I've seen better days...

[Liminal Chris]

Sister Hazel -- Change Your Mind

[Rose of Cairo]

Chad, tics come from the nerves. Sugar severely harms the nerves. I bet you eat sugar. You don't need an expensive specialist: just stop eating sugar to begin with. If that doesn't help, you still can look for another solution. Start with the easiest step to take right now. That's quitting sugar.

I'm glad you looked on wikipedia. You didn't find a solution there, but you DID something That's wonderful. When you start moving, the ball gets rolling, and from one step to the other, in the end you're out of the crap. Great! Congratulations

It will happen hundreds of times to you that you do something and it's useless. I too spent so many hours on the web, researching about depression and health and all that. Most information I found and most things I tried out were useless. But I had a feeling that at least I was actively searching for a solution, and that's important. And among all this information, I ended up learning some very useful things, too.

Just hang in there, you'll make it, I know you're a fighter Chad

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Chad, tics come from the nerves. Sugar severely harms the nerves. I bet you eat sugar. You don't need an expensive specialist: just stop eating sugar to begin with. If that doesn't help, you still can look for another solution. Start with the easiest step to take right now. That's quitting sugar.

That's funny. I'm diabetic so I don;t eat much sugar... LOL (I guess I'm laughing at your assumption that I ate a lot of sugar. I don't... I can't or I'll shake like crazy.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I'm glad you looked on wikipedia. You didn't find a solution there, but you DID something That's wonderful. When you start moving, the ball gets rolling, and from one step to the other, in the end you're out of the crap. Great! Congratulations

I also called my grandfather who is a retired MD. He reccomended me to go to a neurologist, except I can't afford it, and neither can he.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Just hang in there, you'll make it, I know you're a fighter Chad

Thanks for that.

I will say I learned one thing from this: Having the knowledge about something, and actually going through it are totally unre-lated, they are on different wave-lengths.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

That's funny. I'm diabetic so I don;t eat much sugar... LOL (I guess I'm laughing at your assumption that I ate a lot of sugar. I don't... I can't or I'll shake like crazy.

You're saying you don't eat "much" sugar. Do you eat a little bit of it sometimes? When you have a sugar metabolic disorder, what is "not much" for others can be a bomb for you. I know for me it is (I have a big problem with sugar, my body just cannot deal with it).

Also, do you eat refined grains? Do you eat pasta, pizza, or bread? When I say sugar, I don't mean only white sugar, I also mean cooked starchy vegetables, grains, rice, and the like. When you have a sugar metabolic disorder, there is not that much difference between white sugar and pasta for your body.

Do you eat some of this stuff?

I also called my grandfather who is a retired MD. He reccomended me to go to a neurologist, except I can't afford it, and neither can he.

Another dead end. Oh well, you'll encounter hundreds of them. This stone on the way won't prevent a fighter from getting ahead, will it?

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Also, do you eat refined grains? Do you eat pasta, pizza, or bread? When I say sugar, I don't mean only white sugar, I also mean cooked starchy vegetables, grains, rice, and the like. When you have a sugar metabolic disorder, there is not that much difference between white sugar and pasta for your body.

Do you eat some of this stuff? It's hard to eat healthy when you don't buy the food. I have no job, so my parents get the food. I'm just glad that I'm eating again period. I went for two weeks barely eating anything... trying to starve myself.

We were planning on moving today(June 6th, 2008) but there was a problem with the credit card or something so we might not be moving until Monday I was so ready to move.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

Do you eat some of this stuff? It's hard to eat healthy when you don't buy the food. I have no job, so my parents get the food. I'm just glad that I'm eating again period. I went for two weeks barely eating anything... trying to starve myself.

We were planning on moving today(June 6th, 2008) but there was a problem with the credit card or something so we might not be moving until Monday I was so ready to move.

cool that you are looking forward to moving

it will bring some change (or a lot)

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

cool that you are looking forward to moving

it will bring some change (or a lot)

I hope so.


Last night at support group we talked about adequately expressing our feelings... but it seems like every time I try to explain my anxiety and depression that they "just don't get it." Why? Why am I so incapable of explaining my feelings to my family and friends in ways that they would understand? I know that feelings are neither right nor wrong, but my mother doesn't seem to get that. She says things like "just snap out of it." But she has no empathy (notice: empathy not sympathy) for me whatsoever. She sais she does, but I don't sense it. I feel as though I am not in control of my emotions, tics, depression etc. It has taken a hold out of me. I am not the joyous person I used to be... fun and easy to get along with... that person has gone. But why? And more importantly what can I do about it? Sometimes I just hate myself. Other times I love myself, but I still have this ugly cloud overhead.

I suppress my feelings, but that's only because when I try to express them, people take me completely the wrong way. I'm constantly saying "That's not what I meant." Or "This conversation isn't helpful." Esp. with my mother. Sometimes I think she thinks that it's not okay to grieve. Or maybe I bring my grief to her too much. Or maybe my grief was too long for her. But it is my grief and it will pass one day. I need an outlet, but I don't have one.

[pianoperformer]

Have you tried just writing about them? That may help. No one is judging you in that context.

I actually sort of know where you are coming from, as I used to be depressed. I don't think clinically depressed, but depressed all the same. And no one would quite understand. Because they would think that I could just get over it. Or, they would say "It'll be OK." Well it wasn't.

I saw a psychologist for a while, which was really helpful for me. You said this hasn't helped for you at all? Have you been open to it working?

After that, I just kinda eventually came out of it. it returned again a few years later, and again I came out of it, partially with the help of a psychologist.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by pianoperformer

Have you tried just writing about them? That may help. No one is judging you in that context.

I actually sort of know where you are coming from, as I used to be depressed. I don't think clinically depressed, but depressed all the same. And no one would quite understand. Because they would think that I could just get over it. Or, they would say "It'll be OK." Well it wasn't.

I saw a psychologist for a while, which was really helpful for me. You said this hasn't helped for you at all? Have you been open to it working?

After that, I just kinda eventually came out of it. it returned again a few years later, and again I came out of it, partially with the help of a psychologist.

I'm in debt dude... I can't pay for therapy. There has to be another way home.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I hope so.


Last night at support group we talked about adequately expressing our feelings... but it seems like every time I try to explain my anxiety and depression that they "just don't get it." Why? Why am I so incapable of explaining my feelings to my family and friends in ways that they would understand? I know that feelings are neither right nor wrong, but my mother doesn't seem to get that. She says things like "just snap out of it." But she has no empathy (notice: empathy not sympathy) for me whatsoever. She sais she does, but I don't sense it. I feel as though I am not in control of my emotions, tics, depression etc. It has taken a hold out of me. I am not the joyous person I used to be... fun and easy to get along with... that person has gone. But why? And more importantly what can I do about it? Sometimes I just hate myself. Other times I love myself, but I still have this ugly cloud overhead.

Is it important that others get your depression? Especially if you intent on not being depressed later, why bother with telling someone about it? Instead, look for something that isn't depression (which you admit you experience) and try to share those feelings.

I suppress my feelings, but that's only because when I try to express them, people take me completely the wrong way. I'm constantly saying "That's not what I meant." Or "This conversation isn't helpful." Esp. with my mother. Sometimes I think she thinks that it's not okay to grieve. Or maybe I bring my grief to her too much. Or maybe my grief was too long for her. But it is my grief and it will pass one day. I need an outlet, but I don't have one.

Grief is different in everybody. Maybe you are in a way teaching that to your mother. She doesn't understand how you grieve and maybe she will someday later.

I'm not sure she should have empathy - that would mean she could feel what you feel - do you really want someone else to feel that? Maybe when you lift your depression a bit, or have a better day, having someone else feel that would be easier - I'd think. I mean that kind of feeling - of a shift to a lighter feeling - is a triumph and something people are attached to feeling. But depression is hard to want to feel. Like you, I know you don't really want to feel depressed. just more kitchen sinks for you.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

It's hard to eat healthy when you don't buy the food. I have no job, so my parents get the food.

Yes, I know it's difficult to choose your food when you live with your parents. Maybe there's a way you can explain to them how important it is? It really is very, very important.

When I was depressed I had some neurological disorders too. Sometimes I used to suddenly fall on the floor, shaking and breathing like crazy, and unable to communicate. It was pretty scary! I also used to cry a lot for no reason at all. Sometimes I felt like I was walking next to myself, like I wasn't in my body. I had a distorted perception of reality. I also had hallucinations.

I'm convinced that the reason for this was my sugar problem. I wasn't aware of it back then, I used to eat refined grains and chocolate and rice and so on, a lot of it. Sugar like I said harms your nerves. Also, when you're having hypoglycemia or unstable blood sugar levels, it seriously messes with your brain.

All my neurological disorders disappeared after I discovered that I had hypoglycemia and changed my diet. Not immediately, but after a while. After that it took some more time and work to overcome the rest of the depression, but this was an important step on the way. That's something you could begin with too.

It's generally very important to have a healthy diet when you're depressed, since body and mind are closely linked together. But in your case, Chad, it's of utter and extreme importance. If you eat things that mess with your blood sugar level, it's not surprising that you feel crappy.

What I recommend to you is to cut all sugars out of your diet except for raw, fresh fruit.

• No sugar (No chocolate, no ice cream, no cake...)
• No cooked starchy vegetables (No potatoes)
• No grains (No pasta, no pizza, no bread...)
• No rice
• No corn
• No dairy (that's sugar too, lactose)
• No processed foods (almost all of them contain sugar in some form)

And exercise is particularly important for you too. My sugar problem got much better after I started moving a lot. You don't have to exercise like crazy. Just go for walks every day. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk instead of driving as often as possible. Move, move, move.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I am not the joyous person I used to be... fun and easy to get along with... that person has gone. But why?

You know, I too still don't know why the depression happened to me. I can come up with some reasons, like a traumatic breakup, a move to another city, my childhood, low self-esteem, or that I was bored at university... There are many reasons but I still don't know what exactly happened and why.

I can understand that you need to grieve because you lost the person you once were. I needed lots of time to accept the idea that I would never be the same again. There is a "before" and an "after" my breakdown. In the first years after the breakdown, all I wanted was to "be the person I used to be again!".

Why it happened to us is, in the end, not relevant. You're right that the most important question is, what can I do about it? Another good question is "What can I learn from this experience?" I now think that I got depressed in order to learn something. I learned a lot and I'm sure you're learning a lot too

Esp. with my mother. Sometimes I think she thinks that it's not okay to grieve.

I can relate too. When I was depressed, my mother didn't show any understanding either. She was feeling guilty about my depression because she thought she was a bad mother. So she didn't want to see me depressed and tried to ignore it and to force me not to be depressed.

What does your mother feel? You want her to have empathy for you, but do you have empathy for her?

You make a much more active impression on me lately, Chad. I'm happy for you. You're starting to move. Hang in there, don't give up. Awake the Fighter within you! Love you

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Chad, tics come from the nerves. Sugar severely harms the nerves. I bet you eat sugar. You don't need an expensive specialist: just stop eating sugar to begin with. If that doesn't help, you still can look for another solution. Start with the easiest step to take right now. That's quitting sugar.

I thought tics were a physiological reaction to a neurological condition. Please correct me if I am wrong.

[Rose of Cairo]

I don't get what your point is. Neurological condition = state of your nervous system, that's what I called "the nerves". Sorry for not being very precise.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I don't get what your point is. Neurological condition = state of your nervous system, that's what I called "the nerves". Sorry for not being very precise.

Oh I see, I apologize. I just hear my mom saying "its just your nerves..." which may be true, but its my "nerves" all day long 24/7. Not just a simple attack of the "nerves", but actual intense anxiety.

[dancer]

Hi Chado,

I've been fumbling with 'What you resist, persists', of late and am starting to get more than an intellectual understanding of it. Like, when a nasty thought comes through, if I deny it or fight it the pain of that thought intensifies and I end up in a downward spiral. Recently, I've been allowing the thoughts to be without attaching to them and even though I have felt negative emotions, I have also felt peace and I find the actual emotional pain is very short lived. When an emotion comes, I let it run its course, without getting hooked into the reason I feel sad or angry etc.
Have you tried doing this?

During a period of grief, I experienced panic attacks. They were horrible and I sunk to the ground totally paralysed with fear. I got through them and finally rid of them by telling myself I was totally safe. It sounds a too easy fix, but it worked.

Have you considered giving yourself an allotted time each day to get out of your head? A time where you focus your attention on something fun, relaxing, creative, helping someone in need, anything as long as it is not related to thinking about your depression, past or being scared about your future.

Hugs
D.

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by dancer

Have you considered giving yourself an allotted time each day to get out of your head? A time where you focus your attention on something fun, relaxing, creative, helping someone in need, anything as long as it is not related to thinking about your depression, past or being scared about your future.

Hugs
D.

I'd like to. But I can't find work. I'm unemployed and wondering if I should apply for disability. My parents and I are moving soon. And I have a mess of troubles... I just dk what to do. I feel like my situation is hopeless. I may go to court over my stupid car, because I can't pay out the lease without a job. My whole life is just a big mess. I'm a big mess.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I'd like to. But I can't find work. I'm unemployed and wondering if I should apply for disability. My parents and I are moving soon. And I have a mess of troubles... I just dk what to do. I feel like my situation is hopeless. I may go to court over my stupid car, because I can't pay out the lease without a job. My whole life is just a big mess. I'm a big mess.

All the more reason to give yourself a time-out from your problems. You write really well, why not write a short story and give your main character experiences you would like to experience. What did you like doing before? Did you have a hobby or do a sport? Getting out of your head is not only going to give you a break, but I bet you will also get some inspiration in resolving some of the issues you currently have. You'll go from a can't do to a can do mindset.

I've just read the following post:

Feeling Blessed (Blog)

Have you read it?

[Fullcrum]

Chado - how old are you?

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

Chado - how old are you?

31

[Fullcrum]

Oh, alright, I was just curious because it sounds like you live with your parents yet you don't sound like a teenager.