Can a broken heart truly heal?

[Zen Diva]

I'm just curious can you heal from a broken heart? I had my heart broken 7mnths ago after ending 13yr. relationship. 7mnths later my heart hurts soo bad, I try and forget about him I just find it sooo hard. I know his heart is not broken like mine is. I just wonder if the heart can ever truly heal itself from be broken.

[evelynlim]

Yes, it definitely can. I've been through many broken relationships before. The longest I had was 7 years of togetherness but I assure you it is not the length of relationship duration that counts.

To move on, you need to realise that the old one was not a good relationship to hang on to (for whatever reasons). You also need to let go of your negative emotions. Doing so, can help you prepare for the next one that comes along. If you keep clinging on to thoughts for the old, you will not be able to embrace a new relationship that may be more right for you.

Instead of spending time thinking about your old flame, find new activities and hobbies to keep yourself occupied. Who knows: you may find a new partner who shares similar interests as you.

Hope the above helps,
Evelyn

[sel206]

Originally Posted by Zen Diva

I'm just curious can you heal from a broken heart? I had my heart broken 7mnths ago after ending 13yr. relationship. 7mnths later my heart hurts soo bad, I try and forget about him I just find it sooo hard. I know his heart is not broken like mine is. I just wonder if the heart can ever truly heal itself from be broken.

Awww *big hug*

Yes it does feel like the heart may not heal. I agree with the first reply about doing new and different activities.

For whatever the reason you broke, dont think about it. Thinking about it will cause more useless pain. But do think about it to the extent of settling it in you.

I dont want to say the saying "plenty of fish in the sea" because it seems to make some people think they can cheat! but since this is a smart peoples forum i think its safe to say it.

You broke up, now what? Focus on what you want. Learn from what happened. And delete it from your mind. Make the pain a black and white, boring and dull memory by visualizing it to be. And look what is coming to you.

When you go through a pain like this, it can show what life is preparing you for. It gives value to love and being with someone. I know you probably heard this so many times everywhere.

But think about it, what if you met the perfect guy straight away. I wonder if that will feel as good, as with meeting the perfect guy after a few bad relationships. however i mean perfect guy as in, who understands you, and who you understand, and both are willing to stay commited to eachother, everything else is perfect from then as long as you keep always working on communication and understanding and also just being POSITIVE.

Hope your pain evaporates fast, like cold water in the sahara desert.

Sel

[Erebos]

If you toss a pebble into the pond, the pondwater will ripple. But given time, the water will calm down and the pond will appear as it did before. However, the pebble will forever remain beneath the water. It is a part of the pond now.

-Generic bit of wisdom, since I can't personally divulge any wisdom, but I think it applies here as well.

[teacher]

Oh yes it can, Zen Diva. It just takes time. Also, if you find yourself obsessing over it, or if you're in a major funk, then you might consider going to the doctor and getting some pharmacological help. I know a lot of people poo poo that idea, but I can tell you that had I asked the doc for some help earlier (I recommend a psychiatrist, but your internist can work, too), I would have had a much speedier recovery. I finally did ask for the help, and it made all the difference in the world. Also, realize that most of the people who poo poo the idea of psychopharmalogical drugs probably don't know first hand the benefits of them. They also probably never needed them or have felt as sad as you have. It could be, too, that you would only need to be on somehting for a very short period of time, and not permanently (that is probably the case, as it is for most people). Good luck, honey. I've been there. Oh, and one more thing: this has just prepared you for what a good relationship should and will be like...it WILL happen for you.

[evelynlim]

I would recommend differently. While medications can help tide over a period, there are other methods that you can try first. Knowing that you can heal yourself, without resorting to medications, is empowering in itself.

Techniques that can help overcome negative emotions and thoughts include EFT and The Sedona Method. For a start and since it is free, try EFT by downloading a free ebook at EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

It only takes a few minutes for you to do EFT and you can reduce your anxiety quite fast. In the meantime, also consider the suggestions of my first post on this thread.

Another good way is to help your community through serving. This means do volunteer work or a charity project. When you find that there are others less fortunate than you, you will find it easier to dwell less on your own personal grief. Instead, you will find a new purpose and happy that you are adding to the lives of others.

Evelyn

[rrandolph]

Hi Zen Diva,

Yes, you can definitely heal. As evelyn has suggested, EFT can be of great help. Here is a post that summarizes how to do it along with a video of how it works: EFT - How to Overcome Any Fear in Minutes with this Emotional Freedom Technique

Also, another POWERFUL tool you can use to get through a trauma is TAT, which stands for Tapas Acupressure Technique: TAT - Use the Tapas Acupressure Technique to Let Go of an Emotional Trauma

You simply hold a certain pose and go through a series of intentions and your meridian system (ie your emotional system) is cleared and you are healed. The more you do it, the better you feel. It's a subtle healing but it definitely works.

I have used it many many times to get over the last relationship I was in, with great success.

Let me know if you have any questions.

[bellemeadows]

Originally Posted by rrandolph

Hi Zen Diva,

Yes, you can definitely heal. As evelyn has suggested, EFT can be of great help. Here is a post that summarizes how to do it along with a video of how it works: EFT - How to Overcome Any Fear in Minutes with this Emotional Freedom Technique

Also, another POWERFUL tool you can use to get through a trauma is TAT, which stands for Tapas Acupressure Technique: TAT - Use the Tapas Acupressure Technique to Let Go of an Emotional Trauma

You simply hold a certain pose and go through a series of intentions and your meridian system (ie your emotional system) is cleared and you are healed. The more you do it, the better you feel. It's a subtle healing but it definitely works.

I have used it many many times to get over the last relationship I was in, with great success.

Let me know if you have any questions.

I'll have to try some of these other methods. I don't find EFT very helpful; but perhaps the Tapas Method will help me.

I'm going to weigh in on the other side for a moment. If I had to answer this on my own, I would have said no, it never heals. But I've been going in and out of a very deep grief place for a few years now. I work on it and work on it, and it goes away or subsides for a bit, but then its back. I was thinking I just need to give up my ego entirely, because there is no peace for me within its perspective.

Blessings from Belle (who still sometimes feels very wounded, and has been looking for an egoectomy , if only to stop the pain entirely for a season.)

[rrandolph]

egoectomy eh, sounds fun

I'm currently doing the course in miracles workbook which seems to be good for transcending the ego. Do you have any experience with it? I'll be posting about it on my blog soon.

[bellemeadows]

Originally Posted by rrandolph

egoectomy eh, sounds fun

I'm currently doing the course in miracles workbook which seems to be good for transcending the ego. Do you have any experience with it? I'll be posting about it on my blog soon.

I love ACIM. It has been a huge help to me!

You know, sometimes I just swing like a pendulum; over to the ego perspective, and then back to the HS perspective. When I get into that ego perspective, now, it is soooo much worse than when I was in the ego all the time, and I had no other experience to compare it tooo. I have found that ACIM makes living in the ego perspective much harder, and surfaces the vicious nature of the ego to the conscious mind. Kind of like the red pill (or the green pill, I can't remember the color) it shows you such a different perspective, but for me it is hard to stay there all the time.

I'm doing much better today. I've been working with a CD called UpLevel that seems to just take your mind out of any tramatic memories, and bring it totally into the NOW. It has been lovely. I was telling my sister about it today, and she said the response I've been having was much like what she experienced when she went on a buddhist intensive meditation retreat. . . . only you can be doing other things, and just listen to the CD. It has been wonderfully healing for me.

Blessings from Belle -- who loves ACIM, and yet still sometimes wishes very much for that quick fix of the egoectomy,

[celestar332]

If healing is possible...from a broken heart, then why does it hurt so bad?

The days can seem endless without this person in your life, without thier attention and love, almost as if a hole has been carved inside you, and they have the missing piece. Maybe it is that your heart is truely stolen and to get it back you have to make a new piece inside you to take it's place. But that can be just as difficult as the heartbreak and take up sooo much emotional time.

I am just worried to about the original post, can a heart be mended or will you forever miss this person?

[awakentransform]

Originally Posted by celestar332

If healing is possible...from a broken heart, then why does it hurt so bad?

The days can seem endless without this person in your life, without thier attention and love, almost as if a hole has been carved inside you, and they have the missing piece. Maybe it is that your heart is truely stolen and to get it back you have to make a new piece inside you to take it's place. But that can be just as difficult as the heartbreak and take up sooo much emotional time.

I am just worried to about the original post, can a heart be mended or will you forever miss this person?

I do not believe that anyone has the "missing piece" to our hearts. Each person has a whole heart. A true love relationship is 2 whole hearts coming together to share, not 2 half hearts coming together to feel whole. If one's heart feels empty, then it is because that person hasn't experienced the fullness of his/her own heart. The answer comes in giving more of one's own heart - to animals, to nature, to the less fortunate, to oneself. Our heart always has the potential to be full of love, despite the outer circumstances. The key is to be open to receive love from the universe and from one's higher self.

[Maguru]

I have suffered many losses over the years and been totally hearbroken. I told my therapist only last week that I never get over them. His reply surprised me. He said. "you don't. You learn to deal with it."
I have been sat 24/7 pondering on this since. Looking back in my life I can see that these events changed who I am. I believe in my case, it was in resisting these inner changes that intensified my pain.
I believe all experiences (especially painful ones) are to bring self awareness or a knowing of self. Once this is achieved, the impact on the psyche can be controlled by the self instead of the experiences.
Erkhart Tolle says that "life is the dancer and we are the dance".
Warmest regards Maguru

Originally Posted by Zen Diva

I'm just curious can you heal from a broken heart? I had my heart broken 7mnths ago after ending 13yr. relationship. 7mnths later my heart hurts soo bad, I try and forget about him I just find it sooo hard. I know his heart is not broken like mine is. I just wonder if the heart can ever truly heal itself from be broken.

[Old Soul]

Well I am of the opinion that the song lyric is true "The First cut is the deepest"

I do not believe you ever get over a love like that, but you do learn to move on, you deal with loss, no matter what that particular loss happens to be...

you will become stronger though, and you will be thankful for the good memories and experiences shared............so do not mourn !! Honor what you had together...

[impaul99]

Originally Posted by Zen Diva

I'm just curious can you heal from a broken heart? I had my heart broken 7mnths ago after ending 13yr. relationship. 7mnths later my heart hurts soo bad, I try and forget about him I just find it sooo hard. I know his heart is not broken like mine is. I just wonder if the heart can ever truly heal itself from be broken.

Short answer, yes you can. The hardest part is to stop focusing on the loss. It's hard to explain, but if you focus on gaining something else, the loss will not hurt as much. It doesn't have to be a new relationship, but any positive momentum in your life will make you feel better.

A lot of people try to find someone else after a relationship ends when they are a mess, and they are mostly unattractive to others because they are a mess. Not visually, but emotionally. It might be better to focus on something totally different, like work on your spiritual life, physical life, financial life, career life, etc. for a while and as you develop those areas your confidence will grow and your emotional stability will grow and you will become attractive to a lot of people.

Don't make the mistake of putting everything else in your life on hold until you find someone else.

That would be my two cents.

[uberinquisitive]

Perhaps a good deal of your hurt is also based in rejection?

You say that his heart is not broken like yours - it's very hard when someone has "moved on" before you.

A broken heart isn't just about losing someone you love - it's about rejection, about losing the dream, feelings of personal failure, etc.. About 80% of it is actually based upon your own state of mind. The other 20% - time takes care of.

So, yes, absolutely, you can heal from a broken heart. How long it takes, and how well you heal, is truly in your own hands.