to feel guilty.

You can find you what your emotional rules regarding guilt are by asking yourself the question, "What has to happen in order for me to feel guilty?". Your answer may be a couple of lines or perhaps a whole essay. Either way, you'll probably find that your rules for feeling guilty set you up for feeling guilty all the time. Maybe something like, "I feel guilty whenever I recognise pain in someone. I feel guilty when I am happy and someone else is not. I feel guilty when someone asks me for something and I cannot give it". You'll probably notice that your rules for feeling guilty rely on things that are outside of your control. That sets you up for disappointment.

Once you make this distinction you can then start to consciously redefine your rules and make them more empowering, i.e. rules that don't rely on people or events outside of your control and that make it easy to feel good and hard to feel bad.

Perhaps your new rule for feeling guilty might be something like, "I feel guilty when I allow myself to feel negative emotions from something that is beyond my control or when I fail to allow myself to feel positive about something I have achieved."

Hope this helps a little with the guilt. Guilt's can be a horrible thing.

Cheers
Paul

[uberinquisitive]

Where do your guilty feelings come from?

I ask because guilt wears many layers to make itself appear bigger and stronger. Your most powerful guilt usually stems from powerful childhood events/feelings - good news is, they can be "erased."

[z1freeride]

Guilt only exists if you break some kind of "law" whether that be imaginary or real.