I feel I need to unload...

[jamie1984]

I've got so much crap spinning round in my head lately and I just can't seem to get a perspective on things, so here goes..

Basically all going well I'll be starting university in september. It's sinking in now that the cost of living away from home will top £24k at least. I can't stay at home for my own sanity, im 23 and feel like living with my parents is holding me back. It sounds ironic..that my life at home is great, care free and our household is always busy with family coming round. But I feel like living at home I'm not being proactive enough in making my life better/more interesting as it's great as it is, but I realise it's only great because I'm in amongst my families lives and I know I need to branch out some more and have my own life I can be happy with.

Up until this year my social life was pretty non existant, but after starting college ive made probably 4 decent friends which I'm happy with and a few more drinking buddies too. I've been going out with them pretty regularly at least twice a month and to be fair that's helped me somewhat in creating my own sense of happiness though I still feel at times like I'm pretty uninteresting and i've acquired these friends through circumstance and although they are good people I don't seem to share many commonalities and I dont feel like i fit in.

I feel worse about me not feeling like i fit in because recently (over the past 2 weeks) ive gotten a few friends invites on facebook from people I went to school with (7 years ago) and none of them have actually tried to engage in any kind of conversation...with friends I always show an interest when sending an invite because I dont see the point in adding people just for the sake of it. looking at their profiles it's apparent that while I detested school (got bullied...im over it now tho) these people made meaningfull friendships which they still have now (they have tons of photos and i recognise a lot of the people!). I'm seeing the life I could have had and i cant help but let that effect me.

Oh and the last thing...I think my sarcasm around people is harming me and my chances of having relationships with other people...ive tried to tone it down I just cant seem to get out of the habit as tbh it feels good.


I sometimes feel if I were given the chance to start my life over I would, cos ive made a hash of it so far.

I'm gonna stop ranting and try get some sleep now
j

[viscapes]

Hi Jamie,

You sound pretty switched-on for a 23 year old who's just about to start uni. It sounds like you know what your main gripes are and understand how they affect you, that's a great start.

What do you want life to be like? And more importantly, why? Have a think about it, and then think about what you can do to make it happen. You're only 23, you have decades of life ahead of you to enjoy so instead of looking back at how the lives of your school mates have gone why not start making yours into the life you want, starting now.

Think about what's important to you. It sounds like you value freedom and personal growth highly at this stage of your life so moving out might be a great idea. It wouldn't have to be permenant, maybe just getting a place of your own for 6-12 months to begin with would give you a feel for life in the inpendant lane and I dare say it would give you a huge set of experiences to grow from. Who knows what could come from it.

And remeber, the only person who can garauntee your happiness and fullfillment is you, so make sure that your rules for feeling happy and content are totally within your control and don't rely on others. Don't base your perception of how your life is progressing on the basis of what other people are doing or what you think others might expect of you.

I wish I could go back to uni, I never made the most my time there. It's a great time of your life, enjoy it.

Cheers
Paul

[awakentransform]

I agree with Paul that you can create your life however you wish. At 23 your life is just beginning to kick in. You can start your life over right now. Even at 33, at 43, at 63, a person can change reevaluate things and change course.

For me, even though I had a bunch of friends in high school, I didn't keep in touch with them. Some of my closest friends are from college. I have changed direction several times in my life and feel as if I have lived several lifetimes in this one life (and I still have lot left to go I hope.)

Don't get weighed down by the past. Just decide what you want for this moment and live it fully. Realize that even what you really want right now will likely change in the future and don't get attached to it.

Spend time doing the things you like and you will meet others who are similar to you. The nice thing about going to university is that you can meet people in class or join one of many clubs.

Sometimes sarcasm feels very negative or is at the expense of others. You don't have to put someone or something down to feel good about yourself. People will like you more if you are simply natural and genuine.

[Alison Jenkins]

You can change your life at any age. It took me to reach a real rock bottom with my binge eating at 36 before I really changed my life. I can look at people who did it at 20 and think why didn't I but it's a bit pointless as I can't turn the clock back. But I can make sure I don't repeat the same patterns and live life to the full which I certainly do.

At 23 you have your whole life ahead of you. I know people who were 40 before they started their life.

Alison