Afraid of Making Mistakes

[larnen]

There is a problem I have dealt with my entire life...I am afraid of making the "wrong" decision.

For example, I am in a job I really do not like. The job tasks are actually enjoyable, but the people I work with (my boss mainly) are so dysfunctional. They yell, slam doors, and throw tantrums. I have never been around this behavior in a work environment in my entire life. I am pretty much emotionally drained and frankly a bit stressed out by it. I want to leave, but I guess this desire to "do the right thing" and "stick it out" stays. What if I leave this job and the next one is just as bad or if not worse?

Have any of you dealt with having a fear of making the wrong decision or making a mistake? How do you overcome it?

[Syr]

Hi larnen! Nice to meet you.

Talk about it with your boss, if he doesn't change or keep you in mind start to look at alternatives. Believe me, a lot of people are afraid of change, yet those tend to be the best things one can do, since you start with some sort of clear slate. Face your fears, since overcoming your fears will develop yourself.

Good luk with it!

[prats]

Hi,

From my experience,its better for you to either learn a way to process that behaviour with out reacting to it (what I mean is just let it go dont react to it).Do not suggest your boss to change his behaviour,which will be a waste of your time and if you are not able to put it right then it may cast negative impression on you.If he is so empathatic to others behaviour he will not shout or slam the doors in the first place.

Or slowly find a new job ,that will be your plan B..If A doesnt work then B is your best bet.Not all places have such level headed bosses.My boss is really nice

[Alison Jenkins]

When I make a decision I always remind myself I am making the best decision with the facts I have available today. Hind sight is a great thing but we don't have that, so I make my decision and stick with it.

As for the boss and working environment - you can't change them but you can change how you deal with it. Have you tried mirroring the behaviour to them, saying something like when you have finished slamming doors and calmed down, then perhaps we can discuss ..... or once you have finished having a temper tantrum I will come back to sort out .... Best if the person having the tantrum removes themselves from the situation but if not can you go out of the office / building until you are able to face the situation? Remember none of this is about you but about the person themselves and their inability to handle stress / anger etc

If this is affecting you and none of these tactics work, then consider moving jobs.

Alison

[ahimel]

I would say that you need to find a new job. If the new one is as bad or worse than this one, then find another new job. It's not unreasonable to want to be treated like a valuable person with feelings and needs; keep going until you find that.

You say you've never had this kind of behavior before in the workplace; neither have I. It's not very common, for the very good reason that employees who are treated this way leave, and employers who treat people that way therefore go out of business. Odds are poor that your next job will be this bad. Odds are very poor that the job after that will be. Find a place where you're respected.

You don't owe them any explanation or argument; all you owe them is two weeks' notice (or whatever is standard in your area.) "Dear whoever, this letter is to serve as notice of my resignation effective two weeks from the day you get a new job. I appreciate everything I've had a chance to learn during my stay here." ("Like where to find the courage to ditch you losers and get a life" can probably be left out of the official resignation letter. )

[robc]

Originally Posted by larnen

There is a problem I have dealt with my entire life...I am afraid of making the "wrong" decision.

For example, I am in a job I really do not like. The job tasks are actually enjoyable, but the people I work with (my boss mainly) are so dysfunctional. They yell, slam doors, and throw tantrums. I have never been around this behavior in a work environment in my entire life. I am pretty much emotionally drained and frankly a bit stressed out by it. I want to leave, but I guess this desire to "do the right thing" and "stick it out" stays. What if I leave this job and the next one is just as bad or if not worse?

Have any of you dealt with having a fear of making the wrong decision or making a mistake? How do you overcome it?

Similar to a story about 2 people who travel to a town.
The first person to arrive at the town, speaks to an old man outside the gate and asks what kind of people live in this town. The old man responds, "what kind of people live where you come from?" The first person responds "where I'm from, the people are loud, angry, hurtful, disrespectful, etc.". The old man replies to him, "we have those people here too".

The 2nd person arrives at the town, asks the old man the same question, the old man responds with his same question, "what kind of people live where you come from?", the 2nd person replies "we have kind, loving, generous, helpful people", the old man replies to him, "we have those people here too".

No matter where you go, you will encounter many different kinds of people and sometimes you will encounter people that aren't necessarily to your liking.
You can change jobs and maybe you will be lucky and get into an environment that has nicer, easier people to work with. And maybe you won't.

Better to develop the skills that allows you to accept people for who they are. If you find some behavior extremely offensive or abusive, speak to your manager or Human Resources. I'm sure you can get some of your problems resolved by letting people know that certain things affect you to the point where it can affect your job performance.

How about taking it to the next level. Be extremely cheery, happy, energetic, outgoing, etc. Be the kind of person that you want other people to be. Be friendly with everyone, engage people in some good conversation during coffee & lunch breaks, become friends with your co-workers (because it sounds as if you almost only know them by name alone), maybe help organize some after work activities with your co-workers. Develop the kind of working environment that you want to work in. Be the change in your environment that makes the difference.

People often think changing your venue/scenery will fix everything. However you are still the same person, you've made no attempt to improve or change yourself to allow you to adapt & handle your existing environment. People in relationships that have problems often think this is how you fix problems, drop the person you're with and be with another person. The thing is, you're attracted to a certain type of person, you'll bring a similar person into your next relationship, you haven't dealt with your own personal issues & problems so they will creep back into the dynamic after the lustre & novelty of the relationship wears off (and it will) and you're back to square 1 all over again.

You love what you do - focus on that, that's a definite positive. Work on loving who you are and try to promote that in your work place. Speak your mind, tell people you would appreciate it if the loud language, slamming doors type behavior bothers you and you would like other people to be considerate of that. You're allowed to ask for those things, don't be so timid that you can't ask for what you want. You might be surprised by the feedback you receive, people might actually agree with you - you may even find that other people in your workplace share the same opinion as you and they are just waiting for someone strong & confident to voice that concern. Maybe you could be that person?

Anything is possible.

[iamconscious]

Make a lot of room for errors. Accept that no matter what you do. No matter how careful you are, YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES.

As for your boss. Don't change him. Just accept that he has this bad attitude just as you have also.

In this case, you can enjoy your work or atleast reduce your stress whether your boss is upset or not, whether you make mistakes or not. Plus you can plan well if you decide to leave your work.

[lifetimelearner]

I cannot tell you what to do
but it's obviously upsetting you

it's true you cannot change people but you can either get out
or tolerate it


okay back to the question you asked -

'any of you dealt with having a fear of making the wrong decision or making a mistake? How do you overcome it? '


making decisions scares me -
but
the way I deal with it now diifers than when I was younger


I used to have panic attacks about making mistakes
this goes back to having a mother who demanded perfection

now I put everything down in my journal and I try to make the decsion with my heart and not my head

over 6 weeks ago I was fired
I had to make a decision of whether I should move to a smaller cheaper apt in my complex or go live with my sister

now I love my sister but I didn't want to create more debt by breaking my lease with the apt complex

but mostly -
I did not want to be split from my kids -
I was going to live with one sister but my 2 youngest were going to have to live with my other sister -
all this because of lack of space in their houses


I decided I'd rather be with them -heart decision

then save money on renting-mind decision
and live with my sister

[ar81]

Originally Posted by larnen

There is a problem I have dealt with my entire life...I am afraid of making the "wrong" decision.

For example, I am in a job I really do not like. The job tasks are actually enjoyable, but the people I work with (my boss mainly) are so dysfunctional. They yell, slam doors, and throw tantrums. I have never been around this behavior in a work environment in my entire life. I am pretty much emotionally drained and frankly a bit stressed out by it. I want to leave, but I guess this desire to "do the right thing" and "stick it out" stays. What if I leave this job and the next one is just as bad or if not worse?

Have any of you dealt with having a fear of making the wrong decision or making a mistake? How do you overcome it?

You are paid to do your job, or to be the nanny of a spoiled boss? If second option is true I'd ask for a raise.

I am going to tell you something. I am a normal worker, one among many cubicles. Low payment, a common man.

In my spare time I make presentations featuring an educational multimedia show where my music appears. It has become popular and at some point the ambassador of Belgium attended the show. He was so impressed that one day I was invited to attend dinner with him and some other guests.

Once my wine was depleted, he said "want some more?"... ok, I am an ordinary guy, not above average in any aspect... an ambassador was serving me a glass of wine... he is treating me very well...

After that day I discovered that only minions who pretend to have power will mistreat you, for real VIPs will treat you with dignity. It shows how much of a lowlife your boss is. I have had bosses like yours, I do not feel hate towards them, today I feel sory about them.

If you were there with me, the ambassador would also treat you very well, for he is a great human being, a civilized human. So if an ordinary man like me deserves that, why not you?

The ambassador was not the guy next door, he is an ambassador. And who your boss thinks he is to mistreat you?

How do you get out of his game? You are playing victim, he is playing persecutor. See the rules of the role game you are playing
The Drama Triangle: Persecutor, Victim and and Rescuer

Now that you know the game, refuse to participate in that game.
And you will see how things change.