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| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
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Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
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05-15-2008, 03:06 PM
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 I feel like I'm dying inside... I don't really feel alive anymore... I've sought help but that help didn't really help at all... I'm so lost and just don't know what to do... I think I'm going crazy... all I want to do is die so that I won't have to live the rest of my life this way... My mind is on auto-pilot and I can't seem to gain back the control over it... it never shuts up it worries about everything, and its driving me crazy... My anxiety is intense and everything is so dark, is there a way out of this misery?      |
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05-15-2008, 03:24 PM
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| Take the wheel and drive!
__________________ Jim Offerman ~ music that moves you blog - twitter - free music - patron powered! |
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05-15-2008, 04:25 PM
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| Hello chado, I am new to this forum but from I have read in your posts you are obviously clinically depressed.I too have delt with this "demon" as I like to call it, for almost my entire life. I have tried EVERYTHING short of the electric shock therapy. At this point what I have concluded is this is like the life of a recovering alcoholic, we have to take it day by day hour by hour. I just try to focus on the day today, and I tell myself "today I will make it thru" literally I do this whenever I feel like I just dont want to live and even plan a way out by suicide. You cannot just shake this off all you can do is learn to cope with this afliction as best as you can. I am highly functional at times and at others barely alive...so thats when the living starts to go just minute by minute. People cannot help you with sympathy because this is your 'demon" so you MUST learn how to live with it. Medication is not the cure but rather a tool help you cope. I find that distraction by way of whatever slightly intrests you can help in those very dark moments. I do not know your family situation but even they may not understand. I live with my professional mask on everyday and function somewhat well then when that feeling kicks in I start the living minute by minute process. I hope you realize you are not alone many of us live among others and know exactly what you deal with daily....I try also to not dwell on the dark side...when that starts direct your thought to another one of a better quality, I know you are thinking "yeah right" but it works. TRAIN YOUR BRAIN, YOU NEED TO USE IT FOR YOUR GOOD DO NOT LET IT USE YOU! your brain is a tool. Please realize that these dark moments pass. I am sorry for such a long post but I felt compelled to reply and just give you my experience. Irish63 |
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05-15-2008, 09:59 PM
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| Every death is succeeded by a rebirth. The night is always followed by the dawn. Morning will come for you, and you will be born again into a new experience of who and what you are. You will find passion and love again. But don't look to the future. The experience you are having is dark; so as best you can, just hold yourself gently in your heart as you spend time with yourself. Be with yourself in this dark time with as much love and kindness as you can. The Buddha teaches that going to the root of our suffering and seeing it clearly is the beginning of freedom. Quote:
I know that you will find your heart, and your joy again. Blessings from Belle,  |
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05-16-2008, 12:13 AM
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| Try beign more specific, what worries you?, death?, the future?, the un-known?. Read the bible, look for God, pray to him. You may also want to try EFT, EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else, try it.
__________________ Do you think you are a good person?, take a test |
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05-16-2008, 06:57 AM
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| This Too Shall Pass any tragedy comes to life is for the specific time period - Attitute of this too shall pass is very helpful .. And it actually passed and we grow from it also, I am giving gurantee to you that it will pass |
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05-16-2008, 11:07 AM
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| Well truth be told, all you've got is yourself. Why are you expecting the solution to come from outside yourself? I don't understand that. Look deep inside and ask: what do I need? What do I have to do? It's up to YOU to take control again. It's been done before, by so many other people. So no offence or anything but what are you expecting from this forum? Sympathy, practical advice - or what? If you're looking for sympathy I think you got it already. There's about a gazillion people here genuinely eager to give you guidance, if and only if you're willing to listen. And yes there's a way out of your misery - for sure (although that seemed more like a rhetorical question on your part). Go for a jog, take a cold shower, speak to a close friend and read a book. (physiologically depression is quite often just a lack of brain activity, so anything that gets those neurons fired up will be good for you). |
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05-16-2008, 02:57 PM
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Looking for help, looking for solution...not sympathy... Symptoms worsening, feeling like I'm dying....afraid to leave the house now too... panic attacks, anxiety, depression.. agoraphobia... everything terrible. We're moving next month and I just hope I'll be able to handle the move... Looking for a way out, but afraid there might not be. I may live like this the rest of my life... but hope not. Brain not normal... deteriorating. Last edited by Chado2423 : 05-16-2008 at 06:22 PM. |
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05-16-2008, 04:30 PM
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| Man, OK, just be veeery patient with yourself - the the solution is never out of reach (even though you right now seem to believe that). Perhaps you haven't seen the light yet... but you'd be foolish to stop looking for it. There is ALWAYS a way out, no matter what you say. Just because the solution isn't obvious right now, doesn't mean we can't find it right! The human will is strong, and yes even you are human I believe - as long as we're alive that small flicker of hope will never die out. It's so innate, so hardwired - that still small voice within saying maybe, just maybe, I can get myself through this. And the solution will always be there, like I said, it's just a matter of locating it. I need you to say one thing, just one tiny little sentence: I will never give up hope. In fact now that I took the time to write this out I'm positively expecting you to say it... say it in your head first, then just copy-paste it and put it in your next post, OK? Cool, we'll take it from there. Last edited by Marco Polo : 05-16-2008 at 04:35 PM. |
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05-16-2008, 05:50 PM
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| Decide what you want and what you don't want in your life for a start. Meanwhile...Excercise such as a jogging or swimming, anything to get the heart pumping and wake your body up, will give you a boost. Avoid depressants such as smoking and alcohol. Get some good food into your body. Drink lots of water. Once you are more clear of what's wrong with your life you can work towards your new one! Think of it as a fun project. Write lists, make goals, set yourself mini challenges. Post here again and we'll help. Take care of yourself, literally! Cassie x |
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05-16-2008, 06:06 PM
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| Hi Chado, First and foremost, make sure that you don't have a medical condition or nutritional deficiency. It's surprising how your attitude can improve with the right vitamins and exercise. If your physical health is lacking, certainly your emotional health will be. Secondly, you may be in a seemingly deep, impossible rut out of which the only way out is determination, focus and action. If that is the case, you must take the first step and it will require courage and willpower. I understand you don't think counseling is helpful so you'll have to take responsibility and do it on your own. Life can be challenging and difficult so you can either give up or you can decide to take the bull by the horns and deal with it. Here are a couple of articles I wrote that may give you some ideas on how to get started: Live a Life of Courage 10 Tips For Maintaining Mental and Emotional Health I wish you well, Chado!
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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05-16-2008, 06:26 PM
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The Intention = to not be in pain anymore, to be relieved of my depression, but I am afraid I may live with it the rest of my life! Last edited by Chado2423 : 05-16-2008 at 06:37 PM. |
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05-16-2008, 10:56 PM
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| Do you have any real life support system ? ( friends, family ) ? Some suggestions: Get a pet to love find something simple you can do to volunteer your time to help somebody. ( drive someone to a coke-enders meeting, or the doctor etc, do a shift in a soup kitchen etc.. you get the drift. ---- This is a big one. It can take your thoughts away from obsession on yourself. Remember that each day is NEW. You only have to do one day at a time. Remember that you are not your thoughts. They can come and they can go, but you are NOT them. Good vibes going your way bud. {{{{{{ }}}}}}
__________________ Peace, Floyd |
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05-17-2008, 02:53 AM
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| A good start Quote:
Perhaps set an intention to feel good, to be happy, to live courageously...you get the idea. Then start small. Affirm that "today I will feel good for one hour" or ten minutes or whatever. Then congratulate yourself for succeeding. Don't focus on the other 23 hours of being miserable. Think of it as building your happiness muscle. Some people are born with muscular physiques and some of us have to work at it.  |
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05-17-2008, 03:50 AM
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| Chado: Your depression sounds like it is getting worse. As you've already figured out, this is very dangerous. You don't really want to die, but your depression is making you desperate. You need help. You just need better help than what you got before. Three questions: What medication did you take? How long did you take it? And when it didn't help, did your doctor try increasing the dose and/or trying you on a different type of antidepressant? I think you should make an appointment with a psychiatrist today -- whenever "today" is that you read this. I know you tried medication and it didn't work, but that doesn't mean medication can't work for you. You may have gotten the wrong type for your type of depression. Or maybe you just needed a higher dose -- the doses that different people people need vary, and the "starter" dose is often low. A psychiatrist should work with you to figure out what you need. If your old one didn't, find a new one. Either way: Make the appointment. It could save your life. |
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05-17-2008, 01:43 PM
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05-17-2008, 02:18 PM
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To Chad -- well I don't have a lot of answers for you (guess I'm not thaaaat smart) -- but I send my prayers and blessings. Belle, |
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05-17-2008, 04:27 PM
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My marriage had fallen apart I had lost my cars I had lost my job two of my kids left to live with their mother I had lost my best friend I was told I would be homeless in a week I had been kicked out of my church I was told God was no longer with me Suddenly something happened. Since the fear was no longer there of losing these things I had a moment of clarity. After a month long depressive state in which I did absolutely nothing I got up. I had purpose in my life. Slowly in my mind I put the puzzle pieces together that lead me to where I was. I knew that this had all happened because I wanted it to. I was miserable in my marriage My cars were junk and I hated them Hated my job My best friend had become a different person The house I was in was falling apart The church environment had changed (I did not like it) God never left my side. (what ever you call it, I call it God) I realized that God had never left because he was a part of me. I was never alone, I was perfect and everything that happened in my life was perfect. It was what I wanted. These things were a long time coming and took the path of least resistence in order to occur. At the time I felt like a victim of circumstance. I was in control, I was always in control. The first lie that you tell yourself is that you are imperfect, that you are just not good enough. Because of this horrible lie you will justify keeping your self in a state of misery. At that point I started to focus internally and no longer blame my circumstances for my misery, I took responsability. I had lied to myself and others for so long to keep this reality intact afraid to move out of my comfort zone. I started to notice events that had taken place in my life because of the eggshell limitations I had formed around me. Fear governed my life and I made decisions based on fear. This fear dominates every aspect of your life. Your entire state of being creates a world in which you are most comfortable, and your dominant beliefs are what create this comfort. If you are miserable it is your fear that creates most of these dominant beliefs. Take a close look at what I define as eggshell feelings (there are more but this will give you an idea of what to look for in your life) Fear Resentment Guilt Boredom Anger Annoyance Worry Heartbreak Insecurity Depression Worthlessness Any feelings that make you feel like a victim Any feeling that makes you feel like you have no control Feeling like you owe someone Feeling like someone owes you Feeling like you need someone or they need you Feeling like you need something Feeling like you have wronged Feeling like youve been wronged Following someone elses expectations of you Making promises you cannot keep Feeling obligated Feeling dumb, stupid, or negative about self Feeling small and ugly Feeling judgmental Feeling like you may get caught in a lie Alot of the lies that we tell ourself is that we are doing someone good by meeting their expectations and not being our self. This is a fear of being left alone, a fear of someone going away. You are never alone and you should consider being who you want to be and turn your focus from others. This focus should be inward, what kind of relationship do you have with yourself... How do you talk to yourself: I cant do it I do not have the energy Im not strong enough I dont know what to do My life is horrible I always make mistakes Im stupid sometimes I always have bad things happen I am so unlucky I always attract the worst people I have no control over my life Consider how you talk to you or others about who you are. Take every moment in your world to live for the moment... What I mean by "live for the moment" is that nothing exist other than right now. There is no past to look at, and no future to dread... All of your time is happening right now. So take control of you. Only you have this control.
__________________ Breaking Free From The Eggshell Existence Take Control of your Life Free E-book Better Existence Now Author - Rafael Perez www.betterexistencenow.com |
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05-17-2008, 08:17 PM
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| Hi Chado. I've got lots of unpayable debt too - credit card debt which grows every month at the rate of probably around $300 per month (and that rate is ever-worsening) from late fees, overlimit fees, and interest. At this point, the minimum payments my credit card companies are asking for are so high I'd never be able to get caught up even if I wanted to (which I don't, since I don't want to pay those legalized criminals one more cent). This all used to depress and infuriate me tremendously, but, it doesn't bother me as much anymore ever since I stopped the hopeless struggle to pay those crooks, and because I've grown more appreciative that thanks to my family, the consequences of this aren't as bad as they could have been. I'm not about to end up homeless because of it, and, if my bank account gets levied, no problem, I'll just never use that bank account again. And, if I get a wage garnishment put on me, fine, it's a good reason to never get a regular job with a boss. I have little independence because I have no money, and I don't think I even have the resources to go bankrupt, but at least I'm not forced to choose between slaving at a job or starving/going homeless/etc. So, all in all, while my situation is far from what I desire, and sometimes I feel similar to the way you do, at least it's not all bad. It sounds like your situation might be similar in some ways - are you living with family? In that case, hopefully even if your finances to go to heck you're at least not in danger of homelessness. You might be in a better situation than you realize. At least you have internet access, and it doesn't sound like you're worried about ending up homeless or where your next meal is coming from. How much free time do you have? It's a precious resource, many people don't have very much of it, so if you have a significant amount, I hope you realize there are many people who would probably tremendously envy that aspect of your situation. Free time is useful for so many things, you can use it for anything you please - studying new things, learning new skills, creating a website, figuring out how to make money somehow, and tons of other possibilities. On the down side, it can also leave you with lots of uninterrupted time in which to brood over your problems, and feel bored and aimless, and sink ever-deeper into an emotional rut. This is something which happens to me less often if I have some regularly-scheduled distractions, even if it's just a favorite TV show. Sometimes I have to make an actual effort to stop myself from wallowing in misery and get myself focused on something more useful than thinking about all the ways in which my life is a mess and making myself feel miserable and hopeless. It's very important for me to try to keep myself in a good mood so I stay motivated enough to do things to improve my situation, and so all the free time I have doesn't go to waste. It is definitely rather frustrating that nothing I can do at this moment will instantaneously fix my situation the way I want it to be - all the possible solutions available to me are going to take time, and they're uncertain to boot. But, unless a miracle happens, I guess the only solution is just to press on and try not to let it get me down - keep on developing my skills, and maybe one day I'll be capable of earning myself some decent money someday. Or maybe I could figure out how to better monetize my existing website, or figure out how to better capitalize on my existing skills. I hate even having to think about money (as well as having to try to stomach paying income taxes - if not for taxes I'd probably be a lot more enthusiastic about trying to make money, but I just can't _stand_ being stolen from). But, I guess it's just an unavoidable part of the life of anyone who wasn't born rich, i.e., the majority of people. Well, unless one is willing to go out into the wilderness like Survivorman, or something. But most people are in the same boat of having to struggle and slave to scrape by. Anyhow, I wish I could help out more. If I were rich your debt problems would be over. Someday I hope I do end up rich, because I'd love to just give money away to people who need it, and thereby also prevent unscrupulous credit card companies and other loan sharks from profiting anymore from people's misfortune and from ruining our society by luring people into the indentured servitude of debt. Giving money away seems to me like it would be the most direct solution to quite a few people's depression (since many people's depression is simply a consequence of lack of money), but, unfortunately, most people (including me) aren't in a position to do that despite wanting to. So, I guess all I can provide at this time are things I can afford to give for free, like my thoughts. Here are some articles which have helped me: Most People Are Depressed For a Very Good Reason Overcoming Depression by Steve Pavlina How to Operate Your Brain Perfectly by Nick Pagan (a file in PDF format) I find that I feel much better emotionally if I keep myself busy and focused on some interesting activity (especially if it's possibly going to be of practical benefit in the future), and avoid frittering my time and energy away on things that are unlikely to benefit me in the long run. Without being too hard on myself and depriving myself of doing anything at all fun, of course - that's another thing I have to be careful not to do. I like Steve's idea of making work time scarce and leisure time abundant, so then you'll automatically feel eager to work in the limited time you have available to you to work: Overcoming Procrastination. I've procrastinated about really putting those tips into practice, though - I have such an unstructured, unscheduled life, it would probably actually be much better for me if I made some more rules for myself and my time. But, I think it will probably work if I ever start doing it. Another thing that cheers me up and is very satisfying for me is to have a website. The thought of being able to influence and hopefully improve the world despite having hardly any money is comforting to me, and theoretically I ought to be able to make much more money from my website than I have been. I've gotten $34.50 in PayPal donations in nearly two years of asking for them, which is at least better than $0. I also never know when someone might come along and decide to just send me a few thousand dollars or something (or maybe 10,000 people will spontaneously decide to each send me $1 ), so, even though I know it's unlikely, and it has never happened yet, the thought at least gives me hope. I also figure the more useful and interesting stuff I put up on my website, the more likely it is that I'll get more donations, so, I always have some project or other to work on - which is helpful in keeping me from feeling as if I have nothing at all worthwhile to work on, and keeping my mind off my problems. Anyhow, I don't know if any of this will help, but, I hope things improve for you soon! Best wishes, Apollia |
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05-17-2008, 08:49 PM
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There's another thing you may be able to do, depending on how much energy and willpower you have at this point. Unfortunately, you won't really see results for a month or more... and the effect may not be as significant as you'd get from (the right) antidepressant. But it's free, so I think it's worth trying, if you can: 30 minutes of moderate exercise, five days (or more) a week. I know, I know, this is like the people telling you to drink water, go for a walk, and "think positive." But there are studies that show that moderate exercise can help depression -- and it causes changes in brain chemistry similar to antidepressants. So. Moderate exercise is (depending on your fitness level) jogging or brisk walking -- if you're just walking at a normal speed, that's not going to help. You've got |