Understanding the Dark Side of Your Humanity

[Fullcrum]

After beaming on really high levels of positivity for many months, I stopped the upkeep of my emotional state, thinking I was "beyond that stuff", and had some pretty intense "negative" experiences.

All in good fun, I suppose .

In lieu of that, I became curious not only about growing and keep my eyes on what I want, but also about my darker side, and how I could develop that and use it to my advantage.

So in the spirit of growth, let's share our darkness. Lets indulge the rejected parts of us, the defeated, the cowardly, the wounded, worn, and forlorn parts of ourselves. Tell us about these parts of yourself. Really get into it. And once your darkness has seen the light of day, accept it, and make it an integral part of yourself. I think that when we do this, less holds us back.

So indulge your dark side, that we may all grow from it!

[Akashic_Librarian]

I'll go first then, My Darkness is that I sometimes do things I know will have a negative effect on people, because I know eventually it will lead them to something good. I guess my Darkness is I can see more consequences than most people. This makes me look like I am doing something stupid, or something totally random, but when it finally comes to fruition I very rarely get any sort of comendation, in fact people rarely notice my input on the matter, weeks or months before...oh well, no good deed goes unpunished, no sin forgotten!

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

-I fall into addictive behaviours more often than I want to.
-There is a gap between the person I am and the person I project to the world, especially with my family (isn't it crazy?! my own family!). I have difficulties to "out myself", especially with everything concerning my desire to do more "lightworking" and live more consciously. I stay stuck at the same level because I conform to social standards. (It's changing step by step, I do take action towards that, but I know I could go waaay faster)
-I fear my choices would hurt others, especially my gf.
-I am slow to make important choices. I feel I am the only one stopping my growth because there are choices I don't take. I feel the universe is just waiting for me to act, and I just act slowly. (I still act though, so it could be worse )

[Fullcrum]

Hm, interesting. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for when I started the thread, but I think I do now. I'm talking about deepest wounds that prevent the core of you from shining into the world. I mean the really primal stuff. And then I'm looking for a reason - why does this occur? Why do you think this happens to you?

When different people get into a negative mood, different things happen to them. A lot get angry and start yelling, like a lot of people in my family. Me? I'm too smart for that. I get caustic, argumentative, and hyper-analytical. It's a sign of arrogance I suppose. For example, I sometimes feel like my dad is too passive and does not come across powerfully enough to get what he wants sometimes. So I'd say "What? Why are you not taking action? Do you lack the will to do this? I'd say this in a very caustic way, as if I have all the answers and the other person is so blind to the truth. I do feel an element of that in the mood when it happens.

Other times, when the negative state would get really bad, I would feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club, like "destroying evey beautiful thing" around me. And I'd wonder "Damn! Where does this come from?"

Thankfully, stuff like this happens less because I'm more aware. I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle for this. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a sentence and realize what I'm doing. I'd realize I was spreadding pain.

Why do I do this? Why would I choose this method of running away from the pain (because that's really waht it is) instead of, say, yelling, or over-eating, or going silent and retreating to the computer? Well, since I can remember, I've always had this ability to analyze things and break them down. I'd be able to recall scientific facts like it was nothing - the amount of information in my head now is quite vast and still growing. My thinking process operates like an INTJ, if anyone is familiar with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. So I suppose that while these things are good and all and it affords me many abilities, when I start feeling negative, the negative side of analyzing, remembering, and compartmentalizing comes out.

I realize more and more the addictive quality of emotional state. I notice all the states I'm in every day (consciously developed awareness), and that emotional states carry a certain MOMENTUM, even if you're aware of them and do not want to be in it anymore.

So now, with all that out there, maybe we can get to the root of our negativity, and accept all the stuff found within us.

[rush23]

I have always been very well acquainted with my dark side and I used to be ashamed of it. In some ways, I still am. I mean, you can't really take anything back that you've said to someone in the heat of the moment.

However, I think channeling my dark side in a productive way is good. It makes me more creative and life more interesting. As long as I keep the scales balanced, it's okay.

[awakentransform]

Have you read the book "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford? It is an easy to read book on this subject of Shadow work. Integrating our shadow aspects, all the parts we disown, is a huge step in personal growth work. Because we don't accept these parts, we give them power by constantly suppressing them or being afraid of them. Embracing our shadow is extremely empowering.

My own experience some time ago when I first started on the spiritual path, is of having very ecstatic experiences and then crashing down into fear and doubt. What goes up must come down, right? I thought I was so spiritual and had a hard time accepting the very natural human emotions that would come up within me. I was very up and down for awhile until I did the Shadow work and became more balanced.

The other benefit of embracing our dark side is that we become much more accepting of others as well.

[chen83]

I am ashamed to accept that I also have dark sides.
I can't even talk about them, but sometimes they pop-out out of nowhere... strange, strange things they are...

[anamoly]

There are dark behavioral patterns that have been exhibited before, through the body which I am typing through now.

These behaviors range through engaging in online sexual mischief to sometimes reacting negatively to what someone says(mild darkness). I truly believe that our dark behaviors carry the seed of enlightenment, peace and understanding.

Often times, mind would interject with guilt, non-understanding, and questions would arise..am I really this sick that I engage myself in fantasies this sick? However, it is comforting to know that this was done online and no one was really hurt, aside from perhaps some guilt & remorse which I felt later on. Now, I am past that guilt & remorse and am grateful that these experienced allowed me to learn more about myself.

It should comfort you all greatly as well, that I have no mischievous desires with any children in real life, except the ones which are fully matured mentally & emotionally, as well as over the legal age of consent. (I think we are all children of nature, so if that creepy overtone bothered you a little - what is said below will shed some light).

What has this experience taught me?
Firsthand, it taught me to understand others and helped me develop compassion. Kahil Gibran writes wonderfully about Good & Evil
Crime & Punishment.

Some of the most loving quotes:

You cannot separate the just from the unjust and the good from the wicked;

For they stand together before the face of the sun even as the black thread and the white are woven together.

What judgment pronounce you upon him who though honest in the flesh yet is a thief in spirit?

What penalty lay you upon him who slays in the flesh yet is himself slain in the spirit?

And how prosecute you him who in action is a deceiver and an oppressor,

Yet who also is aggrieved and outraged?

And how shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?

Is not remorse the justice which is administered by that very law which you would fain serve?

Yet you cannot lay remorse upon the innocent nor lift it from the heart of the guilty.

Unbidden shall it call in the night, that men may wake and gaze upon themselves.

And you who would understand justice, how shall you unless you look upon all deeds in the fullness of light?

Only then shall you know that the erect and the fallen are but one man standing in twilight between the night of his pigmy-self and the day of his god-self,

And that the corner-stone of the temple is not higher than the lowest stone in its foundation.

The wonderful thing about Kahil Gibran is it allows you to figure it for your self, without the burden of others opinions. The language is clear and simple, and some words are eternally beautiful even if their meaning is not registered in the mind. That's what the dictionary is for, and pygmy means = distance to..so in that context perhaps, we are all learning our compassion.

The world exists in an inter-connected beautifully woven thread of love and in that sense, the person that we judge, is really just a part of us because we share the same very essence in nature. Whether that is a politician, a murderer, a cheated lover or a terrorist - we must all recognize our love for even those parts of ourselves which we often like to admit we are incapable of. But is not that thought the foundation of dehumanization? Of not sensing the common humanity? Ironically, aren't we taught that dehumanization of others is how one is driven to be able to slay another sacred human life?

Imagine for a second how the terrorist has to feel that he is willing to blow himself up? Is it not because he finds this life all to painful to live and has to cling to a promise of a better life, and he feels that he has to end his suffering now? Unfortunately this is magnified to an unimaginable extent where other human beings suffer too. Is there an end to suffering, this hell we sometimes find ourselves in?

Can we look at these deeds with the shining light of love and understanding and compassion? Can we look at ourselves, most importantly, with that love?