How do I stop comparing myself to others?

[trixxy]

Right now I have pretty much nothing going for me. I'm a single Mom living with my parents. I have no schooling or any special talents. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I have tried thinking about it over and over and I am completely stuck. I keep comparing myself to others. I keep wishing I had lives like them (like the rich and famous). They can work a few months and then they can take the rest of the year off if they wanted. Most of them are intelligent, rich, and attractive. All things I definetly lack. Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? How do I get out of it?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by trixxy

Right now I have pretty much nothing going for me. I'm a single Mom living with my parents. I have no schooling or any special talents. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I have tried thinking about it over and over and I am completely stuck. I keep comparing myself to others. I keep wishing I had lives like them (like the rich and famous). They can work a few months and then they can take the rest of the year off if they wanted. Most of them are intelligent, rich, and attractive. All things I definetly lack. Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? How do I get out of it?

I have had a lot of tough times but have always made the choice to keep going and pushing on. My life has been a struggle and its just starting to get where I want it to be. Not there yet but it will be.

Whenever says to me "I want this" or " I want that" I respond the same way, "great, what are you doing about it?"

There are too many rags to riches stories to say that it can't happen for you. There are too many college drop out or high school drop outs that have made something of their lives to say you are a victim to your situation.

It's tough to get from where you are to where you want to be but its a choice you make. You have a choice to change your current situation and not stop until you get what you want or you can sit back and let the world make the choice for you.

[Alison Jenkins]

You do have things going for you. You have brought a child into the world and that is something that many people will look at you and think I wish I could do that. Think about all the things you do right for your baby, the hard work you have caring for someone else. Motherhood is challenging so don't under estimate your abilities.

The other thing is that it is so easy to look at people and all they have .... but we don't really know what is going on in their lives. On the outside they may have the perfect life but they may be battling major problems that others do not know about.

A gratitude list is a great way to look at all you have. Start by writing about everything you have - a baby, a roof over your head, caring parents who will offer you a home etc etc

Alison

[Rockchick26]

Like the other posters have said,you have a CHILD. I am 35 and have no kids and i see no way that i'll get a family before i'm too old to have kids. So be thankful of that.

What do you like to do in your spare time? You have to have passions. That's a good place to start,when thinking about what you want to do for a living. And since you live with your parents,you could afford school if you had to take that route.

[wellbeing]

Trixxy, I see you've gotten some wonderful suggestions for the other responders here and I hope you can find a way to work with them.
I wanted to ask you more about your headline question. It sounds to me like it's not so much the noticing of differences between yourself and other people that causes you problems, but more the judgements you make about yourself because you've noticed these diferences. For me, comparisons with other people can be very inspiring ("Look at the success of that woman; hmm, if she did all that then it's possible for me to figure out how to do that, if wanted." or "Look at that great car; I want one of those!"). I may not have the success or the car or the whatever that I've noticed but I don't have to make that "not-having" mean anything about myself.
I understand where you're coming from and I would ask yourself what benefit you get from making these judgements about yourself in relation to what you observe about others. If there's no benefit, you could stop tacking on your judgements of yourself. After all, I wonder if you would allow a friend or loved one make those kind of judgements about him- or herself. One of the phrases that helped me break myself of this habit was "the only thing that benefits from a beating is a rug." You're so much more than a rug, Trixxy!
Oh, and as you'll be learning a new style of thinking to replace this old habit, be gentle with yourself and don't judge yourself on your slip-up's but rather on your successes.

[awakentransform]

Hi Trixxy,

First I would say to take all the energy that you use focusing outward on others and comparing, and invest it back into yourself. Try not to watch a lot of tv or read celebrity magazines, etc. Instead, get some good books that will help you discover who you are and what you love.

A good book to start with is "Living with Joy" by Sanaya Roman. It is very positive and inspiring. Spend some time outdoors in nature, which is rejuvenating. Practice meditation or if you are new to it, buy a guided meditation tape. Meditation will help you get in touch with the real you, infinitely loving and beautiful just because you exist!

Take care~

[trixxy]

Thanks for the reply Wellbeing (and everybody else). I try not to be consumed by other peoples life styles (especially celebrities), but it is so hard. It's everywhere. I can't even go to the store without looking at gorgeous mansions in France that rich people get to live at. I guess I don't really like myself and I don't have any strong points. I want my life to be so much more, but I just don't know what. I know money isn't everything, but I can't help to want a big fancy house and lots of money. I'm so jealous of all the rich famous people out there who can do anything they want. My life seems just pointless. I feel like I'm completely worthless as a human being.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by trixxy

Thanks for the reply Wellbeing (and everybody else). I try not to be consumed by other peoples life styles (especially celebrities), but it is so hard. It's everywhere. I can't even go to the store without looking at gorgeous mansions in France that rich people get to live at. I guess I don't really like myself and I don't have any strong points. I want my life to be so much more, but I just don't know what. I know money isn't everything, but I can't help to want a big fancy house and lots of money. I'm so jealous of all the rich famous people out there who can do anything they want. My life seems just pointless. I feel like I'm completely worthless as a human being.

I know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I could win the lottery so I could pay off my student loans and never have to worry about money again. Here is an interesting thought, though:

According to Joseph Luciani, author of "The power of self-coaching" most people desire three things: money, power and status.

Money: security and happiness
Power: invulnerability
Status: loved and respected

If you are like me, I want money so I can be secure and happy. I also want the status...to feel recognized and powerful would feel good, huh? But one must remember if money, power, and status bought security, happiness, invulnerability, love and respect than I would assume many of these celebrities live happily. More often than not, celebrities struggle with self-esteem, depression, anxiety and mental illness.

This inner peace and joy must come within because if you and I try to grab it from the things and people around us, we will always end up miserable and frustrated. If money was the cure for all this turmoil, I would Britney Spears would be on top of the world right now.

You must find your worth from within you! About 2 years ago, I was really struggling with this issue (I wanted to be rich and not have to worry about money all the time), so I decided to pretend I had money. I laid in my bed and imagined I had a huge house, a fancy car, a maid to wait on me, and all the security and happiness that money can bring. However, I was still left with my low self-esteem. I could honestly say that having all that money was worthless if you are unhappy about yourself. Sure, money would be nice but it certainly cannot buy self-love and acceptance.

[awakentransform]

What you focus on grows. The more you focus on what you don't have, the more dissatisfied and unhappy you will be. I promise. There will ALWAYS be people who have more than you, no matter how rich you become. There will ALWAYS be people who have less than you. The competition is never-ending, leading nowhere.

Also, you are comparing yourself to an illusion. Many of these rich people are insecure, worried that someone is going to take away what they have and are not even able to enjoy it. Anyone who is focused outwardly for happiness will not find it, because the only lasting happiness and peace comes from within. The good news is that this real happiness is free and unlimited. Just be sure that you are looking in the right place.

Why not focus on what you do have? As someone else mentioned, do the gratitude exercise. If you spent as much time every day feeling gratitude for what you have as you do comparing yourself to rich people, you would be a very happy and satisfied person.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by trixxy

Right now I have pretty much nothing going for me. I'm a single Mom living with my parents. I have no schooling or any special talents. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I have tried thinking about it over and over and I am completely stuck. I keep comparing myself to others. I keep wishing I had lives like them (like the rich and famous). They can work a few months and then they can take the rest of the year off if they wanted. Most of them are intelligent, rich, and attractive. All things I definetly lack. Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? How do I get out of it?

Trust me most of the time no ones life is as good as...or as good, as we make them out to be. Yea they may have 10 cars, rock hard abs, and a commericial jet but that doesn't mean they are truly happy. Maybe you should ask yourself what you truly want and get started right away. Also try and limit thinking:::taking direct action is usually the best solution. Just get some momentum going in the positive direction and that will help your situation. Also realise that your going through some hard times...and don't take it too hard on yourself when things don't go your way and everything feels hopeless. Trust me there is always hope and people are always willing to help a fellow person out

[pianoperformer]

Would it really be better if you were rich, though? What would you do with your life, then?

Think about what you would do though with those months off that being rich would afford you. Surely you would do something you enjoy. What is that? Try doing more of that now if you can.

Also, I agree with those who have said to focus on what you have, instead of what you don't have. Try to develop a mindset of abundance instead of scarcity.

I don't believe that you have absolutely no talents. Really try to search, without being so critical, and see what you are good at. Or, at least, what you would enjoy doing with your life. Then set concrete goals to move in that direction.