I feel like I'm dying inside...

[Chado2423]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Your problem is sitting still, really? Strange... In some other thread of yours, you rencently wrote to me

So which one is it? Seems difficult for me not to walk two hours a day when you have a hard time not doing it...

miscommunication... i don't take long walks, I just can't relax, and the walking I do is pacing in the house, nervously... not the type of peaceful excercise like a brisk walk you talk about... I try those but they don't really help is what I was trying to say, the anxiety is still there.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: DEPRESSION IS WELL LIKE: Its like Diana Ross sings in The Wiz "Don't know the first thing about what they're feeling."What am I afraid of?" "Don't know what I''m made of..."Can I go on, not knowing... feeling... feeling... something tells me its more than I can deal with... Though I never knew the song, some words still catch on...like caring and sharing... "..." Can I go on, not knowing...Don't know what I''m made of..."Why am I afraid of feeling if I dared to take a chance, would somone need me?"

[sammyboy]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

miscommunication... i don't take long walks, I just can't relax, and the walking I do is pacing in the house, nervously... not the type of peaceful excercise like a brisk walk you talk about... I try those but they don't really help is what I was trying to say, the anxiety is still there.

Hey... what have you tried differently today than yesterday?

Get your stopwatch, get your mp3 player, go outside, walk straight in one direction for 30 minutes. If while walking you feel like it is pointless, just look at your watch to see that you are making progress. On the way back, make youself laugh outloud for 10 minutes, even though you dont feel like it.


You've got to be outside to stimulate your brain and having visually changing surroundings. Going where you can watch people is better. Just think of all the visual circuitry dedicated to reading social cues.

Going outside for a walk wont make you feel better instantly. Its a gradual effect, over time. Yes, over the course of a month. It'll be a subtle change. And then after that you'll start jogging. It will feel like a pointless pain in the butt... and you wont feel inspired, because your brain wont let you because you're depressed, but after time, the exercise and the stimulation of being in changing surroundings and the forced laughter will heal this.

The exercise will let you have the possiblility of being able to feel better again.

I know this is just another post, among several in this thread or other threads. But I'm going to keep asking you what you've tried differently each day. And that you've got to stick to it over a month.

[sammyboy]

Ok, this article presents exactly what I'm talking about:

Lonely Madness: The Effects of Solitary Confinement and Social Isolation on Mental and Emotional Health

I began to research the effects of solitary confinement on prisoners' behavior while thinking about the ways in which we isolate ourselves from others, or are isolated by others in our daily lives. I cherish and am very protective of my own chosen moments of solitude, but I also know that long periods of time alone can send me into a depressive state, or make me feel like I'm going crazy. More specifically, a kind of panic sets in when I realize I'm alone with my thoughts with no one to affirm or deny the validity of what I'm thinking. When I'm by myself for too long, I start to question my own understanding of reality—of who I really am and what the world is really like. I need interactions with other people because they are such a significant part of how I understand and enjoy my life and my reason for living. All people seem to depend on varying amounts and intensities of social interaction to keep them happy, stable, and sane. This is not surprising given that human beings are social animals by nature.

Drastically reducing the amount of "normal social interaction, of reasonable mental stimulus, of exposure to the natural world, of almost everything that makes life human and bearable, is emotionally, physically, and psychologically destructive"

Individuals do vary in how well they can deal with living in isolation, however. (4) For prisoners with pre-existing mental or emotional disorders, living without normal human interaction, physical and mental activity and stimulation can aggravate their symptoms to levels equivalent to torture....

So you are basically going through torture...

The explaination by which lack of stimulation causes trouble:

I am thinking more about the brain's needs based on my research on this particular topic. The physical, mental and emotional effects of living in solitary confinement seem to be beyond the control of the person experiencing them. It seems that the brain needs a certain quantity, quality, or type of stimuli to help regulate, direct and prioritize thought processes and other brain functions properly. It could mean that without certain (or enough) stimuli, the level of random activity in the nervous system increases—such as brain activity that causes hallucinations.

See, its says the physical, mental and emotional effects of living in solitary confinement are beyond your control. You aren't in solitary confinement, but if you dont get out enough, then you basically are. But see, you can escape it like I said.

and it goes on to explain

When inputs are all coming from the same place, parts of the unconscious experience the same inputted information differently because they are all interpreting the information with different randomness. The randomness helps us make connections between sets of inputted information and our own prior knowledge to ultimately create a story that explains our situation and surroundings. This story informs the "I"-function, which allows us to experience and understand the situation/surroundings personally. (5)

In an environment with very minimal stimulation, such as a prison cell, the randomness with which the unconscious explores the environment continues, although it is unclear whether randomization increases when fewer stimuli are reaching the brain. Perhaps the brain attempts to compensate for stimuli it is missing by creating stimuli of its own, that is, by increasing random activity. Either way, when the brain is not receiving much input from the environment, there is little information based in reality that the unconscious can focus on or try to interpret. The story reported back to the "I"-function is more likely informed by more random connections than real facts about reality because reality is not offering enough stimuli to make a coherent story. This helps explain why people often experience mental and emotional breakdowns and psychotic episodes when in solitary confinement for extended periods of time.

Well, I left out parts... just read the article there. And if you dont believe some parts, it lists its citations.

So, if you're not going to get enough stimulation, human and natural environment, then well, you're choosing to stay in torture.

[sammyboy]

Ok, and I realize that you said you have been trying going out for nice walks, and it doesn't help.

Well, it depends on how long you are out, who you can interact with. And it takes time to get better (like a month or so). You have to have a high level of activity over a long enough amount of time.

And at least this: maybe the lack of stimulation is only part of what's causing your depression. Maybe there are several other factors as well. But if you are sure to be around people enough, and get enough exercise outside, and force yourself laugh while you are outside, (and perhaps some things other people suggested like listening to music and getting a pet, having enough water) over a month or two, then you can be sure that you've eliminated some of the definate possible causes. Then you can figure out and focus on other possible factors. For instance, maybe there's something in your diet, or maybe you've got a leaky intestine or something else.

[Logodae]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Logodae, as I've already said in various places, I've been severely depressed in the past, and it took me several years to get out of it.

I see. So... how exactly did you get out of it? (Sorry if this is something you've posted in the past. I only read this forum sporadically.)

What are you afraid of exactly?

Well, two possibilities come to mind:

One, you tell a depressed person to "put up or shut up" (i.e., start taking our advice or stop posting on the forum)... and they shut up. They stop posting... thus losing what may be their only outlet for expressing their emotions.

Two, you try a line like "Yet another lie. If that was really the case, you'd be dead by now, not posting here in order to get some sympathy," another kind of "put up or shut up," really... and this time they opt to prove you wrong. You say it's okay if Chad "hates you to death," clearly not speaking literally... but a depressed person can literally hate themselves to death.

Again, I don't think this is the likeliest outcome... but it still worries me.

You say anger is better than apathy... and I'll agree, if you can convince me that a depressed person is likelier to channel that anger into self-help rather than self-harm.


Chad: You didn't answer my question about where you live, so I haven't tried to figure out what kind of mental health resources might be in your area. I think you should look into it, though, if you haven't already. A community mental health clinic might have free or low-cost resources.

Also, I really do think you should try jogging. You've clearly got the energy for it, and it sounds like it's something you haven't tried yet. Remember, you're not going to get immediate results, so don't think that if you go out a few times and you don't feel better, it isn't worth doing. You've got to be doing it basically every day for a month before the mental effects start to kick in.

I know a month is a long time when you're depressed, and believe me I wish I had some kind of instant cure for you... but even antidepressants aren't that. But you do have energy -- a lot of depressed people really don't -- and I think you can make that work for you, if you're willing to put in the time.

[sammyboy]

Ok... one more article before I sleep.

Here's a good explanation why you physically need close connections to people.

Why Love Heals: How Friendships Keep You Healthy

There is an actual, physical chunk of brain that runs your emotions called the limbic brain. You can trace its development back a hundred million years. You can see it on an MRI. Every second you spend with other people, your limbic brain is tuning in to them, being changed by their moods, and changing theirs in turn. It's a constant, life-affirming limbic dance.

Experimental psychologists have known for decades that we share moods. If you don't believe me, just think of the people who make you feel better simply by walking into a room. These sorts of interactions feel so good (directly and unconsciously) that we would wither away without them. This is why you should never underrate the emotional side of your life.
...

Hundreds of research studies confirm that isolation hurts us and connection heals us through the same physical mechanisms as exercise and healthy diet. Blood vessels are measurably more elastic, the heart's ability to respond to extraordinary demands is higher, cardiac inflammatory protein levels are lower, and blood pressure response to exercise is better in more connected people. Their stress-hormone blood profiles are also measurably healthier than those of isolated people.

...

Our society -- with its emphasis on the traditional family structure and the workplace as centers of social togetherness -- doesn't help matters. People who lack either of those have to work doubly hard. But the consequences of not making connections are so devastating that you cannot allow yourself to retreat into isolation. The stakes are too high. A study of more than 4,000 women and men in Alameda County, California, showed a direct link between the size of one's social circle and survival, with larger circles bringing ever-greater longevity. Women with fewer than six regular contacts outside the house had significantly higher rates of blocked coronary arteries, were more likely to be obese and have diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression, and were two and a half times more likely to die over the course of the study than those with an extensive social network.

Having either a good marriage or just one close friend cuts the risk of mortality by a third, and the benefit increases the more your circle broadens. It's reassuring to note that both quality and quantity count. Some people have a few close friends or family members, while others have a broad network of involvement with their community. Either works well, though it's best to have both.

...

It also talks about how spirituality physically benefits you.

Again, I left out several good parts of the article, so just read the whole thing yourself.

And it also makes Logodae's adivce about the community even more relevant:

Chad: You didn't answer my question about where you live, so I haven't tried to figure out what kind of mental health resources might be in your area. I think you should look into it, though, if you haven't already. A community mental health clinic might have free or low-cost resources.

Just for the sake of having limbidic connections that the article talks about.

If I were you, when I need to get things done, I just bring my work to a public place where other people are around just so I can watch them and not be so isolated. Just for some relief, but of course close friends are better. I knew it helped me keep motivated when I did this, but now I know why.

[lostwoman]

Hi
I'm new to this forume and let me tell you Chado, you're very lucky that so many people give you feed back and try to help you.
I know the feeling of being depressed, lost and hopeless. I'm strugling too, but everybody's right, take it one day at a time and force yourself to do things.
And how about doing something different? Post about what you watched on tv and just have a conversation about something other than your depression. The best thing to help us heal is communicating and having online friends at least.

[sammyboy]

Chado... did you read those articles?

[calebish]

i also have tthat feeling i even went to smoking whitch didnt help i then tried lots of other stuff but i dont know what made this way. i can think back to when this started i think i had a thort run throgh my head whitch i think was the begining ever since that day i have been depressed and down. ii never told any one this and i dont think i will ever tell any one this thort because i fear that they two might have what happend to me happen to them. i only ever can feel normal when im with my friends it makes me forget it but when i get back to being with my self it is still there. my family and me are not very close. im always tring to find another way to get out of this depressive loop but i only think sleeping is the way to get out of this. i dont trie to get help because i dont think that they will understand. this isthe first time i have ever posted or told anyone this

[Faith87]

Originally Posted by irish63

Hello chado, I am new to this forum but from I have read in your posts you are obviously clinically depressed.I too have delt with this "demon" as I like to call it, for almost my entire life. I have tried EVERYTHING short of the electric shock therapy. At this point what I have concluded is this is like the life of a recovering alcoholic, we have to take it day by day hour by hour. I just try to focus on the day today, and I tell myself "today I will make it thru" literally I do this whenever I feel like I just dont want to live and even plan a way out by suicide. You cannot just shake this off all you can do is learn to cope with this afliction as best as you can. I am highly functional at times and at others barely
alive...so thats when the living starts to go just minute by minute. People cannot help you with sympathy because this is your 'demon" so you MUST learn how to live with it. Medication is not the cure but rather a tool help you cope. I find that distraction by way of whatever slightly intrests you can help in those very dark moments. I do not know your family situation but even they may not understand. I live with my professional mask on everyday and function somewhat well then when that feeling kicks in I start the living minute by minute process. I hope you realize you are not alone many of us live among others and know exactly what you deal with daily....I try also to not dwell on the dark side...when that starts direct your thought to another one of a better quality, I know you are thinking "yeah right" but it works. TRAIN YOUR BRAIN, YOU NEED TO USE IT FOR YOUR GOOD DO NOT LET IT USE YOU! your brain is a tool. Please realize that these dark moments pass. I am sorry for such a long post but I felt compelled to reply and just give you my experience. Irish63

I've read hundreds of replies and never read one that made so much sense. I love how you offer productive advice and don't resort to blame (for example, people have told me "depression is selfish"). Well, of course it's selfish! It is a selfish life-sucking demon. I don't know anyone who prefers to be depressed over happy that's for sure. Us depressed people want to feel as beautiful, strong, and productive as any other member of society. Unfortunately, only those of us forced to lived with it knows how truly hard it is to do get the energy or willpower to the most mundane of tasks without wanting to crawl into bed and feeling like your spirit wither away like ashes.

[johntruthseeker]

good or bad all feelings pass, don't give the negative thoughts any power in your mind by thinking about them, let them pass through. you will feel good again, so just ride it out till you do. good luck.

[LYNXS]

For the last 7-8 months, I am living alone and having a hard time to cope with myself. I feel empty and without any prupose of life. I constantly try to think of things that could keep me going, no success yet.

The jobs is great my life has been great up till the last half year....the only thing missing at this moment would be someone to keep me company??

I'm in this new city since last February...and I don't know anyone. As this is a small town, I feel like an outsider.

Thinking of ways to ease my inner pain. Lately, I would drink a few beers (even tho I know this won't help), but the only thing it does is numb my feelings and help me pass out and sleep. And, I have also played ''squash'' with co-workers.

Anyone has ideas of how to work things out?

LYNX