Letting go of Disempowering Beliefs

[Kanger]

Hello

I am new to this forum. I've been stuck in big rut the last 8 years triggered by suicide of a close friend and many other things going on in my life at the time. I've been having counselling, but have found this website to be very useful, possibly more so than counselling.

I have just recently become aware of some of my disempowering beliefs and I was just wandering if anyone had any tips for letting go of them! They mostly come from events in my childhood. I had replaced them with more empowering beliefs during my teenage years but the suicide of my friend seemed to bring back all my old negative beliefs.

Is there anyway for permanently getting rid of old unhelpful beliefs and having new useful ones? I think just questioning and becoming aware of my beliefs has helped but I'd just be interested in other peoples experiences with beliefs.

I suppose one disempowering belief I need to change is that my old beliefs can resurface in an instant.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts on the subject.

[uberinquisitive]

I truly empathize with you. My fiancé committed suicide in Jan. 2007.

For me, EFT was probably the most significant factor in my recovery. It is basically accupressure + cognitive therapy, rolled into one. Many people use EFT on their own, but I worked with an experienced practitioner. I strongly feel that an experienced practitioner is vital when dealing with complex issues.

It took me about 4-5 months of EFT to "get over" the suicide. As you mentioned, suicide brings out the most negative aspects of ourselves, and then paints it even blacker with the suicide baggage. It took me another 6 months of EFT to start chipping away at the black paint and re-program myself.

At the moment, I am broke, homeless (I have slept on my cousin's couch for over a year), and recently broke up with my new bf. And yet, I'm happy to report that I am in a happier place today than I was even before the suicide (when I had "everything").

P.S. Don't discount your therapy. It helped you get to a certain point in your recovery. Every step counts.

[Kanger]

Thank you for your lovely positive message, you're right in that i shouldn't discount the therapy it probably is a step.

I will look into the EFT actually think i may have seen leaflets for it at the clinic where my counsellor practices.

Glad that you are in a happier place.

All the best.

[Kanger]

i think one of my most limiting beliefs and one which makes changing any other beliefs almost impossible is that I feel everything is pointless. There is no point, I think this comes from losing a lot of people in a short space of time or having my life turned upside down (once in childhood and once in adulthood) in an instant through people leaving.

Does anyone have experience of getting rid of this belief and replacing it with an empowering one?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kanger

I'm scared of being happy again in case it'll all suddenly be taken away again.

It sounds like you've got a core belief that your natural state is lack and unhappiness, relieved at times by brief periods of happiness.

I've got it the other way around. Our natural state is pure, unlimited joy and abundance. Our "problems" here are designed (by us! ) to hide from ourselves our true natural state. We are really, really, really good at designing problems for ourselves that are convincing enough to have us believe that we are limited creatures! We are so powerful! I think that's very funny, the game we play.

Rather than letting go of old beliefs or adopting new ones, how about just trying on a new perspective? I read a book recently that's well in line with the shift of perspective I recently had, called "Breaking Loose from the Money Game." Maybe you would find it interesting? It's not so much about money as it is about seeing through the illusion that we are weak and unhappy and struggling. You can get it at the library.

[viscapes]

Hi Kanger,

Beliefs are so important in defining how we feel, and you're absolutely right that simply recognising your beliefs is a great first step to changing them.

Tony Robbins describes beliefs as being like tables tops where the legs supporting them are the experiences we've had in life that provide references for forming our beliefs. If you find a disempowering belief think about the references you use to support that belief, the experiences you've had in life that contribute to you holding that belief. Then for each of the references ask yourself how this experience could be interpretted differently to support a more empowering belief. Take each of the table-legs supporting your disempowering belief and use it instead to support a more empowering belief. Soon enough, you'll have empowering table-tops with plenty of legs to support them and a heap of broken wood where your old disempowering table tops have fallen and crumbled away.

In "Awaken the Giant Within", Tony Robbins tells of a story of two brothers, close in age, who grew up with a physically and mentally abusive father. The father was an alcoholic who eventually ended up in prison for various violent crimes. One brother went on to become his father: abusive, violent, drug and alcohol problems and in and out of prison. The other brother fell in love, married, had three great kids and a good career. When asked inidividually why they though they had grown into the people they were they both gave the same answer, "How else could I have turned out after growing up with a father like mine?". Both brothers interpretted the exact same experiences in completely different ways. One used these references to form disempowering beliefs about who he was and how his life would end up. The other used the same references to form empowering beliefs about who he needed to become and why he needed to reject violence and addiction. I found that story quite enlightning.

I hope this helps somehow.

Paul

[Kanger]

Thanks Paul for your helpful and interesting post.

I like the idea of the table and working out different interpretations to references, think it could be quite a challenge for some but I'm going to give it a go. May look at that book too.

Thanks once again

[MrNotebook]

Originally Posted by Kanger

i think one of my most limiting beliefs and one which makes changing any other beliefs almost impossible is that I feel everything is pointless. There is no point, I think this comes from losing a lot of people in a short space of time or having my life turned upside down (once in childhood and once in adulthood) in an instant through people leaving.

Does anyone have experience of getting rid of this belief and replacing it with an empowering one?

When I was at a point of considering suicide, the dominent belief that controlled my whole life was "life is pointless". It is then that I figured since nothing else works, I might as well give one last thing a try (before I kill myself). That's when I decided to give God a try...and guess what!!! It worked!!! Everything changed. And I mean EVERYTHING. I found meaning, purpose and I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life.

Now (4 years later as a Christian) I know better than to believe anything that runs through my mind and believe what God tells me through his word. Life is no longer pointless - I Now have something to live for - showing others the freedom I have found following Jesus Christ!

[awakentransform]

Here's another vote for EFT. It's easy, effective and free! EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

Also, hypnotherapy or self hypnosis is excellent for transforming limiting beliefs. You can buy a guided meditation tape or make your own self-hypnosis tape and listen to it every night before you sleep.

Henry Bolduc offers a couple free ebooks on self-hypnosis that I like:

Henry Bolduc, Past-Life Regression Therapy Specialist

[Christian223]

Another vote for Jesus Christ here

Eft is a good tool, but eft cant do everything, look for God, read the bible, pray for him, hes God above all.

[Jimmy123]

I was inspired when I read the story of Bill Willson

[Kanger]

Just to let you know I think I have found some ways of letting go of unhelpful beliefs and the answer appeared in another post, though can't remember which one.

It had a link to The Work by Byron Katie www.thework.com and I have found this really good for investigating disempowering beliefs.

Basically ask four questions
1. Is it true
2. Can you be absolutely sure that it is true?
3. What does the thought create for you (usually it's stress, fear etc)
4. Who would you be without this thought?
Then turn the thought around to an opposite.

I've only just begun doing this, but I've found it very interesting and hopefully it's a good start to dropping some negative beliefs. Has anyone else had experience of 'the work'?

[Ree]

Originally Posted by Kanger

Just to let you know I think I have found some ways of letting go of unhelpful beliefs and the answer appeared in another post, though can't remember which one.

It had a link to The Work by Byron Katie www.thework.com and I have found this really good for investigating disempowering beliefs.

Basically ask four questions
1. Is it true
2. Can you be absolutely sure that it is true?
3. What does the thought create for you (usually it's stress, fear etc)
4. Who would you be without this thought?
Then turn the thought around to an opposite.

I've only just begun doing this, but I've found it very interesting and hopefully it's a good start to dropping some negative beliefs. Has anyone else had experience of 'the work'?

The Work is incredible!! I've made so much progress with Byron Katie's website, I can't even begin to tell you! I urge anyone needing this kind of guidance to just give it a try!

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Kanger

Just to let you know I think I have found some ways of letting go of unhelpful beliefs and the answer appeared in another post, though can't remember which one.

It had a link to The Work by Byron Katie www.thework.com and I have found this really good for investigating disempowering beliefs.

I like Byron Katie and her work. It is another tool I have used and recommend to others. Eckhart Tolle in some of his work speaks about Byron Katie in describing his own teachings.

Both teachers have useful things to teach.

[Mags]

Originally Posted by Gene

I like Byron Katie and her work. It is another tool I have used and recommend to others. Eckhart Tolle in some of his work speaks about Byron Katie in describing his own teachings.

Both teachers have useful things to teach.

I love Byron Katie's work. I'd recommend that you watch the videos she has on her site of The Work in action, even those that you initially don't think apply to your particular situation. I found these incredibly powerful and helpful.

When I'm battling with some limiting beliefs or "shoulding" myself, I've found that Byron Katie's work is very useful in clearing these negative thoughts and returning me to a state of presence (a la Tolle).