Insecurity/Jealousy problem

[Voice]

I have a bit of an insecurity/jealousy problem. I'm wondering if there are any natural ways I can overcome this? EFT?

I have a girlfriend. I never get angry at her for any reasons other than my insecurities/jealousy. If she talks about a guy I don't know, then I get jealous and whatnot, and don't feel interested in talking about him further.

One time, we went to an arcade, and beforehand I wanted to play a game of Tekken with her. Then when we go to the arcade, she's playing with another friend of mine. Doesn't even ask me if I want to play with her, I had to ask her myself. So yeah, when I did get the chance to play with her, I was just annoyed and didn't seem to into the game, and didn't care if I lost.

So yeah, enough of that. Those are just examples. Those are some of the stupid things I get jealous, etc. over. I guess I also get angry/annoyed and don't feel like talking to her for the rest of the day..

I'd like to put an end to this. Does anyone have any advice?

[Alison Jenkins]

Can you trace back where this began? Did something happen to you as a child or did your parents divorce due to an affair? Often jealousy begins years back - it may have been a sibling who was always given more attention.

The best thing you can do is talk to your girlfriend about your insecurities so she can begin to understand your moods and insecurities. This sort of behaviour can wreck relationships if the person doesn't understand that it is your issue not theirs. Are you wanting to be the centre of attention all the time? What is your girlfriend playing a game with another friend telling you?

Lots of questions to think about but the answers will be in those replies somewhere.

All the best
Alison

[jfallingstar]

I can understand how you are feeling. I have a bit of the same problem. Altough I am completely aware of where it stemmed from, so I am aware of it when I am doing it and how it makes me feel but I am unable to stop my negative emotions.
After I talk to him about it, ie fight or argue.. I finally come around and state that it is just me not him, that it is in fact my own insecurities and I am this way because something happened to me. If she truly loves you, she will understand. No one is perfect. He actually helps me with it now, by calling or letting me go off until I am done. He says that he should never give me a reason to feel insecure, and if I do then we will work on it because he loves me.
You need to find out what happened to you to make you feel this way, only then will you understand what you need to do to trigger the opposite effect you are creating. It is REALLY REALLY hard to do that, but if you enjoy a challenge, and want to truly change so you never have to keep doing this forever, then its WORTH it. I've come a long way on dealing with it and it's a definite process. When you feel yourself getting overworked and upset, ask yourself if it is something she did specifically, or does it remind you of something that once happened. Maybe that will help. Whenever it happens to me, I realize that it is my past coming out, and I get mad at that incident instead of the person I am targeting my negativity on. It doesn't change the way you feel but it helps the situation when you can understand what is happening.

I don't know, maybe that's a load of bullshit, but it works for me. Try it, what have you got to lose?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Jealousy is a tough one to get over. Whenever you feel jealous or paranoid, take a deep breath through your nose and fill your stomach then solar plexus and finally your chest. Slowly let it out.

Then say the following affirmations over and over till the feelings go away-"I am enough" "I accept change and freely let go of what is no longer needed"

It may feel like you are lying to yourself at first but it will help the unwanted feelings to go away. Keep saying them till the subside.

[jfallingstar]

thats an awesome website, thanks for the help. :-)

[awakentransform]

As you mentioned, EFT is a good idea. Try doing it while alone at home and recalling a recent incident that brought up feelings of jealousy. EFT is one of those things that can be strange to do in public, so try to do it daily both as a release of former experiences and as a preventative measure. As others mentioned, the feelings of insecurity and jealousy stem from earlier life experiences so tap on those too.

Another good tool is hypnosis. You can do what's called a skill rehearsal. Imagine a common scenario where you get jealous. But instead, imagine yourself reacting the way you'd like to. Experience it with all your senses so that it feels real. The more you do this, the more it becomes your natural response.

Jealousy stems from low self-esteem. Get some books from the library to learn how to boost your self-esteem. This is the root of your issue. Modifying your behavior is a good start, but the real solution is to feel better about yourself.

As someone else mentioned, affirmations are helpful. Also you can listen each night to guided meditation tapes for self esteem and that will help reprogram your subconscious.

The fact that you recognize your issue and want to change is a good first step.

[Alexjstrandberg]

thanks Jfall, appreciate it.

[prabakar]

I think you are moving with couple of friends and your friendship circle is small. You just try to increase your friendship boundary and identify your good team share your thoughts with them you can come over insecurity.