Please..I need your help to a better life.

[lightthecandle]

these are the following i need help on...


1. Not feeling pretty enough
2 not feeling smarth enough/good enough for my great, immensely hardworking parents
3. Not having any friends
4. Not being a smart/studious student

[Acting Like Godot]

1. Click here: Hypnosis Downloads.com | Online Self Hypnosis MP3 & Hypnotherapy Scripts Center

2. Buy:

(a) "Feel Attractive Now"
(b) "Inferiority Complex"
(c) "Being Yourself Socially"
(d) "Study Motivation"

3. Listen to one MP3 download per day, for the next 2 weeks.

[viscapes]

Hi lightthecandle,

Our perception of how we perform in the areas you've described come down to our personal rules on feeling this way. For example, you clearly have a rule that says "in order to feel smart / good enough I need my parents to tell me I am so". Most of us don't consciously decide what our rules are, we define them unconsiously and they are influenced by experiences and events in our lives. Think about what your emotional rules are by asking yourself the question, "what has to happen in order for me to feel......?" i.e.

1. What has to happen in order for me to feel pretty?
2. What has to happen in order for me to feel smart?
3. What has to happen in order for me to feel socially accepted?
4. What has to happen in order for me to feel studious?

Think about this and write down your rules. They may be something like, "in order for me to feel pretty I need someone to give me a compliment". Once you've written out your rules you'll probably notice that they rely on other people or circumstances beyond your control. In other words, you're relying on things you cannot control in order to feel the emotions you want to feel. That just set's you up for dissappointment.

Make the decision then to start defining your emotional rules consciously. Make them empowering rules, i.e. rules that are completely within your control and that allow you to feel the way you want easily and make breaking your rules hard. For example, you might change your rules to something like:

1. I feel pretty when I take pride in my appearance. I feel pretty when I smile and have a happy face. I recognise that attractiveness is related to how I project myself more than how I look so whenever I walk and talk with self-confidence I feel pretty.
2. I feel smart when I know I've learned something new. I feel smart when I recognise that everyone is smart in different ways including me.

It might sound like a bit of trouble having to think about these things and write them down but I've found it immensely insightful and empowering, I hope you do to.

Cheers
Paul

[vickz]

I feel the same for different things.

I some times wonder, Am I expecting too much in my life? Am I comparing myself with others? Why am I so self-conscious ? Why can't I just set a goal and start pursuing it w/o regard to my moods, expectations ? Why am I creating so many mental processes and dwelling on them instead of focusing on what is at hand ? How long I need to give control to my mind and feelings and when will I control my mind ? Can some one kick my ass so that I can control my mind? Why are some people so blessed they just do their job? Can spirituality help ?

Just my thoughts.
Vickz

[Christian223]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

these are the following i need help on...


1. Not feeling pretty enough
2 not feeling smarth enough/good enough for my great, immensely hardworking parents
3. Not having any friends
4. Not being a smart/studious student

Ok, lets do some rounds of EFT, shall we?, it will just take you a couple of minutes, so try it, its easy and fast, cmon, you have nothing to loose except those limiting beliefs

(if you dont know about EFT, try this site Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique and see this video YouTube - 15. Affirmations & How to Make them Work Faster EFT )

Do to eft, you must concentrate on two feelings, the negative one, the one you want to get rid of, and acceptance of yourself as you are, if you dont accept yourself as you are, then EFT wont work with that phrase, so you must first work on acceptance of yourself, so lets do that.

Do you accept yourself?, what are your thought when you say this phrase out loud?, how do you feel?¡, do you feel it somewhere in your body?, focus on the feeling. On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is that feeling?. Remember this number, after you do a couple of rounds of eft, check how strong is the feeling again, it should go down in intesity.

Do repeat this phrases in this order and tap on each of them:
"Even though i dont want to accept myself, im willing to try to accept myself a little bit"
"Even though i cant accept myself, im want to try to accept myself a bit"
"Even though i have many flaws, i accept that fact"
"Even though i am not what i want to be, i accept myself"
"Even though i am not perfect, i accept myself and love myself"
"Even though i cant accept myself easely, i accept myself and love myself"
"Even though i still dont accept myself completely, i choose to accept myself and love myself now"
"Even though i dont accept myself, i deeply and completely accept myself"

1.
And now start tapping at each limiting beliefs you mentioned:
"Even though im not pretty at all, i am willing to accept myself"
"Even though im not pretty, im willing to accept myself"
"Even though im not pretty enough, i want to accept myself"
"Even though im not pretty enough, i deeply and completely accept myself"

After that, you should be able to go own by yourself, Jesus bless you.

[z1freeride]

There are some good responses so far. I look at things a little differently and I hope you consider some of these points.

1. A lot of people may say that you need to learn to love and accept yourself for this one. That may be true. BUT, I think there is something deeper (but accepting yourself is still very healthy, of course). I just think that there might be deeper issues to be solved. And if those are solved then you won't feel the need to reject certain aspects of yourself.

So, If you were "pretty" (it's a relative term, so use your definition of the word), then what would that accomplish? Do you think that that would help in getting a boyfriend?

Maybe your thought process is like this: "Changing myself is hard. If only I could be pretty then I could attract a guy." That's the quick fix - fantasizing about being pretty.

But then, even if you were "pretty" you can't guarantee that a certain guy will like you because the term is relative. He may like some other girl more. So holding on to this need of acceptance or need for being liked is futile. It can only be fulfilled by another person.

I would suggest creating a code of conduct that you know you can fulfill every time. Your code of conduct could include things like: smile at people, do service, open doors, be kind, say "Hi" to one person a day, etc. If you gain somebody's friendship, then great! Revel in the new found love and acceptance. If not, then you know you did what you could and you can't control other people's decisions.

I have a great article about this process of getting rid of the underlying needs and learning to be truly responsible for oneself. PM me and I'll give you the link.

I'm off to work so that's all I have time to say right now. Hope this helps.

[The Cloud]

1. I can't make you feel pretty. It's your feeling, not mine. All I could do is tell you that you're pretty, it would still be up to you to believe me.

2. Again, your feelings.

3. You want friends? Loosen up. It's difficult to have fun around somebody that takes everything way too seriously. How can you do this? I have no idea, figure it out.

4. Being a smart but not so studious student, I can't really help you there. If you want to be studious, study. That's the most I can say.

My overarching point here is that there is nothing any of us can do to help you if you believe that you need that help to succeed. You are on your own, because inside your head you are all alone with nobody to help you, and we can't change that.

[viscapes]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

1. I can't make you feel pretty. It's your feeling, not mine. All I could do is tell you that you're pretty, it would still be up to you to believe me.

2. Again, your feelings.

3. You want friends? Loosen up. It's difficult to have fun around somebody that takes everything way too seriously. How can you do this? I have no idea, figure it out.

4. Being a smart but not so studious student, I can't really help you there. If you want to be studious, study. That's the most I can say.

My overarching point here is that there is nothing any of us can do to help you if you believe that you need that help to succeed. You are on your own, because inside your head you are all alone with nobody to help you, and we can't change that.

Geez, that sounds harsh, although ultimately true. Are you from the Freudian school of psychology?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by viscapes

Geez, that sounds harsh, although ultimately true. Are you from the Freudian school of psychology?

Not specifically. I may have some Freudian ideas, I don't know. The reason I was so "harsh" was that lightthecandle has been using this forum for a while as a means to complain about her life and her feelings with the hope that somebody here will be able to do something about it. More sympathy and understanding is just going to reinforce her justification to herself for complaining. Life's harshness needs to be faced before one can realize that it's not harsh, it's just life. She currently can't face the harshness of her own life, and more catharsis is just going to extend her suffering.

[drummbellina]

It would be smarter of you to stay away from her posts rather than trying to embarrass her THE CLOUD. Just saying.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by viscapes

Make the decision then to start defining your emotional rules consciously. Make them empowering rules, i.e. rules that are completely within your control and that allow you to feel the way you want easily and make breaking your rules hard. For example, you might change your rules to something like:

1. I feel pretty when I take pride in my appearance. I feel pretty when I smile and have a happy face. I recognise that attractiveness is related to how I project myself more than how I look so whenever I walk and talk with self-confidence I feel pretty.
2. I feel smart when I know I've learned something new. I feel smart when I recognise that everyone is smart in different ways including me.

Paul, wow, this was very helpful to me.

[Maguru]

You seem to know what you are NOT. Who ARE you then?

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

these are the following i need help on...


1. Not feeling pretty enough
2 not feeling smarth enough/good enough for my great, immensely hardworking parents
3. Not having any friends
4. Not being a smart/studious student

[viscapes]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Paul, wow, this was very helpful to me.

Great, I'm glad. I found this distinction very powerful too. Every day I find myself consciously redefining all sorts of emotional rules in my nervous system to make feeling good easy and feeling bad hard.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by drummbellina

It would be smarter of you to stay away from her posts rather than trying to embarrass her THE CLOUD. Just saying.

I'm not referencing anything that isn't public information, so why should she feel embarrassed about it? She's the one who will decide to feel embarrassed, if she does so. If what I'm saying has no validity, then she can laugh at my ignorance when she reads it, and move on. And if she becomes embarrassed, perhaps she should ask herself why she is embarrassed of her actions or associations. I personally don't like having my flaws pointed out, and I don't suppose that she likes it any more, but that's what we need from time to time. Perhaps I was too harsh about it, but I'm not going to apologize and I'm not going to feel sorry for her. If she wants pity, she can ask for it. But she asked for help, and that is what I'm giving her.