Self-esteem=Charisma ?
 

I still struggle with the concept of charisma. Is it not the same as unshakable self-esteem. If I think about people that I consider "charismatic" they all seem to have this feature in common (at least so it appears to me). But is there more to it?

I think self-esteem and charisma are both rooted in having a strong confidence in one's self.

The UK's most famous self-help guru, Paul McKenna, argues in his book Change Your Life in 7 Days that the secret of charisma is just that: unshakable self-esteem.

I do wonder if an individual's level of extroversion has something to do with it too, but unshakeable self-esteem alone could well be what does it as that would affect a person's extrovertedness in parties full of strangers.

Well, Paul McKenna sure has a lot of charisma!

I think there's more involved in having charisma, things like:

* Generously listening

* Being a dancer within your conversations -- flexible, light, graceful, and fluid.

* Really Being With the person you're being with.

* Generating for that person that there's nothing in the world more interesting in that moment. Leaving her feeling that she is profoundly fascinating.

* Generating freedom, love, and joy in all of your conversations. Yup, all of 'em.

So you need to see the person interact before you can really tell?

I thought just seeing could sometimes be enough. Something about a person's presence, something in his or her eyes that made me think, he/she got it... This can be a person in the queue or someone sitting on the subway. But, again, I only have a vague concept of charisma and really appreciate some clarification.

I saw his books in Borders. Are they any good? You made me curious.

So if you are introvert but have unshakeable self-esteem then you would not qualify? Or does introversion necessarily imply lack of self-esteem?

Introversion definitely does not imply a lack of self-esteem, no more than extroversion implies an abundance of it.

Charisma would entail a strong sense of self. You would not necessarily have to observe someone in conversation to gather this. You could see it in how they carry themselves, their body language and how they interact with their environment.

Hmmm. Well, yeah, I guess there are people who just draw you in without saying a word. That's not how I think of charisma normally, though. I recognize charisma sometimes in people who are talking to other people (other than myself, I mean) -- I have watched charismatic people do what I described above. Who do you think has charisma? Is it someone you wouldn't mind emulating?

Charisma -- that's such a nice word, don't you think?

Yes the word makes it harder than necessary...

I have seen people who can completely own a crowd. And some are charismatic (i guess?), but couldn't they just also be only fantastic story tellers or speakers ?

The concept really puzzles me. Does Eckhard Tolle have charisma? I don't think you would even notice him in a subway or crowd. But then, according to my own definition above, he might just have the certain "it" in the eyes....

The two are separate ideas, if you want to really look at them, but in actuality, they are interfeeding concepts (did I invent a word?). An abundance of self-esteem (the feeling of it) will make charisma a lot easier though that path does not have to be persued and you can have self-esteem without charisma just fine; just like having a lot of charisma might awaken some self-esteem, though often it does not and just feeds that person's sense of separation from others (ego).