Breaking the Vicious Cycle

[hazerfazer]

Hi everyone,

I'm 16, and I've been worrying about one thing or another for most of my life. I was a very happy kid when I was younger, but was still prone to worry, self-doubt, and self-pity. I have been depressed for about a year now, and I find worrying is a consistent component of my life. I used to worry about getting certain sicknesses, then it went to mental fears - fear that I would hurt someone, etc. Now, I worry about never being able to achieve what I want to. Plus, life has just generally confused me lately.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling that I could either cry or break something at any moment. I'm tired of having little hope, and worrying and pitying myself. Nowadays I worry that I will never be able to work hard at working out (something I really care about..I have been working hard, but every time I miss a workout or stop short of pushing my limits, my self-doubt increases ten fold) and I still have some fears of hurting someone close to me. I feel like my desire burns out when I am feeling challenged. Being depressed leaves me little energy to feel like I am capable of achieving the things I want to. But I'm going to change that, I don't know how exactly, but with your help I am going to do it. I have to. I want to feel the excitement and love for life I once had. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. Could someone help point me in the right direction?

[Alvin]

Hi hazerfazer,

I think you've taken a step in the right direction with your working out. Like Steve advises, it's good to start with the physical for your personal growth.

If I were coaching you, I'd ask you this question first: what is it you'd like to have instead? Specifically? What would make you feel excitement and love for life, at an even higher level than you've ever experienced before?

What would you like to have instead, emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, financially and spiritually?

And I'd recommend with praise this book, if you haven't read it already:

Amazon.com: Awaken the Giant Within : How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny!: Books: Anthony Robbins

[copla]

Oh! Oh! I read the PERFECT quotes last night for this-

"Here's the greatest value of discipline: self-worth, also known as self-esteem. Many people who are teaching self-esteem these days don't connect it to discipline. But once we sense the least lack of discipline within ourselves, it starts to erode our psyche. One of the greatest temptations is to just ease up a little bit. Instead of doing your best, you do just a little less than your best. Sure enough, you've started in the slightest way to decrease your sense of self-worth."

"There's a problem with even a little bit of neglect. Neglect starts as an infection. If you don't take care of it, it becomes a disease. And one neglect leads to another. Worst of all, when neglect starts, it diminishes our self-worth.

Once that has happened, how can you regain your self-esteem? All you have to do is start with the smallest discipline that corresponds to your own philosophy. Make the commitment: 'I will discipline myself top achieve my goals so in the years ahead I can celebrate my successes.'"

"We intend to take action when the idea strikes us. We intend to do something when emotion is high. But if we don't translate that intention into action fairly soon, the urgency starts to diminish. And a month from now the passion is cold. A year from not it can't be found.

So take action. Set up a discipline when the emotions are high and the idea is strong, clear, and powerful. If somebody talks about good health and you're motivated by it, you need to get a book on nutrition. Get the book before the idea passes, before the emotion gets cold. Begin the process. Fall on the floor and do some push-ups. You've got to take action, otherwise the wisdom is wasted. The emotion soon passes unless you apply it to a disciplined activity. Discipline enables you to capture the wisdom and translate it into action. The key is to increase your motivation quickly by setting up the disciplines. By doing so, you've started a whole new life process."

[shesaboutspirit]

Take it from a 45 year old who has struggled with depression for most of my life. Waiting for motivation to strike...is futile. Take what you do have and act on it now. It will grow. Otherwise, waiting will lead to passive non action...and more depression.

You are a very, very self aware young person. You're already blessed with wisdom beyond your years. You have gifts to share here. Maybe you have some things to teach us.

I can't wait to hear.

Blessings,
Pam

[Cathy]

Hi HazerFazer

I wish I had an answer for you that would fix your problem today. I wish it were that easy.

First, one thing that might be compounding your difficulties at this time is simply your age. I found 16 to be difficult. My emotions had so many peaks and valleys. Some of this I suspect was simply hormones; some was likely poor nutrition; and some I think was that I simply did not have the perspective of experience by which to engage the events in my life.

Second, it is so easy to set oneself up for failure, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, since it is that time of year where people will be thinking of New Year's resolutions. So one decides to commit to a healthier diet and exercise program. After 3 or 4 days of "success" the reality that such a big lifestyle change is hard. So after a comfort cookie or three, the decision is made that since one has now "failed" one might as well give up altogether. So my advice is: make it easier for you to succeed. Often. Since fitness is important to you, focus on hitting your workouts at least 90% each week or month. Keep a log of your progress. Some days you will be fatigued from the last workout and will not be as strong. That is OK and normal. The important thing is to stick with it.

One blog that I have found helpful recently is Colm OReilly . He has a series of articles on confidence and self-acceptance which might be helpful to you.

Finally, it is easy to get caught in the snowball of despair. If this --> then that ---> then this worse thing, etc. It just gets bigger and worse with each iteration. Pondering all of these bad outcomes will not bring joy and hope into your life. I have a tendency to do this and have finally taught myself to stop. I cannot express how much happier I have been since I have. Long story: About 5 years ago I was on a business trip out of state and could not reach my husband by phone. I worked myself into a terrible state. I was convinced that he must have gone out, got drunk, drove off the road and was in the hospital or dead; our cats must be starving, etc. I rushed to the airport in the middle of the night to rush home. The logical part of my brain knew this was ridiculous and yet there I was racing home with only the very worst thoughts in my brain. My husband had, it turned out, gone to a friends house and fell asleep on the couch.

This event taught me some very important lessons. One, I wasted a lot of time and energy creating many bad possible futures. Two, even if I was correct, rushing home would have changed nothing. So for the most part, if things are out of my control, I tend to choose to think that the outcome will be positive. Yes, the outcome may yet be bad but I will muddle through if the bad stuff comes to pass. I firmly believe that hope and joy are a choice. Choose joy.

[Dharma]

You need to take back your creatorship, and be responsible for everything in your experience. That is the only place of power you have to make change.

[AndyMartin]

hazerfazer--

Try to start noticing the thought patterns that get you into a depressive or anxious state. There's a mental feedback loop that occurs in a downward spiral with depression and anxiety (which are really degrees of the same experience). Cognitive behavioral therapy can be very effective in helping you identify those patterns if you cannot do so on your own; it will also teach you ways to neutralize them. Don't be ashamed to ask for this kind of help.

Another way to accomplish the same thing is to learn meditation; specifically meditation to silence the mind. Guided imagery and such won't do the trick. This will teach you to observe your thoughts and to understand how they arise. The great thing about this is, once you learn it, you can use it to arrest depressive states as they are coming on any time, any place. It will also teach you to separate the experience from your sense of identity, which is a very important part of overcoming depression. When we associate our identity with those emotional states, they become very difficult to give up.

The thing you have to remember is that patterns of thinking are habituated, and at some point they have to change if your normal state is to change. Changing them now is going to be much easier than changing them fifteen years from now. Believe me.

Good luck!
Andy

[hazerfazer]

I appreciate the input everyone. If anyone else has anything additional to add, I would also appreciate it.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by hazerfazer

I appreciate the input everyone. If anyone else has anything additional to add, I would also appreciate it.

How about telling us what you're going to do next to increase the quality of your life?