I hate myself.

[The_One_Free_Man]

I'm sick of everything...I don't want to deal with life anymore. I can't stand it..and I feel like I'm going to explode.

I feel as if I want to be somebody else. I see other people, and I say to myself "I want to be that." I want to be that confident, good looking person walking down the street. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I act, and I feel like I'm stuck...there's no way out. I despise the way I look.

I guess that I just want to be that other person that exudes confidence. I want to feel love, but I feel like there is none in my life. My fear is that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life...and that scares the daylights out of me.

[Radical]

Originally Posted by The_One_Free_Man

I'm sick of everything...I don't want to deal with life anymore. I can't stand it..and I feel like I'm going to explode.

I feel as if I want to be somebody else. I see other people, and I say to myself "I want to be that." I want to be that confident, good looking person walking down the street. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I act, and I feel like I'm stuck...there's no way out. I despise the way I look.

I guess that I just want to be that other person that exudes confidence. I want to feel love, but I feel like there is none in my life. My fear is that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life...and that scares the daylights out of me.

Look man, you need to get things in to perspective.

Being good looking isn't all that great you know. Some people would say it's a curse more than anything. Just something extra for your ego to get attached to. Also, it makes it harder to talk to people if they are constantly thinking about your good looks.

It sounds to me like the main cause of your dissatisfaction with life is your loneliness. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist or something, someone who you can talk to face to face. This might help you put things in to perspective. Most people feel like you at some time in their life, you just need to battle through it.

[dorothy hanna]

You are that other person. You are showing it in some of the expressions you wrote. "I want to be..."

These are good things to express. These expressions are something you "want", and can be made manifest in your life.

What, else, was it about that person, that other person, besides confidence, and good looks, that you desire.

You've made it here, so obviously you are on the right path. You've made it. Onto the right path.
Your search/seeking has brought you here.
What are you hoping to find?

Many here, on this forum are willing to help, even if they don't believe in the law of attraction, so to speak. They are none the less looking for answers, and a way, and are willing to try and help you.
We help each other on this forum.
Glad to meet you!

I'm so happy, and glad to meet you.
Tell us more of what you want. What you aspire to.

[fballer11]

I used to be like you, I'm sorry for how you are feeling.
If it helps, the way I got out of that rut was just realizing that if no one is going to respect me, the I just have to learn to be friends with myself.
So I went through a stage of no ego, didn't care what people thought of me, only did things that benefited me.
Then people started liking me, I became more self-confident, and I was a lot more balanced, but it didn't matterbecause all that mattered was being true to myself. Like Steve said, don't try to be like everyone (normal). It gets you nowhere. But also don't strive to be wierd and different just to get attention or something. Be true to yourself. "Throw out dumb labels like normal, just start inside yourself. No one else is going to change the way you think about yourself.

[copla]

Good! You've messed up, and you're fed up with your life.

Now fix it!

Read the books, listen to the seminars, keep a journal, make the changes. Set a major definite purpose, design a Vision of your future and your Ideal future self, and live into that Vision in order that you may become your Ideal. This stuff isn't hard- read the books, listen to the seminars, keep a journal, make the changes- all easy things.

[The_One_Free_Man]

I know...I just feel like I can get nowhere unless I am "good looking" or whatever that means. I feel like the I can't get along because of my looks, when it's probably more of a problem with my confidence. I want to form relationships with people, but I just think that I sound like an idiot when I talk.

[Radical]

How old are you btw?

[placebo]

It is not really a big problem. All of us have that kinds of periods. All you have to do is find Tyler Durden in YOU.

(Whatch "Fight Club" if you don't know who is he)

[shesaboutspirit]

Hey...nothing wrong with good looks, it can open doors at times. It can also keep other doors shut, because people will prejudge you due to good looks. I believe the bottom line is always developing your own inner depth. What do you care about? Even just a little bit. Find something small and grow it the best you can. Get support!!! Here and somewhere in person, if you can. When I was young (not sure how old you are), I took myself to the local Mental Health clinic in my town, and they had a sliding scale for people my age. Help should be available somehow to everyone.

Support is mandatory...I know, I've spent lot's of time in isolation too. Also, finding some way to help somebody else is miraculous for shifting your perspective instantly. Even something small...just smiling at every senior citizen you see tomorrow... It's about giving some small form of love to someone else...and you will feel it coming back instantly. It bounces right back to you...if you pay attention, you'll feel it.

If it fits for your belief system...pray for a new vision for and of yourself and your life. It will work wonders if you open your heart to new possibilities.

Blessings to you...

Pam

[The_One_Free_Man]

I generally don't like telling my age because people can make preconceived ideas about who I am..I'm 16. I can't access help really because I'm in the middle of nowhere in terms of location. Can't drive yet, and the parental units never seem to want to help me. They basically just say "get over it".

[Hsiang-Lin]

Don't "get over it." First, accept 100% responsibility for your situation. This is your life. You are the only one who has these experiences. No matter how crummy or better other people have it, you are unique because you are the only person in your situation.

That is why your mind naturally rejects good advice sometimes because it realizes that the good advice may actually not work for you. This is a good thing. So what this means is you can either give up or you can start creating the life you want. There is no in-between. Giving up is equivalent to living in a state of depression or just going through life allowing things to happen to you.

But creating the life you want means being proactive. Take conscious action to improve your life. You know what I think the most important thing about life is? While I respect people who are highly proactive and have accomplished a lot in life, the most important thing I value is improvement. No matter which level you are. If you make that tiniest of improvement, you are a hero in my eyes.

For example, Rosalie Bradford, who is the fattest woman in the history of the world died very recently. While many may have let this news slip by, her story really inspired me. She was so fat it took her husband 1.5 hours just to give her a bath! And you know how she came on to become the person who would lose the most weight ever? It all started by clapping her hands to an exercise video. That's all she could do because she was so large. But she eventually lost 736 pounds. 736 pounds!!!

She may have been fat on the outside, but I see a beautiful person on the inside. That is the power of the human spirit and we have it in each and everyone of us, YOU included. I don't know what you'll do, but I believe that the spirit is always within you and if you can just muster the courage and energy to listen to just a bit of that inner spirit, you are destined for greatness.

[Victoria]

You will get through it though...I'm having a down spell right now. It's not easy being in college and not finding any people you have a real connection with. Being lonlely is obviously never fun. The "get over it" attitude doesn't seem to be the most understanding or compassionate one to take. I'd suggest just taking a deep breath and deciding what the root cause is. If you tend to overanalyze that's probably not a good idea, though (I learned this the hard way). You could try focusing on one good thing you do, and focus only on that. If people say they haven't been lonely at one time or another, then they're probably lying.

Originally Posted by shesaboutspirit

Also, finding some way to help somebody else is miraculous for shifting your perspective instantly. Even something small...just smiling at every senior citizen you see tomorrow... It's about giving some small form of love to someone else...and you will feel it coming back instantly. It bounces right back to you...if you pay attention, you'll feel it.

I couldn't agree more.

[imhnyc]

I have felt discouraged about my appearance, lack of friends and seemingly no hope of improvement. Thankfully, at some point, I recognized that I while I wasn't at that very moment what I wanted to be - I had all the potential to be what I wanted. It seems cliche but seeing those less fortunate than me is what made me snap out of my negative thought pattern.

My realization came in two parts:

1) I had legs to walk, a mind to think and a good heart to feel. With those things, I could exercise to become physically attractive, I could educate myself so that I could hold a conversation with people and also pursue things that made me happy/excited and I knew what was good vs bad so that I could do the right thing for others.

2)My pride made part 2 difficult to swallow though. Part 2 was that I was basically impatient, lazy and wanted instant gratification. Those traits were holding me back. I had a perfectionist attitude that if I wasn't perfect already why bother at all. Well, I had to be my own coach and force myself to work for progress rather than perfection. But it is an everyday struggle not to allow myself to give up. Many times I give in to self-pity and I have to work through my reasons for doing what I'm doing so that I can get back into a positive mental state. Not easy. But seeing a little success helps to keep me from falling too far.

These realizations only came to me when I was through college. While I don't want to lay on you the typical "you're young and have you're life in front of you" line, I think that fact that you are young should give you hope. If you were to take the next 5 years to transform yourself, you'd be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor at the very exciting age of 21! If you take the time now, value yourself, care for yourself and give of yourself to others, I'm sure you'll be pleased with all you accomplish in time.

I hope you don't feel put off by my comments. I am myself imperfect and have a hard time following my own advice, but I just felt I needed to give you some support, albeit from a stranger.

Best of luck to you.

[shesaboutspirit]

The main reason I think that knowing your age is helpful is because it puts your life in context for the rest of us who want to offer encouragement and support. The advice and feedback will be different for a sixteen year old than an eighty year old. For example, a sixteen year old has to deal with raging hormones that will make your moods feel like a roller coaster...without you having done anything wrong at all. The good news is that those are somewhat temporary...if you're a male anyway. As a woman, I've needed and continue to need to learn coping strategies for this aspect of being human.

The most important thing I can tell you...and you'll find this all over Steve's site... What you focus on is what you will grow.

You can stare at your pain forever and it will keep staring back at you. You can also try looking at something that gives you true joy...like offering unconditional love to the best of your ability to somebody...anybody...and it will grow within you. Do something for someone. Just try it, and you'll see...it begins as a little flicker within. It feels like love, true love. You can grow that my friend.

I've been considered good looking in my life...it's been good and it's been agony. I didn't start developing inner depth until my forties. That means I've been one superficially focused, unhappy woman for most of my life. It didn't start getting good until I began looking at what makes me truly lovely. It's all about heart.

Pam

[Aiox]

The_One_Free_Man -

Dude, being 16 is no picnic, it is one of the toughest times in life, for everyone. Know that probably 95% of your peers have/are dealing with the same issues, I assure you.

>>I feel like I'm going to explode.
Exercise, do something. Walk, run, lift, something. At 16 you're a nuclear furnace of energy, expend it/channel it in some physical activity. Exhaust yourself. Nix the video games and TV. Get outside.

>>I despise the way I look.
What can you change? Work on what you can change, accept that which you cannot. Realize the media sours our feelings of self-worth, in that if we all dont look like Paris Hilton or Brad Pitt, then we're ugly. This is simply unrealistic. We're all different.

>>My fear is that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
Difficult to imagine, but life at 16 is a world away from what you'll be experiencing in years to come.

And really, being alone (glad you said that instead of 'lonely') is something you may come to appreciate. My times being alone now are something I look forward to, to unwind, decompress, etc...

Go a day at a time. Work on yourself, forget everyone else.

Go here and read everything.

[Aiox]

I understand the comment about the DJ Bible. And granted there is a lot of stuff there that is geared towards hooking up.

But there is also a great deal of info on building confidence, working towards feeling comfortable about yourself, improving yourself, improving one's ability to interact with others in a social situation comfortably, etc.

Not suggesting sex as a quick fix at all, and sorry if that was misleading.
I am suggesting self-improvment, and there are many articles there in that vein.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Just be thankful for every second you have on this Earth and strive to make it a better place. Once you start doing that, good looks won't matter. It's the inside that counts, not the outside. Give to others, become an embodiment of kindness and people will be kind to you and hopefully make you feel better about yourself. Maybe that will get you out of this slump you're in.

[Aiox]

Some examples:

How to be happy
To Anyone Who Lacks Confidence
Change your life today
Awakening your social self
The Traps of life
How to Eliminate Desire
Guide to Eating Healthy

[CeciL]

I see your a WoW player. I think you can get something out of Steves latest post "Life - The Ultimate Game" Put down the PC game and step into the game of life. Confidence is only for those that KNOW they have it, if your not sure then you don't have it. Although I'm guessing you have enough confidence in WoW to do whatever you want.

Don't take life so serious, no one ever gets out alive!

[Erki]

WoW is acronym of World of Warcraft, a video game I believe.

[Aiox]

>>permanent and irrevocable at that age doesn't it?
To be sure, yes. I deal with young people frequently in a class I'm in, and it's hard to get across that things will change, you just have to hang in there and do the best you can. It's not your fault.

Not yet an adult, and no longer a child, caught in between, dealing with issues of both.

But there are many things to learn at this time, much to aquire in terms of personal growth and definition, and social interations. These will help define the person to be.

In the end, it is all good, but sometimes it's just hard to see it.

[CeciL]

Yes WoW is World of Warcraft. It is an online PC game where players can interact with enviorments and other players in real time. As addictions go it is the digital equivlent of crack.

[MGJ]

I here what your saying and there's no magic pill. But you can change the focus of your thoughts. It takes practice but its the only thing I've found that is consistent in making permanent changes... no one else is making you think the way you do, except for you. Change your thoughts one day at a time... look at the things you do have that make your life more bearable and expand from there... i.e., at least you have food, some don't.... at least you have a nice warm bed, others would love to have one... etc.... grow this list into bigger things and over time... you will change your outlook on life... it sounds simple, but I challenge you to do it. It DOES work.

[Alvin]

The_One_Free_Man,

Ever seen this guy?



He's definitely not this guy:



But Jack Black has brought delight to thousands of people through his movies and wit. You'd be surprised how many gals would prefer to hang with Jack (not dissing Brad here).

(psst, I don't know any of them sorry but I got the inside scoop from the gals around me)

People are attracted to good-looking people, sure. But what people are really attracted to are attractive people, and that attraction quotient comes from inside; sounds cliche doesn't it? But you can't fake it if you ain't got it.

[The_One_Free_Man]

It's not that I want to look like that..it's that I want to look "normal." I feel like I'm a freak that no one wants to look at. I guess it's more psychological as people tell me that I look normal, yet I feel extremely ugly. I also feel like people just say "hi" out of pity.

[belugagirl]

One Free Man--

I SO feel for you. I remember feeling very much like this--so vividly that I can almost feel it all over again. I hope you will feel encouraged by the fact that I have left this feeling far behind me, and many other people have done the same. This post will be quite long, but please read on, because I believe that I have some valuable insight that might help you. This is from experience.

First, yes, 16 is a tough time for many. Hormones, all that . . . But your situation sounds more severe to me than just regular teenage stuff. You sound depressed. Not depressed as in situationally depressed. I mean chemically depressed. I believe that our bodies and brain chemistry are deeply connected to our perception of mood and even the path of our thoughts. Chemistry affects mood and behavior, and mood, thought, behavior, and environment affect chemistry.

That said, I think you could benefit greatly from some professional assistance--psychological counseling at the very least. I am not saying that you are crazy or that there is anything "wrong" with you. I compare psychologists to dentists: if you have a toothache, and it doesn't go away on its own, you see a dentist. If you have a psychological symptom that is painful and/or annoying and it doesn't go away on its own, you see a psychological professional. I know you have said that your location makes this difficult. What about at school? Your school must have a counselor or some other resource that could help you find one. It's worth a try.

Then there are the parents. First of all, I'd be curious as to how you approached your parents when you got the "get over it" reaction. Did you sit them down seriously and say, "Look, Mom, Dad, I have been feeling rotten for . . . (weeks, months) . . . I can't snap out of it. I'm very, very unhappy, and I want to see if a counselor could help me"? Or did you just talk to them in an everyday sort of way and mention that life sucks or that you hate the way you look or some other thing that a parent COULD take for being normal teenage angst? If you haven't done the "serious talk" thing, do try it. You might be surprised. I did not expect my parents to be receptive when I did this, but when I finally did, my mom started crying and said she'd been so worried about me because I seemed so unhappy, and that she and my dad had wanted to find a counselor FOR me but THEY were afraid that _I_ would resist.

If the parents still resist, talk to someone at school. If there is no counselor, talk to the principal or a teacher that you trust. See if there is anyone at school willing and qualified to speak to your parents about the situation and urge them regarding the importance of getting you some help. If you are a religious person, you might also try a priest, rabbi, etc. to intercede on your behalf with your parents.

IF psychological counseling WILL NOT work for some reason, depression can also be treated medically. I'm sure your parents don't object to you seeing a physician. Tell your doctor about what you are experiencing. A doctor can prescribe medication that may help rebalance your brain chemistry. I DO NOT recommend this OVER counseling. Counseling should be attempted first, or at least should be available simultaneousely, but antidepressant drug therapy _may_ be better than nothing. AN IMPORTANT NOTE, THOUGH: because of your age, some antidepressants may carry with them the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors, so you must discuss this with your doctor AND parents. If you were to pursue this course, your parents would need to know, in order to watch you for these side-effects.

Counseling or medication alone are not the full solution; they are only a PART of what can help YOU improve your mood. You will have to do a lot of work besides. Some very practical things can help: get plenty of sleep. Sleep deprivation has an impact on mood. Eat a healthy, balanced diet with as few artificial chemicals as possible. Our society tends to focus on calories and weight over nutrients and whole body function. Get out of that mindset early. Nutrition does affect mood, and some artificial chemicals can cause mood problems, especially food additives. Aspartame, for example, is thought by some scientists to interfere with the production of serotonin, which is a mood lifting/regulating nerotransmitter. Drink pleny of water! When you are dehydrated, nothing in your body--including your brain--works like it should.

Imhnyc mentioned exercise as one way of making yourself more physically attractive. I totally agree that exercise will help, but not just because it can help shape the body, but because it can help shape the mind! Exercise helps release endorphins. Regular vigorous exercise will help balance your brain chemisty. It can help relieve tension--like that feeling that you are about to explode. It relieves stress. Improving muscle strength can help you FEEL stronger, which can boost your confidence. And if you find the right activity for you, it can be fun! Experiencing enjoyment will help you think more positively about life.

Posture also has an effect on mood. If you don't believe me, slouch over and let your head drop a bit. This is probably a comfortable position for you. It feels safer, more secure than an open posture. You don't like the way you look, so your tendency may be to "hide" by curling up. Now . . . sit up tall. Gently pull your shoulders back and down and tilt your head up slightly. Take a couple deep breaths to expand your chest. Now try to feel depressed. What happens? You feel the urge to slouch, right? You want to curl up and over. that's because having a "depressed" posture is instinctively connected with feelings of sadness, pain, and vulnerability. It's hard to "feel" your depression while you're posture is upright and open. It may seem like posture is only the result of mood, but the fact is it works the other way around, too: changing the posture can help change the mood.

Thoughts are important. Thoughts are--at least partly--a chemical phenomenon. Mood is largely (if not entirely) a chemical phenomenon. So directing your thoughts is a most important skill, and a most difficult one to acquire. But it can be done. It takes time and consistent practice. This is one area where you have to realize that it IS under your control. It doesn't seem that way. Thoughts seems to enter from nowhere, and we feel like we have no control over how they come and go. And right now--untrained--your power to control your thoughts is no doubt limited. You may very well never achieve absolute control. Most of us don't. Buddhist monks and the like achieve their control through years of of daily practice. But we can all _improve_ our ability to guide our thoughts. (I think the term "guide" is better. "Control" sounds so punitive.)

Again, if you are skeptical, consider this analogy: It rains on the mountain. The water must find a path down. The water takes the path of least resistance down the mountain. The mountain SEEMS the same as before. But! . . . it rains again and again and again. The water each time takes the path of least resistance down the mountain. The path may change due to certain conditions and features, but eventually it takes the same path over and over and over. This goes on for years. What happens? Channels have been etched in the mountain. Now when it rains, where is the water going to go? Down the channels, of course. For the water to go another way takes too much energy.

Now, think of your thoughts in your brain as the water's path down the mountain. Every time you think a thought, you facilitate that pathway in your brain. This is a chemical process that involves increasing the availability of neurotransmitters along that nerve pathway. Think the thought over and over and over and what happens? The pathway has become "etched." Thus, when your brain goes to "think," the tendency is for neurological signals to travel this "etched" pathway, i.e. think that same thought. So: if you think repeatedly "I hate myself," "I'm ugly," "I'm no good at anthing," or thoughts like this, they will be etching pathways in your brain so that they are more likely to be the thoughts that occur to you first. The good news is: you can reprogram your brain deliberately! If you can stop those thoughts (Google "negative thought stopping" for ways to do this), those pathways will fade. And unlike the mountain, where erosion may take hundreds of years to erase set channels, your brain is a lot quicker about it! You can simlutaneously begin etching new, positive channels by deliberately having positive thoughts. So saying positive things to yourself repeatedly throughout the day is not just a touchy-feely, new-age gesture. It creates neural pathways. It does this whether or not you really FEEL what it is you're saying to yourself. If you tell yourself, "I'm OK," "I have a nice smile," "I'm a good friend," "I'm proud that I did my best on that assignment," and things like this, OVER TIME you will facilitate new thought pathways, and then those positive thoughts will be the ones you will tend to think first. Because this takes a while, you must be patient and persistent. Your current mood rut didn't happen in a couple days. Getting all the way out of it won't happen in a couple days, either.

(I have reached my word limit. I'll continue in a post to follow immediately.)

[belugagirl]

(Continued from previous post)

If your mood is better, you will feel more positively about your looks. Remember, as Aiox has pointed out, that you--we all-- have been brainwashed by media, which is everywhere in our culture--to have certain attitudes toward physical appearance. It's not just that this media immersion teaches us to put so much emphasis on it, but also that it actually skews our concept of "normal" and may be very inaccurate about what real people really find attractive. For example, if I pick up your run-of-the-mill "hot guys" calendar, what do you think those men will look like? Buff beefcakes with greased-up, muscular bodies attached to faces with serious-looking set lips and intensely-staring-into-the-camera, "dreamy" eyes. Do I know any women who are actually turned on by, or attracted to, this physical type? No. What am I, and the women I know, attracted to? A genuine, spontaneous smile. A laugh. Sincerity. KINDNESS. Underline that last one three or four times! Add to it courtesy. These are things you can certainly achieve. (The tendency to smile spontaneously may take a while, given your current state, but it will come.) Sure, there are "bonus" qualities like sense of humor, intelligence, talent, and even particular kinds of looks, but they are not necessary for attraction, and certainly not necessary for love. You can absolutely develop these bonus qualities eventually, but for now, focus on getting yourself out of the deep rut that you're in. Then you will feel more confident about developing your best talents and qualities.

I felt UGLY for much of my teenage years and well into adulthood. I don't anymore. I'm no raving beauty, and I know it. But I'm told--and now I believe it--that my smile lights up a room. When I'm happy, I look my best. I've seen the evidence in pictures. I'm not very photogenic, but catch me with a camera in a moment of happiness, and I look pretty nice. After worrying for years that I would never be really loved--and after being dumped several times seemed to indicate that this pattern would continue--I am now happily married to my best friend. He thinks I'm gorgeous. My husband is short, has a paunch and love-handles, and has a substantial balding spot . . . and I think he is both adorable and sexy. This goes to show that even physical attractiveness is not dependent on what magazines and movies tell us we should look like. Resist that media message. It is no doubt part of what makes you critical of your physical self, and it is a complete fabrication.

At 16, I hated myself, hated my body, hated my face, hated my life. I even had suicidal thoughts over a period of time. I just wanted "that" feeling to GO AWAY. Now, I still have my moody times, but they are short, passing. My default state is happiness. What got me here? A combination of things, including all of the above. Please try these things, or at least some of them. My path will not be your path, but some of these things may very well be part of your process. Be open to other possible helps, too. Piece them together in your own way, and keep at it.

I hope you will feel some substantial relief soon, and that you will continue to feel better and better as you work and explore. My best wishes go out to you! Good luck!

[SQUISH]

you can get help through your guidence counsilors at school...
Remember ...its a lot harder to ask for help and take the steps to make yourself happy than it is to continue on the same path that you're on!

You're not the only person in this situation.. and I think you would feel a lot better if you talked to the guidence councilors.. schools have these resources! and that's what they are there for!!!

[Horace]

Maybe this will help you :

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder, which involves a disturbed body image. It is generally diagnosed of those who are extremely critical of their physique or self image, despite the fact there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect.

Most people wish they could change or improve some aspect of their physical appearance, but people suffering from BDD, generally considered of normal appearance, believe that they are so unspeakably hideous that they are unable to interact with others or function normally for fear of ridicule and humiliation at their appearance. They tend to be very secretive and reluctant to seek help because they are afraid others will think them vain or narcissistic.

Read the full article at wikipedia : Body dysmorphic disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The best you could do is to see a therapist, but if your parents refuse to help you with this, you should seek help from your country. Here in France we have a lot of free dialup numbers we can use when we want to talk about health (either physical or mental) issues we encounter, and I presume that most of the rich countries have the same, especially Canada. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but it's likely to be free so it's worth a try, isn't it ?

[Horace]

Also, one quick tip that can help you a lot is to rearrange the mirrors in your house, at least maybe your parents will agree on this. Mirrors weren't common until XVII th century, now you cannot find a place without one, and they do play a strong role in our mood and the view we have on ourselves. The root of the problem might be in yourself, but your problem wouldn't exist if mirrors didn't. So it's definitly something you can work to make things better.

What you should do is :

1/ Arrange your personal mirror in a way that satisfies you the most, where you don't find yourself ugly or at least, less ugly. You will have to work with lightings, and even buy one or 2 lamps to warm up everything in your bathroom. Be careful to include daylight in your tweaks if you have so. The best thing you could have is a bathroom that has no window at all so you can fully customize the lightings. The best light for you might be an ambiant one not very bright. Find your best perspective.

2/ Avoid other mirrors, all of them, may it be at home or in public spaces (unless one of them reflect an image that satisfies you of course). It's pretty easy to do, I can tell you because I do it. Just tell yourself that in your current state, mirrors won't help you, they send a distorted image of you that will mostly affect your mood.

I avoid mirrors because I often have rings around my eyes, wich my mind tends to exagerate a lot if I see my face in a mirror with a specific lighting. Then I usually get very tired and unconfident because of what I've saw, even if I were in a good mood a couple of minutes before.

3/ Maybe it's good idea to avoid to look at pictures of you for now, because of your mental state, most representations of yourself will hurt you.

Eventually things will get better as you grow up, but make sure to see a therapist as soon as you are able to. Until then, you can try what I've suggested you to make your life easier, you'll be less focused on your image, wich frees some space for other thoughts. Good luck