I've seen better days...

[Chado2423]

This song is so like my personal Anthem right now...

YouTube - Citizen King - Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out)

I can totally related to "seeing better days..." Back in the day, when my life had meaning to it.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

This song is so like my personal Anthem right now...

YouTube - Citizen King - Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out)

I can totally related to "seeing better days..." Back in the day, when my life had meaning to it.

hmm doesn't sound too optimistic =/

maybe try this song
Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy

that always brightens up the day

[Chado2423]

Who said I was optimist. I'm just being honest. I feel like my life is going nowhere, and I STILL don't know what to do to change things.

[pianoperformer]

coLLege kid07, hahaha that makes me think of those stupid little toy fish they used to have that sing this song...*dances*
Back to a serious note...

Chado2423, I know how you feel. I'm still trying to figure it out. Don't give up hope.

[Chado2423]

I've discovered a unique premis over my life... Telling a clinically depressed person to just be happy and to not worry is like telling a fish to swim out of water. BESIDES THAT'S ALL I WANT TO DO is be happy.

yes I am familiar with the song, btw. YouTube - Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy (Robin Williams anyone?)

But... it isn't so easy as that when you have clinical depression. If it was so easy to just wake up and be happy I'd have done that four f'n years ago. But I digress, because no matter how I explain it, you won't understand unless you go through the same or similar problems yourself. Besides Sadness, Grief and Depression AREN'T WRONG. Its okay to feel the woes in life sometimes. Society doesn't want to deal with woes, but they are a vital part of human experience... Anyway, Bobby Mcferrin forgot to write that sadness is necessary if we are to really understand joy. without knowing sadness we can't find out the true meaning of joy. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel like its wrong to have the feelings I feel.

[pianoperformer]

Chado2423,

I understand. I know someone who is clinicly depressed. Have you gotten medication for it, though? That's sometimes the only way one can lead a productive life if they have major depression.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

Chado2423,

I understand. I know someone who is clinicly depressed. Have you gotten medication for it, though? That's sometimes the only way one can lead a productive life if they have major depression.

Been there done that... Therapy didn't help, medication didn't help... It just weren't working. Therapy just made me feel even more depressed and I got into debt because of thereapy. The medication DID NOT HELP. Any advice that might actually work this time around would be great! Thanks.

My mother also isn't very supportive... so the lies about family and friends being there for you... lies, I tell you.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I've discovered a unique premis over my life... Telling a clinically depressed person to just be happy and to not worry is like telling a fish to swim out of water. BESIDES THAT'S ALL I WANT TO DO is be happy.

yes I am familiar with the song, btw. YouTube - Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy (Robin Williams anyone?)

But... it isn't so easy as that when you have clinical depression. If it was so easy to just wake up and be happy I'd have done that four f'n years ago. But I digress, because no matter how I explain it, you won't understand unless you go through the same or similar problems yourself. Besides Sadness, Grief and Depression AREN'T WRONG. Its okay to feel the woes in life sometimes. Society doesn't want to deal with woes, but they are a vital part of human experience... Anyway, Bobby Mcferrin forgot to write that sadness is necessary if we are to really understand joy. without knowing sadness we can't find out the true meaning of joy. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel like its wrong to have the feelings I feel.

What steps are you taking to get yourself out of your depression? I've followed your posts, and they all seem focused on how much your life sucks. I'm sure it sucks, but isn't it time to put your energy into getting yourself out of it, rather than focusing on how much it sucks? What are you doing about it?

Pick yourself up and start life over! Sit, moan and feel sorry for yourself - stay in the darkness. Forget the 'poor me' thinking. It's hard, I still struggle with the 'poor me', but when I get out of that mode, joy seeps back into my life.

Thinking about all the negative things that happened keeps the depression alive. Your life can begin right now, if you want it to. I bet you play your past over and over in your mind. Fat lot of good that is doing you! Make peace with it and do what you have to do to feel the joy you are yearning for. Joy is actually all around you but you are soooo focused on your depression, you are not experiencing it.

Feel all the emotions, but without the mental re-run of the past. This is an important key. I've had a personal struggle recently. It has been tough, but I have also felt immense peace and that peace has given me strength. When I felt sad, angry and all the other many emotions, I accepted what I was feeling and allowed them to run their course without my story. YES, I have read Tolle and he is right on.

Ok, so perhaps it is harder to get out of clinical depression. I don't know... But, are you hiding behind it? Is it giving you permission or an excuse to wallow? See it as a challenge. A challenge you can conquer one step at a time. Life would be boring without challenges and this challenge will lead you to new better days.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by dancer

What steps are you taking to get yourself out of your depression? I've followed your posts, and they all seem focused on how much your life sucks. I'm sure it sucks, but isn't it time to put your energy into getting yourself out of it, rather than focusing on how much it sucks? What are you doing about it?

Pick yourself up and start life over! Sit, moan and feel sorry for yourself - stay in the darkness. Forget the 'poor me' thinking. It's hard, I still struggle with the 'poor me', but when I get out of that mode, joy seeps back into my life.

Thinking about all the negative things that happened keeps the depression alive. Your life can begin right now, if you want it to. I bet you play your past over and over in your mind. Fat lot of good that is doing you! Make peace with it and do what you have to do to feel the joy you are yearning for. Joy is actually all around you but you are soooo focused on your depression, you are not experiencing it.

Feel all the emotions, but without the mental re-run of the past. This is an important key. I've had a personal struggle recently. It has been tough, but I have also felt immense peace and that peace has given me strength. When I felt sad, angry and all the other many emotions, I accepted what I was feeling and allowed them to run their course without my story. YES, I have read Tolle and he is right on.

Ok, so perhaps it is harder to get out of clinical depression. I don't know... But, are you hiding behind it? Is it giving you permission or an excuse to wallow? See it as a challenge. A challenge you can conquer one step at a time. Life would be boring without challenges and this challenge will lead you to new better days.

Yeah you'd think I'd be over it by now. I guess it takes some of us longer to accept the grief in our lives than it does others. Or maybe I'm just abit more open about it.

[dancer]

Did you blow off my questions or are you pondering them for yourself. I'm really interested in hearing what active steps you are taking, if you want to share.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

Any advice that might actually work this time around would be great!

Originally Posted by dancer

Did you blow off my questions or are you pondering them for yourself. I'm really interested in hearing what active steps you are taking, if you want to share.

Yes, Chado. I've been following your threads for a long time and I've seen lots of people give you concrete steps and advice you can use to help ease you out of this depression. Have you tried any of the methods? Have you changed your diet and began exercising every day? Have you read any of the materials recommended and utilized the resources in those books/websites?

I've been depressed (yes, diagnosed) and I am telling you from experience that you have to get out of it yourself. No amount of posting on here is going to help unless you actually start putting the advice people give you into practice.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by dancer

Did you blow off my questions or are you pondering them for yourself. I'm really interested in hearing what active steps you are taking, if you want to share.

No your questions are on target... well one of them anyway...
I'm especially pondering whether or not I'm hiding behind my depression. its a thought, and you might be right about that. I'm going to have think this one over.



ASPIRING TO CLARITY: I feel like I need to do more than just the superficial everyday things like reading books, eating, drinking water excercising, etc. All good things, no doubt. But they don't cut at the root of the problem. They don't give me any meaning to my life. My biggest problem is that
I feel like I have no purpose, so maybe I need more soul searching, which goes beyond just eating and excersicing and reading... the materialistic things of this world are good for survival, but do little for the heart and soul.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

No your questions are on target... well one of them anyway...
I'm especially pondering whether or not I'm hiding behind my depression. its a thought, and you might be right about that. I'm going to have think this one over.

Let us know what you come up with. You have a lot of people behind you.

Love
D

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I feel like I need to do more than just the superficial everyday things like reading books, eating, drinking water excercising, etc. All good things, no doubt. But they don't cut at the root of the problem. They don't give me any meaning to my life. My biggest problem is that I feel like I have no purpose, so maybe I need more soul searching, which goes beyond just eating and excersicing and reading...

Here goes nothing…

I understand where you are coming from on this particular point. I tried many things to discover my purpose, including Steve’s “write down your potential purposes until you write one that makes you cry” exercise. I took test after test, read book after book, did exercise after exercise and yes, I’ve been to several therapists, all to no avail.

I was a like a dog chasing his tail, endlessly, for years until I finally accepted that there is no objective purpose to life. Or another way I like to put it is life is its own purpose. Which is great, but saying to myself that life is its own purpose certainly didn’t help me with my depression. The good thing about my depression was that it did not allow me to settle for the so called answers offered by most religions (excluding mysticism, nondual teachings, etc), philosophies, psychological theories, etc. It was too easy to see through most of that. I finally figured that if I wanted purpose then I have to create it for myself. There was no god, guru or self help expert who was going to show me the way to meaning. I had to define the meaning of my life for myself and that had to be enough. This has truly been an empowering and liberating choice for me personally. Realizing and embracing my own power to choose has also helped me remain free of depression.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe you do need more soul searching. Or maybe you’ve done enough soul searching. Maybe it is time to exercise your power to choose. It won’t be easy by any means. I know what it is to struggle with one’s own self defeating mental habits. I am also, however, living proof that it can be done.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I feel like I need to do more than just the superficial everyday things like reading books, eating, drinking water excercising, etc. All good things, no doubt. But they don't cut at the root of the problem. They don't give me any meaning to my life. My biggest problem is that
I feel like I have no purpose, so maybe I need more soul searching, which goes beyond just eating and excersicing and reading... the materialistic things of this world are good for survival, but do little for the heart and soul.

I see what you are saying. But have you tried those things at all? Consistently for a long period of time? For me, the basic, seemingly mundane things actually do have a big effect on the larger picture. Doing those things you mention opens up a space where you have the strength and clarity to look deeper into things like purpose and meaning in your life.

I don't think it's at all materialistic to take good care of yourself and enrich yourself -- in fact I think it's a major stepping stone to being able to do above and beyond that. Maslow's heirarchy and all.

Another advice I have is to stop trying so damn hard to figure it all out. I am definitely the same way, but as I've loosened my grip on having to know all of the answers, I've become a lot more peaceful, more happy and I feel like I am able to see the beauty and meaning in life that I was looking so hard for that I missed it. Ironic, but true.

Here's a quote from an article that was posted here that really hit me in the face:

You view that you must be concentrating tremendously, attempting in your terms to be "figuring out" what is the problem and what is the solution to the problem, and in this action you are concentrating UPON the problem tremendously and reinforcing its power.

From here (linked by infinitethoughts in a thread):
Elias Session 259: Dealing with Issues &amp Challenges in the Now

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

ASPIRING TO CLARITY: I feel like I need to do more than just the superficial everyday things like reading books, eating, drinking water excercising, etc. All good things, no doubt. But they don't cut at the root of the problem. They don't give me any meaning to my life. My biggest problem is that
I feel like I have no purpose, so maybe I need more soul searching, which goes beyond just eating and excersicing and reading... the materialistic things of this world are good for survival, but do little for the heart and soul.

1) "superficial" things like reading is a lot different that eating right and exercising. eating right and exercising are activities that the body takes, reading is the mind taking in something. Reading is usually a low energy state and eating better and exercising can be an energy elevating thing. Energy, as in amount of energy being used by the body. Higher energy flowing through one's body helps depression.

2) having a meaning in life is sometimes exactly eating right and exercising - the meaning of life is to find optimal eating and exercising.

3) heart and soul LOVE moving the body!! There is no way to feel moved by spirit and having lightness of being while thinking doing things that help raise your energy are not going to effect you.

4) soul searching includes using your body, climbing a hill or learning a dance move, or being able to put yourself in deep nature that takes physical effort.

5) the root of the problem is thinking and rejecting that eating right, moving the body, getting out in nature - does nothing for your sense of purpose. All that does, very much so.


Maybe you need to get angry. There's the idea that depression is a low energy state. Next here's high energy state of being angry that is really depression with more energy. Then it's easier to slide into happy as a high energy state. It's hard to go straight from depression to energetically happy, in other words, much less going from depressed to peaceful feelings. Once there's a feeling of energetically happy, one can slide over to low energy happy, which is peace. So go get pissed off! damn it!!

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

1) "superficial" things like reading is a lot different that eating right and exercising. eating right and exercising are activities that the body takes, reading is the mind taking in something. Reading is usually a low energy state and eating better and exercising can be an energy elevating thing. Energy, as in amount of energy being used by the body. Higher energy flowing through one's body helps depression.

2) having a meaning in life is sometimes exactly eating right and exercising - .the meaning of life is to find optimal eating and exercising

3) heart and soul LOVE moving the body!! There is no way to feel moved by spirit and having lightness of being while thinking doing things that help raise your energy are not going to effect you.

4) soul searching includes using your body, climbing a hill or learning a dance move, or being able to put yourself in deep nature that takes physical effort.

5) the root of the problem is thinking and rejecting that eating right, moving the body, getting out in nature - does nothing for your sense of purpose. All that does, very much so.


Maybe you need to get angry. There's the idea that depression is a low energy state. Next here's high energy state of being angry that is really depression with more energy. Then it's easier to slide into happy as a high energy state. It's hard to go straight from depression to energetically happy, in other words, much less going from depressed to peaceful feelings. Once there's a feeling of energetically happy, one can slide over to low energy happy, which is peace. So go get pissed off! damn it!!

1. Answer me this? How does excercise and eating right helkp me with my relationship with my family? How does it help me to determine what I want/should be doing with my life? How does it help lift me out of the slump into that so called "attitude of expectancy" Wolfgang, I just don't get it. Moving the body is good for excercise like I said, but I stick to my original question. I have no friends, I have an unsupportive family, family I am actually beginning to despise. I am in debt. I cry daily.

2. the meaning of life is to find optimal eating and exercising. I really don't agree. If my relationships are terrible and we argue almost every day "about my depression btw."-- almost like its wrong to be depressed, almost like my love for ex wasn't important... well it was important TO ME! DAMN IT!

3. heart and soul LOVE moving the body!! There is no way to feel moved by spirit and having lightness of being while thinking doing things that help raise your energy are not going to effect you.--- hmmmm? I'm glad you have such love for your body, but my body is just that: A Body. And I can see on one level where you might be right.... but that would only be if you had other things going for you such as a job and friends. I don't have that.


4. soul searching includes using your body, climbing a hill or learning a dance move, or being able to put yourself in deep nature that takes physical effort. (I just don't agree, sorry.)

5. Again don't agree.

Wolfgang thanks for trying, but I just don't see it. How can you prove to me that more excercise and eating right is going to help me with my relationships with family and friends (which is what I am most depressed about anyway.) My mom and I don't get along very well ever since I became depressed, but i have to live with her, becaus eI have no source of income. We're getting ready to move, NOT MY CHOICE... and I have to go along for the ride. I don't feel like a fully functioning capable adult like I used to.

My life is going nowhere, and I'm getting there fast. I feel like I have little to no control over my life.

[pianoperformer]

My life is going nowhere, and I'm getting there fast.

The question is: What are you doing to turn it around?

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

1. Answer me this? How does excercise and eating right helkp me with my relationship with my family? How does it help me to determine what I want/should be doing with my life? How does it help lift me out of the slump into that so called "attitude of expectancy" Wolfgang, I just don't get it. Moving the body is good for excercise like I said, but I stick to my original question. I have no friends, I have an unsupportive family, family I am actually beginning to despise. I am in debt. I cry daily.

you would be taking care of yourself and then with a more energetic approach the family will either be less important to you for them to be supportive of your depression or the family will see you being energetic and won't have to support your depression. Getting friends can happen directly from activities that help you take care of yourself. Say if you choose an exercise that makes you have to interact with people - play tennis or golf.

Part of what you should be doing with your life is taking care of yourself. This is one of the basic meanings of LIFE. To take care of yourself is life. Life is about caring about life. Eating right, etc... is what life is. If you don't do that, there is little room for figuring out your debt and family. It's a base line that once in place, other parts of your life can get better too. take care of yourself.

2. the meaning of life is to find optimal eating and exercising. I really don't agree. If my relationships are terrible and we argue almost every day "about my depression btw."-- almost like its wrong to be depressed, almost like my love for ex wasn't important... well it was important TO ME! DAMN IT!

The meaning of life is multifold. There is no reason to sit around waiting for the perfect meaning of life and use that as an excuse to say - because finding optimal eating and exercising is not THE GRAND UNLTIMATE meaning of life I won't do that.

They are keeping you depressed by telling you it is wrong to be so. You are staying depressed because they tell you to not be that way.

Love of ex (as in ex-romantic partner?) are you saying love of someone is just as important or right as being depressed (about that)?

3. heart and soul LOVE moving the body!! There is no way to feel moved by spirit and having lightness of being while thinking doing things that help raise your energy are not going to effect you.--- hmmmm? I'm glad you have such love for your body, but my body is just that: A Body. And I can see on one level where you might be right.... but that would only be if you had other things going for you such as a job and friends. I don't have that.

I'm just saying - raise your energy level and your good vibes will come up too. Raise your vibration! You have another excuse here. "my body is just my body and because I see it that way there's no reason to take care of it since that has nothing to do with getting a job or getting friends". Is that really true? Take an extreme case - if someone was very unhealthy about taking care of their body and did abusive things with eating/drinking etc... if they got so run down they barely can walk because of abusive habits and their thinking would be unclear and unfocused without any exercise - what kind of job could they apply to? In fact, lots of jobs require good physical energy to pull it off. Not all jobs are physical - but even the cube monkey jobs get better productivity out of people that are taking care of their bodies (imo).

I'm not sure I have a love for my body - but love for what it can do for me and the things I can enjoy through it. Maybe that's individualistic, but I think it might be more common among people. Don't most people like to take a walk? Or go dance to a band?

4. soul searching includes using your body, climbing a hill or learning a dance move, or being able to put yourself in deep nature that takes physical effort. (I just don't agree, sorry.)

what kind of soul searching do you like? Nature is definitely on my list for soul searching or soul soothing. And I like when I have to work for it a bit physically. Just me feeling. Sorry to assume you'd be this way too.

5. Again don't agree.

The root cause is not taking on anything different. Or the root cause is waiting to find the ultimate root cause and only then do something different.

Wolfgang thanks for trying, but I just don't see it. How can you prove to me that more excercise and eating right is going to help me with my relationships with family and friends (which is what I am most depressed about anyway.)

My life is going nowhere, and I'm getting there fast.

OK, how about I don't try to prove anything because that almost seems like your pattern of dealing with your depression. You take your stand - wanting to prove to me that your depression can't be helped by anything except finding the ultimate root cause or solution or meaning to life.

How about I go down the path you are on. You are right. Nothing will help your depression. Even exercising and eating right won't change it. In fact, why even eat or exercise at all, since it has absolutely no relation to how you interact with people. I could starve and wither away or eat right and be buff - and it just won't matter, I still will not have friends of family that doesn't dump on me. I won't feel any better about myself based on how I eat or exercise - it's all in my head and I'm clinically depressed. Eating and exercising do nothing for my head, I'll just be energitically depressed. So I won't even care about myself since caring for myself won't help anything. hmm... maybe you are right. just stay the way you are. which you are good at.